I like Brian O'Driscoll and Ronan O'Gara....

I was in a pub once in Eugene, Oregon in 1975 having a quiet drink with friends. All of a sudden the place was invaded by the local rugby squad and their aussie opponents who had just completed a match...large lads that nobody could fck wit

I was in a pub once in Eugene, Oregon in 1975 having a quiet drink with friends. All of a sudden the place was invaded by the local rugby squad and their aussie opponents who had just completed a match...large lads that nobody could fck with. They immediately started with the obscene ruggers songs and chanting as if to directly insult those that were minding their own business.

Oh dear...hardly a gentleman's game...would have been nice to have had a flame thrower and a couple of grenades...

filth...

Oh....... get a GRIP you lot!!!!!!!!!!!

Who's on first base, who's on second base?

WHO SAID THAT?????

nothing to do with football, mind you......

One of the most famous baseball comedy acts to ever take place was the following humorous exchange between Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. The words alone cannot do it justice, but it is still quite funny to read. The skit was originally done on the radio live (each & every time) until the legendary duo later included it on The Naughty Nineties compilation.

The general premise behind the exchange has Costello, a peanut vendor named Sebastion Dinwiddle, talking to Abbott who is Dexter Broadhurt, the manager of the mythical St. Louis Wolves.However, before Costello can get behind the plate, Abbott wants to make sure he knows everyone's name on the team...

Note: We mentioned above that words alone cannot do it justice. To that end we have included a complete audio sample of the original Who's on First? for you to listen to!

Who's On First?

by Abbott and Costello

A Word-for-Word Transcript

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...

Costello: His brother Daffy.

Abbott: Daffy Dean...

Costello: And their French cousin.

Abbott: French?

Costello: Goofè.

Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

Costello: Are you the manager?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: You gonna be the coach too?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then who's on first?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The first baseman.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy playing...

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Who's playing first?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it.

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy that gets...

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Who gets the money...

Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Whose wife?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Abbott: What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: How does he sign...

Abbott: That's how he signs it.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Abbott: No. What is on second base.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: One base at a time!

Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.

Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: Ok.

Abbott: All right.

PAUSE

Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No. Who's playing first.

Costello: What's on first?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third.

Costello: There I go, back on third again!

PAUSE

Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who's playing third base?

Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: What am I putting on third.

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: You don't want who on second?

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.

Abbott: Who's playing first.

Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?

Abbott: No, What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first!

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The pitcher's name?

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

Abbott: I'm telling you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow!

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.

Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Gotta a catcher?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: The catcher's name?

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.

PAUSE

Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.

Abbott: So they tell me.

Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

Abbott: That's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Now who's got it?

Abbott: Naturally.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Naturally?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's different.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You're not saying it...

Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.

Abbott: You throw it to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's what I said!

Abbott: You ask me.

Costello: I throw the ball to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Now you ask me.

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.

Couldn't Jonah Lomu in his prime run 100M in around the 13 second mark?

Yeah, unfortunately at the 14 second mark he usually made a reckless pass that wound up in the hands of a wallabee or bok.

cv

Actually, until rugby players can stop the game, stand toe to toe, beat each other to a bloody pulp, and only get sent off for five minutes, they have no place calling anyone pussies.

cv

American football players never cry, even when injured. They'll still play with broken limbs and dislocated shoulders. "Tape me up, coach, and send me back out." Rain or snow, 100 degree (38 C) heat or minus 13 degree (-25 C) cold, the game is still played. Is rugsbie played if the sun isn't shining?

Oh you american heros

then again i dont suppose you have the knowledge to realise that it rains in other parts of the world too??

American football players never cry, even when injured. They'll still play with broken limbs and dislocated shoulders. "Tape me up, coach, and send me back out." Rain or snow, 100 degree (38 C) heat or minus 13 degree (-25 C) cold, the game is still played. Is rugsbie played if the sun isn't shining?

Oh you american heros

then again i dont suppose you have the knowledge to realise that it rains in other parts of the world too??

Dude...lighten up, its a pisstaking thread

cv

American football players never cry, even when injured. They'll still play with broken limbs and dislocated shoulders. "Tape me up, coach, and send me back out." Rain or snow, 100 degree (38 C) heat or minus 13 degree (-25 C) cold, the game is still played. Is rugsbie played if the sun isn't shining?

Oh you american heros

then again i dont suppose you have the knowledge to realise that it rains in other parts of the world too??

Dude...lighten up, its a pisstaking thread

cv

Is it really?

American football players never cry, even when injured. They'll still play with broken limbs and dislocated shoulders. "Tape me up, coach, and send me back out." Rain or snow, 100 degree (38 C) heat or minus 13 degree (-25 C) cold, the game is still played. Is rugsbie played if the sun isn't shining?

Oh you american heros

then again i dont suppose you have the knowledge to realise that it rains in other parts of the world too??

Dude...lighten up, its a pisstaking thread

cv

Is it really?

That's right! And American football is taking the piss outta rugsbie.

Not to mention, as Vic rightly pointed out, hockey is another brutal sport. So, if we were to rank sports for their brutalness, power and athleticism then after American football and hockey rugsbie would fall somewhere just below badminton.

All votes are in. Nice chatting with you ladies. Just to show you girls I'm not a sore sport I'll buy y'all drinks. Plenty of bars we can go to that feature Ladies' Night. What'll it be for ya, a Cupid's Cocktail or a Pink Lady?

Thread closed.

Yep.the big fatties need padding to tackle.They have all the aerobic fitness of a fat puppy and are as hard as Jelly.

In rugby Union and League, you can still (almost) get away with a high shot.Not in American Football though.All you do is smack into a helmut....what's the point in that??The joy of the cheap shot is gone.....

If I had wantedt o go to a 4 hour long Chess match, I would buy a DVD of Spasky playing.Why does you game take an eternity to play, with more rules than I got brain cells...just!

If you are too "slow" to follow the game than get yourself one of them there checked balls and short shorts and run around for five hours.

C'mon you North American wed wetting types.Prove me wrong.

I am a complete idiot for trying to respect other poeple's perferences. You don't get it, you don't get it, let it rest.

Rugby League Hits

Above is some of the smaller hits I could find.It takes a bit to download.

Yep.the big fatties need padding to tackle.They have all the aerobic fitness of a fat puppy and are as hard as Jelly.

In rugby Union and League, you can still (almost) get away with a high shot.Not in American Football though.All you do is smack into a helmut....what's the point in that??The joy of the cheap shot is gone.....

If I had wantedt o go to a 4 hour long Chess match, I would buy a DVD of Spasky playing.Why does you game take an eternity to play, with more rules than I got brain cells...just!

If you are too "slow" to follow the game than get yourself one of them there checked balls and short shorts and run around for five hours.

C'mon you North American wed wetting types.Prove me wrong.

I am a complete idiot for trying to respect other poeple's perferences. You don't get it, you don't get it, let it rest.

Rugby League Hits

Above is some of the smaller hits I could find.It takes a bit to download.

thaibebop,

If you keep going on like this, we will all think that American football fans are either devoid of a SOH, or can't take a gentle knee in the ribs...if you get my drift!

Tippoporn, Butkus was quite a hard man, but he dosn't come close to the Hard men of NZ Rugby.The Kiwi hard men were the quiet type.They never went for high fives or talked about how hard they were.They played with broken bones , ripped scrotums and broken noses.They said nought to anybody, they just got on and did it. They were kicked and punched and never complained.

Here is a tit bit...

Against South Africa stan Meads was kicked in the head and possibly concussed. His brother Colin who also was playing went up to him and said "what's the matter" Stan said "I feel a bit crook mate" Colin said "We'll have none of that.We've never taken a backward step yet, and we're not going to now..up ya get, lets go"

Actually, until rugby players can stop the game, stand toe to toe, beat each other to a bloody pulp, and only get sent off for five minutes, they have no place calling anyone pussies.

cv

Cdn, now you are havin a laugh. In the UK, Hockey is only played by girls (or guys who act like girls). So surely playing it on Ice, is just like putting a Walt Disney Show on Ice. Like the Snow Queens. That blood on the guys face is Pantomime blood

Actually, until rugby players can stop the game, stand toe to toe, beat each other to a bloody pulp, and only get sent off for five minutes, they have no place calling anyone pussies.

cv

Cdn, now you are havin a laugh. In the UK, Hockey is only played by girls (or guys who act like girls). So surely playing it on Ice, is just like putting a Walt Disney Show on Ice. Like the Snow Queens. That blood on the guys face is Pantomime blood

:D I have see ice hockey players fight and they just slap each other, pussies. And nobody apart from Americans and Canadians can understand a <deleted> thing that is going on

Actually, until rugby players can stop the game, stand toe to toe, beat each other to a bloody pulp, and only get sent off for five minutes, they have no place calling anyone pussies.

cv

Cdn, now you are havin a laugh. In the UK, Hockey is only played by girls (or guys who act like girls). So surely playing it on Ice, is just like putting a Walt Disney Show on Ice. Like the Snow Queens. That blood on the guys face is Pantomime blood

:D I have see ice hockey players fight and they just slap each other, pussies. And nobody apart from Americans and Canadians can understand a <deleted> thing that is going on

They all weigh about 3 stone wringing wet and couldn't put a dent in a pea.Another bunch of girlie-shelia-blokes that wear padding.

I'm starting to think that we have a bunch of guys that look like a cross between Hulk Hogan and Hercules who stay home lifting weights and insulting each other on the internet 24/7.

No wonder I avoid those TV pissups!

I'm starting to think that we have a bunch of guys that look like a cross between Hulk Hogan and Hercules who stay home lifting weights and insulting each other on the internet 24/7.

No wonder I avoid those TV pissups!

And I thought you could spot the difference between serious and taking the piss....

Never mind!

I'm starting to think that we have a bunch of guys that look like a cross between Hulk Hogan and Hercules who stay home lifting weights and insulting each other on the internet 24/7.

No wonder I avoid those TV pissups!

And I thought you could spot the difference between serious and taking the piss....

Never mind!

Well, it started out as an intelligent enough debate, UG. Like any good, polite and decent American or Canadian is used to having when discussing differing viewpoints on a given issue. But you know by now that it's just not possible with these curs from countries that speak English with a crooked accent. They quickly start foaming at the mouths, and given their already unintelligible accents, it simply makes it nigh on impossible to make sense of all their garbled rantings.

And then offer to buy them drinks of their liking in a civiilzed manner to show that you do not really think that much less of them you'll get ignored. Perhaps they inherited too much of the Vikings.

American football is the contact sport of all contact sports. But then, we know that already, don't we UG?

I'm starting to think that we have a bunch of guys that look like a cross between Hulk Hogan and Hercules who stay home lifting weights and insulting each other on the internet 24/7.

No wonder I avoid those TV pissups!

And I thought you could spot the difference between serious and taking the piss....

Never mind!

Well, it started out as an intelligent enough debate, UG. Like any good, polite and decent American or Canadian is used to having when discussing differing viewpoints on a given issue. But you know by now that it's just not possible with these curs from countries that speak English with a crooked accent. They quickly start foaming at the mouths, and given their already unintelligible accents, it simply makes it nigh on impossible to make sense of all their garbled rantings.

And then offer to buy them drinks of their liking in a civiilzed manner to show that you do not really think that much less of them you'll get ignored. Perhaps they inherited too much of the Vikings.

American football is the contact sport of all contact sports. But then, we know that already, don't we UG?

another mistake that you have made.You see, just because we speak the Queens (cough, cough) English, don't mean we come from England.

There is about as much Viking blood running through my body as there is rocking horse <deleted>.

American football devolved from rugby.The only thing your mob invented was Apple Pie.

another mistake that you have made.You see, just because we speak the Queens (cough, cough) English, don't mean we come from England.

Now the story goes that Australia started out as a dumping ground for the outcasts of England. NZ started out as a dumping ground for those outcasts in Australia who took a liking to sheep. So it is written and taught in American history books. Do I err?

another mistake that you have made.You see, just because we speak the Queens (cough, cough) English, don't mean we come from England.

Now the story goes that Australia started out as a dumping ground for the outcasts of England. NZ started out as a dumping ground for those outcasts in Australia who took a liking to sheep. So it is written and taught in American history books. Do I err?

They werent outcasts mate, criminals is the better word for them. Kiwis are the sexual deviants from Aussie land But they do have a decent rugby team. Better than the American team anyway

another mistake that you have made.You see, just because we speak the Queens (cough, cough) English, don't mean we come from England.

Now the story goes that Australia started out as a dumping ground for the outcasts of England. NZ started out as a dumping ground for those outcasts in Australia who took a liking to sheep. So it is written and taught in American history books. Do I err?

They werent outcasts mate, criminals is the better word for them. Kiwis are the sexual deviants from Aussie land But they do have a decent rugby team. Better than the American team anyway

Believe it or not,there were people living in NZ before the pommies got here.

I'll give you a hint daleyboy...they beat the pride of the British and Irish Isles at rugby.(Pussycats!)

That was just sheer luck mate.

Let me explain something to you.

When a species interbreeds, initially the offspring will be stronger, but the more interbreeding that takes place, well the more flaws start to appear in both physical and mental ability.

So by my reckoning another 10 years and you kiwis will be so thick and slow we will kick your arse

Ah, if I were but a promoter. The only true way to settle this would be to hold a tourney with the best rugby players playing against the best American football players in one series of rugby and one series of football. Now that would be kick a$$.

I have a funny feeling of who would go home crying.

Ah, if I were but a promoter. The only true way to settle this would be to hold a tourney with the best rugby players playing against the best American football players in one series of rugby and one series of football. Now that would be kick a$$.

I have a funny feeling of who would go home crying.

Whats football got to do with this disccussion?

That was just sheer luck mate.

Let me explain something to you.

When a species interbreeds, initially the offspring will be stronger, but the more interbreeding that takes place, well the more flaws start to appear in both physical and mental ability.

So by my reckoning another 10 years and you kiwis will be so thick and slow we will kick your arse

I do agree with you on this theory.just look at what happened to you guys after the Danes and the Norse dipped their viking wicks into the English wax....

Ah, if I were but a promoter. The only true way to settle this would be to hold a tourney with the best rugby players playing against the best American football players in one series of rugby and one series of football. Now that would be kick a$$.

I have a funny feeling of who would go home crying.

Whats football got to do with this disccussion?

Well, if we're talking strictly about rugsbie then we may as well include badminton, too.

Ah, if I were but a promoter. The only true way to settle this would be to hold a tourney with the best rugby players playing against the best American football players in one series of rugby and one series of football. Now that would be kick a$$.

I have a funny feeling of who would go home crying.

Early 80's I played in a rugby tournament in Preston for college teams. Surprisingly the winning team came out of Ontario and consisted of Canadian football players who had taken up rugby during the off season. These guys where bigger and faster than the whole lot of us. Technically they weren't that great but their strength combined with speed made up for that.

They did lose the 3rd half though cause when it came to drinking they were pussies

Ah, if I were but a promoter. The only true way to settle this would be to hold a tourney with the best rugby players playing against the best American football players in one series of rugby and one series of football. Now that would be kick a$$.

I have a funny feeling of who would go home crying.

Whats football got to do with this disccussion?

Well, if we're talking strictly about rugsbie then we may as well include badminton, too.

Those big fatties of yours wouldn't have enough aerobic fitness to be an water boy in rugby...They might do well in badminton though as they would take up the whole <deleted> court!