My soon to be ex Thai wife and her secret lesbian life.....

[Kitsune]

Repeat after me :

1/ In Thailand marriage is a social affair, love does not come in the equation.

2/ It's still a developing country so girls DO see you as a ticket out of poverty.

3/ Don't come crying afterwards, you knew 1 and 2 all along anyway.

1 in Thailand we met, in Enlgand we married.... there will be many happily married people on here that will disagree with your thoughts to the latter

2, Thailand is a wealthy country compared to many around the world

3, I am not crying, just sharing my experience and hopefully getting other people a bit savvy to what could happen in any relationship and I disagree with your points 1 & 2

4, how come you are the expert on love in Thailand and it's people if you believe number 1?

1/ In Thailand, for Thai people, in Thai culture, (same thing ) marriage is a social affair. The primary goal of Thai wedding is not love.

A Thai person living in UK would not necessarily adopts European values about love and marriage.

2/ Thailand is still very poor compared to UK, by any standard. And yes it's richer than other Asian countries, but I doubt somewhat that she would have fallen in "love" for a Cambodian lol

3/ We have ALL read the same exact stories here for many years, on this very same forum, it's no expertise, it's just compilation! there used to have much more, and they were very inflammatory, with a lot of "B*tch" and W*** words, very degrading for women, but it looked bad at some point, so they stopped, now it's much more civilized...

your opinion and you are entitled to it...i've read the stories as well but not many like mine!

notice you didn't answer number 4..... I still think there will be many that disagree with you on your points though...

I grant you that the lesbian twist is not common, the rest is textbook for anyone familiar with this forum.

Number 4 was included in 3: I am no expert I just compile ALL the stories read here, they all say the same thing. Join the queue take a ticket, wait for your number.

[GOLDBUGGY]

Yes, it is a bit different, but by no means the only example out their. I bet many guys here know of such a case, or two. My Mom knew a middle aged woman she worked with for many years who was married with 5 kids, but left them all one day out of the blue, for another woman. If you want my take on this, and if it ever happened to me, I would rather lose my wife to another woman then to another man. The end result is the same, so I guess it is more of an ego thing with me, then anything else.

If you lose her to a man, you always feel like perhaps you are part to blame. That you were not good enough for her, in and out of bed. You feel that perhaps if you behaved better she still might be with you and you could have been happy together. But to another woman it seems more biological then anything else. You can't change her sexual preference! So unless you are willing to grow Boobs, and get a Sex Change Operation, which most men are not willing to do for a woman, then there really is not much you can do about it. Or could have changed things when you had your chance.

Feeling like you have been used is another story and a hard feeling to get rid of. I know as I have been down that road with a Western Woman, and thus know how that feels. In your case it is not over yet, and like it is for mine. Her silence before your Divorce Proceedings is not a good sign. Be prepared for the unexpected! It is times like this where Divorce Lawyers get there Bad Name. With Western Divorce Laws always on the Woman's side, I would advice you to seek Legal Council right away. Been through 2 Divorces in my Life Time, so far. So although I am not an Expert, I am also not a Newbie when it comes to this either.

It never stops amazing me how the Western Divorce Laws are so one sided. A wife can go out and get caught sleeping with another man, with proof in your hand, but in a Divorce Court she will still receive a monthly payment from you, the house, and the car. Or at least half anyway. But if it was you who got caught, you get taken to the Cleaners for many years to come. Tiger Woods knows that and also how you must feel now about being used

There are exceptions to the rule but not many that I know of. If she is uneducated, has never held down a job before in the UK, and you have a good job, expect to pay for awhile, and until the court feels she can get back on her feet. Be glad you don't have a kid with her now! Having a Tom Girlfriend, which you really can't prove in court, and if you could, means nothing! That is compared to a sanctioned marriage, which you had.

Sorry to hear you sad news.

Good Luck

Oh Ya! If someone says that your Post proves that Women Fake Orgasm, ignore them. Many Women are Bi-sexual and can do both with either. My guess is that there are probably more Bi-sexual Women then straight ones out their. It is just that many haven't come to grips with that yet. This may be why that sometimes it takes them so long to come out of the closet. Don't Know!

[Ve37]

I don't know where you're getting your information, but the Tom/Dee thing is rarely about money. These are girls of the same age, typically, and neither are very well-off. I don't want to say these Toms are predatory (too strong a word), but they are usually the aggressors. And they know what buttons to push, how to talk to these girls, build trust, etc. It's not much different than a guy/girl courtship, except that these Toms are able to build trust much quicker, starting off as friends and all that.

What's odd is I rarely see older lesbian couples in Thailand--either that or I'm just not real observant. I must concede that when I'm out in public, I mostly only notice the young female hotties.

First,...I really do not see the term lesbian applying to the Tom-Dee relationship, as the term is seen in the west. Again,...a Tom is usually one with a gender identity of a male,...and thus a Dee, is not really a lesbian, because she is with someone who identifies as male. A butch lesbian, although masculine, has the gender identity of female. A lesbian is someone with the gender identity of female, and sexual preference for females.

A twinky male, although feminine, has a gender identity of being male. A Ladyboy is not gay, because their gender identity is female. Beyond that, you enter into a complex world of ambi-gender and androgynous identities.

Second,...in the North, I often see older Tom-Dee partnerships,...though not as obvious as the younger crowd. My opinion, as mentioned in my other posts in this thread,...is that many Tom-Dee's bond for life in their early years, then the Dee often finds a male mate for awhile to satisfy the family's desires,...especially for a child,...and then finishes her life with her Tom partner. Can't count the number of middle aged Tom's I've observed waiting for the return of their life mate.

My observations of Dee's is that "happy" is most important to them,...and with Tom's they find the greater "happy." From my observations, although Thai women have a unique ability to pleasure a man, that they really are not that sexual,...but prefer a relaxed, romantic, cuddling, happy relationship. Thus, I agree it really isn't about money,...but in way, manifesting "good merit" for next life.

I don't think a Christian, Muslim, or Atheist could ever really understand a Thai woman,...even one that does not frequent the Temple.

[Beetlejuice]

The OP`s main concerns should be that now his Thai wife has become established in his country, she maybe able to take him to the cleaners via the divorce legal system, where in the West the philosophy is; what belongs to the wife, is hers, and what belongs to the husband, is also hers.

Has he thought of that?

My advice is; be prepared to receive a lawyers letter at any time and start covering his a-se while he has the chance.

I am deadly serious about this.

[Ve37]

Many thanks for all your comments, good intentions and the flames... it's all good!

As for me being an old man and her a young woman well there was 9 years difference in our ages so wrong there and I turned 40 last year, in fact her dissapearing was shortly after my 40th birthday, I have text messages from her leading up to about 2 weeks before it happened that I have looked back on and can't for the life of me really see what happened coming...

a gentle reminder that all may not be what it seems regardless as to how well you think your relationship is going!

I'm most appreciative of the thread,...but must ask,...why no children? Did she want children? In my observations of Tom-Dee relationships,...the number one reason that they separate is for the Dee to go have a child,...to make the family happy. Of course,...I don't know all the particulars of your circumstance,...and you could have actually been in a relationship with a lesbian, and not a Dee,...a huge difference. Then again,...she could have been a Dee who was just too unhappy without her Tom life-mate.

I understand that many have a macho thing about sex performance, and how no woman would think of leaving someone with great bedding skills. Although over the head of most people, I'll offer you this,...the best book on relationships that you could possibly own is called Karmic Relationships by Martin Schulman. Having personally looked a hundreds of relationships through this filter, I've not once seen an inaccuracy. If you ever want a permanent, happy, life long relationship, I strongly recommend it.

[GOLDBUGGY]

Sounds like she was unhappy anyway, if I were you I'd avoid relationships with Thai girls. I live in BKK and I can speak Thai like a native speaker, but I don't bother with Thai girls anymore. There are plenty of nice looking single foreign girls working here who are slightly more predictable.

Western Women are slightly more predictable! Really? Well they sure fooled me..... twice! All three of my other brother to. But with a 50%+ Divorce Rate in the West, then yes. "They are Predicable"!

But in the mean time, and if you turned Gay, that is okay. You don't have to hide that here as you are among friends. This is Thailand! We don't care! Each to there own! Live and Let Live! Most of us here, who have lived here a long time, saw and heard everything already by now anyway.

Until the next one comes along and opens our eyes wide again.

[GOLDBUGGY]

If you go into any university town at night you'll clearly see that most of girls are with a Tom. I know it's a phase but nevertheless shows that they have a propensity towards bisexuality.

"Most of the girls are with a Tom...?" I'd say that's a gross exaggeration. I live in a university town and although there are quite a few tom's/dee's, they are still in the minority. Many times, girls will hang together, hold hands, and act like a couple when they're just friends. An Asian thing. So how can you possibly tell? And the fact that Thailand is much more tolerant than the west and other societies allows same sex couples to be less discrete. Try this in Russia.

Good Point and so very true.

In many different Cultures you can see that with Men as well. As you said, it just means a close friendship with them when holding hands. Which means don't judge what you see until you fully understand what it was.

But for the rest lies a question.

If a 20 Something Pretty Bar Girl, can sleep with a Fat Middle Aged Man, she just met, for money, then why can't there be some who do the same with Fat Middle Aged Women, and for the same reason?

Women also probably pay better as they would be harder to find, with far less known bars, I would think, and probably using there Husbands Money.

[GOLDBUGGY]

i am enjoying reading your thread, but I wish you, and a very small minority of posters would stop using sexual overtones regarding men (you know what I mean) in your posts. I wish the mods would put a stop to this, but at the moment, it is not against the rules.

I for one have no idea what you mean.

Sure people slagging off each other is common here and not conducive to constructive discussion, but the "sexual overtones" thing? Whoosh right over my head, don't see anything objectionable that would match that description. If I'm missing something, explain it like I'm 5.

I think this person means not to use the word "Prick" but instead the word "Penis"

But somehow, calling the Guys a couple of "Penises" doesn't quite get the message across, and as good as he did.

[wym]

In Thailand relationships are more a have/need money sort of thing.

Tom has, Dee needs.

Yep, it's the standard Dee/Tom relationship, based usually on money. If a man comes along with higher status/money, the Dee will easily run away from the Tom and marry the man.

I don't understand you guys. It is traditional for the masculine to pay the tab and the bills.

That doesn't make the relationship "based on money" any more than CIS relationships. I admit that farang/Thai ones are based on money to a higher degree than same-culture ones, but NO WAY is it the case that Thai-Thai gay ones are so any more than hetero, in fact I'd say the other way 'round.

As for being careful.... well I don't know how long I am supposed to court someone before marriage, or if I can take their words as 100% true as like I say all along we were a normal couple, had rows, made up, she initiated sex as much as me the list goes on....

You can get married as quickly as you like, the point is you don't start sharing more of your assets than what you need for day-to-day month-to-month living expenses.

She shouldn't even know about the assets you need to protect your long-term security, much less have legal access to them.

I'm sure lots of guys here will say "well then that's not a 'real' or 'healthy' marriage".

I disagree, but up to you if you want to risk all your eggs in one basket up to you but not me.

Only the money you EARN and assets you accumulate AFTER the marriage are common property to be divided here.

[GOLDBUGGY]

I have never believed that any man or woman is predisposed to be sexually attracted to the opposite sex. What I have observed in my 66 years is that people are drawn into sin and perversion by the same means that the Devil has been using since the Garden of Eden when he tempted Eve. Every person is tempted in their lives by "the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life"...so that is "by sight, by touch and by their desire for a better life". A person can be totally committed to their marriage, then all of a sudden another person crosses their path that represents an overwhelming temptation, and they succumb. One's spouse is "reeled in" by someone who looks good to them, then gets too close and experiences something that feels good to them and then they are manipulated by that person with the promise of a better life. It can be another man or another woman. Sin has no boundaries...it will take you further than you want to go and make you stay longer than you want to stay!

In my case I was married with my former Thai wife for 18 years and we lived in the US where we were members of a 5000 member church. We were both highly visible because we were both involved in ministry together, and our marriage was the envy of our church family. I treated my wife with dignity and respect and strived to live the same life behind closed doors that I did in public. I was totally devoted to my wife and our family and am confident that I was very attentive to my wife's every need, and I worked hard to accumulate adequate resources so that we could live comfortably in retirement.

One day while in my office I received a phone call from a trusted neighbor saying that my wife and two strange men appeared to be moving out possessions from our home. I rushed home and found the house void of her personal effects and divorce papers placed on the kitchen counter. I went straight to the computer and discovered that she had plundered our joint bank accounts. After several failed attempts at reconciliation we were divorced in Mar 2010 and her motive remained a total mystery to me until 1 1/2 years later when I discovered that she had been having an affair before our breakup with a younger man, and she eventually married him. She walked away with half of our marital assets and now she is set for life and enjoying the resources of her new man who appears to be well to do financially.

During the period of our separation many couples from our church attempted to counsel her, and I too had talks with my pastor in an attempt to "get my head around" all that had happened. My pastor had the belief that some women just get to a point in their marriage where they want their freedom...at all costs, and for no other apparent reason. However, all along I suspected that my wife was having an affair, because in my estimation and from my own personal experience...nothing will make a woman give up a loving and committed relationship with her husband...except she be tempted by another man or woman.

Yes, it's true that we don't know both sides of the story in the case of the OP. But what I do know is that even if he were the perfect husband, if the wife was tempted beyond her own personal capacity to resist and carried away by her own lusts, then he should not blame himself. No man can be held responsible and accountable for the sins of another. What the OP is feeling right now is the "collateral damage" from the blow of betrayal. It is a dastardly wound and one that is not easily healed. So please...go light on the guy and let him have his voice heard. It's good therapy for him and we can all learn a great lesson from his misfortune.

What I want the OP to know is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am now happily married to a wonderful Thai woman and I am totally blessed beyond measure. Hang in there OP...you can't see where you're headed if your always looking in the rear view mirror. Get up every morning and add a new brush stroke to the painting of your future, and before long an image will begin to appear and hope will guide you and be your best friend along your journey. I'm rooting for you!!!!!!!!!!

Good Post and Thanks for sharing with us.

But one question to you if you please.

Had you been is some Missionary in Africa and poor as ...as...as a Church Mouse...do you think she would have left you even then?

[lormakmak]

The OP`s main concerns should be that now his Thai wife has become established in his country, she maybe able to take him to the cleaners via the divorce legal system, where in the West the philosophy is; what belongs to the wife, is hers, and what belongs to the husband, is also hers.

Has he thought of that?

My advice is; be prepared to receive a lawyers letter at any time and start covering his a-se while he has the chance.

I am deadly serious about this.

dear boy you really are living in the 90's with this.... may I inquire as to where you come from?

I have already petitioned for divorce and the court has recognised that she has received the papers but failed to respond or act accordingly.... thus I can and will divorce her for several reasons.

Because I already owned my property and she never paid a penny towards the mortgage or any bills in the house she has no right to strip me of my assets, we were married for 3 years and no children.... this info is in among the last few pages....

cheers for the concern

[muddyleopad]

One of my dads best friends in Eastbourne was married to an english woman for 45 years he was 72 and she was 67 , one night she just said ''i am a lesbian and i am divorcing you'' he was shocked as were the 3 grownup kids , she took him for every penny and basicly made the poor bloke destitute at 72 , her kids have disowned her and looked after him until he passed away 3 years later she moved in with her 59 year old dyke lover .

the moral is its not only Thai women that are barmy Tink Tonk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rL4S8yoOoAY

Says it all ,,,

[lormakmak]

In Thailand relationships are more a have/need money sort of thing.

Tom has, Dee needs.

Yep, it's the standard Dee/Tom relationship, based usually on money. If a man comes along with higher status/money, the Dee will easily run away from the Tom and marry the man.

I don't understand you guys. It is traditional for the masculine to pay the tab and the bills.

That doesn't make the relationship "based on money" any more than CIS relationships. I admit that farang/Thai ones are based on money to a higher degree than same-culture ones, but NO WAY is it the case that Thai-Thai gay ones are so any more than hetero, in fact I'd say the other way 'round.

As for being careful.... well I don't know how long I am supposed to court someone before marriage, or if I can take their words as 100% true as like I say all along we were a normal couple, had rows, made up, she initiated sex as much as me the list goes on....

You can get married as quickly as you like, the point is you don't start sharing more of your assets than what you need for day-to-day month-to-month living expenses.

She shouldn't even know about the assets you need to protect your long-term security, much less have legal access to them.

I'm sure lots of guys here will say "well then that's not a 'real' or 'healthy' marriage".

I disagree, but up to you if you want to risk all your eggs in one basket up to you but not me.

Only the money you EARN and assets you accumulate AFTER the marriage are common property to be divided here.

here's someone who knows what they are talking about

I agree completely and she was never privvy to my savings account balance, she did talk about joint bank accounts once as her work friends had them with their husbands and I responded with 'ok we both get our salaries paid into the joint account, pay the mortgage and all the bills together and whatever we have left we can share' she didn't like what she heard and never pushed for it again, the thing is her thai work friends were married to western men who worked in similar paying jobs and they were just about surviving and paying the rent/bills so it made sense for them to work together... as far as I know them couples are still together through thick and thin so the poster earlier talking about marriage purely for social status only and not love with Thais is talking out of his ring piece...fact!

Edited January 31, 2014 by lormakmak

[Kitsune]

she did talk about joint bank accounts once as her work friends had them with their husbands and I responded with 'ok we both get our salaries paid into the joint account, pay the mortgage and all the bills together and whatever we have left we can share' she didn't like what she heard and never pushed for it again

And that, of course, never made you hear bells?

[Beetlejuice]

The OP`s main concerns should be that now his Thai wife has become established in his country, she maybe able to take him to the cleaners via the divorce legal system, where in the West the philosophy is; what belongs to the wife, is hers, and what belongs to the husband, is also hers.

Has he thought of that?

My advice is; be prepared to receive a lawyers letter at any time and start covering his a-se while he has the chance.

I am deadly serious about this.

dear boy you really are living in the 90's with this.... may I inquire as to where you come from?

I have already petitioned for divorce and the court has recognised that she has received the papers but failed to respond or act accordingly.... thus I can and will divorce her for several reasons.

Because I already owned my property and she never paid a penny towards the mortgage or any bills in the house she has no right to strip me of my assets, we were married for 3 years and no children.... this info is in among the last few pages....

cheers for the concern

I come from the planet Zorg, where common sense prevails.

If you believe that your wife cannot legally gain a share of your assets, whether you owned them prior to your marriage and also that because you allege she paid nothing towards the mortgage or the upkeep of the matrimonial home, than you`re living in cloud cuckoo land my lad.

Under the law once your wife, either common law or married lives with you, than it becomes the matrimonial home and she has as many rights over the property as you do, plus she is entitled to 50% of any equity accrued on the home.

Perhaps you consider that because your wife is a foreigner living in your country, she is naive and will conveniently step out of your life without any claims from you whatever. But I can assure you her Thai friends will no doubt show her the way and the lawyers will advise and guide her through the divorce and how to gain her entitlements from the marriage. Whatever, her lawyers will insist that your wife receives some settlement from the divorce.

I am not saying this to be malicious or just for fun, similar happen to me years ago.

What i said in my previous post still stands, as all I am saying is; beware and also seek some professional advice before flying over to Thailand again (which can also strengthen her case against you) as if your wife is now out of the picture, because she is not.

You should recognise that you have a problem over and above just her lover, which I am trying to make you aware of, and how you decide to handle this is at your own discretion.

I am sorry this is something you would prefer not to hear, but unfortunately if not sooner than later, this situation is going to smack you right in the face with a vengeance.

Good luck to all who sail in her.

Edited January 31, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[lormakmak]

she did talk about joint bank accounts once as her work friends had them with their husbands and I responded with 'ok we both get our salaries paid into the joint account, pay the mortgage and all the bills together and whatever we have left we can share' she didn't like what she heard and never pushed for it again

And that, of course, never made you hear bells?

No it didn't, why should it? She was married to me & didn't push or anything just said why don't we same as her co-workers have joint accounts & I explained how it would work!

By all means focus on 1 thing out of what's posted & pull it apart but please don't give it the know it all expert to me, as I have said I thought after my experiences I knew it allay one point, look where that got me!

[lormakmak]

The OP`s main concerns should be that now his Thai wife has become established in his country, she maybe able to take him to the cleaners via the divorce legal system, where in the West the philosophy is; what belongs to the wife, is hers, and what belongs to the husband, is also hers.

Has he thought of that?

My advice is; be prepared to receive a lawyers letter at any time and start covering his a-se while he has the chance.

I am deadly serious about this.

dear boy you really are living in the 90's with this.... may I inquire as to where you come from?

I have already petitioned for divorce and the court has recognised that she has received the papers but failed to respond or act accordingly.... thus I can and will divorce her for several reasons.

Because I already owned my property and she never paid a penny towards the mortgage or any bills in the house she has no right to strip me of my assets, we were married for 3 years and no children.... this info is in among the last few pages....

cheers for the concern

I come from the planet Zorg, where common sense prevails.

If you believe that your wife cannot legally gain a share of your assets, whether you owned them prior to your marriage and also that because you allege she paid nothing towards the mortgage or the upkeep of the matrimonial home, than you`re living in cloud cuckoo land my lad.

Under the law once your wife, either common law or married lives with you, than it becomes the matrimonial home and she has as many rights over the property as you do, plus she is entitled to 50% of any equity accrued on the home.

Perhaps you consider that because your wife is a foreigner living in your country, she is naive and will conveniently step out of your life without any claims from you whatever. But I can assure you her Thai friends will no doubt show her the way and the lawyers will advise and guide her through the divorce and how to gain her entitlements from the marriage. Whatever, her lawyers will insist that your wife receives some settlement from the divorce.

I am not saying this to be malicious or just for fun, similar happen to me years ago.

What i said in my previous post still stands, as all I am saying is; beware and also seek some professional advice before flying over to Thailand again (which can also strengthen her case against you) as if your wife is now out of the picture, because she is not.

You should recognise that you have a problem over and above just her lover, which I am trying to make you aware of, and how you decide to handle this is at your own discretion.

I am sorry this is something you would prefer not to hear, but unfortunately if not sooner than later, this situation is going to smack you right in the face with a vengeance.

Good luck to all who sail in her.

Yeah great swerve in not answering where you originally come from!

When you were married & stripped of your assets how long was you married for? Did you have kids? Please explain?

I've seen a good solicitor who is a professional in the UK courts & specialised in divorce & he disagrees with what you have written, of course this was my concern when I hired him & he told me straight!

If you are a solicitor & disagree then please by all means drop me a PM & I will sack the current one & hire you, in fact I'll pay you double old bean!

Toodle pip

[NoshowJones]

i am enjoying reading your thread, but I wish you, and a very small minority of posters would stop using sexual overtones regarding men (you know what I mean) in your posts. I wish the mods would put a stop to this, but at the moment, it is not against the rules.

I for one have no idea what you mean.

Sure people slagging off each other is common here and not conducive to constructive discussion, but the "sexual overtones" thing? Whoosh right over my head, don't see anything objectionable that would match that description. If I'm missing something, explain it like I'm 5.

I think this person means not to use the word "Prick" but instead the word "Penis"

But somehow, calling the Guys a couple of "Penises" doesn't quite get the message across, and as good as he did.

I have always said I would only use violence in self defence or if somebody threatens me with violence, but although it has never happened, I believe I would use violence if I was back in the UK if anyone called me a prick, or even against another Farang here in Thailand.

[pxlgirl]

btw, a short and sweet advice for the OP: drop her and move on. The fact that she might be bi or lesbian isn't the problem, but rather the fact that she was dishonest. That is cheating according to my book, and it could have happened regardless of her affair's gender.

[liddelljohn]

There are some idiot farang husbands of really decent hearted Thai women , who should be dumped , I know one really lovely hard working gentle decent Thai lady who married an American chap who treats her like a slave and a trophy , to be honest she would be far better off divorcing him and going it alone once she has her green card or returning to LOS , he has a diamond and treats her like dog poo .. so ignorant and selfish ...

its also fair to say that many Thai women have a problem transitioning to new country and cultures ,and need a couple of years of nuturing by husband , but there are also some aweful snakes who have an agenda that ultimately means the husband is only a ticket to a new life ,,

Caveat emptor and looks after your woman with care if she is a winner .

[bobbin]

Maybe it's the water here.

A couple of days ago I was sitting in a KFC. The next table over was a young tom/dee couple. The tom was feeding the dee and much cuddling, all initiated by the dee. She was a total hottie.

Then i noticed that one of the employees, very feminine, was definitely hitting on another employee, short hair, playing hard to get. Lots of head-slapping and grooming by the dee/employee. They were working only a couple of meters away from the other tom/dee couple. Not behind the counter.

So much for no PDA in Thailand, like we were told so many years ago....

On second thought, maybe it's the hormones in the chicken!

note to self...less KFC.

[FiftyTwo]

So much for no PDA in Thailand, like we were told so many years ago....

It's only frowned on in male/female couples.

Public affection between same sex couples is totally OK.

[Kitsune]

she did talk about joint bank accounts once as her work friends had them with their husbands and I responded with 'ok we both get our salaries paid into the joint account, pay the mortgage and all the bills together and whatever we have left we can share' she didn't like what she heard and never pushed for it again

And that, of course, never made you hear bells?

No it didn't, why should it? She was married to me & didn't push or anything just said why don't we same as her co-workers have joint accounts & I explained how it would work!

By all means focus on 1 thing out of what's posted & pull it apart but please don't give it the know it all expert to me, as I have said I thought after my experiences I knew it allay one point, look where that got me!

I'm not pulling anything apart, it's just that, that day, she showed you she was not interested in investing in a common future and was making plans for herself alone.

You just chose to ignored it.

Edited February 1, 2014 by Kitsune

[Mrbiggus]

Sorry to hear that you are in divorce procedures ................. But I believe that you need to sit down and go through your accounts even your pension as these divorce solicitors are evil. I was shocked for the amount I had to pay for just one year of marriage you have been together 3-4 years ( your divorce will take 1-2 years) Your Ex will drag it out in order to get more money from you. Google Ancillary Relief...and be brave...

Just to get an idea from you...How much do you think you are going to pay out? That is if your estate is 100K.. what do you think you will have to pay out 1%...5%..?. For a 3-4 yeras marriage then I would say about 20-30%.. It will not be 50% that for 10-20 years marriage.

[wym]

I'm not pulling anything apart, it's just that, that day, she showed you she was not interested in investing in a common future and was making plans for herself alone.

You just chose to ignored it.

I don't agree.

Many couples keep separate accounts and don't co-mingle funds.

Those that both have solid incomes and assets will of course split the bills, whatever their arrangements might be. My mother was a real estate speculator, and my dad didn't want to be involved, so all her property was in her name only. He enjoyed sailing and flying, so the boats and airplanes were his alone.

When a man is the only breadwinner and takes on a poorer younger bride, it is also common for him to support her, and for her to keep whatever she makes separate, else she's got no incentive to work right?

Many relationships last a long time and even with an outright transactional "gold-digger" or rental wife situation, are 100% honest and sincere under such financial arrangements, in themselves they are no indication of any scamming going on.

The ones that really are scheming scammers and ready to bolt for greener pastures as soon as they acquire goals X Y and Z are usually the best at hiding these intentions make everything seem wonderful and secure right up until it's time to pull the trigger, maybe decades later.

You never really know your partner deep inside, until you've actually gone through huge crises and stuck together through thick and thin. Once you're old and decrepit and she's still around taking care of you, only then can you really KNOW for sure "yep I got a good one".

[FiftyTwo]

I'm not pulling anything apart, it's just that, that day, she showed you she was not interested in investing in a common future and was making plans for herself alone.

You just chose to ignored it.

I don't agree.

Many couples keep separate accounts and don't co-mingle funds.

Those that both have solid incomes and assets will of course split the bills, whatever their arrangements might be. My mother was a real estate speculator, and my dad didn't want to be involved, so all her property was in her name only. He enjoyed sailing and flying, so the boats and airplanes were his alone.

When a man is the only breadwinner and takes on a poorer younger bride, it is also common for him to support her, and for her to keep whatever she makes separate, else she's got no incentive to work right?

Many relationships last a long time and even with an outright transactional "gold-digger" or rental wife situation, are 100% honest and sincere under such financial arrangements, in themselves they are no indication of any scamming going on.

The ones that really are scheming scammers and ready to bolt for greener pastures as soon as they acquire goals X Y and Z are usually the best at hiding these intentions make everything seem wonderful and secure right up until it's time to pull the trigger, maybe decades later.

You never really know your partner deep inside, until you've actually gone through huge crises and stuck together through thick and thin. Once you're old and decrepit and she's still around taking care of you, only then can you really KNOW for sure "yep I got a good one".

Nah, you never know your partner until she's dead. Then you can claim "Yep, I had a good one".

[Scarpolo]

If only you had known sooner - you might have got the chance to join in.

Yes it is a shame....but I am afraid by the pics of her contacts on the facebook page I have seen that I wouldn't have got a look in with the toms, they look more like fellas than me.... and my ex is 100% a dee....

you see as a caring and loving man who was fully committed to the marriage I do have in the back of my mind the thoughts that she has been brainwashed by one of these manipulating toms, would make sense as I have let her know that she is free to come collect her stuff anytime, she also has a tax rebate cheque that turned up recently that she doesn't want... said give it to charity or something, it's for over £300....

All of her local Thai friends that she has on the other facebook page are not added as friends on this one...

Freaked out...yes I am, feeling inadequate no I am not (sly dig above about my horizontal skills got me chuckling)

Weird times....

do not play any games with that tax check, or expect to be arrested, unless, you still have a joint account....even then, you cannot sign her name, be careful with anything to do with gov't checks, mail, etc., you could be in the middle of yet another setup you aren't aware of

[Scarpolo]

I know of at least three Thai women who are going to leave there pricks of husbands, as soon as they get there ILR visa, and i say good luck to them, if there husbands had treat them like human beings instead of a accessory, Some even have GPS on there wife's phones to know where they are at all times . two sides to every story, so i have been told in he past.

Don't mince your words mate, please tell me what you think of me... an anonymous person you don't even know on an internet forum...if anything I was the reverse to what you are describing above, maybe that's where I went wrong...

but as the old saying goes, two sides to every story indeed but you've only got 1 way of thinking haven't you...

are these men really pricks or do they have reason to be... glad you not my mate cos if that was you planning on leaving your thai missus once you had gained residency out there or whatever do you think they'd keep quiet about your secret? prick or not?

Yes I do keep my secrets but it piss me off to see all these bleeding hearts describe how they have been let down, ripped off. BY Thai women. And i was not having a dig at the poster, Just another Point from a different angle. if i have offended the poster it was not intentional.

I am the OP, you didn't offend me one bit but really from what I have seen and experienced first hand regardless of our relationship and who was nasty to who, a person stringing the other along so they qualify to stay in a country makes them just as bad as the person they are slagging off, if not worse.

A liar, a devious person that will do and say anything to get support from others to get what they want and they don't care who they hurt in the process...

in my case I am over the initial split but what happens now if I do meet someone else and want to take it further? my hands are tied till I get the divorce sorted and the woman that I fought hard to get here with the UKBA who refused the first visa and we had to appeal, the money I threw at getting her here, all the time I spent with her teaching her English so she could pass her exams to stay here, the people I knew who had Thai partners that I introduced her to who all made her feel welcome...the woman who said 'I do' when we got married who now I find out obviously had no intention in staying with me regardless of what I did for her, what I gave financially or in my time.... i'd be careful if I were you as them crocodile tears you've seen from the 3 women married to pricks looking to do the bunk when their paper work is sorted may be as genuine as a ralph lauren shirt bought in patpong in my opinion....

this woman was introduced and welcomed by my family and friends...she's cheated them as well...

Are you to have us all believe that she "planned" all this well in advance?

Maybe, she just fell in love with the dyke because she sucked on it longer and harder?

I doubt seriously, you believe this was a long term con

its just the way the dice rolled brother,

you knew she was thai,

you were warned by many of your friends, in advance

you can't play victim here,

she left you, for more reasons than you disclose to us, and females don;t just "become" lesbians,

they always were, and you missed the clues

[FiftyTwo]

you can't play victim here,

she left you, for more reasons than you disclose to us, and females don;t just "become" lesbians,

they always were, and you missed the clues

I think it's more likely she was always a sex worker and is just working with whoever will pay her.

That's the game many Dee's in Thailand play.

[Showbags]

^^ can you point me to the clues...exactly ?

Thanks in advance