Do You Ask About Your Wife’S/Girlfriend'S Past Relationships And What She Done Before You Met?

[Beetlejuice]

How much do you know of your Thai partner’s past?

I’ve been with my Thai lady since the dawning of time and must admit I know very little about her pre-beetlejuice days.

When I have asked details about her younger single days I only get vague answers and she has rarely mentioned anything about her past unless I have asked. Also there are very few old photos of my wife’s pre-marriage history in existence.

She claims to have had one boyfriend before we met, but has never gone into details such as where they met and why the relationship ended. She has mentioned what jobs she done for a couple of companies and because her parents were very poor, that she was brought up by her grandparents.

This is about all I know regarding her single days. As for me, I am like an open book, have numerous photos spanning right back through my life history, still have all my old papers and documents of where I have lived and worked and so on. As a matter of fact I have always been proud to talk about my past with my family.

I think the attitude is, the past is the past and is no longer significant so what’s the point of talking about it. But because of this, I have never felt that my wife is really close with me, although we have had a really wonderful relationship over the years.

So is my situation unique? Have you even been inquisitive about your wife’s/girlfriend’s past? And how much do you feel you really know them? Perhaps it`s best not to know and let sleeping dogs lie?

Edited June 15, 2012 by Beetlejuice

[Johnniey]

Strange question - OF COURSE I have asked her about her past relationships etc. I'm not going to say anything about it here.

[Beetlejuice]

Strange question - OF COURSE I have asked her about her past relationships etc. I'm not going to say anything about it here.

I`m not asking anyone to go into detail or draw pictures, my point is, how open is your Thai partner with you regarding her past?

Edited June 15, 2012 by Beetlejuice

[edwinclapham]

Her Mother told me everything... and where there were bits left out her Grandmother filled in the gaps!

My wife had a few boyfriends in Australia before meeting up with me, the pictures are in our family albums. Nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed about either.

Edited June 15, 2012 by edwinclapham

[TommoPhysicist]

If they were even slightly pretty, then they were probably shagged by more men than you can imagine.

They will all claim to be either virgins or only had one previous boyfriend ...... depending on how gullible they think you look.

Why would you even care about what they did in the past and who they did it with?

A simple:

Lets both go for a HIV test before we move in together, solves all potential problems.

Edited June 15, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[tinfoilhat]

I knew a few of my exes exes, both thai and farang. Just as she knew mine. We mixed crowds and knew each other before we ended up together. It was the things and people we had in common that brought us together and help us remain friends now.

If your relationship exists in a vacuum, you are headed for trouble

[thaibeachlovers]

I think it best to let her tell me whatever she wants to share, rather than trying to ellicit information that might be upsetting. While she MIGHT have bonked thousands of men, I don't want to know that.

In that situation, best to let the past be unknown.

Of course, it does pay to know if there is anything that would bring disqualification in the event of trying to get a visa to your own country, if that was going to be important. Not much fun finding out too late that your wife is a convicted murderer.

[Johnniey]

She never stopped asking me about mine for years. She couldn't believe I'd only had a few relationships.

[edwinclapham]

I think it best to let her tell me whatever she wants to share, rather than trying to ellicit information that might be upsetting. While she MIGHT have bonked thousands of men, I don't want to know that.

In that situation, best to let the past be unknown.

Of course, it does pay to know if there is anything that would bring disqualification in the event of trying to get a visa to your own country, if that was going to be important. Not much fun finding out too late that your wife is a convicted murderer.

"While she MIGHT have bonked thousands of men, I don't want to know that.".. I think I would have a very good idea if she had !

[samsiam]

We talk about them while we have sex...it is quite the bonding experience.

[TommoPhysicist]

We talk about them while we have sex...it is quite the bonding experience.

As long as she isn't on the phone to them while you are having sex ..........

[Beetlejuice]

We talk about them while we have sex...it is quite the bonding experience.

As long as she isn't on the phone to them while you are having sex ..........

[thaibeachlovers]

We talk about them while we have sex...it is quite the bonding experience.

As long as she isn't on the phone to them while you are having sex ..........

Or hang a picture of them over your face while on the job!

[KhunMoo]

For me it comes natural in a relationship, that you know your partners past - no matter if she is Thai or what ever country.

I know hers, she know mine - i never ask for details, as the problem with questions, is that most of the time, you get answers

I agree that if a person, have no past history, and don't want to talk about it - something might wrong, and you could be heading for trouble.

[TommoPhysicist]

I know hers, she know mine - i never ask for details, as the problem with questions, is that most of the time, you get answers

And the answers will always be the answers they think you want to hear.

Lying to save face and avoid confrontation is the Thai way.

As a person with a Thai wife, Thai friends, trying to integrate, yadda, yadda, you should already know this.

Edited June 15, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Beetlejuice]

I once had a work college back in the States who met his American born Thai wife at a New Jersey university; they were both students together in the same group.

A couple of years into the marriage and this guy considered himself very happy and believed his wife was a mild decent girl that butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

One day the guy met an old friend he knew from university and discovered that not long prior to his marriage that his then Thai girlfriend went to a party and ended up in a bed with two guys having a threesome. The worse of it was that he knew these two guys and was still in contact with them, plus it appeared everyone knew except him.

He questioned his wife and asked her why she had never confided in him regarding this incident and that because of it, he now feels humiliated and would never be able to face his old university friends again. Not long after that, the marriage ended in divorce, because it was just something the guy could not live with.

So hiding the past can have two opposite affects. Firstly, if a person discovers something unsavoury about they’re partner’s past, it could have devastating results or on the other hand, what one doesn’t know, may never hurt them? That is the question.

[thaibeachlovers]

I once had a work college back in the States who met his American born Thai wife at a New Jersey university; they were both students together in the same group.

A couple of years into the marriage and this guy considered himself very happy and believed his wife was a mild decent girl that butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

One day the guy met an old friend he knew from university and discovered that not long prior to his marriage that his then Thai girlfriend went to a party and ended up in a bed with two guys having a threesome. The worse of it was that he knew these two guys and was still in contact with them, plus it appeared everyone knew except him.

He questioned his wife and asked her why she had never confided in him regarding this incident and that because of it, he now feels humiliated and would never be able to face his old university friends again. Not long after that, the marriage ended in divorce, because it was just something the guy could not live with.

So hiding the past can have two opposite affects. Firstly, if a person discovers something unsavoury about they’re partner’s past, it could have devastating results or on the other hand, what one doesn’t know, may never hurt them? That is the question.

That's very sad that the man was so unable to accept that his wife had a past that is quite "normal" for many people, that he had to throw it all away.

These days, it would be unreasonable to expect that a woman would be virginal on her wedding day.

As for the other people knowing, by all means cut them from his life if he couldn't face them, but why make his wife suffer for it? She was the same person after he found out as before, it is just his inability to accept the truth that is at fault here. Better to spend some money on a good psychologist, than a divorce.

BTW, the chance of him finding someone compatible that doesn't have the same sort of past is almost nil, IMO.

[pattayadingo]

I generally tend to find out about the woman I am with at the time, though I'm not that bothered about some specifics.

Only really had one woman who lied through her back teeth but it was easy to know because Thai people do not seem to have the memory to remain good and convincing liars.

Depending where you meet the woman, if you see her family and her friends can give you some good indicators about her.

[BookMan]

We talk about them while we have sex...it is quite the bonding experience.

As long as she isn't comparing size..unfavourably to yourself.

[BookMan]

I generally tend to find out about the woman I am with at the time, though I'm not that bothered about some specifics.

Only really had one woman who lied through her back teeth but it was easy to know because Thai people do not seem to have the memory to remain good and convincing liars.

Depending where you meet the woman, if you see her family and her friends can give you some good indicators about her.

Liars the world over find it hard to remember past stories they have told.

I tend to ask women the same questions in a few different ways over time and see if I get consistent answers. At least I know where I stand and what I can believe that way.

[norrona]

some things are best left in the past....like soi 6 or soapy exploits on my side

[BookMan]

I once had a work college back in the States who met his American born Thai wife at a New Jersey university; they were both students together in the same group.

A couple of years into the marriage and this guy considered himself very happy and believed his wife was a mild decent girl that butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

One day the guy met an old friend he knew from university and discovered that not long prior to his marriage that his then Thai girlfriend went to a party and ended up in a bed with two guys having a threesome. The worse of it was that he knew these two guys and was still in contact with them, plus it appeared everyone knew except him.

He questioned his wife and asked her why she had never confided in him regarding this incident and that because of it, he now feels humiliated and would never be able to face his old university friends again. Not long after that, the marriage ended in divorce, because it was just something the guy could not live with.

So hiding the past can have two opposite affects. Firstly, if a person discovers something unsavoury about they’re partner’s past, it could have devastating results or on the other hand, what one doesn’t know, may never hurt them? That is the question.

That's very sad that the man was so unable to accept that his wife had a past that is quite "normal" for many people, that he had to throw it all away.

These days, it would be unreasonable to expect that a woman would be virginal on her wedding day.

As for the other people knowing, by all means cut them from his life if he couldn't face them, but why make his wife suffer for it? She was the same person after he found out as before, it is just his inability to accept the truth that is at fault here. Better to spend some money on a good psychologist, than a divorce.

BTW, the chance of him finding someone compatible that doesn't have the same sort of past is almost nil, IMO.

\

You make some good points Thaibeachlovers.

Why should of the man's wife suffered for a past dalliance?

if he loved her , why not put her as first priority, not some university chums, and sort things out.

You can't expect your GF/Wife to not have had any sexual past.

Personally I like to know about the past activities of my GFs. I generally find that over time the woman will tell you, if you are not intending on judging her for it.

[pattayadingo]

I generally tend to find out about the woman I am with at the time, though I'm not that bothered about some specifics.

Only really had one woman who lied through her back teeth but it was easy to know because Thai people do not seem to have the memory to remain good and convincing liars.

Depending where you meet the woman, if you see her family and her friends can give you some good indicators about her.

Liars the world over find it hard to remember past stories they have told.

I tend to ask women the same questions in a few different ways over time and see if I get consistent answers. At least I know where I stand and what I can believe that way.

And with some time between the questions gives the time to forget what they said originally. That always helps me too. All the better to know who you are dealing with. Correct answers gives you more confidence too.

[MB1]

What's in the past is in the past as far as I'm concerned, whenever I've been in a new relationship it's never even crossed my mind to ask them, let sleeping dogs lie so to speak.

If they want to tell me then up to them. Though I did get a little jealous once when an x told me she had been involved in an orgy with about ten people involved.

I was only jealous because I've only ever been involved in a threesome.

What I believe in, in a relationship is trust and that for me is the most important thing IMO. Without trust you'll never have a decent relationship.

All the other things that a relaltionship involves come second IMO.

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[Beetlejuice]

I once had a work college back in the States who met his American born Thai wife at a New Jersey university; they were both students together in the same group.

A couple of years into the marriage and this guy considered himself very happy and believed his wife was a mild decent girl that butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.

One day the guy met an old friend he knew from university and discovered that not long prior to his marriage that his then Thai girlfriend went to a party and ended up in a bed with two guys having a threesome. The worse of it was that he knew these two guys and was still in contact with them, plus it appeared everyone knew except him.

He questioned his wife and asked her why she had never confided in him regarding this incident and that because of it, he now feels humiliated and would never be able to face his old university friends again. Not long after that, the marriage ended in divorce, because it was just something the guy could not live with.

So hiding the past can have two opposite affects. Firstly, if a person discovers something unsavoury about they’re partner’s past, it could have devastating results or on the other hand, what one doesn’t know, may never hurt them? That is the question.

That's very sad that the man was so unable to accept that his wife had a past that is quite "normal" for many people, that he had to throw it all away.

These days, it would be unreasonable to expect that a woman would be virginal on her wedding day.

As for the other people knowing, by all means cut them from his life if he couldn't face them, but why make his wife suffer for it? She was the same person after he found out as before, it is just his inability to accept the truth that is at fault here. Better to spend some money on a good psychologist, than a divorce.

BTW, the chance of him finding someone compatible that doesn't have the same sort of past is almost nil, IMO.

When I spoke with my work college after the divorce, he said the clincher was that he discovered his wife could be two different people and believed he hardly knew her at all.

He said; when she was with him, the sex part was so, so and that she could be rather inhibited in lots of ways towards him. But during later conversations with other people who knew her before the marriage, his wife had a reputation of being an out going party girl who had limited inhibitions and was partial to being easy and sleeping around.

There was probably a lot more to this story than what my friend was letting on and afterwards for some reasons he just did not trust her anymore.

But it does prove a point that no matter how long we are with people, we never truly get to know what they are really like and I always consider people that are reluctant to mention their past and have obvious secrets as suspect.

[MB1]

@Beetlejuice

There was probably a lot more to this story than what my friend was letting on and afterwards for some reasons he just did not trust her anymore.

But it does prove a point that no matter how long we are with people, we never truly get to know what they are really like and I always consider people that are reluctant to mention their past and have obvious secrets as suspect.

I guess your freind couldnt handle the fact that his wife had a past and she wasnt the person he thought she was and couldnt handle the fact that people he knew, knew about her past, as for the trust thing, did he ever trust her anyway, I doubt that very much and IMO the relationship was doomed from the start.

As for someone having obvious secrets being classed as suspect I totally disagree, has it never crossed your mind that they really do love the person their with but are maybe too embarressed about their past and are scared that if they tell their partner about their past

that it could destroy the relationship.

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[BigJohnnyBKK]

I married a woman without her even telling me she had a daughter. . .

[theblether]

Maybe I'm misreading your OP Beetlejuice, I read it two ways.

In the case of my lady I'm very familiar with her life history, one of her pals told me well before I started dating her, and the three or four people that have brought it up since are in unison.

So as a childhood/teenager/young adult I know what was going on and it was interesting stuff. I'm happy to know about it, I think it's healthy.

As for ex-boyfriends, I don't care. I know the last bf broke her heart. They were fantastic together for a long time and it was a shock for her when he skipped off with another woman. How do I know so much? Well she told me about things going on in her life before we started dating, It's nothing to do with me except to understand what makes her sensitive, so then it is something to dn with me.

God forbid I ever ask her how many guys she's been with, as that will only invite a problem for me if she asks me the same.

Not unless she finds alley cats to be a good sexual role model.

So I say pick up on the healthy parts of the past, and don't dig for the dirt, that will never end well.

Edited June 15, 2012 by theblether

[HardenedSoul]

If they were even slightly pretty, then they were probably shagged by more men than you can imagine.

They will all claim to be either virgins or only had one previous boyfriend ...... depending on how gullible they think you look.

Why would you even care about what they did in the past and who they did it with?

A simple:

Lets both go for a HIV test before we move in together, solves all potential problems.

Now this is exactly the type of response that leaves me in no doubt whatsoever that there are an awful lot of total farang losers alive and well in this country. Consider, for a moment, the sheer, unbridled idiocy of what you've just written. Allow me to paraphrase in my summary; if the Thai girl is/was even remotely pretty, then she has been/was probably shagged by more men than you could imagine.

It seems obvious that all of your liaisons with Thai women have been conducted with those specimens made available to you at the barstool because only an inebriated buffoon could trot out such offensive drivel but not all of us scrape the bottom of the barrel like you do or have done.

There are millions of respectable Thai women who wouldn't dream of shagging around - it's just that they wouldn't hang around men like you long enough to discuss their past.

[edwinclapham]

We talk about them while we have sex...it is quite the bonding experience.