Am I just a farang bank to her?

[jcore]

sorry mate but its time to call her bluff, ask for your money back and just see how far you get. This is no longer even worth following, you are repeating posts every page, either you do what you know is right or you just dwell in your own shit, you have been given some good advice and some bad advice but you continually keep ignoring it, either you are full of it or you are trolling, sort yourself out and use your balls, stop being a naieve idiot

I do not know why you say I am ignoring advice? I used the advice of this thread and made my decision! I am sorry I responded to a few people with the same answer...

For the sake of us interested in your story and finality can you summarize your decision and outcome when it's finalized. I for one agree with (what I think) is your decision (eg: get your dough back and walk). That girl (with her moms blessing) should of gladly spent all waking moments with her "lover" that came across the planet to meet her. Don't lower your bar to. 10 minutes, you deserve better and will find it as I think you're a a decent dude. How about a university grad with decent job and friends to occupy their time while you're hanging with Angelina Jolie or whoever is in the films you produce

[wym]

OP beware of some of the advice on here that suggest you should be "paying for it" as it comes from people that have a money slave fetish whether they know it or not.

look it up, but basically it's a form of submission whereby they receive pleasure by giving a woman money and/or gifts, sometimes they will take it to extremes and financially ruin themselves.

Again, he should discuss a Thai pre-nuptial agreement with either an American or British expat, who is licensed to practice law in Thailand. There are several in the Chiangmai vicinity. Of course there is one bloke, on this forum, who would be oddly @ a "loss" for words on this, as well. Duh

I very strongly disagree, unless the OP really has very significant visible assets to protect.

This is an area of international law that is very complex and difficult to enforce.

Simple solution is to 1 keep 99% of your assets out of the country, consider anything brought in as spent not "invested" and 2 don't bring your TG to any jurisdiction with alimony/custody etc law structures like we suffer under back home.

To repeat on the larger question, "yes but that's OK" as long as you feel you're getting good value for money, make sure you don't pay too much up front.

Of course 5 million is insane, what your top limit is is up to you, decide on that ahead of time and stick to it.

As soon as you're not ready to just walk away you've already lost the game.

Most important is once the deal is done take her away from her family, she's yours now and you need to set up your own very separate household at least eight hours away in order to be able to have any chance of wearing the pants.

She is of course free to visit within reasonable limits, and you must (IMO) also set limits on how often/long/many her family can come camp out at your place. And proper advance notice of course. . .

[chiang mai]

I agree with that lot of the answers to OP that suggest a good amount of scepticism for a Sin Sot demand of 5 million bath, especially as the family from the OP’s description does not seem like middleclass, or perhaps even lower middleclass. I will, as a couple of other posters, recommend reading the book “Thailand Fever” (se more at thailandfever.com); and also Phil Nicks’ book “Love Entrepreneurs” (Monsoon 978-981-05-9211-0).

It is polite Thai custom that the one who is “rich” – who the farang/foreigner often is considered as – or of highest social rank (money moves one up the list) pick-up the bill; meaning it’s natural to expect that you will pay. Often Thais will be very generous, as this is a way to make face. A proper lady will always bring a chaperon. Dating (with chaperon) may be a long time process, can even take years.

When it comes to Thai tradition I have experienced both expensive engagement presents of several bath of gold and sometimes diamond jewels – can also include an amount of cash money – and rings. Isaan little up-end farm family engagement can easily cost some 50,000 baht in gold.

For marriage Sin Sot a plain farmer family will pay from 40,000 baht and up, more likely around 100,000 baht, plus an agreed amount of gold, which can be two bath and more. When it comes to more middleclass Thai weddings the Sin Sot will be a million bath and up, plus gold and diamonds.

Furthermore the groom (or groom’s family) will normally pay for the wedding party, which can be quite costly when including several hundred guests – I’ve been to a middleclass Thai-Thai wedding with several thousand guests.

The above is based on the number of Thai-Thai weddings I have been invited to. The attached photo (I have cropped the faces away) is from a typical Thai middleclass (presumably lower middle class) wedding in 2013; there are 100,000 baht in each bundle, I could count 12 (1.2 million), and an unknown amount of gold and diamonds, including what’s hanging on the bride.

You will always be in the risk of being scammed or “just a bank” – which may also be question of your cultural baggage, where it for some foreigners is a scam every time that money to family or Sin Sod is raised – in my opinion it’s a questions of how much one is willing to follow local culture and tradition; personal limits; and never loosing your head, meaning think clearly with both feet solid planted on the ground.

Again, he should discuss a Thai pre-nuptial agreement with either an American or British expat, who is licensed to practice law in Thailand. There are several in the Chiangmai vicinity. Of course there is one bloke, on this forum, who would be oddly @ a "loss" for words on this, as well. Duh

Here's the thing, a pre-nuptial agreement, by definition, must be signed and agreed before vows are exchanged, there's a clue in the prefix "pre". Since the young lady and her family require in excess of 5 million to be given to the family in order to marry, a prenup. can't sensibly defend that money! As for protecting other funds via this method: the OP would only need to leave such monies offshore in order to do so and since the lady in question appears to be very young and not have any assets, I wonder what benefit a prenup might be in attempting to recover or limit the OP's future costs.

[slipperylobster]

stop reading all the damn tourist guides and get out and about. You will see the differences. One man's opion, (lol even mine) is not hardly a real reflection of Thailand... A country that just recently found out the power of the internet and mass communication. Although some would think Thailand is in the dark ages of ancient customs, rituals and traditions, spoiled kids on motorcycles, girls hanging around late in popular night spots (Not Necessarily Bars), dating, bike gangs, skipping school, eloping, mass rallying (catching up with the PI and some other Nations) modern clothes, newer cars, credit.

Those cutesy innuendos to sweet marriage arrangements are just not the norm, at least not as in the past. Do not get caught up in the cultural differences....try to experience the similarities and stop dwelling on the past.

Accept that there will be people who will use the condescending farang to explain away their lust for more new cars, and bigger lottery installments...

It is not all innocent. especially with a sick buffalo, starving parents (where??? o where???).

I can take you to whole towns and villages in parts of America that do not have half of what some of these people have.

[Icarus1]

I agree with that lot of the answers to OP that suggest a good amount of scepticism for a Sin Sot demand of 5 million bath, especially as the family from the OP’s description does not seem like middleclass, or perhaps even lower middleclass. I will, as a couple of other posters, recommend reading the book “Thailand Fever” (se more at thailandfever.com); and also Phil Nicks’ book “Love Entrepreneurs” (Monsoon 978-981-05-9211-0).

It is polite Thai custom that the one who is “rich” – who the farang/foreigner often is considered as – or of highest social rank (money moves one up the list) pick-up the bill; meaning it’s natural to expect that you will pay. Often Thais will be very generous, as this is a way to make face. A proper lady will always bring a chaperon. Dating (with chaperon) may be a long time process, can even take years.

When it comes to Thai tradition I have experienced both expensive engagement presents of several bath of gold and sometimes diamond jewels – can also include an amount of cash money – and rings. Isaan little up-end farm family engagement can easily cost some 50,000 baht in gold.

For marriage Sin Sot a plain farmer family will pay from 40,000 baht and up, more likely around 100,000 baht, plus an agreed amount of gold, which can be two bath and more. When it comes to more middleclass Thai weddings the Sin Sot will be a million bath and up, plus gold and diamonds.

Furthermore the groom (or groom’s family) will normally pay for the wedding party, which can be quite costly when including several hundred guests – I’ve been to a middleclass Thai-Thai wedding with several thousand guests.

The above is based on the number of Thai-Thai weddings I have been invited to. The attached photo (I have cropped the faces away) is from a typical Thai middleclass (presumably lower middle class) wedding in 2013; there are 100,000 baht in each bundle, I could count 12 (1.2 million), and an unknown amount of gold and diamonds, including what’s hanging on the bride.

You will always be in the risk of being scammed or “just a bank” – which may also be question of your cultural baggage, where it for some foreigners is a scam every time that money to family or Sin Sod is raised – in my opinion it’s a questions of how much one is willing to follow local culture and tradition; personal limits; and never loosing your head, meaning think clearly with both feet solid planted on the ground.

Again, he should discuss a Thai pre-nuptial agreement with either an American or British expat, who is licensed to practice law in Thailand. There are several in the Chiangmai vicinity. Of course there is one bloke, on this forum, who would be oddly @ a "loss" for words on this, as well. Duh

Here's the thing, a pre-nuptial agreement, by definition, must be signed and agreed before vows are exchanged, there's a clue in the prefix "pre". Since the young lady and her family require in excess of 5 million to be given to the family in order to marry, a prenup. can't sensibly defend that money! As for protecting other funds via this method: the OP would only need to leave such monies offshore in order to do so and since the lady in question appears to be very young and not have any assets, I wonder what benefit a prenup might be in attempting to recover or limit the OP's future costs.

I personally feel its gone way beyond an opportunity for a Pre Nup.Sounds like the situation hasnt improved at all, but above all else, and no matter what anyone else has said, trust your instincts mate. I know it must be hard, but experiencing some pain and hurt now, may save you from so much more in the future. Just some observations from reading this highly interesting thread;

1. Being happy with 10 mins of her time per day is crazy man. Most of Thai Ladies I have been in relationships with want to be touchy and feely, they want YOU to feel cared for, respected and if true, loved. Her Behaviour is obvious that she doesn't seem to hold many positive feelings towards you. Respect, honesty, integrity, love,passion should be coming in waves from both of you.Certainly after travelling half way round the world! Afterall this should be the honeymoon period in your relationship!

2. The Truth Hurts. I have been stung once by a beautiful Thai Lady. Not in a money sense, in a "loss" sense. Basically she was involved in things which could potentially bring her harm, I thought I could be the one to "save" her. Due to a differing opinion on morality over something specific, we ended our relationship. It was pretty awefull, having to fly home after everything thing that went down, I must say this. Your own Principles and beliefs are one thing.As any decent westerner in Asia would do, you try and respect the local culture and customs. Understanding Thai Traditions and the way Thai People think/work/operate is of vital importance. I have met some amazing friends over here, all of whom I believe to be completely trustworthy, however there are always going to be difference of priorities/opinions, especially when east meets west. My point is, never forget your own beliefs and Traditions.It sounds like you have done everything in your power to remedy the situation, (which is the decent thing to do of course), and most Thai people would see this and understand the respect you have tried to give, but heres' the thing, Scammers and players do not care. Truth be told , it doesnt sound like she is the one playing, it sounds like her Family are using her as a cash "cow", by tempting Farang(s) like you to come and show your heartfelt warmth and love and spend your hard earned £€$ in Thailand on them.

3. This may sound bonkers, but if at all possible, try not to take it personally.To them its purely business (if totally unethical and/or illegal). Thai woman are extremely easy to fall in love with. Be very careful with any internet relationship. I know you prob dont want to hear any of these comments, but Red flags are flying dude. Trust your gut instinct.

I hope it all works out for you.

[Stokakrishna]

yes you are an ATM

[steven100]

HEY, that is my girlfriend and I met her on the Internet too. She loves me. Are you trying to steal her?

Hey ... I met the same girl also , she said she loves me so how can she love you as well .... ?

[ttthailand]

One additional thing to keep in mind .... It is not going to get any better !!!

You should be at your high point now .... love, passion, lust, can not keep your hands off each other.... It is only downhill from here.

[spidermike007]

Always remember, that a tight time frame is ALWAYS to their advantage. You need time. Time is your ally. If it is good, it will only get better. If there are problems and issues you need to know about, you will only find out about them with time. So, never allow yourself to be rushed. I would do it on my time frame, or not at all. She needs you 100 times more than you need her. You just do not know that yet! If we have some cash, there are 1,000s to choose from here. And many are very sincere. Always choose the oldest child in the family, as they tend to be far more mature. Try to find one who has a little bit of independence from her family. Ideally, find one who's family is not dirt poor. Etc, etc. But, be prudent, and take your time. Do not allow yourself to be rushed. That agenda is always in their favor. Great relationships build slowly, and over time and should never be forced. You are in command if you want to be. Forget the past. Forget the emasculation of the past. You are a man now. Living here allows you to re-claim your cajones and be a man again! Stand up and buck up, and be that man you always knew you could be!

Mike Macarelli

Chaiyaphum, Thailand

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[spidermike007]

I agree with that lot of the answers to OP that suggest a good amount of scepticism for a Sin Sot demand of 5 million bath, especially as the family from the OP’s description does not seem like middleclass, or perhaps even lower middleclass. I will, as a couple of other posters, recommend reading the book “Thailand Fever” (se more at thailandfever.com); and also Phil Nicks’ book “Love Entrepreneurs” (Monsoon 978-981-05-9211-0).

It is polite Thai custom that the one who is “rich” – who the farang/foreigner often is considered as – or of highest social rank (money moves one up the list) pick-up the bill; meaning it’s natural to expect that you will pay. Often Thais will be very generous, as this is a way to make face. A proper lady will always bring a chaperon. Dating (with chaperon) may be a long time process, can even take years.

When it comes to Thai tradition I have experienced both expensive engagement presents of several bath of gold and sometimes diamond jewels – can also include an amount of cash money – and rings. Isaan little up-end farm family engagement can easily cost some 50,000 baht in gold.

For marriage Sin Sot a plain farmer family will pay from 40,000 baht and up, more likely around 100,000 baht, plus an agreed amount of gold, which can be two bath and more. When it comes to more middleclass Thai weddings the Sin Sot will be a million bath and up, plus gold and diamonds.

Furthermore the groom (or groom’s family) will normally pay for the wedding party, which can be quite costly when including several hundred guests – I’ve been to a middleclass Thai-Thai wedding with several thousand guests.

The above is based on the number of Thai-Thai weddings I have been invited to. The attached photo (I have cropped the faces away) is from a typical Thai middleclass (presumably lower middle class) wedding in 2013; there are 100,000 baht in each bundle, I could count 12 (1.2 million), and an unknown amount of gold and diamonds, including what’s hanging on the bride.

You will always be in the risk of being scammed or “just a bank” – which may also be question of your cultural baggage, where it for some foreigners is a scam every time that money to family or Sin Sod is raised – in my opinion it’s a questions of how much one is willing to follow local culture and tradition; personal limits; and never loosing your head, meaning think clearly with both feet solid planted on the ground.

Again, he should discuss a Thai pre-nuptial agreement with either an American or British expat, who is licensed to practice law in Thailand. There are several in the Chiangmai vicinity. Of course there is one bloke, on this forum, who would be oddly @ a "loss" for words on this, as well. Duh

Here's the thing, a pre-nuptial agreement, by definition, must be signed and agreed before vows are exchanged, there's a clue in the prefix "pre". Since the young lady and her family require in excess of 5 million to be given to the family in order to marry, a prenup. can't sensibly defend that money! As for protecting other funds via this method: the OP would only need to leave such monies offshore in order to do so and since the lady in question appears to be very young and not have any assets, I wonder what benefit a prenup might be in attempting to recover or limit the OP's future costs.

I personally feel its gone way beyond an opportunity for a Pre Nup.Sounds like the situation hasnt improved at all, but above all else, and no matter what anyone else has said, trust your instincts mate. I know it must be hard, but experiencing some pain and hurt now, may save you from so much more in the future. Just some observations from reading this highly interesting thread;

1. Being happy with 10 mins of her time per day is crazy man. Most of Thai Ladies I have been in relationships with want to be touchy and feely, they want YOU to feel cared for, respected and if true, loved. Her Behaviour is obvious that she doesn't seem to hold many positive feelings towards you. Respect, honesty, integrity, love,passion should be coming in waves from both of you.Certainly after travelling half way round the world! Afterall this should be the honeymoon period in your relationship!

2. The Truth Hurts. I have been stung once by a beautiful Thai Lady. Not in a money sense, in a "loss" sense. Basically she was involved in things which could potentially bring her harm, I thought I could be the one to "save" her. Due to a differing opinion on morality over something specific, we ended our relationship. It was pretty awefull, having to fly home after everything thing that went down, I must say this. Your own Principles and beliefs are one thing.As any decent westerner in Asia would do, you try and respect the local culture and customs. Understanding Thai Traditions and the way Thai People think/work/operate is of vital importance. I have met some amazing friends over here, all of whom I believe to be completely trustworthy, however there are always going to be difference of priorities/opinions, especially when east meets west. My point is, never forget your own beliefs and Traditions.It sounds like you have done everything in your power to remedy the situation, (which is the decent thing to do of course), and most Thai people would see this and understand the respect you have tried to give, but heres' the thing, Scammers and players do not care. Truth be told , it doesnt sound like she is the one playing, it sounds like her Family are using her as a cash "cow", by tempting Farang(s) like you to come and show your heartfelt warmth and love and spend your hard earned £€$ in Thailand on them.

3. This may sound bonkers, but if at all possible, try not to take it personally.To them its purely business (if totally unethical and/or illegal). Thai woman are extremely easy to fall in love with. Be very careful with any internet relationship. I know you prob dont want to hear any of these comments, but Red flags are flying dude. Trust your gut instinct.

I hope it all works out for you.

Red flags are your ally. Doubts are your ally. Listen to them, and whatever you do, do not move forward if the red flags and doubts are present. Listen to your gut. Follow your instincts. Do not let the craftsmanship of her family lure you in, unless there is really something there. You need at least one or two years AWAY from her family, living together, before you know what you really have going on with her. If she is unwilling to do that, she may not be independent enough. You need to know what are getting into. Period. End of story. Buyer beware.

Mike Macarelli

Chaiyaphum, Thailand

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Gina Monash]

It's global. I am Australian. Married to an Australian for 15 years. Bought a house along with other significant assets with my money that I had before we were together, had 3 children.

I worked away from home on a week on week off basis. This suited the wife, as she could party on with her ex boyfriend while I was away, ( later I found that this was going on with any one who had a smile and a kind word ). The excessive expenditure was a initial concern, but the foreign under ware under the bed nailed it for me. We separated, then divorced soon after.

I got 50k out of 475k assets.

I pay 23k / year child support, ( been doing that for 5 years ) no problem, if the money is spent on kids.

The emotional cost is another story. With extras I calculate the financial cost to be at least 750k to date.

Or about 21000000 baht.

Best to learn from the mistakes of others.

In Thailand you have a "heads up". If you look around, you will find what your looking for.

Yes you are an ATM, we all are.

[sdshaman]

I agree with that lot of the answers to OP that suggest a good amount of scepticism for a Sin Sot demand of 5 million bath, especially as the family from the OP’s description does not seem like middleclass, or perhaps even lower middleclass. I will, as a couple of other posters, recommend reading the book “Thailand Fever” (se more at thailandfever.com); and also Phil Nicks’ book “Love Entrepreneurs” (Monsoon 978-981-05-9211-0).

It is polite Thai custom that the one who is “rich” – who the farang/foreigner often is considered as – or of highest social rank (money moves one up the list) pick-up the bill; meaning it’s natural to expect that you will pay. Often Thais will be very generous, as this is a way to make face. A proper lady will always bring a chaperon. Dating (with chaperon) may be a long time process, can even take years.

When it comes to Thai tradition I have experienced both expensive engagement presents of several bath of gold and sometimes diamond jewels – can also include an amount of cash money – and rings. Isaan little up-end farm family engagement can easily cost some 50,000 baht in gold.

For marriage Sin Sot a plain farmer family will pay from 40,000 baht and up, more likely around 100,000 baht, plus an agreed amount of gold, which can be two bath and more. When it comes to more middleclass Thai weddings the Sin Sot will be a million bath and up, plus gold and diamonds.

Furthermore the groom (or groom’s family) will normally pay for the wedding party, which can be quite costly when including several hundred guests – I’ve been to a middleclass Thai-Thai wedding with several thousand guests.

The above is based on the number of Thai-Thai weddings I have been invited to. The attached photo (I have cropped the faces away) is from a typical Thai middleclass (presumably lower middle class) wedding in 2013; there are 100,000 baht in each bundle, I could count 12 (1.2 million), and an unknown amount of gold and diamonds, including what’s hanging on the bride.

You will always be in the risk of being scammed or “just a bank” – which may also be question of your cultural baggage, where it for some foreigners is a scam every time that money to family or Sin Sod is raised – in my opinion it’s a questions of how much one is willing to follow local culture and tradition; personal limits; and never loosing your head, meaning think clearly with both feet solid planted on the ground.

Again, he should discuss a Thai pre-nuptial agreement with either an American or British expat, who is licensed to practice law in Thailand. There are several in the Chiangmai vicinity. Of course there is one bloke, on this forum, who would be oddly @ a "loss" for words on this, as well. Duh

Here's the thing, a pre-nuptial agreement, by definition, must be signed and agreed before vows are exchanged, there's a clue in the prefix "pre". Since the young lady and her family require in excess of 5 million to be given to the family in order to marry, a prenup. can't sensibly defend that money! As for protecting other funds via this method: the OP would only need to leave such monies offshore in order to do so and since the lady in question appears to be very young and not have any assets, I wonder what benefit a prenup might be in attempting to recover or limit the OP's future costs.

I personally feel its gone way beyond an opportunity for a Pre Nup.Sounds like the situation hasnt improved at all, but above all else, and no matter what anyone else has said, trust your instincts mate. I know it must be hard, but experiencing some pain and hurt now, may save you from so much more in the future. Just some observations from reading this highly interesting thread;

1. Being happy with 10 mins of her time per day is crazy man. Most of Thai Ladies I have been in relationships with want to be touchy and feely, they want YOU to feel cared for, respected and if true, loved. Her Behaviour is obvious that she doesn't seem to hold many positive feelings towards you. Respect, honesty, integrity, love,passion should be coming in waves from both of you.Certainly after travelling half way round the world! Afterall this should be the honeymoon period in your relationship!

2. The Truth Hurts. I have been stung once by a beautiful Thai Lady. Not in a money sense, in a "loss" sense. Basically she was involved in things which could potentially bring her harm, I thought I could be the one to "save" her. Due to a differing opinion on morality over something specific, we ended our relationship. It was pretty awefull, having to fly home after everything thing that went down, I must say this. Your own Principles and beliefs are one thing.As any decent westerner in Asia would do, you try and respect the local culture and customs. Understanding Thai Traditions and the way Thai People think/work/operate is of vital importance. I have met some amazing friends over here, all of whom I believe to be completely trustworthy, however there are always going to be difference of priorities/opinions, especially when east meets west. My point is, never forget your own beliefs and Traditions.It sounds like you have done everything in your power to remedy the situation, (which is the decent thing to do of course), and most Thai people would see this and understand the respect you have tried to give, but heres' the thing, Scammers and players do not care. Truth be told , it doesnt sound like she is the one playing, it sounds like her Family are using her as a cash "cow", by tempting Farang(s) like you to come and show your heartfelt warmth and love and spend your hard earned £€$ in Thailand on them.

3. This may sound bonkers, but if at all possible, try not to take it personally.To them its purely business (if totally unethical and/or illegal). Thai woman are extremely easy to fall in love with. Be very careful with any internet relationship. I know you prob dont want to hear any of these comments, but Red flags are flying dude. Trust your gut instinct.

I hope it all works out for you.

Yes. Red flags all over. It is sad that people will hurt their own families here just to make a couple of bucks. When I was returning from er grandparents new years eve was when I really started wondering. We were all laughing in the car, her and I were in the back seat. She was being suggly with me. I fell asleep and woke up to her sitting up, not touching me, and her mom deep i serious talk. I wondered what could have happened that made the laughter become so serious. When we arrived back at her moms shop, her parents went somewhere and she sat down across from me and ask me "what do you think of my grandparents?" I told her that they seamed like nice people. She was holding her ipad up in front of her face looking at a picture of them. I noticed tears falling on her chest. Now this was the third time I saw her cry. Once when she was hesitating to tell me about the dowry amount, once when she was breaking the news to me that we could not hang out any more unless we were engaged, and now. This time was different. She was able to wipe off the other two pretty quick (told me not to ever email her about it... screened emails??) This time the tears were pouring out. I went over to her to try and comfort her but she just faced away from me and tried to make it stop. I asked her what was wrong. It took her a second but then she said "I don't want my grandparents to be sad, they have a good feel for you". I thought about this and the serious talk in the car and this is when I decided to close the ATM. I knew something was wrong because she was crying like we just broke up, acting like it too! This is also when she told me that she would be to busy to spend any time with me outside of the shop. Something was majorly wrong! The next day was when the talk came up that she was going to start working at a different shop. She wanted to know how I felt about that. Now I look back and see that was a little out of timing because their plan was to tell me that the next day. When I asked her about it she said nevermind. The next day is when her parents told me that they wanted her to go work at this other shop to learn some new skills and gain responsability. This is also the day we were sapposed to go get the remaing gold promised at the engagement.

Now that all this has transpired I see the plan and how there were a few mistakes in it. Mostly here tipping me off, maybe she really liked me but their plan was to rip me off regardless.

When she asked me to take her for the gold I said no we need to talk. She said I am too busy to talk...

The next day I said we need to talk agai so she sat me down and said "what you wanna talk about?"

She quickly grew impatient when I was just wanting to talk and make conversation, talking about future plans, etc, etc.

She told me again with a questionable look on her face. "maybe I go work in another shop from 9-9 and I never see you"

This is when this thread started.

Yesterday the break up happened because I wouldn't pay 30,000 baht to replace her job, pay for a trip for her family to the sea, or buy her the gold to complete engagement.

After the breakup she skyped me right away begging me not to go. But then mom interjected or something because she became demanding.

This morning I decided to continue to see what would happen if I persued the relationship (with no intention of actually doing that)

I bought her some flowers (100 baht) and attached a note to them. Told her I will be back in 1.5 hours if she wanted to talk. I waited until they were at the shop to take them there. My plan was to set them on the table outside with the note and walk away. As I approached the table I saw her inside. She quickly got up and ran into the back room.... ???

I set the flowers down with the note and went about my plans. When I got back to her shop, she wasn't there (or hiding in the back room, I was pretty much on time). I looked inside and saw her father sitting on the couch. He smiled so I entered. Wai's were exchanged and he invited me to sit. I asked him if A read my note. He said "I think it not good". I told him to have her skype me. He said he would speak for her.

Fishy just got fishier...

I skyped him telling him I was on skype but he hasn't answered. I am going to confront him in a little while if he does not answer me back on skype. I really feel like saying nasty things to him about the manipulation that is going on but I know that will not matter to his programming. I will post any reply I get from him when and if I do... Just because I know people here are interested!

[KunMatt]

So I've kinda lost track of this. If you walk away right now how much money and gold has it cost you? Just wondering.

[jomcondo]

sounds like time to move on from chiang mai.

I doubt whether you will get any of your money back as once it hits the thai palm, it's usually gone forever.

thanks for taking the time to update, it's an interesting & unfortunately very common story (especially on internet dating sites)

[sdshaman]

So I've kinda lost track of this. If you walk away right now how much money and gold has it cost you? Just wondering.

Right now 1/2 bat gold, less the ring loss after I return it. maybe 10k in gifts and dinners and 80k baht in cash but they said they were going to give me some back. We will see... They have done a lot for me and bought me things too so whatever on any loss. Not that big of a deal to me. If they do not give me any back I will be reporting them to whoever I can as internet scammers. Unless a lot of people here on this forum think htat I shouldn't??? Any thoughts?

[KunMatt]

So I've kinda lost track of this. If you walk away right now how much money and gold has it cost you? Just wondering.

Right now 1/2 bat gold, less the ring loss after I return it. maybe 10k in gifts and dinners and 80k baht in cash but they said they were going to give me some back. We will see... They have done a lot for me and bought me things too so whatever on any loss. Not that big of a deal to me. If they do not give me any back I will be reporting them to whoever I can as internet scammers. Unless a lot of people here on this forum think htat I shouldn't??? Any thoughts?

So you gave 100k baht to these people that you have never met before on your first trip. Even if you are the first mark they are doing pretty well from it.

And 30k salary a month to work in a salon is bull plop too. That's expat teacher money. For a salon worker in Isaan it's more like 6k baht plus meals.

Let us know what the outcome of getting your money back is. Forget any ramification against them if or when you don't.

[sdshaman]

So I've kinda lost track of this. If you walk away right now how much money and gold has it cost you? Just wondering.

Right now 1/2 bat gold, less the ring loss after I return it. maybe 10k in gifts and dinners and 80k baht in cash but they said they were going to give me some back. We will see... They have done a lot for me and bought me things too so whatever on any loss. Not that big of a deal to me. If they do not give me any back I will be reporting them to whoever I can as internet scammers. Unless a lot of people here on this forum think htat I shouldn't??? Any thoughts?

So you gave 100k baht to these people that you have never met before on your first trip. Even if you are the first mark they are doing pretty well from it.

And 30k salary a month to work in a salon is bull plop too. That's expat teacher money. For a salon worker in Isaan it's more like 6k baht plus meals.

Let us know what the outcome of getting your money back is. Forget any ramification against them if or when you don't.

Thinking back now that you mention first hit... Early on in our engagement talks and earlly on in our other talks we had there was a mention of another guy that was trying to "buy" her. The story goes that he offered close to the full sin sod but mother didn't approve him... I wonder how much they got from him?? or if that was just part of their used car sales pitch...

[watso63]

stop reading all the dam_n tourist guides and get out and about. You will see the differences. One man's opion, (lol even mine) is not hardly a real reflection of Thailand... A country that just recently found out the power of the internet and mass communication. Although some would think Thailand is in the dark ages of ancient customs, rituals and traditions, spoiled kids on motorcycles, girls hanging around late in popular night spots (Not Necessarily Bars), dating, bike gangs, skipping school, eloping, mass rallying (catching up with the PI and some other Nations) modern clothes, newer cars, credit.

Those cutesy innuendos to sweet marriage arrangements are just not the norm, at least not as in the past. Do not get caught up in the cultural differences....try to experience the similarities and stop dwelling on the past.

Accept that there will be people who will use the condescending farang to explain away their lust for more new cars, and bigger lottery installments...

It is not all innocent. especially with a sick buffalo, starving parents (where??? o where???).

I can take you to whole towns and villages in parts of America that do not have half of what some of these people have.

You tell 'em sunshine, how on earth do most "Resorts" make their money...mmmm let me see, 2 prices 400 or 200 Thb. The 200 Thb isn't for single occupancy. You get 2 hours for wham bam thank you maam. Saves getting a wet arse or ants in yer pants! Check out the stats on illegal abortions etc. No...they love it up 'em big time and unfortunately, just like in the west they are getting younger and younger. I'm 50 and keep getting my arse felt by teenagers...trouble is most of them are de boyz...doh!

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[KunMatt]

So I've kinda lost track of this. If you walk away right now how much money and gold has it cost you? Just wondering.

Right now 1/2 bat gold, less the ring loss after I return it. maybe 10k in gifts and dinners and 80k baht in cash but they said they were going to give me some back. We will see... They have done a lot for me and bought me things too so whatever on any loss. Not that big of a deal to me. If they do not give me any back I will be reporting them to whoever I can as internet scammers. Unless a lot of people here on this forum think htat I shouldn't??? Any thoughts?

So you gave 100k baht to these people that you have never met before on your first trip. Even if you are the first mark they are doing pretty well from it.

And 30k salary a month to work in a salon is bull plop too. That's expat teacher money. For a salon worker in Isaan it's more like 6k baht plus meals.

Let us know what the outcome of getting your money back is. Forget any ramification against them if or when you don't.

Thinking back now that you mention first hit... Early on in our engagement talks and earlly on in our other talks we had there was a mention of another guy that was trying to "buy" her. The story goes that he offered close to the full sin sod but mother didn't approve him... I wonder how much they got from him?? or if that was just part of their used car sales pitch...

I would guess he probably paid 100k for an engagement plus gold before he got a clue and then it was "NEXT!!", and now here you are on your way out.

NEXT!!

[ttthailand]

I can't help think that the OP is somehow partly responsible for this. I bet during his online chatting he dangled the thought of big

Money and taking care of her family etc etc ..... Never dangle anything of value in front of a thief as they will do what comes natural.

[watso63]

I can't help think that the OP is somehow partly responsible for this. I bet during his online chatting he dangled the thought of big

Money and taking care of her family etc etc ..... Never dangle anything of value in front of a thief as they will do what comes natural.

Me thinks many a farang has dangled his crown jewels right in the face of the biggest, theiving, smiling assassins in Thailand (& not directed at any politician of any colour before someone starts)

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[jackrich]

Not trying to be nosy or anything, but have you ever had sex with this girl yet? As innocent as you describe her, she would have sex with you after you got married if she loves you. If its a scam, the parents likely told her not to so that they can sell her again afterwards for a higher amount.

[Neeranam]

Why pay 100,000 bhat to get engaged without sorting out the ridiculous 5 million baht sin sot first?

My engagement cost about 20,000 baht and the sin sot was 100,000 baht.

My advise tell the girl that you won't pay the 5 million but will pay the normal amount of around 50 - 500 k.

5 million is an insult and they are only trying as you know nothing about the culture.

Actually, I'd tell them all where to go and ask for your gold back, you'll save a lot in the future.

[sdshaman]

So I just met with the family again. We all sat down and talked face to face. There were some misunderstandings and I was finally able to use one of them to tell them that is why I thought it was important for us to have time alone to talk and learn how to communicate better with each other. I don't know if everyone is tiered of this story yet? So if anyone here is interested in the outcome. .. let me know...

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[sdshaman]

And no I didn't dangle any money in her face before I came to cm. We never talked about money at all.

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[belg]

outcome please...

been reading for to long without a (un)happy ending

[RigPig]

So I just met with the family again. We all sat down and talked face to face. There were some misunderstandings and I was finally able to use one of them to tell them that is why I thought it was important for us to have time alone to talk and learn how to communicate better with each other. I don't know if everyone is tiered of this story yet? So if anyone here is interested in the outcome. .. let me know... Sent from my SCH-I535 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

I'm interested, I've been following this thread for days while on the rig in Saudi. It's been entertaining to say the least !!!

Most of all I want you to WIN .....

[amykat]

I think people are interested!! We have all, mostly, been in your shoes, one way or another. I have been and wasn't even in any romantic relationships ...just with my first group of Thai "friends" who did a number on me for the first year or two. Or even with some charitable work I attempted to be involved with as a tourist here.

I was getting less worried about you, as this thread progressed, because I thought you were starting to see the light ...but now I am a bit worried they have sucked you back in a bit, and you might be getting weak. You were almost out of there!!

I won't comment more because I am waiting to see what you have to say now ...please go ahead ....

[norrona]

So a personal question is.... has there been any intimate moments between you two? has it led to anything further?

[doccalamity]

So I just met with the family again. We all sat down and talked face to face. There were some misunderstandings and I was finally able to use one of them to tell them that is why I thought it was important for us to have time alone to talk and learn how to communicate better with each other. I don't know if everyone is tiered of this story yet? So if anyone here is interested in the outcome. .. let me know... Sent from my SCH-I535 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

After 450+ comments, I am sure someone is interested in the conclusion to this tale. Clearly you are a good producer with cliff hangers like this. You should really consider being a script writer. You should have enough background content for now for the movie. Well done, very entertaining, thanks for the read. Tell us the conclusion.

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