No. But funny!!! Yuk, yuk. (Amazing how many blank lines you could post. I figured I'd stop before I crashed the system and get myself banned! )

I like the version from The Last Boyscout better.

Why did Milo cross the road, because his dick was stuck in the chicken!

Two Aliens

Two aliens landed on a farm. The farmer and his wife took the aliens in and showed them their way of life and everything. One day the farmer and his wife get to talking. The farmer asks his wife, "I wonder what the aliens do for sex?" The farmer's wife replied, "I don't know. Do you want to find out?" The farmer agrees.

So, that night, the farmer took the female alien up to one room while his wife took the male alien up to another room. As the wife was getting into bed, she looked down at the alien's pecker and starts laughing. "You've got to be kidding me!" she laughed.

The alien told her to wait for a moment. Then he slapped his cheeks and pulled his ears and the thing grew to a very impressive size. The next day, the farmer asks his wife, "So, how was your night?" She replied, "Oh, it was wonderful. It was the best night of my life! How was yours?" "Well, not so good," replied the farmer, "all she kept doing all night was slapping my cheeks and pulling my ears."

Then, by Jove, I can do it too!

20 YEAR DREAM

There was a man who had worked his whole life in a pickle factory. One

day he came home and told his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She began to scream and yell, "You have given them twenty years of

devoted service. Why did they fire you?". "For twenty years I've

wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer," he explained, "and

today I finally did it!".

The wife ran over and pulled his pants down to see what damage had been

done. "You look okay," she said with a sigh of relief.

"So what happened to the pickle slicer?".

"Well," he said with hesitation, "they fired her, too."

DIVORCE ON THE WAY

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up,

ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a

book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and

fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a

very short interval before returning to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her

husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, Gets up and

starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your

clothes?". His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought

it was foreplay." The husband says, "No, not at all.". His wife asks

angrily, "Well, what the hel_l were you doing then?". "I was just

wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book."

SWITCHED

A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a

women patron. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm

celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman, "I'm celebrating,

too". She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you

celebrating?".

"I'm a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years all my hens were

infertile, but today they're finally fertile.". "What a coincidence",

the woman said. "My husband and I have been trying to have a child.

Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens

become fertile?" she asked.

"I switched cocks," he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said.

Did you do that, English Noodles? And I thought I was good being able to make out faces in the clouds.

Good jokes, Kan. :D

Larry tells his wife, "I got a new tattoo."

"Another tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"

"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.

"What were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"

"Well, for one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand.

And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."

Larry is recovering nicely at the hospital.

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new

car.

Q What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

A. Their balls a! re just for decoration.

Q.What is the difference between "ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?

A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?

A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man i! n a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?

A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A . They don't have balls to scratch!

totster