rattler Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Brtish sense of humour at it's best.....http://www.viz.co.uk/ You've obviously never read Hansard. Hansard? What's funny about a load of self serving public school educated power crazy toffs who love nothing more than rodgering each other silly behind the rowing club. Jeez i was hoping for a quite day, now you've got me started....Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour. Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk. Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk. Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you. Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.. Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. A American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead. A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide. A German Corporation: You have 2 cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A British Corporation: You have 2 cows. Both are mad. An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A Russian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. Thailand: You have 2 cows....(fill in the rest yourself) but they are really two buffaloes and often get sick requiring another two buffaloes to finance them, they never recover? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bendejo Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Thailand: You have 2 cows....(fill in the rest yourself) You have 2 cows, one is sick. Your daughter tells this to foreigners to get money from them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Chittychangchang Posted October 1, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 1, 2012 Before the Americans lost the Ryder Cup many were claiming an early victory. It's a shame they're no good at irony. Or puttery, or drivery. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigeonjake Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 rob, have you tried milking a pig, jake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob8891 Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 rob, have you tried milking a pig, jake Nope..... a bitch milked me, but that's another story. I realised as I posted that message that there was a flaw in it......I was just trying to be inclusive!! With a dumb mistake like that, you'd never know I came from a farming family.... I was the black sheep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigeonjake Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 rob, i must admit mate i did one or two pigs before i came here,, but again that story is staying with me,,lol, have a good night mate jake 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 rob, have you tried milking a pig, jake Nope..... a bitch milked me, but that's another story. I realised as I posted that message that there was a flaw in it......I was just trying to be inclusive!! With a dumb mistake like that, you'd never know I came from a farming family.... I was the black sheep. I'll not bore you with the whole story, but the Chief says to the Missionary "Ok. You no tell, me no tell" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagwan Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Ghandi was asked, "What is your opinion of American civilisation?" His reply: "I think that would be a very good idea" Lovely jubbly, you know it makes sense. The quote was Western civilisation oh illiterate one. I guess you need to be reminded Ghandi had a problem with Brits not Yanks. Don't know why he did not like us we were spiffing chaps. Perhaps it was the millions of his countrymen who starved? They still do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagwan Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Otherwise it might have read " An 'orse, An 'orse. My Kingdom fer an 'orse". Unless it was a baby horse. Nah. If it had been a baby horse it would have read '25 quid. 25 quid. My Kingdom for 25 quid'. Fer thems wot ain't lerned to speek proppa english like wot I can a pony is 25GBP. When working in Savannah GA I was asked by my project team to join them in a social get together in 'The English Pub" which turned out to be more like a Dutch bar/restaurant. The owners were Londoners and mine host asked me to chat up his wife who came from down the Whitechapel Road and who was occasionally prone to homesickness. I approached her fom the rear and tapped on her shoulder and said "Alright gel?" She replied with, "Aw my Gawd. Wearja cumfrom?" "SW19 but originally SW8." She offered, "I'm from E1." We then carried on a conversation using Cockney slang, playing up to the 6 US members of my team who apparently shared one brain between them. The conversation was subject to the occasional pause while we recovered long lost phrases and terms from our brain's backing store files, but had a whale of a time baffling the audience. The following morning I was asked what the hell we had been talking about. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagwan Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Hansard isn't funny? Maybe you have a need for irony supplements. The whole bloody Parliament is a pantomime. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagwan Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Something to upset everybody who will live their lives without ever enjoying the cachet of being English. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Something to upset everybody who will live their lives without ever enjoying the cachet of being English. That's not how you spell "cach" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozziebloke Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Something to upset everybody who will live their lives without ever enjoying the cachet of being English. That's not how you spell "cach" Yes it is. "Cach" there is no such word or do you mean Cache? meaning Caching or hoarding,Treasure trove Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Something to upset everybody who will live their lives without ever enjoying the cachet of being English. That's not how you spell "cach" Yes it is. "Cach" there is no such word or do you mean Cache? meaning Caching or hoarding,Treasure trove In English, apparently its spelt 'cack'. The richness of language, eh? Guys from the West Coast would be more likely to say 'keech', but given the circumstances, I was happy with the original 'cach' SC 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bagwan Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Something to upset everybody who will live their lives without ever enjoying the cachet of being English. That's not how you spell "cach" Bur it is the way that I, and the OED, spell cachet. It is derived from the French 'cacher' and has been in use in the English language since 1639. 1. a : a seal used especially as a mark of official approval b : an indication of approval carrying great prestige 2 a : a characteristic feature or quality conferring prestige b : prestige <being rich … doesn't have the cachet it used to — Truman Capote> I'm sorry that my post might have been somewhat above your level of understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chittychangchang Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 I'm sorry that my post might have been somewhat above your level of understanding. Which ones? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 Something to upset everybody who will live their lives without ever enjoying the cachet of being English. That's not how you spell "cach" Bur it is the way that I, and the OED, spell cachet. It is derived from the French 'cacher' and has been in use in the English language since 1639. 1. a : a seal used especially as a mark of official approval b : an indication of approval carrying great prestige 2 a : a characteristic feature or quality conferring prestige b : prestige <being rich … doesn't have the cachet it used to — Truman Capote> I'm sorry that my post might have been somewhat above your level of understanding. I understand your point, but the cach of being English would be more accurate. As the famous Jewish poet Rabbi Burns said, "Oh would some power the gift to gie* us, to see ourselves as others see us" * not translated, for the sake of rhyme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Chittychangchang Posted October 2, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 2, 2012 The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'. In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer , ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. EIN VOLK! EIN REICH! EIN FUHRER! 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Issam rider Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'. In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer , ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. EIN VOLK! EIN REICH! EIN FUHRER! lol very clever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob8891 Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 (edited) Something to upset everybody who will live their lives without ever enjoying the cachet of being English. That's not how you spell "cach" Yes it is. "Cach" there is no such word or do you mean Cache? meaning Caching or hoarding,Treasure trove You are welcome to cache cach if you so wish.... To each his keech, maybe?? Edited October 2, 2012 by Rob8891 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StreetCowboy Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Something to upset everybody who will live their lives without ever enjoying the cachet of being English. That's not how you spell "cach" Yes it is. "Cach" there is no such word or do you mean Cache? meaning Caching or hoarding,Treasure trove You are welcome to cache cach if you so wish.... To each his keech, maybe?? Do you cache your cach or do you wheech your keech? You may recall "The Jobbie Wheecher" - '... and I've no intention of flying through the air with my trousers round my ankles....' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smokie36 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Hen's teeth! I mean.....oh no...forget it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeLing Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'. In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer , ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas. EIN VOLK! EIN REICH! EIN FUHRER! Supos te germans just haveto sacrifise the duble dot over te U O A ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob8891 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Hen's teeth! I mean.....oh no...forget it. We aim to please. ........of course, your aim helps too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
submaniac Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 OK You Brits! Burning questions here: What is a singlet? I see these posts about "well he went in public wearing a singlet and thought it was alright". In the USA this is a singlet: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wrestling_singlet What is a craic? What is a stone? Like the weight. Someone told me before, but I forgot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BookMan Posted October 3, 2012 Popular Post Share Posted October 3, 2012 OK You Brits! Burning questions here: What is a singlet? I see these posts about "well he went in public wearing a singlet and thought it was alright". In the USA this is a singlet: http://en.wikipedia....estling_singlet What is a craic? What is a stone? Like the weight. Someone told me before, but I forgot. A singlet is something Brits wear when it is too cold A singlet is something Australians wear when it is too hot 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WilliaminBKK Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 OK You Brits! Burning questions here: What is a singlet? I see these posts about "well he went in public wearing a singlet and thought it was alright". In the USA this is a singlet: http://en.wikipedia....estling_singlet What is a craic? What is a stone? Like the weight. Someone told me before, but I forgot. I wish I could tell you but I've taking an oath to keep English in the Commonwealth 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VintageTQ Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Oh my god, there are some pointless, mind numbing, want to stick my finger into an electric socket boring threads on this forum but this one really takes the biscuit. What is even more amazing is the 7000+ views and 400+ replies. What is wrong with you people?, have you really got nothing better to do with your time.......? And i cannot believe i have just contributed to it even more... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
draftvader Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Oh my god, there are some pointless, mind numbing, want to stick my finger into an electric socket boring threads on this forum but this one really takes the biscuit.What is even more amazing is the 7000+ views and 400+ replies. What is wrong with you people?, have you really got nothing better to do with your time.......? And i cannot believe i have just contributed to it even more... Let's get this right. You know it's boring because you read it all? You obviously have nothing better to do with your time. You say it's boring, but you haven't read it all because you have better things to do with your time. That means you have no idea what it contains (400+ posts) and are just being antagonistic (or are lying). Worst of all you actually posted on it. Weird response considering your attitude. Morelike you had nothing to say, but went ahead and said it. Don't worry we've all done that at one point or another in our lives! Sent from my HTC Desire using Thaivisa Connect App Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
draftvader Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 @submaniac "The Craic" is an Irish expression to mean an intense, enjoyable, social situation. "You should come, for the Craic". If said in America it just sounds wrong! Sent from my HTC Desire using Thaivisa Connect App Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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