What Is It Like To Have New Born Children At 50 Yrs Of Age

[transam]

I think the OP's question cannot be answered. Why, we are all different in what we can deal with in daily life. Me, could not deal with it, my daughters kids were enough for an hour.

Grand parents are supposedly good with kids BUT l think for a few hours, so it really is the OP's decision if he can deal with kids stuff daily for the rest of his perhaps life.

[Thailaw]

Perhaps my extended Thai family is the exception, but I doubt my Thai nephew will be the dutiful supporter when his parents need him to be so. Of course, they should have tried for a daughter.

My wife is prepared to support her mother, but unfortunately the MIL won't move out of the village, and there is no work there for my wife, which is a real problem. I don't know what the solution is.

You "don't know what the solution is"?? There is only one solution and it is obvious -- YOU!!! I think that is what was/is expected regardless of what was discussed/"agreed" prior to marriage, Thais (and westerners also) expect that when a need/family obligation arises, the spouse, now being part of the family, will help to the extent he is able. Sorry if that surprises you.

Edited February 1, 2013 by Thailaw

[nontabury]

Surely each person is different,some men are old,physically and mentally old while still in their 30's,other men can be still young when in their 70's or even 80's,and this goes for both mentally and physically,rare but it does occur.Lets not forget that many marriages with young people collapse after just a few years,sometimes leaving the children with no further contact, or with very limited contact with their father,perhaps in some of these cases, as far as the child is concerned,his father is no longer there,just the same as if he were dead.One good thing in being an older parent,is that you do not have to share your time between your job and your child,if you are a good father you can give 100% of your time to your child,and what more can a child want,just ask them.

The one problem I see in having children at a older age,is the same problem for younger fathers,money. How is your wife going to cope looking after your children in the event of your death,be it as a old or younger person,or in the event of divorce.

Yes, death is more likely to occur when you become older,but hopefully by that stage in your life you have managed to acquire

sufficient assets including property and money etc,that in the event of your death,your dependents will be financially secure,would this automatically be the case with a younger man,I don't think so.Perhaps a case could be made for recommending that men only produce children after attaining the age of 50,I personally would not agree with that,and equally I think it can be just as good for the children as well as the father,when the father is over 50.

It all depends on the individual.

As I remember my schooldays, had anyone turned up with a father that was more like a grandfather, they would have been harrassed mercilessly about it. Children are often extremely cruel.

In a Farang country that may be the case,but here in Thailand where many children have a older parent, this does not seem to happen,but like I said before,some men at aged 30 are already old, while others much older are still young.

[thaibeachlovers]

Perhaps my extended Thai family is the exception, but I doubt my Thai nephew will be the dutiful supporter when his parents need him to be so. Of course, they should have tried for a daughter.

My wife is prepared to support her mother, but unfortunately the MIL won't move out of the village, and there is no work there for my wife, which is a real problem. I don't know what the solution is.

You "don't know what the solution is"?? There is only one solution and it is obvious -- YOU!!! I think that is what was/is expected regardless of what was discussed/"agreed" prior to marriage, Thais (and westerners also) expect that when a need/family obligation arises, the spouse, now being part of the family, will help to the extent he is able. Sorry if that surprises you.

Well if that's what they think, they are dreaming- it's not going to happen.

I wouldn't have done it for my western ex, and I made it clear before I signed that I wasn't doing it here. I am nobody's ATM.

Now, if there is a question about being a new father at 50................................

[thaibeachlovers]

Surely each person is different,some men are old,physically and mentally old while still in their 30's,other men can be still young when in their 70's or even 80's,and this goes for both mentally and physically,rare but it does occur.Lets not forget that many marriages with young people collapse after just a few years,sometimes leaving the children with no further contact, or with very limited contact with their father,perhaps in some of these cases, as far as the child is concerned,his father is no longer there,just the same as if he were dead.One good thing in being an older parent,is that you do not have to share your time between your job and your child,if you are a good father you can give 100% of your time to your child,and what more can a child want,just ask them.

The one problem I see in having children at a older age,is the same problem for younger fathers,money. How is your wife going to cope looking after your children in the event of your death,be it as a old or younger person,or in the event of divorce.

Yes, death is more likely to occur when you become older,but hopefully by that stage in your life you have managed to acquire

sufficient assets including property and money etc,that in the event of your death,your dependents will be financially secure,would this automatically be the case with a younger man,I don't think so.Perhaps a case could be made for recommending that men only produce children after attaining the age of 50,I personally would not agree with that,and equally I think it can be just as good for the children as well as the father,when the father is over 50.

It all depends on the individual.

As I remember my schooldays, had anyone turned up with a father that was more like a grandfather, they would have been harrassed mercilessly about it. Children are often extremely cruel.

In a Farang country that may be the case,but here in Thailand where many children have a older parent, this does not seem to happen,but like I said before,some men at aged 30 are already old, while others much older are still young.

Hmmmmm. The OP lives in Australia, so it would be relevant.

You are correct about some men being old at 30. My father was old at 25 and out of my life at 18. It would have been very nice to have had an involved father, whatever his age though.

[transam]

Perhaps my extended Thai family is the exception, but I doubt my Thai nephew will be the dutiful supporter when his parents need him to be so. Of course, they should have tried for a daughter.

My wife is prepared to support her mother, but unfortunately the MIL won't move out of the village, and there is no work there for my wife, which is a real problem. I don't know what the solution is.

You "don't know what the solution is"?? There is only one solution and it is obvious -- YOU!!! I think that is what was/is expected regardless of what was discussed/"agreed" prior to marriage, Thais (and westerners also) expect that when a need/family obligation arises, the spouse, now being part of the family, will help to the extent he is able. Sorry if that surprises you.

Rubbish. No whiskey from me. AND my mrs new that when we met.

[Thailaw]

Rubbish. No whiskey from me. AND my mrs new that when we met.

Rubbish, my a@@! No one said anything about "whiskey" or that you or any farang with a Thai wife would be expected to provide whiskey (or Leo) to the in-laws. But wait until the "Mrs."'s mom or dad needs an operation that will save his/her life and costs a few thousand baht or is living in abject poverty and you have money in the bank and food in your fridge. Either you come up with the cash or you can (will) kiss the Mrs. "goodbye". All she knows (and needs to know) is that her parent(s) have a serious problem and you have the money to solve it. This is Thailand, not the UK, where there is a thriving (well, not so "thriving") welfare state to take care of aging parents, allowing children to absolve themselves of any/all responsibility. I'll bet that she also knew that you were a big, handsome stud when you met. Get real!

Edited February 1, 2013 by Thailaw

[krisb]

how old is your g/f .. when your child is 10 years old you will be 50 .. and then 70 ..is this fair to the child to lose a father so young ....

<deleted> post

i lost a parent young, nothing <deleted> about it

My father died when I were 10. Not nice for me, but I keep the few memories i have from then till now. If you are a good parent. You never die in the eyes of your children, always loved.

Although sad to loose a parent young, its terrible at any age. Im grateful to have known my parents for any amount of time, and grateful that they brought me into this world healthy. Lifes a gift from god.

[transam]

Rubbish. No whiskey from me. AND my mrs new that when we met.

Rubbish, my a@@! No one said anything about "whiskey" or that you or any farang with a Thai wife would be expected to provide whiskey (or Leo) to the in-laws. But wait until the "Mrs."'s mom or dad needs an operation that will save his/her life and costs a few thousand baht or is living in abject poverty and you have money in the bank and food in your fridge. Either you come up with the cash or you can (will) kiss the Mrs. "goodbye". All she knows (and needs to know) is that her parent(s) have a serious problem and you have the money to solve it. This is Thailand, not the UK, where there is a thriving (well, not so "thriving") welfare state to take care of aging parents, allowing children to absolve themselves of any/all responsibility. I'll bet that she also knew that you were a big, handsome stud when you met. Get real!

In reply, my mrs has two hi-so sisters with government jobs that give sod all to their old mum who financed their education to become hi-so.

Look at stuff from other angles, l am not financing the hi-so sisters obligations.

My wife rents out a house and gives half the rent to her mum.

[billd766]

Rubbish. No whiskey from me. AND my mrs new that when we met.

Rubbish, my a@@! No one said anything about "whiskey" or that you or any farang with a Thai wife would be expected to provide whiskey (or Leo) to the in-laws. But wait until the "Mrs."'s mom or dad needs an operation that will save his/her life and costs a few thousand baht or is living in abject poverty and you have money in the bank and food in your fridge. Either you come up with the cash or you can (will) kiss the Mrs. "goodbye". All she knows (and needs to know) is that her parent(s) have a serious problem and you have the money to solve it. This is Thailand, not the UK, where there is a thriving (well, not so "thriving") welfare state to take care of aging parents, allowing children to absolve themselves of any/all responsibility. I'll bet that she also knew that you were a big, handsome stud when you met. Get real!

Oh really? I must introduce to my wife's parents someday.

I also live in Thailand and I have been married for nealry 13 years and I can honestly say in my case you are talking <deleted>. Each family is different in Thailand just like they are in the UK and elsewhere in the world. I have helped my wife's family out a few times and they have helped us out as well.

I live in the real world of Thailand not on a computer keyboard.

I suggest you slow down, take a deep breath and get real yourself.

[Thailaw]

Oh really? I must introduce to my wife's parents someday.

I also live in Thailand and I have been married for nealry 13 years and I can honestly say in my case you are talking <deleted>. Each family is different in Thailand just like they are in the UK and elsewhere in the world. I have helped my wife's family out a few times and they have helped us out as well.

I live in the real world of Thailand not on a computer keyboard.

I suggest you slow down, take a deep breath and get real yourself.

Ok, I accept that your feet are in Thailand, but I am not sure where your head is -- sounds like it is in the clouds. No one, and certainly not me, ever said that every family (Thai or otherwise) is the same or has the same needs/requirements or could present a financial burden/responsibility on their child, who is also the wife of a western man, and that responsibility following onto him. If your spouse's maiden name happens to be Chearavanont, Yoovidhya, Sirivadhanabhakdi, Chirathivat, or Ratanarak (the families ranked by Forbes as the 5 wealthiest in Thailand) and you announced prior to your marriage that she should not expect you to support her parents (regardless of your wealth or income), you would likely have them rolling on the floor with laughter, followed by serious (and justifiable) questions as to your mental state. Read all of the relevant posts if you want to provide an intelligent/useful comment. The premise in the first post raising the issue and to which I was responding was that (a) the Thai mother-in-law is in need of support, (b ) the Thai spouse feels a responsibility and (c ) she does want to help her mother and is unable. The western male spouse is unwilling to help (and made it clear that he was not "a walking ATM" prior to their marriage) and that "is a real problem. [He doesn't] know what the solution is." I and others said that "the solution is obvious -- YOU (i.e., the western spouse)". With the exception of the refusal/unwillingness to provide any financial help to the parents of the Thai spouse, this is pretty much the case with the vast majority of Thai woman-western man marriages in Thailand (where you live, remember?), probably more than 75%, but, of course, there is the other 25%, which run the full range of possibilities. And even where support is needed and given, we are probably only talking about B2,000 to B3,000 per month, which isn't going to break the bank of most western men living in Thailand. Like it, believe it, or not, financial support is one of the major reasons (but not the only reason) that Thai women marry.

If your case doesn't fit the premise on which my comments were based, it is totally irrelevant (as is, I think, Transam's situation). My comments stand, and are correct for the basic premise on which they were made. That is not your case, at least not yet. So, I suggest you take your head out of the clouds. and get real yourself. Next............

Edited February 3, 2013 by Thailaw

[thaibeachlovers]

Oh really? I must introduce to my wife's parents someday.

I also live in Thailand and I have been married for nealry 13 years and I can honestly say in my case you are talking <deleted>. Each family is different in Thailand just like they are in the UK and elsewhere in the world. I have helped my wife's family out a few times and they have helped us out as well.

I live in the real world of Thailand not on a computer keyboard.

I suggest you slow down, take a deep breath and get real yourself.

Ok, I accept that your feet are in Thailand, but I am not sure where your head is -- sounds like it is in the clouds. No one, and certainly not me, ever said that every family (Thai or otherwise) is the same or has the same needs/requirements or could present a financial burden/responsibility on their child, who is also the wife of a western man, and that responsibility following onto him. If your spouse's maiden name happens to be Chearavanont, Yoovidhya, Sirivadhanabhakdi, Chirathivat, or Ratanarak (the families ranked by Forbes as the 5 wealthiest in Thailand) and you announced prior to your marriage that she should not expect you to support her parents (regardless of your wealth or income), you would likely have them rolling on the floor with laughter, followed by serious (and justifiable) questions as to your mental state. Read all of the relevant posts if you want to provide an intelligent/useful comment. The premise in the first post raising the issue and to which I was responding was that (a) the Thai mother-in-law is in need of support, (b ) the Thai spouse feels a responsibility and (c ) she does want to help her mother and is unable. The western male spouse is unwilling to help (and made it clear that he was not "a walking ATM" prior to their marriage) and that "is a real problem. [He doesn't] know what the solution is." I and others said that "the solution is obvious -- YOU (i.e., the western spouse)". With the exception of the refusal/unwillingness to provide any financial help to the parents of the Thai spouse, this is pretty much the case with the vast majority of Thai woman-western man marriages in Thailand (where you live, remember?), probably more than 75%, but, of course, there is the other 25%, which run the full range of possibilities. And even where support is needed and given, we are probably only talking about B2,000 to B3,000 per month, which isn't going to break the bank of most western men living in Thailand. Like it, believe it, or not, financial support is one of the major reasons (but not the only reason) that Thai women marry.

If your case doesn't fit the premise on which my comments were based, it is totally irrelevant (as is, I think, Transam's situation). My comments stand, and are correct for the basic premise on which they were made. That is not your case, at least not yet. So, I suggest you take your head out of the clouds. and get real yourself. Next............

If I can answer this, despite it being off topic ( I am the person to which Thailaw is referring ), my comment about not knowing the solution actually refers to the fact that the MIL will not leave the village, where there is no work for my wife, and not to our financial situation. In fact, if the MIL came to live with us, there would be no requirement for me to pay for anything other than what I already pay for.

Sorry if that was not clear.

I have sent you a PM as well.

Edited February 3, 2013 by thaibeachlovers

[billd766]

Oh really? I must introduce to my wife's parents someday.

I also live in Thailand and I have been married for nealry 13 years and I can honestly say in my case you are talking <deleted>. Each family is different in Thailand just like they are in the UK and elsewhere in the world. I have helped my wife's family out a few times and they have helped us out as well.

I live in the real world of Thailand not on a computer keyboard.

I suggest you slow down, take a deep breath and get real yourself.

Ok, I accept that your feet are in Thailand, but I am not sure where your head is -- sounds like it is in the clouds. No one, and certainly not me, ever said that every family (Thai or otherwise) is the same or has the same needs/requirements or could present a financial burden/responsibility on their child, who is also the wife of a western man, and that responsibility following onto him. If your spouse's maiden name happens to be Chearavanont, Yoovidhya, Sirivadhanabhakdi, Chirathivat, or Ratanarak (the families ranked by Forbes as the 5 wealthiest in Thailand) and you announced prior to your marriage that she should not expect you to support her parents (regardless of your wealth or income), you would likely have them rolling on the floor with laughter, followed by serious (and justifiable) questions as to your mental state. Read all of the relevant posts if you want to provide an intelligent/useful comment. The premise in the first post raising the issue and to which I was responding was that (a) the Thai mother-in-law is in need of support, (b ) the Thai spouse feels a responsibility and (c ) she does want to help her mother and is unable. The western male spouse is unwilling to help (and made it clear that he was not "a walking ATM" prior to their marriage) and that "is a real problem. [He doesn't] know what the solution is." I and others said that "the solution is obvious -- YOU (i.e., the western spouse)". With the exception of the refusal/unwillingness to provide any financial help to the parents of the Thai spouse, this is pretty much the case with the vast majority of Thai woman-western man marriages in Thailand (where you live, remember?), probably more than 75%, but, of course, there is the other 25%, which run the full range of possibilities. And even where support is needed and given, we are probably only talking about B2,000 to B3,000 per month, which isn't going to break the bank of most western men living in Thailand. Like it, believe it, or not, financial support is one of the major reasons (but not the only reason) that Thai women marry.

If your case doesn't fit the premise on which my comments were based, it is totally irrelevant (as is, I think, Transam's situation). My comments stand, and are correct for the basic premise on which they were made. That is not your case, at least not yet. So, I suggest you take your head out of the clouds. and get real yourself. Next............

If I can answer this, despite it being off topic ( I am the person to which Thailaw is referring ), my comment about not knowing the solution actually refers to the fact that the MIL will not leave the village, where there is no work for my wife, and not to our financial situation. In fact, if the MIL came to live with us, there would be no requirement for me to pay for anything other than what I already pay for.

Sorry if that was not clear.

I have sent you a PM as well.

To answer Thailaw first. My head is where it usually is, attached to the other end of my body from my feet. The way you write is in generalities and assuming every Thai family is the same though I notice in your reply you did separate them out. The majority of the farangs that I personally know of mostly living in the countryside as I do are quite happy to support their wife's family if necessary though like me many don't have the need to.

We used to send her Mum and dad a lot more than 2 or 3,000 baht a month as they are old and retired and get the oh so generous government of 500 baht EACH per month to live on.

thaibeachlovers

My MIL actually lives up here with us in a small house as we planned when building our house 8 years ago and she helps out where and when necessary. My FIL still lives down in Bang Na, Bangkok and keeps an eye on the rest of the family down there.

My wife used to have a small shop and food stall up here but closed it several years ago when she had more customers than bills that were paid. Now she gets rent for the land from a local farmer and also rent from an AIS base station as well.