Experiences with Thai wifes,

[2008bangkok]

I wanted to get this off my chest so i dont bring in negative thoughts for the NY but i would like other TV members experiences with there Thai wifes.

Iv been with my Mrs for 10 yrs, both a similar age, lived all that time in Thailand, and worked full time for most of it.
We have 2 kids together and I genuinally do love the girl, I wont sit and rant about individual episodes but I have to say she does the absolute bare minimum in life for herself and the kids and just seems to be happy to daze through life.

Its at the point now where after so long i just dont want to be with here anymore, she brings nothing to the family table that a lazy maid couldnt bring, moans pretty much 90% of the time and despite the countless conversations either doesnt understand or doesnt want to improve herself or the kids, its like she wants to live an urban village life and for us to come down to her way of living rather than her coming up to my way of living.

So im wondering if it is just her, whether its a issan thing or if other TV members have the same issue.

Cheers and please no flaming, looking for genuine experiences as im sure there are many!

[kikoman]

Me and my Thai wife have been together for 9 years, she is all I would ever hope for in a wife, doing all she possibly can for me and our family, she makes all of my dress shirts, she has been my personal barber for almost 5 years, she is a great cook, she also learned to make all my favorite Mexican food, she work just like a man, mixing, pouring and finishes cement, she not only keeps the house clean but does most of the yard-work.

I do not know if I miss-read your post, when you stated she wants to live an "urban Village life" if you think a wife in the village has an easier life you are sadly mistaken, as village life involves lot of shared work with the family, friends and neighbors, We recently rebuilt our Sala, and all the people that worked on it no one would accept any money, but when they need help my wife in turn will help them.

Maybe you failed to communicate with her your displeasure of what you views as her failure as a wife, and that if she fails to improve, you would no longer want to be with her and if she failed to improve you could leave the union in the knowledge that you did give her a chance to improve!

I know that I was very lucky to have met my current wife in my lifetime, as she has made my life a happier one, I thank the lord for the day I met her!

Cheers

[beachproperty]

Sorry to hear such unhappiness with your mate of 10 years. I too have been married for 10 years to an Issan women close to my age. She, though, is the exact opposite of your wife (glad to say). Although she is only formally educated through grade 4, she has raised a family (3 children) on her own for 10 years before I met her. When I did meet her she spoke NO English (met her at the hospital where she worked). Told her boss that she was special and I would like to take her out BUT she had to learn English for it to work. So ....sent her school at 45 and within six months (she studied hard and practiced all the time) she spoke passable English...enough so that we got married a few years into the relation. She is a fantastic mother, motivates her kids, a GREAT cook, and keeps a spotless house. I count my blessings having met her (married to 3 western women prior who's only motivation was to see how much money they could get out of me.....Not to say my Thai wife doesn't worry about money but on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being western women) my wife concern for money is about 3.

Hope the New Year brings better things for you and your family .....Good luck

[txp158]

Everybody wants thing to be in his/her own way. It might be easier to change someone, if it's no longer about my way or the high way.

[2008bangkok]

@kikoman and @beachproperty looks like you guys have a great Mrs congratulations,

What i was referring to in terms of urban village life what i meant was we live in the city but she acts like she wants to live in the village, and without meaning to sound predjudice my experince of village people are hard working people but people who are happy to just to go from day to day no particulary house proud, things like that, but thats just my experience not the norm.

[benalibina]

OP, can relate to ur situation.......if it is this after 10 years.....accept and deal with it.....ur assumptions are correct most likely......to make it 100% sure that she really is unmotivated and only wants the simple urban life, which wont bring ur kids much educationwise i reckon, try communicating with her differently from how u are doing now.....take a hard look at urself and be honest......u have 2 kids together......u must lead in that.....a simple mind is not always a joy forever....

Introspection and empathy......she wont do that....thats ur task.....good luck...

[CharlieH]

Have you tried talking to her ? Seems this has been bothering you for awhile and maybe you should have done something about it earlier. A relationship is a two sided coin, you have allowed it, or maybe just ignored it for too long and now its irritating you.

If you truly love the girl, then talk it through, tell her how you feel and work it out, making comparisons to others is not going to give you a remedy.

[FracturedRabbit]

I expect that there are people with the characteristics you describe in every culture; not particular to a "Thai wife".

My wife, who happens to be Thai, is a manager in a large Thai company and works 50+ hour weeks. I, on the other hand, am happy to do the bare minimum that I can get away with.

[Big Pinkie]

take a family holiday somewhere you just need a little change for a while.

[David48]

Ah ... Children and Wives ... something I can give nil advice about.

I hope, for the OP's sake that they learn to grow together ... good luck.

.

[KonKorat]

Maybe take her to a nice restaurant,then go for a nice long walk and have a good chat and tell her whats on your mind and she can tell you whatas on her mind.maybe she's just a bit bored,maybe a weekend away together with no kids might help.i wish you all the best and hope all works out for you both.cheers

[mimi9000]

Her behavior is not a Thai thing. It's a particular people thing. Can't change people, so probably can't change her. U can change... your situation, and hopefully your kids' situation.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[Aussieroaming]

My wife....Born in Isaan province, cool girl, organized, ambitious, gorgeous, fun, great sense of humour, loves travel, invests on the stock market, whinges when I drink, can't cook and budgets down to the last baht. In my eyes the best person in the world and my best friend.

[JSixpack]

Should it be a condition of marriage that either person be obligated to improve or develop? You said you love her; you must love your kids, too. Relax (as she does). Things could be SO much worse. You might work on the complainin'. Maybe you're helping cause the complainin'? I knew a hypochondriac Thai. Everytime I'd see her I'd have a laugh asking her whether each body part felt painful.

And maybe look for more stimulation outside of the family.

You can motivate the kids and get her involved when you do. They however may have inherited the indolent gene. So be it! Enjoy them anyway. I know a guy whose kids are totally worthless but they love him and he loves them and he gets a lot of enjoyment observing their generally worthless doings. He does have a great sense of humor.

[ExpatOilWorker]

I have been in a relationship similar to yours. I kept telling myself, she will improve, she will learn and be more active. It never happened and after 6 years I moved on. At the time it was a big decision, but looking back it was the best decision I ever made.

Don't torment yourself, move on and take it as a learning experience.

[williamta20012]

i was captured by a japanese girl when i was 19, she was 28, I never could talk to her, she would criticize more than talk to me, I was young so I adopted a lot of her characteristics accidently, I also picked up some pretty good japanese

I always new she just needed a trusted english speaker to share the bills, she was like a corpse in bed, would never kiss me.

I tried to run away three times, but we ended up having a kind of partner bond.

she failed getting her visa through education, I offered to marry her. I am always too positive, I always try to see the good things in life.

we had two kids I got a job.

I started basically literally dying, I became hikikumori (google it) I thought love was a animal cog.

we would sleep separately, I would play games constantly. I tried to find cures for my body illnesses.

I found out how money really works.

I learnt about liberty and how selfishness is the path to happiness.

I finally left her and the two children, by that time my daughter was becoming her mum and always criticising me too.

when I left my wife wantws 75% of my money.

I have to thank my dad he saved me, on his death bed he warned me about women. told me to prepare.

women are a symbol of socialism/fascism for me.

[GuestHouse]

I'd advise anyone, if they want a certain type of woman, they should go looking for that kind of woman.

Don't get fooled into believing you can start with a simple girl who seems pliant to your wishes and then teach her to be what you want her to be.

Its such an old story of inevitable failure that the Greeks have it written in legend.

Edited December 31, 2013 by GuestHouse

[OmegaRacer]

Know my wife 7years. One of the hardest working persons I've met in my life. One of her jobs is baking cakes and cookies. Last night she's been at it till 3.30 in the morning, while I was sleeping in my warm bed.

We both work hard to have a better future. I have nothing but respect for her.

[FiftyTwo]

@kikoman and @beachproperty looks like you guys have a great Mrs congratulations,

What i was referring to in terms of urban village life what i meant was we live in the city but she acts like she wants to live in the village, and without meaning to sound predjudice my experince of village people are hard working people but people who are happy to just to go from day to day no particulary house proud, things like that, but thats just my experience not the norm.

Nah, they just have lower standards (or maybe their girls really are different).

Your wife sounds pretty normal for Thai folk, do the least you can get away with then stop.

Mine isn't different, she's exactly the same as yours (and everyone else's).

My fault, I chose pretty but in an ornamental sort of way.

Edited December 31, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[mrdome]

And this surprises you?

Sorry for sounding so blunt but I used to teach in Thailand at a private uni. Enough said.

[al007]

Six and a half years on and my devoted wife looks after me like a king , cares for our house and gardens, generally she is up in the morning a couple of hours before me, I try to get her to slow down, I am very happy best wife I have ever had, previously three wives and 34 yrs of marriage, we live in issan

[i claudius]

My wife is from up north originally ,but she is hard working , reads writes and speaks English ,her education was not to a very high standard but she has worked at it all her life ,its just the way she is ,just like your wife is just the way she is ,men are the same ,my brother and sister are very well off ,hard workers ,never take time off ,i worked hard made money then did f all for a year or two each time while i enjoyed myself ,we are all different. thak goodness for that.

[FiftyTwo]

My wife is from up north originally ,but she is hard working , reads writes and speaks English ,her education was not to a very high standard but she has worked at it all her life ,its just the way she is ,just like your wife is just the way she is ,men are the same ,my brother and sister are very well off ,hard workers ,never take time off ,i worked hard made money then did f all for a year or two each time while i enjoyed myself ,we are all different. thak goodness for that.

If her education isn't very high, why aren't you sending her to Sunday 'catch up' high school?

It's free and available all over Thailand.

If she really is hard working, you have no excuse not to.

My misses finishes her high school education in a couple of months, she has class mates from 16 to 65.

Edited December 31, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[inzman]

Been with my current Thai wife 5 years, educated works non-stop and doesn't drink. Takes great care of me, cooks cleans, is attentive to my needs, but its a two way street I reciprocate too. We get along great. Not so about my first Thai wife, wanted me to pay for everything, kept her own paycheck, frigid in bed, selfish. So I am very lucky I left her and very lucky I found my soulmate. Just my own story with a happy ending.

[sirineou]

This is not about our wives, it is about the OP's,

Thais have as diverse personalities as every other nationality, so to ask if this is a Isaan trait is to start with the wrong premise.

She is an adult and her personality is more or less set, Now you need to make a decision, can you live with it?

For the sake of your children I hope you can.

[oneday]

OP, can relate to ur situation.......if it is this after 10 years.....accept and deal with it.....ur assumptions are correct most likely......to make it 100% sure that she really is unmotivated and only wants the simple urban life, which wont bring ur kids much educationwise i reckon, try communicating with her differently from how u are doing now.....take a hard look at urself and be honest......u have 2 kids together......u must lead in that.....a simple mind is not always a joy forever....

Introspection and empathy......she wont do that....thats ur task.....good luck...

It doesn't sound you really do relate to the OP's situation. Ten years they have been together and he has talked to her, from what I gather, until he is blue in the face. What does he need to look at himself for? If you take what he says at face value, she lacks total and complete motivation to do anything in life that will better her life and worst of all her child's lives, which I think is criminal. Personally, I think it's time for him to move on, but with two kids that is not an easy decision to make especially in Thailand where your parental rights are in question given the huge prejudice against falang in this country.

As for myself, I'm somewhere around 75% happy after almost 5 years. She wanted a university education and no matter what her station in life (very poor), she made it happen and then made it happen for her younger sister. She is a great graphic designer and there are many things about her I'm proud of, though I wish at times she had a little more old Thai values with respect to taking care of the house, but I didn't necessarily come here to be waited on hand and foot and she works and I don't. As far as cooking, I'm happy to do my own and from time to time she will cook some Thai dish at my request.

[Nepal4me]

You've been here 10 years, I think you don't really need to go to TV to get an answer to your question. I'm sure you have met dozens or 100's of falangs with Thai wives. You know the program, the variables are endless. Ultimately there is a huge amount of luck involved. We all met a Thai girl, usually 20 years our junior and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If you met the girl in a bar, it can still work but your percentage of having a great wife does reduce.

I'm super lucky, Met a girl 11 years ago, much younger than I. We have kids together, they are doing well at a good school, good at sports, speak 2 languages perfectly. My wife is great at almost everything she does, went to Uni, then to grad school all while having babies. We have a super happy life together, spend virtually all of our time together and we just connect with each other. I, like you, know many people in my/your shoes, i.e. Thai wife. A few of them are as happy as I am, most somewhat less so and very few as unhappy as you seem to be.

As they say (not trying to be flippant) "you made the bed..."

You just have to do what is right for you, right for your kids and also think about your wife too.

Good luck to you.

[brit1984]

you should tell your wife to stop being so damn lazy

tell her that while she's been sat around you've been making things happen

show her your post count on this online chat forum as evidence

ps, i bet my wife is lazier than yours...!

[Straight8]

to the OP,

you have 2 choice as i see it from what you have described.

1. Time to fold and move on, chances are [high] she aint gonna change

2. Write down everything you want from her, no buts or if, the direction your want your life to move in and make her an ultimatum. Is she willing to change? if so let her know this is the last straw. [low probability of success but worth a shot one last time]

As for some of these relies you are getting, take them with a grain of salt. Lots of people here can't distinguish fact from fiction. Everyone pays the piper one way or another and no relationship are as some people paint them to be.

Best of luck and follow your instincts if you have faith and confidence in them.

[Straight8]

My wife is from up north originally ,but she is hard working , reads writes and speaks English ,her education was not to a very high standard but she has worked at it all her life ,its just the way she is ,just like your wife is just the way she is ,men are the same ,my brother and sister are very well off ,hard workers ,never take time off ,i worked hard made money then did f all for a year or two each time while i enjoyed myself ,we are all different. thak goodness for that.

If her education isn't very high, why aren't you sending her to Sunday 'catch up' high school?

It's free and available all over Thailand.

If she really is hard working, you have no excuse not to.

My misses finishes her high school education in a couple of months, she has class mates from 16 to 65.

Sunday school? Seriously?

From what the OP wrote i bet if she was piad to go she wouldn't, especially on a sunday..