Don't Touch Me!

An Australian, an Irishman and a Liverpudlian are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the

Corner, he's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs:

My God, it's Jesus!"

Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint. Thrilled, they send him over a

pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.

Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the

pints slowly, one after another. After he's finished the drinks, Jesus

approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for

the Guinness.

When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God! The

arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.

As He lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock, "Strewth mate, the bad

back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Liverpudlian who knocks over a chair and a

table in trying to get away from the Son of God.

"What's wrong my son?" says Jesus.

The Liverpudlian shouts, "B****r off, I'm on disability benefit!"