Top Ten Proofs You Have Been Acculturated in Thailand

10) When you ask for directions, any hesitation from the helper is understood as politeness when they lie to save face.

9) You make friends with the guy selling fried insects.

8) You fix a broken chair leg before work. When you come home for dinner, you find that your wife has had all the furniture reupholstered. You accept this as normal behavior. Then you kiss her for it.

6) Running out of sweet chili sauce is on the same emergency level as a grease fire.

5) It crosses your mind that a katoi is no stranger than a punter who repeatedly makes wagers and loses every time.

4) You equate tea money and bills paid without receipts.

3) You are a twin. You accept that Thais are different than westerners. Your twin is convinced they are all liars and thieves. In a moment of clarity you realize that both of you are wrong, and then accept perpetual un-enlightenment.

2) Your Thai wife is angry, and you pretend not to understand because her English is broken.

And the number one indicator of Thai acculturation is ...

1) You remember your own home country in the context of a failing nation and hope Thailand avoids the same mistakes.

all true

You invent new English words to impress all your new Thai friends! Acculturation!!!!....Really!

You never use your indicators but wave your magic hand out of the window.

You wonder why there is white paper in the toilet?

You squat rather than sit on a chair as squatting is more comfortable.

You eat something from all the dishes on the table even if you have no idea what you are eating.

You refuse to acknowledge other foreigners even if they are polite.

Number 11 would be " The muddy footprints on the toilet seat are your own."

You admire the abstract art that you see everywhere scrawled on the roads.

I'm off to bed.

You converse with other farangs in pigeon Engrish.

There is a building on fire. You see a man hanging from a third floor window. You have a long ladder and wonder how much the man is going to pay you to save him?

A man accidentally bumps into you and pushes you over on the sidewalk. He does not apologise, you get back on you’re feet, then you look him straight in the eye, smile and wish him chok dee, (good luck).

You witness a truck running over a motorcyclist. The motorcyclist is flattened like a pancake in the middle of the road. You go home and tell all your family and friends that you have just witnessed one of most hilarious scenes you have ever seen in your life.

" 6) Running out of sweet chili sauce is on the same emergency level as a grease fire. "

You stopped using ashtrays.

You start adding Khun to other farangs names.

you out in screws with a hammer!

You start eating MaMa noodles dry straight from the packet when you run out of other snacks.

Number 7 gets stolen

You throw a brick straight up and don't move out of the way because you know that Thailand is the safest country you've ever been to.

Sleeping on a 2 hour bus ride.

When you favorite answer is " Up to you "

When you order Cow pat moo and its 30 baht. You turn to the wife and say, "its very expensive here isn,t it? We can get this same meal in our village for 25 baht."

You converse with other farangs in pigeon Engrish

you think "pigeon engrish" is the language pigeons use to communicate.

You can get the dam_n rubber bands off plastic baggies without spilling the contents all over yourself.

You can put an elastic band on a plastic bag quicker than the lady at the shop.

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The appearance of 3 truckloads of assorted relatives and the announcement that the are spending several days camping on your floor despite you deliberately building a 1 bedroom house does not phase you in the least.

Thanks for the laughs. They are mostly all true... and that is what makes good humour.

I've been back in Canada for a week and I'm still saying Krap pun cup when someone gives me something.

You invent new English words to impress all your new Thai friends! Acculturation!!!!....Really!

You never use your indicators but wave your magic hand out of the window.

You wonder why there is white paper in the toilet?

You squat rather than sit on a chair as squatting is more comfortable.

You eat something from all the dishes on the table even if you have no idea what you are eating.

You refuse to acknowledge other foreigners even if they are polite.

Acculturation. It's from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary (among several) "cultural modification of an individual, group, or people by adapting to or borrowing traits from another culture; also : a merging of cultures as a result of prolonged contact " Look it up, bud.

You converse with other farangs in pigeon Engrish

you think "pigeon engrish" is the language pigeons use to communicate.

You notice that pigeons can't pronounce English very well ...........................

I'd like to see everybody throw in their Top Ten.

The Thai 'dubbing' doesn't look too bad on that film !!!!!

And the Number 7 Proof of being Acculturated in Thailand:

You make a shopping list and botch the number sequence. You tell your friends that the number 7 is unlucky in your home province, as the number 4 is never used for numbering floors in Korea, or the thirteenth floor being absent in much early 20th century American architecture. After awhile, you begin to believe it yourself.

When you make an appointment to meet someone 2pm the next day, but you never show up.

You converse with other farangs in pigeon Engrish

you think "pigeon engrish" is the language pigeons use to communicate.

You notice that pigeons can't pronounce English very well ...........................

You can hold an intelligent conversation with the pigeons.

You make a shopping list and forget it at home.

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