He couldn't score in a whorehouse with a five pound note and a doctor's line.

(Back when five pounds was a lot of money)

...and when go-go bars where called whorehouses and doctors could write.

Thomas you prick

There's a favorite insult

totster

Which reminds me of this old story:

Charlie was visiting a Television station and found himself in the audience to a quiz/game show.

Every recording the quizmaster used to spotlight one seat in the audience and ask the question, “What would you say if you had the head of an ass?” If the chosen one could come up with a witty response, they would win a prize.

Charlie, of course was the one chosen that night, but unfortunately, he was completely speechless when asked the question.

Totally dismayed by his stupidity being demonstrated on national Television, Charlie resolved to engineer a second visit to the show, months later, and that he would be chosen again.

But first he enrolled for a six month intensive course at the Groucho Marx School of Quick Retorts. He spent hours doing extra work and homework – practicing throughout every moment he was awake - even dreaming perfect answers.

The time came for Charlie to visit the show again. This time he was completely confident he had a host of suitable, witty replies, guaranteed to win the prize.

The time came and the quizmaster highlighted Charlie’s place, “What would you say if you had the head of an ass?”

Charlie took a deep breath, looked directly at the camera, and without hesitation said, “Fukc off”

This is one of the funniest as I was expecting some really witty retort!

Bloody hel_l Thomas! That 'witty' quite was ages ago!

You must have spent hours trawling through the forum looking for it!

No a bad ratio of witty and amusing posts though Thomas for one so fabulously intelligent.

A massive 2 in over 2500 posts!

Shall we nominate you as the official wit of Thai Visa?

Bloody hel_l Thomas! That 'witty' quite was ages ago!

You must have spent hours trawling through the forum looking for it!

No a bad ratio of witty and amusing posts though Thomas for one so fabulously intelligent.

A massive 2 in over 2500 posts!

Shall we nominate you as the official wit of Thai Visa?

It woke the dead, didn't it?

See if you can do better.

The prof is back!

Or is he?

Not being gripped by false modesty ( a fault of which I am never guilty), I must say, the best insults are those which we make up ourselves, on the spur of the moment . . . <snip>

Interesting, TM, and I had the same thought myself. Might create a lot of bedlam if we changed to our favorite personal insults on TV, though.

But I will offer one of my own, which was a loving introduction to Boonie and Mr. Merton a few weeks back in my mock "Welcome to Bedlam" speech.

. . . and George W. Bush's finest supporter Boon Mee (how you manage to wrap yourself around his crotch I'll never guess ), . . .

. . . and The Honourable Mr. Thomas Merton, (you sure there ain't no middle initial, Tommy, like a Capital A? ).

Please be aware, though folks, that these intros were given with loving affection. I even bought them drinks at my mock welcoming party afterwards. All in good humour.

Not being gripped by false modesty ( a fault of which I am never guilty), I must say, the best insults are those which we make up ourselves, on the spur of the moment . . . <snip>

Interesting, TM, and I had the same thought myself. Might create a lot of bedlam if we changed to our favorite personal insults on TV, though.

But I will offer one of my own, which was a loving introduction to Boonie and Mr. Merton a few weeks back in my mock "Welcome to Bedlam" speech.

. . . and George W. Bush's finest supporter Boon Mee (how you manage to wrap yourself around his crotch I'll never guess ), . . .

. . . and The Honourable Mr. Thomas Merton, (you sure there ain't no middle initial, Tommy, like a Capital A? ).

Please be aware, though folks, that these intros were given with loving affection. I even bought them drinks at my mock welcoming party afterwards. All in good humour.

I am sure I speak for Boon Mee as well as myself (he will, of course, correct me if this is not true):

We are Officers and Gentlemen, enchanted by the wonderful culture of LOS, and therefore treat triumph and defeat as the two impostors they are.

A word of praise here, or an insult there, are but sighs on the breeze compared to what is important in our lives.

Not being gripped by false modesty ( a fault of which I am never guilty), I must say, the best insults are those which we make up ourselves, on the spur of the moment . . . <snip>

Interesting, TM, and I had the same thought myself. Might create a lot of bedlam if we changed to our favorite personal insults on TV, though.

But I will offer one of my own, which was a loving introduction to Boonie and Mr. Merton a few weeks back in my mock "Welcome to Bedlam" speech.

. . . and George W. Bush's finest supporter Boon Mee (how you manage to wrap yourself around his crotch I'll never guess ), . . .

. . . and The Honourable Mr. Thomas Merton, (you sure there ain't no middle initial, Tommy, like a Capital A? ).

Please be aware, though folks, that these intros were given with loving affection. I even bought them drinks at my mock welcoming party afterwards. All in good humour.

I am sure I speak for Boon Mee as well as myself (he will, of course, correct me if this is not true):

We are Officers and Gentlemen, enchanted by the wonderful culture of LOS, and therefore treat triumph and defeat as the two impostors they are.

A word of praise here, or an insult there, are but sighs on the breeze compared to what is important in our lives.

Mr. Merton, that was poetic and I, for one, bestow my praise upon you, sir. A very deep .

Your face, my ass, what's the dif ?

(kind of like "Boon Mee, Butterfly, what's the difference")