Breaking The News....

At dawn the telephone rings . . .

"Hello, Senor Dave?" This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country

house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Dave, that your parrot - he

is dead."

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"dam_n! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did

he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor dave.""Rotten meat? Who the hell fed

him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?" "The thoroughbred, Senor Dave."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor Dave, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane?? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??"

"The one that destroyed your house, Senor! A candle fell and the

curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of

a candle??!!"

"Yes, Senor Dave."

"But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor Dave." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor Dave. She showed up very late one night and I

thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Taylor Made Super

Quad 460 driver golf club."

SILENCE........... LONG SILENCE.........

"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!!"