Have you any friends?

[kevvy]

"By all means listen to others but my advise is alway to forge your own path.  I am neither sheep nor shepherd, just a lone wolf howling at the moon, enjoying life and take things as they come."

 

It's certainly the more interesting path, I'll give you that. I think pretty much all of us have been in unchartered waters at some point in our lives. Having had a dysfunctional family, I cast out into the great unknown at the tender age of 17, and often encountered the same situations you describe above. After a lot of adventures over the next 20 years, I found myself alone in Thailand, not sure of where I was going, or what I was going to do. My homeland was grim as far as work prospects were concerned, and I didn't fancy returning to Aussie (even though I like it immensely), nor did I fancy heading to the UK to try to get a work permit. So, it was stay here and see what transpired - a callow 38-year-old, still a country boy at heart, and ripe for plucking. My 25 years in Thailand have been a complete adventure in itself as I had to learn the ropes pretty quickly, especially as far as my work was concerned. Like you and many others, I would not change that experience for the world - it was the whole gamut of emotions and bruises and experiences. Great fun in the wash-out, don't you think? Well, I've just finished work, and now it's time for a beer. And let's see what new tricks I can learn to evade the police checkpoint on the way to the 7/11.

 

Cheers.

 

PS; Kevvy - just a couple of blokes chewing the fat. Hope you don't mind.

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile a

Heh love reading your comments

I got cast out or should I say left home at 14. Abusive father is all I am going to say.

Kevvy

[transam]

The friend thing goes both ways....................................................All of you................................sit back and think..................................was there a friend in need and you sort of ignored their silent call for help ?...............Does make you think doesn't it..............

[planetdweller]

Condescending and holier-than-thou response to my post , in fact , offensive. You have just proven why genuine friendship is hard to come by. Because there are with personalities as yourself propping themselves up as know-it-alls on message boards

and probably out making the world a worse place to live , rather than a better one.

It's probably much harder to make friends if you take offence so easily.

Lighten up a bit, and live a happier life.

When you quote me , be sure and quote the entire thread , including your post that preceded it.

Your general tone , from your replies to my post and other posts that I have seen you reply to in this topic , is talking down to people.

Everyone I know and have ever known finds that personality trait to be among the most abrasive.

Please don't offer any further advice to others about the topic of friendship , it is not one of your strengths.

[kevvy]

 

Yes and No.

Depends of what meaning you put into the word FRIEND

 

 

kevvy, OP said:

In Aus I had a group of friends which we all would do anything for each other.

 

Well, now that changes a thing or two, kevvy.  As I sensed, you were not talking about drinking buddies or 'mates' or  people you invite for a party or go to see footy with.

I think you were wrong back than to feel hurt and to 'run away'. The REAL FRIENDS you are talking about are mostly formed in our youth. And they are never many.  

And like everything in life their friendships are born, bloom, wither and die.  

I also had friends like this. Most things in our lives were going along different but parallel lines. We knew each other inside out. There was a lot of talks, arguments, differences, understanding, support and sharing.

We never quarrelled, we just went separate ways. Such is life. There is still understanding, but our ways have been different for 35 - 40 years...  We now live in different countries.  We all have changed.  And the funny part is - we would have changed even if we were still living in the same neighborhood.

This kind of friendship rarely develops in adulthood. Too many outside factors - wifes, work, kids, social status, health etc.  This is my opinion.

 

Surely I have some friends now, here in Thailand. But nothing like those REAL FRIENDS from my youth for all the above reasons.    

 

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

You are right in some of your thinking. They were not drinking buddies at all. They were friends I had known from the first days of school. At the age of 21 I had a breakdown and was taken to hospital. Not one of my friends came to see me. Why ? Because they knew why I had the breakdown. That was when I needed them

Kevvy

[benalibina]

The friend thing goes both ways....................................................All of you................................sit back and think..................................was there a friend in need and you sort of ignored their silent call for help ?...............Does make you think doesn't it..............

Very good comment Transam, truly stated.

[Neeranam]

Yes, I have many friends - I could trust at least ten with my life.

Join a club.

Neeranam, this is relatively easy. I am also the member of this club.

People remember some Commandments better than the others.

Of the ten of them, how many would you trust with your money? your wife? your daughter?

'Thou shan't kill' - is an easy one.

Especially if you add - 'without a reason' to it...

When I say 'life' I mean everything in my life, including my wife, money and daughters.

Golf is a great way for me to make friends. Also, I meet a lot in my tennis club.

[ExpatOilWorker]

My friends keep getting banned.

Banned friends are the best friends.

[meatboy]

i have my beloved dog and a loving wife of 24yrs they are my best friends do i need anymore NO.

[ausmarty]

Here in Thailand I find it hard to find friends, real friends not drinking buddies (don't drink so much anymore).

A friend of mine for 30 years also started to spend his holidays in Thailand but fell in love with nice girl back in Denmark so he moved back. We are still friends but don't see each other much anymore, sadly.

Mine wife is my best friend, we can talk about everything and we trust each other 100% and we have a lovely 4 year old boy.

I might start playing golf and hope I can meet some nice folks.

I don't work here so getting Thai friends are not easy, talk to a very nice Thai doctor in my village sometimes but just "over the fence", he is a real nice guy but we don't have much in common.

The expats in my village are nice people but they are living in their own little world and I mostly polite decline their offers for pop by with beers, they are also way older than me.

keep your chin up, next time there's an offer, go say hello. So what about them being older. enjoy their knowledge, they didn't reach their age without learning a few things. Of course your wife is your best friend, as it should be. good luck with the golf.

[wileycoyote]

Hopefully

[transam]

My friends keep getting banned.

Banned friends are the best friends.

My buddy just got banned. I am in sulk mode.

[beachproperty]

Met a guy in Oklahoma USA once .....when I ask him the same question ....he answered

"I gotta truck, I gotta dog, and I gotta gun....what else I need?"......LOL

[balo]

I try to avoid so called friends in Pattaya, most of them are drunk or escaped convicts.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[meatboy]

I try to avoid so called friends in Pattaya, most of them are drunk or escaped convicts.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

yep i met plenty of them in the 80's but they were mostly drunks and scroungers.

[kevvy]

Here in Thailand I find it hard to find friends, real friends not drinking buddies (don't drink so much anymore).

 

A friend of mine for 30 years also started to spend his holidays in Thailand but fell in love with nice girl back in Denmark so he moved back. We are still friends but don't see each other much anymore, sadly.

 

Mine wife is my best friend, we can talk about everything and we trust each other 100% and we have a lovely 4 year old boy.

 

I might start playing golf and hope I can meet some nice folks.

 

I don't work here so getting Thai friends are not easy, talk to a very nice Thai doctor in my village sometimes but just "over the fence", he is a real nice guy but we don't have much in common.

 

The expats in my village are nice people but they are living in their own little world and I mostly polite decline their offers for pop by with beers, they are also way older than me.

 

keep your chin up, next time there's an offer, go say hello.  So what about them being older.  enjoy their knowledge, they didn't reach their age without learning a few things. Of course your wife is your best friend, as it should be. good luck with the golf.

 

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Hi

Nice post can you tell members what part of the kingdom you live in. Have a wonderful day

Kevvy

[kevvy]

 

My friends keep getting banned.

Banned friends are the best friends.

 

 

My buddy just got banned. I am in sulk mode.

 

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Just as long as it was not you

Kevvy

[TheyCallmeScooter]

What a great thread.

Genuine question: How can I be friends with someone who babbles deliberate, insulting lies to my face?

When challenged, they become abrasive or offended and belligerent. They get butt-hurt because they were just being polite. They lie to me for my sake. But lying is antisocial. I don't care what you tell yourself, if you are lying to someone who doesn't want to be lied to, you are being malicious. You might say you mean well but you'd be a liar who lies to themselves about what they mean when they don't mean what they say or say what they mean. I'd like to hear the logical case made for how lying could be sane but I won't be holding my breath.

I'm surprised by the number of expats who live up here but often speak very little Thai after many years,in some cases their native tongue is German or French and they speak very little English as well,this must make life a struggle at times,especially in the marital home where by neither partner speaks much of each other's respective languages.

One of the reasons friends aren't friendly is because friendship requires emotional stability that allows correction without the presumption of malicious intent (as if truth or logic could ever be malicious). Logically, it is unethical to learn Thai as - irrelevant considerations of superiority aside, and I doubt there are many languages as inferior as English jargon - English is in the best interests of every citizen in the world. Their mother's tongue cannot be.

AEC 2015, as known as ASEAN Economic Community 2015, is a uniting of 10 ASEAN countries, which are Thailand, Myanmar, Laos, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, Philippines, Cambodia, and Brunei. AEC 2015 will bring a new era of economical cooperation to all 10 countries. Investors can invest anywhere in these countries. Workers can go work anywhere in these countries also with no tight restriction like before. Competition will get fiercer for those who are not well-prepared. All 10 countries agree to use English as the language for business.

Thailand lags far behind major ASEAN countries like Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, and Indonesia. This indicates that Thais need to improve their English skills to compete with other countries, or many will lose their jobs or find it hard to work when the AEC takes effect. In the near future, China, Japan, and South Korea, will join the AEC as well. This means learning English will become even more crucial.

Though it's not worth an emotional dispute (what ever is?) - logically - learning Thai isn't in the interests of Thais I'll meet and therefore it isn't in my interests either (though this is somewhat esoteric in a confused world of self-destructive malice).

I could count my real friends on 1 hand. I could count real friends on here on the other. Your family is essential, but thats another story.

Maybe if you have a good family. What if your family are leeches hijacking and extorting you using emotional manipulation to reduce you into suffering to please them? Is it sane to suffer to please someone who is pleased by your suffering? *cough* mothers *cough*

One definition of a friend: someone who is willing to make a sacrifice that benefits you.

I strongly disagree and even go so far as to argue that attitude is antisocial and malicious. I want no one to sacrifice to benefit me and I don't believe I ever have. I merely demand zero imposition. But they cannot do it. Humans are bred to be Special leeches by *cough* entitled leeches (who are the victims of inexplicable lies about royalty from fathers who are most certainly not kings but more like...johns or slaves, if we're willing to accept obligated labour to be a workable definition for slavery, and I'd like to hear the logical case for how that could be incorrect).

Imposition is What Friends Are For. I understand, they say otherwise. Yes. And women hate sex.

[FiftyTwo]

I'd like to hear the logical case made for how lying could be sane but I won't be holding my breath.

...........

Though it's not worth an emotional dispute (what ever is?) - .......

You have answered your own question!

Q. The logic of lying being sane?

A. To avoid an emotional dispute.

For example,

Were you with another woman last night?

Answer 1 (true), Yes I was .... leading to emotional dispute.

Answer 2 (false), No, I was watching footy with my mates, Liverpool won .... leading to marital bliss.

I never require anything, at all, from my friends.

Want to go for a coffee, up to them, yes or no equally good, I have many friends, one always wants to go for a coffee.

Want to go hiking, up to them, I have many friends, one is always up for a hike.

I guess if you only have one friend (your wife .... shudder), things might be different, so get out there and find so more friends, then you never need to impose on any of them.

Edited October 30, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[seasia]

Hi

Lovely post, only part read the thread so far.

Yes, I have a small number of friends, one of whom I`ve known most of my life.( He`s in UK I`m in Thailand but I catch up on the phone/email plus when I visit)

I can be rather quiet at times but like listening to people, their lives, experiences etc.

If I can help with something( not talking financial here but some info or just an ear to listen,) often do so.

I meet up once a week with someone who lives here, we share a similar interest/enjoyment of music, maybe just an hour or so but always look forward to catching up.

Older than me, quite likely wiser and has at times put perspective on something I`ve been " down " on.

As well as a few others who might not be close friends but enjoy chatting to for a while.

[Thongkorn]

you are never alone when you are a schizophrenic.

[n210mp]

I try to avoid so called friends in Pattaya, most of them are drunk or escaped convicts.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

yep i met plenty of them in the 80's but they were mostly drunks and scroungers.

Not just fugitives from justice , pan handlers, spivs, conmen, Billy Liars, alcoholics, junkies swingers or general obsessive personalities either!

I have had my fill of so called friends in this Cesspit of Pattaya!

Just yesterday I decided to pull the plug on one acquaintanceship, this is because the man is/was determined to get me to join the;

" Think I am an handsome man with an addiction to sex, club" who should go with him to one of the many bars in the area and make believe that I am once again in my youth and the ladies want me for my old and decrepit body and not for the wad!

He knows/knew where I am with regard to my Thai lady wife in that I am not a butterfly or more plainly not an adulterer.

At 69 I have made most of the mistakes in life and do not .............if I can manage it, considering the amount of temptation that there is in this locale, not make any more mistakes , especially with a lady wife , who if she ever found out that I had been unfaithful would not only blow me out completely but also be devastated!

For the first time in my life I am considering someone else's feelings before my own, must be real love eh, or maybe maturity?

My ex friend is a 73 year old going on 17 who thinks that He is Gods gift, he has a 3 year old wonderful healthy and intelligent son half Thai,

His wife is one of the great ladies we hear of from time to time and couldn't take care of him any better than she does, however this is not enough for the selfish and self-indulgent person.

Next He will be on here complaining that He has been robbed and "Taken" by another evil money grabbing Thai lady when she eventually as they are driven to do by such selfish behaviour get fed up take him for a costly but justified divorce!

Edited October 30, 2013 by n210mp

[AYJAYDEE]

I try to avoid so called friends in Pattaya, most of them are drunk or escaped convicts.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

yep i met plenty of them in the 80's but they were mostly drunks and scroungers.

Not just fugitives from justice , pan handlers, spivs, conmen, Billy Liars, alcoholics, junkies swingers or general obsessive personalities either!

I have had my fill of so called friends in this Cesspit of Pattaya!

Just yesterday I decided to pull the plug on one acquaintanceship, this is because the man is/was determined to get me to join the;

" Think I am an handsome man with an addiction to sex, club" who should go with him to one of the many bars in the area and make believe that I am once again in my youth and the ladies want me for my old and decrepit body and not for the wad!

He knows/knew where I am with regard to my Thai lady wife in that I am not a butterfly or more plainly not an adulterer.

At 69 I have made most of the mistakes in life and do not .............if I can manage it, considering the amount of temptation that there is in this locale, not make any more mistakes , especially with a lady wife , who if she ever found out that I had been unfaithful would not only blow me out completely but also be devastated!

For the first time in my life I am considering someone else's feelings before my own, must be real love eh, or maybe maturity?

My ex friend is a 73 year old going on 17 who thinks that He is Gods gift, he has a 3 year old wonderful healthy and intelligent son half Thai,

His wife is one of the great ladies we hear of from time to time and couldn't take care of him any better than she does, however this is not enough for the selfish and self-indulgent person.

Next He will be on here complaining that He has been robbed and "Taken" by another evil money grabbing Thai lady when she eventually as they are driven to do by such selfish behaviour get fed up take him for a costly but justified divorce!

these guys exist outside of pattaya too. it has to be some sort of addiction to risk losing everything for what amounts to a series of exotic masturbatory excercizes. very hard to understand.

[n210mp]

I try to avoid so called friends in Pattaya, most of them are drunk or escaped convicts.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

yep i met plenty of them in the 80's but they were mostly drunks and scroungers.

Not just fugitives from justice , pan handlers, spivs, conmen, Billy Liars, alcoholics, junkies swingers or general obsessive personalities either!

I have had my fill of so called friends in this Cesspit of Pattaya!

Just yesterday I decided to pull the plug on one acquaintanceship, this is because the man is/was determined to get me to join the;

" Think I am an handsome man with an addiction to sex, club" who should go with him to one of the many bars in the area and make believe that I am once again in my youth and the ladies want me for my old and decrepit body and not for the wad!

He knows/knew where I am with regard to my Thai lady wife in that I am not a butterfly or more plainly not an adulterer.

At 69 I have made most of the mistakes in life and do not .............if I can manage it, considering the amount of temptation that there is in this locale, not make any more mistakes , especially with a lady wife , who if she ever found out that I had been unfaithful would not only blow me out completely but also be devastated!

For the first time in my life I am considering someone else's feelings before my own, must be real love eh, or maybe maturity?

My ex friend is a 73 year old going on 17 who thinks that He is Gods gift, he has a 3 year old wonderful healthy and intelligent son half Thai,

His wife is one of the great ladies we hear of from time to time and couldn't take care of him any better than she does, however this is not enough for the selfish and self-indulgent person.

Next He will be on here complaining that He has been robbed and "Taken" by another evil money grabbing Thai lady when she eventually as they are driven to do by such selfish behaviour get fed up take him for a costly but justified divorce!

these guys exist outside of pattaya too. it has to be some sort of addiction to risk losing everything for what amounts to a series of exotic masturbatory excercizes. very hard to understand.

Yes that's true enough but the density ratio of them here in Pattaya must be 90% more than anywhere else.

Maybe that is why "most of the time" not always , the Farang population seems remote , sour and unfriendly when seeing them shopping in places like the big supermarkets.

When I first started living in Pattaya I thought naively that most of the Ex Pat population would at least nod or smile when seeing each other in public places as they do in almost most of the other Countries around the world that I have visited as an Ex Pat,

Now I understand why they are as they are. maybe its because they do not wish to take a chance on being friends or getting involved with people who fit the above categories,

[transam]

If you had one of these tattoo's you would have a zillion friends...............

[kevvy]

 

 

 

I try to avoid so called friends in Pattaya, most of them are drunk or escaped convicts.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

yep i met plenty of them in the 80's but they were mostly drunks and scroungers.

 

Not just fugitives from justice , pan handlers, spivs, conmen, Billy Liars,  alcoholics, junkies swingers or general obsessive personalities either!

 

I have had my fill of so called friends in this Cesspit of Pattaya!

 

Just yesterday I decided to pull the plug on one acquaintanceship, this is because the man is/was determined to get me to join the;

 

 " Think I am an handsome man with  an addiction to sex, club"   who should go with him to one of the many bars in the area and make believe that I am once again in my youth and the ladies want me for my old and decrepit body and not for the wad!

 

He knows/knew where I am with regard to my Thai lady wife in that I am not a butterfly or more plainly not an  adulterer.

 

At 69 I have made most of the mistakes in life and do not .............if I can manage it, considering the amount of temptation that there is in this locale,  not make any more mistakes , especially with a lady wife  , who if she ever found out that I had been unfaithful would not only blow me out completely but also be devastated!

 

For the first time in my life I am considering someone else's feelings  before my own, must be real love eh, or maybe maturity? 

 

 My ex friend is a  73  year old going on 17 who thinks that He is Gods gift, he has a 3 year old wonderful healthy and intelligent  son half Thai,

His wife is one of the great ladies we hear of from time to time and couldn't take care of him any better than she does, however  this is not enough for the selfish and self-indulgent person.

 

Next He will be on here complaining that He has been robbed and  "Taken" by another  evil money grabbing  Thai lady when she eventually as they are driven to do by such selfish behaviour  get fed up  take him for a  costly but justified divorce!

 

these guys exist outside of pattaya too. it has to be some sort of addiction to risk losing everything for what amounts to a series of exotic masturbatory excercizes. very hard to understand.

 

 

Yes  that's  true enough  but the density ratio  of them here in Pattaya must be 90% more than anywhere else.

 

Maybe that is why "most of the time"  not always , the Farang population seems remote , sour and unfriendly when seeing them shopping  in places like the big supermarkets.

 

When I first started living in Pattaya I thought naively that most of the Ex Pat population would at least nod or smile when seeing each other  in public places as they do in almost most of the other Countries around the world that I have visited as an Ex Pat,

 

Now I understand why they are as they are. maybe  its because they do not wish to take a chance on being friends or  getting involved with people who fit the above categories, 

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I tried to make some friends here and i think i did in the last month but you still get the ones who shit on you

[AYJAYDEE]

they probably recognize that the other farangs are just as dysfunctional as they are themselves

[TheSpade]

I have a few friends out here some Thai and some farang but I largely try and avoid most of the expats because whenever I do get chatting to them I wish I hadn't. Soon becomes clear many are serial bullsh*tters, con men, frauds, drunks (says the guy who's always drinking), scroungers, mentally ill etc.

Thailand seems to attract a load of 'bad' ones for some reason.

[kevvy]

I have a few friends out here some Thai and some farang but I largely try and avoid most of the expats because whenever I do get chatting to them I wish I hadn't. Soon becomes clear many are serial bullsh*tters, con men, frauds, drunks (says the guy who's always drinking), scroungers, mentally ill etc.

 

Thailand seems to attract a load of 'bad' ones for some reason. [/quote

Meet one not long ago all of the above. Stay clear of him now

Sent from my GT-I9500 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[GinBoy2]

I am an only child (which was unusual back in the day) of an only child and my Dad's only brother had no kids. So, I grew up without siblings or cousins. You kinda learn to be pretty self sufficient, and I think it turned me into a wandering soul. I've moved to various countries, never really made close friends, you make acquaintances. For better or worse I don't 'need' close friends like a lot of people do, and was stated in a previous post the loner tends to be quite representative of the expat community, especially outside of BKK in the Back of Beyond countryside

[benalibina]

I am an only child (which was unusual back in the day) of an only child and my Dad's only brother had no kids. So, I grew up without siblings or cousins. You kinda learn to be pretty self sufficient, and I think it turned me into a wandering soul. I've moved to various countries, never really made close friends, you make acquaintances. For better or worse I don't 'need' close friends like a lot of people do, and was stated in a previous post the loner tends to be quite representative of the expat community, especially outside of BKK in the Back of Beyond countryside

Can relate to the only childpart of your comment. Maybe not 'need' as you state but 'want' ? Coming to and living in thailand it is correct that many expats who live in thailand are loners or are expected to hang around their own countrymen ( non native englishspeakers). This especially in the touristareas. I have never really fitted in that way of living. A good and nice person has no specific nationality.