A PANTO dwarf drowned in his giant birthday trifle – in front of pals who thought he was JOKING!

Oleg Witte succumbed beneath the hundreds-and-thousands-topped custard and cream treat as his pals laughed, thinking it was just another one of his infamous pranks. Tragedy struck during Norwegianborn Oleg’s 41th birthday bash at his rented digs in Rotherham last Thursday. He was sharing the accommodation with other cast members of the Cinderella panto, due to start next week.

His friends had laid on a six-foot wide sherry-based dessert in reference to his starring role in Norway’s 90s movie hit, A Mere Trifle. Oleg – who was secretly battling alcoholism – had twice dive-bombed into the trifle before his last tragic effort. Party-goer and fellow dwarf Annie Murray, 32, said: “Oleg is always messing around doing crazy things so no one thought anything was the matter.

“He’d already splattered trifle all over the room a couple of times and to be honest, everyone had had a few drinks and thought he was perhaps just a little worse for wear.

“When he dived in a third time and didn’t come back up, we just thought he was fooling around – like he was playing ‘best man dead’.

“Everyone was in party mood so it just didn’t occur to anyone to check if he was messing around or not.”

Another little-person colleague, ‘Tiny’ Nicky Creed, 30, said: “I’d been on the loo when he dived in so I didn’t have a clue he was in there.

“I went to get a scoop of trifle from the tureen and the spoon banged on his head. It was the shock of my life.” Oleg’s friends dragged him from the mess of sponge fingers and sherry-soaked fruit but were unable to resuscitate him.

The pantomime has now been suspended until further notice out of respect for Oleg and because the difficulty of replacing him due to a nationwide dwarf shortage.

Annie said: “At least he died doing what he did best – entertaining people. It’s what he would have wanted. “ I know he was struggling with his drink demons, but it’s still very sad.”

http://www.sundaysport.com/?p=2960

It's hard to know where to start with a post like that:

a nationwide dwarf shortage

"Too many clowns drown in custard pies, and then get trampled by dancing elephants. It's heartbreaking."

I guess there was no 'elf and safety assessment before the party started.