Negotiating Sin Sot With A "upper Class" Family With Unreasonable Request.

[jaideecm]

Another case of a family selling their daughter, this relationship has bad news written all over it. I am sure this guy would not pay 60,000 USD to marry a girl in his own country. Think with the big head not the small one guy.

If you pay the money the lady will feel obligated to you because you bought her and not for real Love and will probably leave you sooner or later. I wonder how long before she finds another sucker after your history.

[NeverSure]

Why oh why do guys get married? Please tell me why? Walk into a candy store, buy one piece and walk out, never allowed to return again. Pay for that same piece of candy every day, over and over with no guarantees.

I can't own real estate. My stay is tenuous at the whim of whatever government there might be tomorrow, to be revoked perhaps in the future. How much would I invest in that? Not one satang. Sin sod? Bullsit. Thai wedding? Billshit.

She who has the psy makes the rules? Not where I come from. He who has the gold makes the rules.

Momma wants sin sod? Don't make me laugh.

[Donnie Brasco]

Please excuse my poor literalist translation of "sin sot"

The woman has had a Thai hubby.

She has lived with a farang.

So what exactly, pray tell is "sot" about this darling creature except her mother's expectation that this poor guy should have to come up with the two million needed to renovate his crusty, fausty, domicile under the TV bridge.

[maccaroni man]

The 14th has come and gone any updates OP?

Edited June 16, 2013 by maccaroni man

[justben]

Inform that a one time payment of One Thousasnd Baht will be made and then come back to tell us if she loves you more than she loves her mother. I think marriage in Thailand is a mistake, without exceptions. Personal opinion.

[MrSabai]

The 14th has come and gone any updates OP?

Well I did make a post on the 15th but ended it “with more to come” so I guess in can share a little more on the outcome and status as of today and the fact is that I just came back 4 days ago after 1 month in Thailand so I been kind of busy getting back into my normal routine with work and stuff.

So like I said I my last post MIL changed her mind from a 2 million THB sin sot request to a lot less and yes it still hurt like hell having to go against my beliefs and values and pay sin sot but if I want to make a life with this girl I need to do as much as I can to follow a tradition that shouldn’t exist in today’s modern world, still this is something I’m willing to do based on how our relationship is working out so far.

The final amount is just above ¼th of the 2 million THB and in this ¼th every upcoming expenses for our wedding party, ring, gold, resident permit, tickets and so on will be deducted from that amount and from my calculations just party, resident permit and tickets will eat up close to half of the total sin sot we agreed on.

Also I don’t have to present all of the money at the ceremony/wedding day, this is something her mother says you can fix with my daughter when you live together and also we agree that in case of pregnancy no more money will be set away for any sin sot.

At the moment me and my GF is planning to marry either in September or November(we will decide in a week or so) and we keep talking and fixing the general details for our wedding as well as applying for resident permit for her to move to my country.

Like I said above I spent the last month in Thailand and most of that time I have spent together with her and she have time after time gone against her family and lied to her mom just to be able to spend as much time as possible with me as a couple, taking shorter trips and weekends together.

Even though I’m on my guard there isn’t anything so far that I can doubt about what she told me or about the way she behave, everything she told me have proven to be true and the few white lies she told me I could spot right away and that was lies she told me just to keep me from knowing she lied to her family to spend time with me.

This is a wonderful and an extremely beautiful woman, she is smart, funny and well educated and even though our relationship isn’t that old I’m feeling things I can’t remember I felt before even for my ex-wife and the way she feel for me seems honest and the same. I can’t say anything other than I feel extremely lucky to have met this girl and as it is now I can’t see anything other than a bright future for us both.

Things never turn out like you want but I’m sure as hell going to do my best to make this work and not make the same mistakes as I did in my previous marriage.

[ALFREDO]

You have to be joking for xxxst sake.

Has had a Thai boyfriend, lived with a falang, "she's used goods", and her mothers asking Sin Sot, my Thai son nearly died laughing when I read this to him.

I hear from Moms in rural Isaan-Chayaphum who cash in 3 times Sin Sot on the same daughter from different Buddha style marriages!

[CarlBkk]

Reminds me of an experience i had with a half Thai girl I met in Sydney. Parents were obviously wealthy enough to send the daughter to study in Sydney but the mother's greed and insecurity was reminiscent of a poor farming girl.

It turns out, the father, who had also divorced the mother some time ago was a farang of reasonable wealth but the mother was from a poor Isaan family who had married him for the security. The father, obviously getting fed up with the greedy mother, divorced her and left her with some money for the daughter and went back to his home country. The mother wasted all that money and so married again demanding a huge sinsot.

The mother would always gloat about how rich she is, how successful she is, how she was too wealthy to mix with her family in Isaan yet too poor at heart to mix with the Bangkok crowd. I actually felt sorry for her, I could see how desperate she was to fit into Bangkok society.

That's a good story and so indicative of many hi-so wannabes in Bangkok who mix with farang bragging about their wealth and status (with many farangs believing it), trying to show off to the true Bangkok women with status, but being looked down upon. If you can't make it, don't fake it.

For the OP, rich Bangkok families are split when it comes to sin sot. I know many traditionalists who would require a large payment for face/culture, despite not needing it, and I also know a few (admittedly much fewer) families of equal wealth who are modern-thinking parents/daughter and would not ask for a sin not from a foreigner.

Many parents do not know how many guys their daughter has slept with and can only guess, or indeed pretend not to believe it. Their perceived value of their daughter is therefore based on innocence, potential, demand and looks. I can just imagine the response when asking for a pre-nup or investing the sin sot over 10 years! It's like enforcing a condition on it which goes against their cultural beliefs, despite being practical and sensible.

The mother of the Op doesn't sound born into money, she's a divorcee herself with a new wealthy guy, no doubt obtained on her looks. They can be a greedy sort with inflated expectations. 800,000 baht seems reasonable.

[justben]

OP, have you ever gone against your gut on something small and insignificant and regretted it later? Like some intersection you've been to before but you're following the map you were just given by somebody else and you know in your head it's wrong, but it is on paper and you go ahead and make that turn.

Well, I hope this is not what you're doing with this decision that is completely life altering. I wish you all the best, sincerely.

[brewsterbudgen]

Another case of a family selling their daughter, this relationship has bad news written all over it. I am sure this guy would not pay 60,000 USD to marry a girl in his own country. Think with the big head not the small one guy.

If you pay the money the lady will feel obligated to you because you bought her and not for real Love and will probably leave you sooner or later. I wonder how long before she finds another sucker after your history.

Sinsod is a Thai tradition so it's ridiculous to say he wouldn't pay it to marry a girl in his own country. The average cost of a US wedding is around $30,000 so I would imagine plenty have paid a lot more!

[Poo Ying FeFe]

Sticking my neck out here... So don't all rush in and attack.

Im being sincere - why the great hatred about SinSot?

I've never understood it to mean 'Payment for Services', it's meaning as I know is that of a gift and commitment to the family.

Don't misconstrue my words... I'm not saying that Sinsot should be given to a family if you do not believe in the reasons behind it. If you have serious doubts about the morals of somebody's family, you might need to consider your partners values and take more time to check it all out.

I'm just saying that, i think a lot of people have been negatively influenced by HearSay and I would hate to think that a genuinly nice couple are split up because of the confusion that surrounds it. (Not the O.P. as he seems to be sorted out - congratulations).

To save anyone asking: No, i'm not married. No, my Mother wouldn't ask for a SinSot. No, my Father didn't pay a SinSot.

Believe it or not, amongst all the scary Mothers in Thailand, there are innumerable caring Mothers who think about the practical side of their child's future (really??? Yeh Really!!!) You also don't know what kind of Foreign guys some Thai women have been around and the concerns she may have. Foreign guys get a bit of bad press too...

Just sayin - maybe some people need to calm down a bit on the issue. Don't stigmatize all Thai women as money grabbing wh*res. It's not very nice.

[wooloomooloo]

Well put, Poo.

I settled sin sot with my mother-in-law at my wife's request. We pre-agreed an amount and the arrangement was honoured.

Initially the clash of cultures made me slightly nervous but I eventually learned to relax. It wasn't the money but the age difference.

We approach our forth anniversary.

[LawrenceChee]

I agree with both of you

Sinsot is no different from a western perspective where the Inlaws are evaluating if you can take care if their daugther for life

Some hillbillies will say I went the other way and just did it and disnt are anot what the inlaws think ...good for you for wanting to be different

However this is Asia and your wife is forever tied to the family whether u like it or not ...she want to please you and say yes let's do that but eventually she will miss the family so much you just won short term and not long term

Most reasonable families don't want or need our money, however giving it means that you will helped the family honor an old tradition and make every happy ...an example would be of your Thai wife head home with you and indulge in Shepard pie or thanksgiving dinner ...u think she really likes this over som tam ? However she does it to honor your culture

I am an independent guy that has travelled all over and have a western take on most things ...however living here means I see the good side of just enjoying the culture instead of questioning it

I was recently sick and within minutes the family has all descended to take care of the kid, another sent me to the hospital , I had food for the 2 days , all came to visit to be sure I was okay ...did I like the fuss yes !

[maxme]

Reminds me of an experience i had with a half Thai girl I met in Sydney. Parents were obviously wealthy enough to send the daughter to study in Sydney but the mother's greed and insecurity was reminiscent of a poor farming girl.

It turns out, the father, who had also divorced the mother some time ago was a farang of reasonable wealth but the mother was from a poor Isaan family who had married him for the security. The father, obviously getting fed up with the greedy mother, divorced her and left her with some money for the daughter and went back to his home country. The mother wasted all that money and so married again demanding a huge sinsot.

The mother would always gloat about how rich she is, how successful she is, how she was too wealthy to mix with her family in Isaan yet too poor at heart to mix with the Bangkok crowd. I actually felt sorry for her, I could see how desperate she was to fit into Bangkok society.

That's a good story and so indicative of many hi-so wannabes in Bangkok who mix with farang bragging about their wealth and status (with many farangs believing it), trying to show off to the true Bangkok women with status, but being looked down upon. If you can't make it, don't fake it.

For the OP, rich Bangkok families are split when it comes to sin sot. I know many traditionalists who would require a large payment for face/culture, despite not needing it, and I also know a few (admittedly much fewer) families of equal wealth who are modern-thinking parents/daughter and would not ask for a sin not from a foreigner.

Many parents do not know how many guys their daughter has slept with and can only guess, or indeed pretend not to believe it. Their perceived value of their daughter is therefore based on innocence, potential, demand and looks. I can just imagine the response when asking for a pre-nup or investing the sin sot over 10 years! It's like enforcing a condition on it which goes against their cultural beliefs, despite being practical and sensible.

The mother of the Op doesn't sound born into money, she's a divorcee herself with a new wealthy guy, no doubt obtained on her looks. They can be a greedy sort with inflated expectations. 800,000 baht seems reasonable.

And another one bites the dust... 800 000 is reasonable? Please... If her parents were doctors or owned several companies, yes that would be the case.

Yes it's part of the culture here whether you like it or not and yes, there is no limit when it comes to sin sod, but there is something called reasoning. She is def. not from the upper class, despite what some of the posters here think.

Justifying for an unreasonable amount is not making the Op's case easier. With my limited knowledge (and at least I´m admitting it) I would consider

300 - 400 k reasonable, based on the girl's family´s status.

Another thing, just because a girl/guy here can go abroad doesn´t automatically mean that they are from the upper class... they are well off.

[MobileContent]

Reminds me of an experience i had with a half Thai girl I met in Sydney. Parents were obviously wealthy enough to send the daughter to study in Sydney but the mother's greed and insecurity was reminiscent of a poor farming girl.

It turns out, the father, who had also divorced the mother some time ago was a farang of reasonable wealth but the mother was from a poor Isaan family who had married him for the security. The father, obviously getting fed up with the greedy mother, divorced her and left her with some money for the daughter and went back to his home country. The mother wasted all that money and so married again demanding a huge sinsot.

The mother would always gloat about how rich she is, how successful she is, how she was too wealthy to mix with her family in Isaan yet too poor at heart to mix with the Bangkok crowd. I actually felt sorry for her, I could see how desperate she was to fit into Bangkok society.

That's a good story and so indicative of many hi-so wannabes in Bangkok who mix with farang bragging about their wealth and status (with many farangs believing it), trying to show off to the true Bangkok women with status, but being looked down upon. If you can't make it, don't fake it.

For the OP, rich Bangkok families are split when it comes to sin sot. I know many traditionalists who would require a large payment for face/culture, despite not needing it, and I also know a few (admittedly much fewer) families of equal wealth who are modern-thinking parents/daughter and would not ask for a sin not from a foreigner.

Many parents do not know how many guys their daughter has slept with and can only guess, or indeed pretend not to believe it. Their perceived value of their daughter is therefore based on innocence, potential, demand and looks. I can just imagine the response when asking for a pre-nup or investing the sin sot over 10 years! It's like enforcing a condition on it which goes against their cultural beliefs, despite being practical and sensible.

The mother of the Op doesn't sound born into money, she's a divorcee herself with a new wealthy guy, no doubt obtained on her looks. They can be a greedy sort with inflated expectations. 800,000 baht seems reasonable.

And another one bites the dust... 800 000 is reasonable? Please... If her parents were doctors or owned several companies, yes that would be the case.

Yes it's part of the culture here whether you like it or not and yes, there is no limit when it comes to sin sod, but there is something called reasoning. She is def. not from the upper class, despite what some of the posters here think.

Justifying for an unreasonable amount is not making the Op's case easier. With my limited knowledge (and at least I´m admitting it) I would consider

300 - 400 k reasonable, based on the girl's family´s status.

Another thing, just because a girl/guy here can go abroad doesn´t automatically mean that they are from the upper class... they are well off.

Got to agree with you.

Yesterday some rumors was around the corner that a farang paid 1 million Baht for a house to his new found love. When I looked at the house all I could see was a roof but one million Baht was spend already. I think the real cost was more then 250k for the foundation (if any) plus some cheap roof. My MIL had a talk last week with the MIL of that said farang and she told my MIL that my house looks small compared to her one. Besides she has two daughters that have now a farang. After my question to her in Thai why she just doesn't want a Chinese Thai or a rich Isaan guy she told me that he daughters like farang.

I told her in plain Thai that first of all Chinese Thai's in general don''t want Isaan girl for 50k Sin Sot so the only option for Isaan girl is to opt out for a farang for the money. Interesting was the subject that she told me that her other daughter has a farang from the US who builds a small house for her. She used 3 Baht gold but I looked at her house I only saw some bamboo hut valued at 10k at most. My MIL said straight away this is about the money and has nothing to do about love or building a relationship with a farang.

Two farang guys failed to see the trap but if my MIL would have asked me for 800k sin sot I would have told her Sayon-rarah.

SOme MIL and FIL are in for the money but have talked to that lady of that said farang she surely is selling her body to generate a decent live for her family.

Edited June 24, 2013 by MobileContent

[justben]

Sticking my neck out here... So don't all rush in and attack.

Im being sincere - why the great hatred about SinSot?

I've never understood it to mean 'Payment for Services', it's meaning as I know is that of a gift and commitment to the family.

Don't misconstrue my words... I'm not saying that Sinsot should be given to a family if you do not believe in the reasons behind it. If you have serious doubts about the morals of somebody's family, you might need to consider your partners values and take more time to check it all out.

I'm just saying that, i think a lot of people have been negatively influenced by HearSay and I would hate to think that a genuinly nice couple are split up because of the confusion that surrounds it. (Not the O.P. as he seems to be sorted out - congratulations).

To save anyone asking: No, i'm not married. No, my Mother wouldn't ask for a SinSot. No, my Father didn't pay a SinSot.

Believe it or not, amongst all the scary Mothers in Thailand, there are innumerable caring Mothers who think about the practical side of their child's future (really??? Yeh Really!!!) You also don't know what kind of Foreign guys some Thai women have been around and the concerns she may have. Foreign guys get a bit of bad press too...

Just sayin - maybe some people need to calm down a bit on the issue. Don't stigmatize all Thai women as money grabbing wh*res. It's not very nice.

SinSod, traditionally, is not a gift. It must be returned to the newlywed couple.

Clearly, thousands of foreigners are being scammed. I dont know how many get the sinsod back according to the PROPER custom, but would we agree that it's most likely a handful?

Edited June 25, 2013 by justben

[brewsterbudgen]

Sticking my neck out here... So don't all rush in and attack.

Im being sincere - why the great hatred about SinSot?

I've never understood it to mean 'Payment for Services', it's meaning as I know is that of a gift and commitment to the family.

Don't misconstrue my words... I'm not saying that Sinsot should be given to a family if you do not believe in the reasons behind it. If you have serious doubts about the morals of somebody's family, you might need to consider your partners values and take more time to check it all out.

I'm just saying that, i think a lot of people have been negatively influenced by HearSay and I would hate to think that a genuinly nice couple are split up because of the confusion that surrounds it. (Not the O.P. as he seems to be sorted out - congratulations).

To save anyone asking: No, i'm not married. No, my Mother wouldn't ask for a SinSot. No, my Father didn't pay a SinSot.

Believe it or not, amongst all the scary Mothers in Thailand, there are innumerable caring Mothers who think about the practical side of their child's future (really??? Yeh Really!!!) You also don't know what kind of Foreign guys some Thai women have been around and the concerns she may have. Foreign guys get a bit of bad press too...

Just sayin - maybe some people need to calm down a bit on the issue. Don't stigmatize all Thai women as money grabbing wh*res. It's not very nice.

SinSod, traditionally, is not a gift. It must be returned to the newlywed couple.

Clearly, thousands of foreigners are being scammed. I dont know how many get the sinsod back according to the PROPER custom, but would we agree that it's most likely a handful?

"Must" is a little strong. It is sometimes returned, depending on the circumstances and the family, and trying to make out that sinsod is a scam is nonsense.

[Mooner]

Sticking my neck out here... So don't all rush in and attack.

Im being sincere - why the great hatred about SinSot?

I've never understood it to mean 'Payment for Services', it's meaning as I know is that of a gift and commitment to the family.

Don't misconstrue my words... I'm not saying that Sinsot should be given to a family if you do not believe in the reasons behind it. If you have serious doubts about the morals of somebody's family, you might need to consider your partners values and take more time to check it all out.

I'm just saying that, i think a lot of people have been negatively influenced by HearSay and I would hate to think that a genuinly nice couple are split up because of the confusion that surrounds it. (Not the O.P. as he seems to be sorted out - congratulations).

To save anyone asking: No, i'm not married. No, my Mother wouldn't ask for a SinSot. No, my Father didn't pay a SinSot.

Believe it or not, amongst all the scary Mothers in Thailand, there are innumerable caring Mothers who think about the practical side of their child's future (really??? Yeh Really!!!) You also don't know what kind of Foreign guys some Thai women have been around and the concerns she may have. Foreign guys get a bit of bad press too...

Just sayin - maybe some people need to calm down a bit on the issue. Don't stigmatize all Thai women as money grabbing wh*res. It's not very nice.

I wonder how many relationships fail because of sinsot? I wouldnt pay it! I dont see why i should respect Thai culture if they cant respect mine. If both cultures are to be respected then the total wedding amount should be worked out and split between the man and the womans family.

Only this way can they honor the father paying for the wedding and i can honor the sinsot.

[brewsterbudgen]

Sticking my neck out here... So don't all rush in and attack.

Im being sincere - why the great hatred about SinSot?

I've never understood it to mean 'Payment for Services', it's meaning as I know is that of a gift and commitment to the family.

Don't misconstrue my words... I'm not saying that Sinsot should be given to a family if you do not believe in the reasons behind it. If you have serious doubts about the morals of somebody's family, you might need to consider your partners values and take more time to check it all out.

I'm just saying that, i think a lot of people have been negatively influenced by HearSay and I would hate to think that a genuinly nice couple are split up because of the confusion that surrounds it. (Not the O.P. as he seems to be sorted out - congratulations).

To save anyone asking: No, i'm not married. No, my Mother wouldn't ask for a SinSot. No, my Father didn't pay a SinSot.

Believe it or not, amongst all the scary Mothers in Thailand, there are innumerable caring Mothers who think about the practical side of their child's future (really??? Yeh Really!!!) You also don't know what kind of Foreign guys some Thai women have been around and the concerns she may have. Foreign guys get a bit of bad press too...

Just sayin - maybe some people need to calm down a bit on the issue. Don't stigmatize all Thai women as money grabbing wh*res. It's not very nice.

I wonder how many relationships fail because of sinsot? I wouldnt pay it! I dont see why i should respect Thai culture if they cant respect mine. If both cultures are to be respected then the total wedding amount should be worked out and split between the man and the womans family.

Only this way can they honor the father paying for the wedding and i can honor the sinsot.

And if your bride's family are very poor?

[justben]

"Must" is a little strong. It is sometimes returned, depending on the circumstances and the family, and trying to make out that sinsod is a scam is nonsense.

You're right, it's a little strong. "should" is more appropriate. But generally this money is "evidence" that the bride and groom can stand on their own two feet and is commonly returned to the couple. Sure there are circumstances such as marrying into a peasant family. in that case if the new groom agrees to buy the wife, it's certainly up to him

If the family already has money and the parents want to rake a million baht from the new groom, I can't see how this is not scammy.

[brewsterbudgen]

"Must" is a little strong. It is sometimes returned, depending on the circumstances and the family, and trying to make out that sinsod is a scam is nonsense.

You're right, it's a little strong. "should" is more appropriate. But generally this money is "evidence" that the bride and groom can stand on their own two feet and is commonly returned to the couple. Sure there are circumstances such as marrying into a peasant family. in that case if the new groom agrees to buy the wife, it's certainly up to him

If the family already has money and the parents want to rake a million baht from the new groom, I can't see how this is not scammy.

I agree with your last point.

There's a nice touchy-feely description of it on this Marry in Thailand website

http://www.marrythailand.com/thailand-dowry.php

[zeichen]

I find this topic always to be a hot bed of emotion. The funny thing is I have been to a lot of Thai weddings and not one man has ever complained about Sinsod. It is just expected of Thai men to help the wive's family. Perhaps Thai's are more comfortable with their obligations as most westerners believe that their obligation is only to themselves and their own offspring. I think that it is a comfort to know that when I am older my children will take care of me and not ship me off to some nursing home.

As for Sin Sod. I think that it is ridiculous that some believe that the value has anything to do with a girl's virtue or education. Typically it has more to do with their status. Most couple's that I know who got married got some money back. I really don't see the big deal. You don't have to buy a diamond engagement ring worth the same as most families request in Sin Sod.

Personally since the OP was previously divorced, I think that has something to do with the inflated value. If someone comes from a well respected family and both families know each other, it is typically easier to come to an arrangement.

But overall I think that this is a middle class family not even upper middle economic class but social class might be higher if they come from a well known family. I still think this mother is being a little greedy and selfish, but who knows what she may give to you both later. If you have children, it will be likely that she will do a lot and give a lot for you both.

I always say as a bottom line give what you can afford. Most parents won't ask for more if it will keep you from having a home or starting your life together.

My wife and I were young and just starting our careers, her father gave us the deposit for our house and land. We just paid for the wedding and flying my family over here which was probably more expensive than if they asked for sinsod. But her parent's stipulation was that my family had to be here for the wedding.

I also think that it is funny that a Thai woman got on this thread and stated a very clear organized statement and a few boneheads argue with her. I hate how foreigners always "know" more about Thai culture and history than locals.

[rct99q]

Sorry did not bother to read more than a few lines and read any of the attached posts, I am lazy. All I got was I was married before for 7 years blah, blah blah and have a sinsod question about the next wedding.

Maybe women are not your thing, not judging or trying to be funny or cruel. many people here keep making the same mistakes and then find out it is an orientation thingy they can not come to terms with. I suggest and it is only a far out theory and I am not making any judgments at all, but maybe you are gay. There are 100-100,000 of eligible gay men here who would love to have a western boyfriend.

Good luck,

Richard

[bumbles]

Sin sot is shown at the weddings as a display that the daughter will be cared for.

Half, if not all the money is supposed to be given back to help the couple.

This is the part, "over looked" with farang.

same sex wedding is the same thing. My boyfriend's family want 200,000 baht.

He does not want us to have a ceremony here as he told me they will not give back the half.

[theblether]

I find this topic always to be a hot bed of emotion. The funny thing is I have been to a lot of Thai weddings and not one man has ever complained about Sinsod. It is just expected of Thai men to help the wive's family. Perhaps Thai's are more comfortable with their obligations as most westerners believe that their obligation is only to themselves and their own offspring. I think that it is a comfort to know that when I am older my children will take care of me and not ship me off to some nursing home.

As for Sin Sod. I think that it is ridiculous that some believe that the value has anything to do with a girl's virtue or education. Typically it has more to do with their status. Most couple's that I know who got married got some money back. I really don't see the big deal. You don't have to buy a diamond engagement ring worth the same as most families request in Sin Sod.

Personally since the OP was previously divorced, I think that has something to do with the inflated value. If someone comes from a well respected family and both families know each other, it is typically easier to come to an arrangement.

But overall I think that this is a middle class family not even upper middle economic class but social class might be higher if they come from a well known family. I still think this mother is being a little greedy and selfish, but who knows what she may give to you both later. If you have children, it will be likely that she will do a lot and give a lot for you both.

I always say as a bottom line give what you can afford. Most parents won't ask for more if it will keep you from having a home or starting your life together.

My wife and I were young and just starting our careers, her father gave us the deposit for our house and land. We just paid for the wedding and flying my family over here which was probably more expensive than if they asked for sinsod. But her parent's stipulation was that my family had to be here for the wedding.

I also think that it is funny that a Thai woman got on this thread and stated a very clear organized statement and a few boneheads argue with her. I hate how foreigners always "know" more about Thai culture and history than locals.

I can't see any comments from a Thai woman on this thread, can you give me a link please? or even just a post number.

I did see a post from a farang lady though.

[theblether]

I find this topic always to be a hot bed of emotion. The funny thing is I have been to a lot of Thai weddings and not one man has ever complained about Sinsod. It is just expected of Thai men to help the wive's family. Perhaps Thai's are more comfortable with their obligations as most westerners believe that their obligation is only to themselves and their own offspring. I think that it is a comfort to know that when I am older my children will take care of me and not ship me off to some nursing home.

As for Sin Sod. I think that it is ridiculous that some believe that the value has anything to do with a girl's virtue or education. Typically it has more to do with their status. Most couple's that I know who got married got some money back. I really don't see the big deal. You don't have to buy a diamond engagement ring worth the same as most families request in Sin Sod.

Personally since the OP was previously divorced, I think that has something to do with the inflated value. If someone comes from a well respected family and both families know each other, it is typically easier to come to an arrangement.

But overall I think that this is a middle class family not even upper middle economic class but social class might be higher if they come from a well known family. I still think this mother is being a little greedy and selfish, but who knows what she may give to you both later. If you have children, it will be likely that she will do a lot and give a lot for you both.

I always say as a bottom line give what you can afford. Most parents won't ask for more if it will keep you from having a home or starting your life together.

My wife and I were young and just starting our careers, her father gave us the deposit for our house and land. We just paid for the wedding and flying my family over here which was probably more expensive than if they asked for sinsod. But her parent's stipulation was that my family had to be here for the wedding.

I also think that it is funny that a Thai woman got on this thread and stated a very clear organized statement and a few boneheads argue with her. I hate how foreigners always "know" more about Thai culture and history than locals.

Double post, but I may as well use it to point out that the best arbiters of Sin Sot are Thais, who universally act in disbelief at the figures asked of farangs, and the circumstances of the proposed newly weds.

Sorry if that offends you.

Edited August 2, 2013 by theblether

[zeichen]

"Sorry did not bother to read more than a few lines and read any of the attached posts, I am lazy"

Do you do that in normal conversations. Just walk in not knowing exactly what is being said and just interject some useless drivel and walk on?

Or do you think that all people cannot live without hearing/reading your profound insights in all things unrelated.

Blether I might be mistaken but thought that poo ying fefe was Thai according to what she wrote. "To save anyone asking: No, i'm not married. No, my Mother wouldn't ask for a SinSot. No, my Father didn't pay a SinSot."