How much is enough for the wife's monthly allowance?

sirchai · February 14, 2014

I spent THB 15.000 last time I was out drinking... So you need to send her much more!

And you shouldn't be proud to be an alcoholic. It's curable these days.-

sirchai · February 14, 2014

Would you marry a prostitute from your home country ? Surely not.

How would I know if she was a prostitute? Say we met shopping at the mall and she told me she was a widow.

The reason I ask, is because I think you are an expert on prostitutes. Hope you don't mind me reading your past posts.

Seems that you've got a "shopping while looking for a widow fetish." How would I know if one was a prostitute? Ever heard of psychology?

Hunger might be an expert in both. Psychology and "reading" peoples' minds. So do I. "Expert on prostitutes." You gotta be kidding.-

thailiketoo · February 14, 2014

I spent THB 15.000 last time I was out drinking... So you need to send her much more!

And you shouldn't be proud to be an alcoholic. It's curable these days.-

No it is not. Ask any member of AA.

thailiketoo · February 14, 2014

Would you marry a prostitute from your home country ? Surely not.

How would I know if she was a prostitute? Say we met shopping at the mall and she told me she was a widow.

The reason I ask, is because I think you are an expert on prostitutes. Hope you don't mind me reading your past posts.

Seems that you've got a "shopping while looking for a widow fetish." How would I know if one was a prostitute? Ever heard of psychology?

Hunger might be an expert in both. Psychology and "reading" peoples' minds. So do I. "Expert on prostitutes." You gotta be kidding.-

I don't know if you are an expert or not. My post was addressed to Munger.

TheUsualGarbage · February 14, 2014

Quote

Quote

The sad truth is that many, didn't mean your wife now, are having a Thai guy, who's also living on foreigners' money.

As a matter of fact, I'd give it a try and send even less. If that would lead her to go away from you, then also okay. Better to wake up and realize what's actually going on.

New Thai teachers at our school are making 12 K/month. You're already sending her more than a teacher here makes and she needs more money.

Very sensible.

If a Thai woman is worth serious cash, she'll already be earning serious cash. In which case you won't need to pay.

If she's earning peanuts then she's only worth peanuts.

Best bet is find a quality girl with a good job, home and car. Stay clear of the peasants. You wouldn't marry a peasant in your own country, why do so here?

Ohh, I think you've got that wrong if that is general advice. Why would I not marry a peasant girl in my home country?

If the girl made me laugh, had foresight and was sensible, why not? I would rather spend the rest of my days with someone I was comfortable with than bowing to supposed airs and graces which I would struggle with. Besides, I hate port and sherry.

I hate to burst bubbles, but so called 'quality' girls who have lived privileged lives do not always make the best partners, and the 'peasant' isn't always in that position through wanting to be there. It is a lot easier for me to lower my standards than to raise them to some BS level that I wouldn't understand.

If I need intellectual, mind-blowing conversations, that's what work is for.........................

Just sayin'

You're overlooking a major difference between peasants in your country and those here in Thailand. In your country, peasants have access to benefits. And so do their parents.

In Thailand, peasants often have nothing and yet are still expected to support their parents (who also have nothing). Marrying a Thai peasant is a major financial commitment when compared to marrying a western peasant.

I once knew an attractive Thai peasant who was about to marry a German. I asked her if she loved him and she said no. She then added that she had to marry him because he was willing to support her mother. A peasant from your own country might love you. Never assume the same applies if you marry a Thai peasant.

You misunderstand my definition of "quality". It's not about "port and sherry", it's about having an education that opens doors to career progression and success. If you're in the market for a Thai wife, why go for a cheap hamburger when it's so easy to get prime steak. I never get why overseas guys travel so far and spend so much, only to leave Thailand with so little.

Loles · February 14, 2014

Why don't you ask: how much I have to ask from my Thai wife to my allowance dude?

Munger · February 14, 2014

Would you marry a prostitute from your home country ? Surely not.

How would I know if she was a prostitute? Say we met shopping at the mall and she told me she was a widow.

The reason I ask, is because I think you are an expert on prostitutes. Hope you don't mind me reading your past posts.

I must be an expert then, because I can tell from 50 yards away in the dark, and so can the thais. But most of the losers married to pros. did not met them while shopping. So if you did know she was a pro, would you ?

wym · February 14, 2014

Quote

Very sensible.

If a Thai woman is worth serious cash, she'll already be earning serious cash. In which case you won't need to pay.

If she's earning peanuts then she's only worth peanuts.

Best bet is find a quality girl with a good job, home and car. Stay clear of the peasants. You wouldn't marry a peasant in your own country, why do so here?

Horses for courses. The "peasants" in our countries - at least the young and beautiful ones - rarely make themselves so readily available to unattractive old guys like many of us here.

And personally I find the Thai poor upcountry girls to make ideal bedmates - FOR ME. I have no interest in an independent career-minded girl, once she got any kind of success, why on earth would she stick around with me?

Quote

Very sensible.

If a Thai woman is worth serious cash, she'll already be earning serious cash. In which case you won't need to pay.

If she's earning peanuts then she's only worth peanuts.

No, the kind of women you're talking about are much MORE expensive if you're an old unattractive farang, they're generally only available at a reasonable price to younger/more hansum men, or those with a lot of money so they're willing to go for the long con.

I prefer younger and prettier than me.

That's prostitutes and bar girls you talk about;) Then you have to pay more for a young and pretty girl. Not with your own wife

No, there are young and pretty girls here available to marry old unattractive farang that aren't explicit sex workers. Yes you do have to pay for them, but not a lot.

wym · February 14, 2014

You're overlooking a major difference between peasants in your country and those here in Thailand. In your country, peasants have access to benefits. And so do their parents.

In Thailand, peasants often have nothing and yet are still expected to support their parents (who also have nothing). Marrying a Thai peasant is a major financial commitment when compared to marrying a western peasant.

-----------

I never get why overseas guys travel so far and spend so much, only to leave Thailand with so little.

It doesn't HAVE TO BE a "major financial commitment" if you get them young and poor enough.

Unless you think B15,000 per month to be that, personally I don't.

The trick is not putting down any major lump sums other than the sin sot, be straight right from the start the monthly allowance is ALL she'll be getting.

And of course realizing she isn't going to stick around forever - but then if you're smart you wouldn't want her to anyway, if you get a few good years with her that's better than most.

As long as you're getting good value back for the money you're invested no problem whatever floats your boat, none of us should be judging the other.

larsjohnsson · February 14, 2014

Quote
Very sensible.

If a Thai woman is worth serious cash, she'll already be earning serious cash. In which case you won't need to pay.

If she's earning peanuts then she's only worth peanuts.

Best bet is find a quality girl with a good job, home and car. Stay clear of the peasants. You wouldn't marry a peasant in your own country, why do so here?

Horses for courses. The "peasants" in our countries - at least the young and beautiful ones - rarely make themselves so readily available to unattractive old guys like many of us here.

And personally I find the Thai poor upcountry girls to make ideal bedmates - FOR ME. I have no interest in an independent career-minded girl, once she got any kind of success, why on earth would she stick around with me?

Quote
Very sensible.

If a Thai woman is worth serious cash, she'll already be earning serious cash. In which case you won't need to pay.

If she's earning peanuts then she's only worth peanuts.

No, the kind of women you're talking about are much MORE expensive if you're an old unattractive farang, they're generally only available at a reasonable price to younger/more hansum men, or those with a lot of money so they're willing to go for the long con.

I prefer younger and prettier than me.

That's prostitutes and bar girls you talk about;) Then you have to pay more for a young and pretty girl. Not with your own wife

No, there are young and pretty girls here available to marry old unattractive farang that aren't explicit sex workers. Yes you do have to pay for them, but not a lot.

So what's the difference between a sex worker and a non sex worker if you have to pay them both ?

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chrisinth · February 14, 2014

Quote

Quote

The sad truth is that many, didn't mean your wife now, are having a Thai guy, who's also living on foreigners' money.

As a matter of fact, I'd give it a try and send even less. If that would lead her to go away from you, then also okay. Better to wake up and realize what's actually going on.

New Thai teachers at our school are making 12 K/month. You're already sending her more than a teacher here makes and she needs more money.

Very sensible.

If a Thai woman is worth serious cash, she'll already be earning serious cash. In which case you won't need to pay.

If she's earning peanuts then she's only worth peanuts.

Best bet is find a quality girl with a good job, home and car. Stay clear of the peasants. You wouldn't marry a peasant in your own country, why do so here?

Ohh, I think you've got that wrong if that is general advice. Why would I not marry a peasant girl in my home country?

Would you marry a prostitute from your home country ? Surely not.

Where have you found the prostitute in my comments? Are you under the impression that all working class (re. 'peasants') in your home country are on the game?

Come on now, try to keep up, eh....................

chrisinth · February 14, 2014

Horses for courses. The "peasants" in our countries - at least the young and beautiful ones - rarely make themselves so readily available to unattractive old guys like many of us here.

And personally I find the Thai poor upcountry girls to make ideal bedmates - FOR ME. I have no interest in an independent career-minded girl, once she got any kind of success, why on earth would she stick around with me?

No, the kind of women you're talking about are much MORE expensive if you're an old unattractive farang, they're generally only available at a reasonable price to younger/more hansum men, or those with a lot of money so they're willing to go for the long con.

I prefer younger and prettier than me.

That's prostitutes and bar girls you talk about;) Then you have to pay more for a young and pretty girl. Not with your own wife

No, there are young and pretty girls here available to marry old unattractive farang that aren't explicit sex workers. Yes you do have to pay for them, but not a lot.

So what's the difference between a sex worker and a non sex worker if you have to pay them both ?

Sent from my GT-I9152 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

A wedding ring apparantly according to a lot on here..............

wym · February 14, 2014

So what's the difference between a sex worker and a non sex worker if you have to pay them both ?

I use the term "explicit sex worker" to refer to hose actively working in the industry itself, e.g. Pattaya bar scene, those who would self-identify as such.

A girl fresh off the rice farm, even if she otherwise would have ended up there, is certainly not in that category.

Some may consider her marrying an old guy for money to be equivalent to prostitution. Your call, personally I don't think anything wrong with either side, we're all free to do what we like with our bodies and our lives aren't we.

Your value system may judge either or both sides to be "wrong", but that doesn't change the fact that in practice there ARE many differences, the main one from my POV being much better value for money. A secondary one being that it's much more likely you could end up with a relationship based on honesty, sincerity and mutual respect.

But of course either way we shouldn't make decisions that will jeopardize your long-term financial security.

JLCrab · February 14, 2014

WRT Of course. Indubitably. Goes without saying. Selbstverständlich. Without question. You betcha

wym · February 14, 2014

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNKIjLLZMWs#t=45s

JLCrab · February 14, 2014

Nice clip -- presumes reason & accountability were there in the first place.

thaibeachlovers · February 14, 2014

You're overlooking a major difference between peasants in your country and those here in Thailand. In your country, peasants have access to benefits. And so do their parents.

In Thailand, peasants often have nothing and yet are still expected to support their parents (who also have nothing). Marrying a Thai peasant is a major financial commitment when compared to marrying a western peasant.

-----------

I never get why overseas guys travel so far and spend so much, only to leave Thailand with so little.

It doesn't HAVE TO BE a "major financial commitment" if you get them young and poor enough.

Unless you think B15,000 per month to be that, personally I don't.

The trick is not putting down any major lump sums other than the sin sot, be straight right from the start the monthly allowance is ALL she'll be getting.

And of course realizing she isn't going to stick around forever - but then if you're smart you wouldn't want her to anyway, if you get a few good years with her that's better than most.

As long as you're getting good value back for the money you're invested no problem whatever floats your boat, none of us should be judging the other.

If you are daft enough to "give" a sin sod without getting it back, they probably think you are daft enough to support them and their family as well, with good justification for such an assumption.

speedtripler · February 15, 2014

So what's the difference between a sex worker and a non sex worker if you have to pay them both ?

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milage......

larsjohnsson · February 15, 2014

So what's the difference between a sex worker and a non sex worker if you have to pay them both ?

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milage......

How do I check that

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canarysun · February 15, 2014

Hello!

If you are a farang living with a " Thai lady " ( or married to one ) and she is working then " Obviously " you do NOT give her any money! ( all my friends who live with there Thai ladies (working) split all the bills 50/50.)

If the Thai lady is not working then of course its fare to " donate " anything from 5,000 to 10,000 per month ( maximum )

In Thailand we have many farang that are " incapable " of living alone and are simply " terrified " to be alone.Which then means that they " PAY " a lady to live with them,most of the time in these situations the lady has NO interest in the farang whatsover and only his " money ".( obviously which can sometimes cause a " turbulent relationship " ) unfortunately these type of farang only " promote falsely across Thailand that farang are here to finance the life of a Thai lady ".

If you have a real,honest and loving relationship here in Thailand ( or anywhere in the world ) then really money should never even have to be discussed.......

Happy Valentines Day !

M

ttthailand · February 15, 2014

15k is enough as long as it is for her and not to pay rent, car payment, electric, Etc. The problem is that they always want more no matter how much you give.

If someone is living in the country and not sending money for support I think the best way is to only give them money as they need it. This way it stops them from doing something stupid. I would rather give slowly then a lot upfront as you can see where most of it is going. Don't be tight just be careful... Many Thai girl just don't understand about spending money. They also loan money to friends and never get it back. Put a little in a bank savings account for a little plus for their future. Also I always put my coins in a cup that they can take from freely. But really it is best to find a lady who earns her own money. You pay all the major expenses including food and her money is to save, give to family, buy cloths, makeup, what ever she wants to do with it. If you get a girl from a bar they will always expect you to be paying them, avoid at all cost !!!

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thailiketoo · February 15, 2014

Would you marry a prostitute from your home country ? Surely not.

How would I know if she was a prostitute? Say we met shopping at the mall and she told me she was a widow.

The reason I ask, is because I think you are an expert on prostitutes. Hope you don't mind me reading your past posts.

I must be an expert then, because I can tell from 50 yards away in the dark, and so can the thais. But most of the losers married to pros. did not met them while shopping. So if you did know she was a pro, would you ?

Whether I would marry a woman has nothing to do with her employment. She could be a moral woman who was a hooker and a bad woman who was an engineer. Most of us sell parts of our body. I sell my brain, others hands or feet as in the case of football players. Some are better at the physical aspects of the game others the mental aspects. Some play and some coach. Some women are players and some are momma sans. Some doctors are good with their hands and they are brain surgeons others good thinkers and they are psychiatrists. I don't make a distinction between the morality of a brain surgeon and a psychiatrist.

Somsrisonphimai · February 15, 2014

Why is that when the topic of discussion associated with Thai women always lead to the conversation of either bar girls or sex workers? Ah...such a silly question!

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tyler2208 · February 15, 2014

The problem is, with questions like the op in forums like these is

there is such a wide spectrum of view points and opinions based on each members personal circumstances.

it is not the same as sitting down with a close friend or group of friends of a similar age and in relatively similar circumstances.

an example of this can be seen above where one poster states that "he is not interested in an independent career minded girl"

where as i personally would only be interested in an independent career minded girl and that is exactly what i married.

for me, the thought of dating or marrying a girl much younger than me, with little education that requires me to support her and family is just ridiculous.

what would i possibly have in common with a peasant farm girl? what we discuss, what common interests would we share?

for me, these things are important in a relationship and is usually why people date each other before marriage, to see if we are compatable and see if we share common beliefs, opinions and interests.

many farang men can't even have an adult conversation with their wives due to language barrier and lack of similar education and backgrounds

but as i said this is all about our personal expectations and also personal circumstances.

I am 37, have lived here since I was 9 years old, went to school here and work here etc

without trying to be cocky, i have never had a problem with meeting the type of woman that i like (before i was married), maybe i had more access to these types of women because i have grown up here and their is no language barrier etc.

my point is though, if you compare my expectations and circumstances to the one of the above posters who stated "he is an old unattractive farang and does not want an independent career minded girl"

comparing us would be like comparing apples and oranges and thus are going to lead to obvious conflict of opinions and probably are never going to see or understand each others point of you.

not that i would want to, but could you imagine the reaction from my thai parents if i would have bought home a bar girl/prostitute or even a peasant farm girl who was clearly with me for money and said i want to marry this girl.

ad i said there is a wide spectrum of members of this forum, all with their own reasons for being here, different expectations and criteria with regard to the women they seek/choose..

there really are far to many variables for the op to expect to get an answer to his question that all posters agree on.

see i have no problem with the posts like that of the "old unattractive farang" who is realistic about his expectations and circumstances.

i have grown up seeing old farang men walking around with young peasant girls, everyone knows what their both in it for, its like temples and soi dogs... part of the scene

the poster above even stated himself " that if he had an independent career minded girl, that once she became more successful she would leave him, because why would she want an old unattractive farang"

i personally would not choose to live my life the way he does, but i think he deserves some respect because he is honest enough with himself to accept the reality of his situation and personal circumstances and makes no attempt to try and disguise the fact or pretend the relationship is anything more than a business relationship.

i do however have a problem with posters that are in similar situations (through choice, thats remember that) but try and pretend that their "marriage is a normal setup" and will attack other posters that claim to be in what is deemed a more "normal marriage"

yes in the west many men are supporting a western wife and is often the sole provider for the home/family unit.

but thats be honest, in most (not all) cases they probably met when both the man and woman had jobs/careers, then date each other before marrying or starting a family and the lady is closer to the mans age

in most cases the woman is already quite capable of supporting herself financially and therefore not out actively seeking a man with money so she can give up her job and do nothing.

yes of course there are exceptions, but im not talking about gold diggers, just normal everyday women.

then in a lot of cases the woman will give up her job to stay at home and raise the children leaving the husband as the sole provider

obviously these days more and more women continue to work even after marrying and having children to either help out financially or because they enjoy working and wish to continue to pursue their careers

this does not just happen in the west but also here.

the main difference here is that many farangs choose to marry peasants and the peasants are often in it for the money

in the west it is very unusual for a man (even as the sole provider for the home) to be supporting his wife's parents or entire family.

what ever people want to say, or whatever arguments that are put forward

it does not change the fact that thailand is internationally famous for producing these kind of relationships between foreign men and thai ladies, i.e relationships based more on a financial arrangement more so than real love and commitment.

if a foreign man meets and dates a thai women with an education, a job and her own income and comes from a self supporting family, who is not motivated by money to date an " apparently rich foreigner" then it is different

if later down the line, they decide to start a family, the lady give up work to take care of the home and children thus leaving the husband/foreigner as the sole provider, then i see no problem with that and is comparable with many relationships in the west

but in thailand especially between farang/thai relationships the above scenario is often not the case.

when i met my wife, she already a good job her own money, a mortgage on a house with her mum,

i already had my own condo, also land in my name (i have thai nationality)

and my thai (adopted parents) have their own property and money)

my wife still pays the mortgage with her mum, she just bought a new car which she also pays for, other than that we share everything, all the bills, if we eat out we share the cost.

never in all the years we have been together has there ever been one supporting the other, we both work hard and enjoy are jobs.

her mum still works and will receive a pension when she retires and has never needed help from us ever, in fact her mum has helped us out at times.

my wife nor her family are "hi-so's) and certainly not rich, my wife has only just finished paying off her university loans (yes they have those here, for those that say education is not an option for many)

there have been hard times (financially) but we worked together as a team to get through them, that is a marriage... in my opinion...

the fact is, is that normal relationships/marriages exist here in thailand, if people are willing to invest the time needed to seek the right lady and work at the relationship.

i have a problem with members that have the "financial arrangement" type relationship but try and call it a real marriage... it is an insult to those of us who have worked hard or continue to work hard at a real marriage, a marriage where the couple is there for each other through thick and thin.

like i said i dont have a problem with people that choose financially based "relationships" if they are honest enough to stick to the facts and admit what it is.

but in some cases, members of this forum feel the need to snigger or scorn other members when we say we are in "normal relationships" or make comments like "we all pay in the end mate" bla bla... it is just not true

if someone wants to come on to a forum and stupid questions of how much to pay his his wife then he is obviously going to be met with some contempt from people who consider themselves to be in a real marriage.

maybe it's time for "thai visa"'to open more categories for these kind of posts

because this is like asking the yellow's and the red's to share an open forum relating to a particular subject and then asking them to get along....

sorry for the long long post and im sure it will be met with the usual "get of your high horse" mob etc etc which will just prove my point even more with regard to more sub categories for members.

maybe they should have a thai visa forum forum for men married to hookers or money motivated farm girls, then the posters in that forum will be in similar situations and probably be able to contribute a lot more effectively to op's like this.

it would surely help reduce the petty squabbling between posters.

try having 1 forum for christians and muslims to share and then let someone post "who is the real god" and see what happens.

anyway sorry again for the long post.

thailiketoo · February 15, 2014

The problem is, with questions like the op in forums like these is

there is such a wide spectrum of view points and opinions based on each members personal circumstances.

it is not the same as sitting down with a close friend or group of friends of a similar age and in relatively similar circumstances.

an example of this can be seen above where one poster states that "he is not interested in an independent career minded girl"

where as i personally would only be interested in an independent career minded girl and that is exactly what i married.

for me, the thought of dating or marrying a girl much younger than me, with little education that requires me to support her and family is just ridiculous.

what would i possibly have in common with a peasant farm girl? what we discuss, what common interests would we share?

for me, these things are important in a relationship and is usually why people date each other before marriage, to see if we are compatable and see if we share common beliefs, opinions and interests.

many farang men can't even have an adult conversation with their wives due to language barrier and lack of similar education and backgrounds

but as i said this is all about our personal expectations and also personal circumstances.

I am 37, have lived here since I was 9 years old, went to school here and work here etc

without trying to be cocky, i have never had a problem with meeting the type of woman that i like (before i was married), maybe i had more access to these types of women because i have grown up here and their is no language barrier etc.

my point is though, if you compare my expectations and circumstances to the one of the above posters who stated "he is an old unattractive farang and does not want an independent career minded girl"

comparing us would be like comparing apples and oranges and thus are going to lead to obvious conflict of opinions and probably are never going to see or understand each others point of you.

not that i would want to, but could you imagine the reaction from my thai parents if i would have bought home a bar girl/prostitute or even a peasant farm girl who was clearly with me for money and said i want to marry this girl.

ad i said there is a wide spectrum of members of this forum, all with their own reasons for being here, different expectations and criteria with regard to the women they seek/choose..

there really are far to many variables for the op to expect to get an answer to his question that all posters agree on.

see i have no problem with the posts like that of the "old unattractive farang" who is realistic about his expectations and circumstances.

i have grown up seeing old farang men walking around with young peasant girls, everyone knows what their both in it for, its like temples and soi dogs... part of the scene

the poster above even stated himself " that if he had an independent career minded girl, that once she became more successful she would leave him, because why would she want an old unattractive farang"

i personally would not choose to live my life the way he does, but i think he deserves some respect because he is honest enough with himself to accept the reality of his situation and personal circumstances and makes no attempt to try and disguise the fact or pretend the relationship is anything more than a business relationship.

i do however have a problem with posters that are in similar situations (through choice, thats remember that) but try and pretend that their "marriage is a normal setup" and will attack other posters that claim to be in what is deemed a more "normal marriage"

yes in the west many men are supporting a western wife and is often the sole provider for the home/family unit.

but thats be honest, in most (not all) cases they probably met when both the man and woman had jobs/careers, then date each other before marrying or starting a family and the lady is closer to the mans age

in most cases the woman is already quite capable of supporting herself financially and therefore not out actively seeking a man with money so she can give up her job and do nothing.

yes of course there are exceptions, but im not talking about gold diggers, just normal everyday women.

then in a lot of cases the woman will give up her job to stay at home and raise the children leaving the husband as the sole provider

obviously these days more and more women continue to work even after marrying and having children to either help out financially or because they enjoy working and wish to continue to pursue their careers

this does not just happen in the west but also here.

the main difference here is that many farangs choose to marry peasants and the peasants are often in it for the money

in the west it is very unusual for a man (even as the sole provider for the home) to be supporting his wife's parents or entire family.

what ever people want to say, or whatever arguments that are put forward

it does not change the fact that thailand is internationally famous for producing these kind of relationships between foreign men and thai ladies, i.e relationships based more on a financial arrangement more so than real love and commitment.

if a foreign man meets and dates a thai women with an education, a job and her own income and comes from a self supporting family, who is not motivated by money to date an " apparently rich foreigner" then it is different

if later down the line, they decide to start a family, the lady give up work to take care of the home and children thus leaving the husband/foreigner as the sole provider, then i see no problem with that and is comparable with many relationships in the west

but in thailand especially between farang/thai relationships the above scenario is often not the case.

when i met my wife, she already a good job her own money, a mortgage on a house with her mum,

i already had my own condo, also land in my name (i have thai nationality)

and my thai (adopted parents) have their own property and money)

my wife still pays the mortgage with her mum, she just bought a new car which she also pays for, other than that we share everything, all the bills, if we eat out we share the cost.

never in all the years we have been together has there ever been one supporting the other, we both work hard and enjoy are jobs.

her mum still works and will receive a pension when she retires and has never needed help from us ever, in fact her mum has helped us out at times.

my wife nor her family are "hi-so's) and certainly not rich, my wife has only just finished paying off her university loans (yes they have those here, for those that say education is not an option for many)

there have been hard times (financially) but we worked together as a team to get through them, that is a marriage... in my opinion...

the fact is, is that normal relationships/marriages exist here in thailand, if people are willing to invest the time needed to seek the right lady and work at the relationship.

i have a problem with members that have the "financial arrangement" type relationship but try and call it a real marriage... it is an insult to those of us who have worked hard or continue to work hard at a real marriage, a marriage where the couple is there for each other through thick and thin.

like i said i dont have a problem with people that choose financially based "relationships" if they are honest enough to stick to the facts and admit what it is.

but in some cases, members of this forum feel the need to snigger or scorn other members when we say we are in "normal relationships" or make comments like "we all pay in the end mate" bla bla... it is just not true

if someone wants to come on to a forum and stupid questions of how much to pay his his wife then he is obviously going to be met with some contempt from people who consider themselves to be in a real marriage.

maybe it's time for "thai visa"'to open more categories for these kind of posts

because this is like asking the yellow's and the red's to share an open forum relating to a particular subject and then asking them to get along....

sorry for the long long post and im sure it will be met with the usual "get of your high horse" mob etc etc which will just prove my point even more with regard to more sub categories for members.

maybe they should have a thai visa forum forum for men married to hookers or money motivated farm girls, then the posters in that forum will be in similar situations and probably be able to contribute a lot more effectively to op's like this.

it would surely help reduce the petty squabbling between posters.

try having 1 forum for christians and muslims to share and then let someone post "who is the real god" and see what happens.

anyway sorry again for the long post.

You wrote, "but in some cases, members of this forum feel the need to snigger or scorn other members when we say we are in "normal relationships" or make comments like "we all pay in the end mate" bla bla... it is just not true."

I have been married four times legally and have been to over a dozen marriage counselors in more than one country. I beg to differ, it is true.

See there is the rub.

My favorite marriage counselors were two board certified psychiatrists (that means MD and Dr. of Psychiatry.) Quote, "Well if you put it that way of course you pay for it."

I think you are trying to be reasonable and make sense but your whole long argument is based on a lie.

I married a hooker. She was my 4th wife. She left me 10 years, 23 days, 12 hours and 6 minutes ago.

Since she's been gone I can do whatever I want. I can see whomever I choose. I would have paid anything and it would have been cheap to keep her. Because nothing compared to her.

She died 10 years, 23 days, 12 hours and 6 minutes ago and I would have paid anything to keep her alive. Money had nothing to do with it.

It would reduce the petty squabbling between posters if you didn't act like God. You don't know if we all pay in the end......yet.

tyler2208 · February 15, 2014

The problem is, with questions like the op in forums like these is

there is such a wide spectrum of view points and opinions based on each members personal circumstances.

it is not the same as sitting down with a close friend or group of friends of a similar age and in relatively similar circumstances.

an example of this can be seen above where one poster states that "he is not interested in an independent career minded girl"

where as i personally would only be interested in an independent career minded girl and that is exactly what i married.

for me, the thought of dating or marrying a girl much younger than me, with little education that requires me to support her and family is just ridiculous.

what would i possibly have in common with a peasant farm girl? what we discuss, what common interests would we share?

for me, these things are important in a relationship and is usually why people date each other before marriage, to see if we are compatable and see if we share common beliefs, opinions and interests.

many farang men can't even have an adult conversation with their wives due to language barrier and lack of similar education and backgrounds

but as i said this is all about our personal expectations and also personal circumstances.

I am 37, have lived here since I was 9 years old, went to school here and work here etc

without trying to be cocky, i have never had a problem with meeting the type of woman that i like (before i was married), maybe i had more access to these types of women because i have grown up here and their is no language barrier etc.

my point is though, if you compare my expectations and circumstances to the one of the above posters who stated "he is an old unattractive farang and does not want an independent career minded girl"

comparing us would be like comparing apples and oranges and thus are going to lead to obvious conflict of opinions and probably are never going to see or understand each others point of you.

not that i would want to, but could you imagine the reaction from my thai parents if i would have bought home a bar girl/prostitute or even a peasant farm girl who was clearly with me for money and said i want to marry this girl.

ad i said there is a wide spectrum of members of this forum, all with their own reasons for being here, different expectations and criteria with regard to the women they seek/choose..

there really are far to many variables for the op to expect to get an answer to his question that all posters agree on.

see i have no problem with the posts like that of the "old unattractive farang" who is realistic about his expectations and circumstances.

i have grown up seeing old farang men walking around with young peasant girls, everyone knows what their both in it for, its like temples and soi dogs... part of the scene

the poster above even stated himself " that if he had an independent career minded girl, that once she became more successful she would leave him, because why would she want an old unattractive farang"

i personally would not choose to live my life the way he does, but i think he deserves some respect because he is honest enough with himself to accept the reality of his situation and personal circumstances and makes no attempt to try and disguise the fact or pretend the relationship is anything more than a business relationship.

i do however have a problem with posters that are in similar situations (through choice, thats remember that) but try and pretend that their "marriage is a normal setup" and will attack other posters that claim to be in what is deemed a more "normal marriage"

yes in the west many men are supporting a western wife and is often the sole provider for the home/family unit.

but thats be honest, in most (not all) cases they probably met when both the man and woman had jobs/careers, then date each other before marrying or starting a family and the lady is closer to the mans age

in most cases the woman is already quite capable of supporting herself financially and therefore not out actively seeking a man with money so she can give up her job and do nothing.

yes of course there are exceptions, but im not talking about gold diggers, just normal everyday women.

then in a lot of cases the woman will give up her job to stay at home and raise the children leaving the husband as the sole provider

obviously these days more and more women continue to work even after marrying and having children to either help out financially or because they enjoy working and wish to continue to pursue their careers

this does not just happen in the west but also here.

the main difference here is that many farangs choose to marry peasants and the peasants are often in it for the money

in the west it is very unusual for a man (even as the sole provider for the home) to be supporting his wife's parents or entire family.

what ever people want to say, or whatever arguments that are put forward

it does not change the fact that thailand is internationally famous for producing these kind of relationships between foreign men and thai ladies, i.e relationships based more on a financial arrangement more so than real love and commitment.

if a foreign man meets and dates a thai women with an education, a job and her own income and comes from a self supporting family, who is not motivated by money to date an " apparently rich foreigner" then it is different

if later down the line, they decide to start a family, the lady give up work to take care of the home and children thus leaving the husband/foreigner as the sole provider, then i see no problem with that and is comparable with many relationships in the west

but in thailand especially between farang/thai relationships the above scenario is often not the case.

when i met my wife, she already a good job her own money, a mortgage on a house with her mum,

i already had my own condo, also land in my name (i have thai nationality)

and my thai (adopted parents) have their own property and money)

my wife still pays the mortgage with her mum, she just bought a new car which she also pays for, other than that we share everything, all the bills, if we eat out we share the cost.

never in all the years we have been together has there ever been one supporting the other, we both work hard and enjoy are jobs.

her mum still works and will receive a pension when she retires and has never needed help from us ever, in fact her mum has helped us out at times.

my wife nor her family are "hi-so's) and certainly not rich, my wife has only just finished paying off her university loans (yes they have those here, for those that say education is not an option for many)

there have been hard times (financially) but we worked together as a team to get through them, that is a marriage... in my opinion...

the fact is, is that normal relationships/marriages exist here in thailand, if people are willing to invest the time needed to seek the right lady and work at the relationship.

i have a problem with members that have the "financial arrangement" type relationship but try and call it a real marriage... it is an insult to those of us who have worked hard or continue to work hard at a real marriage, a marriage where the couple is there for each other through thick and thin.

like i said i dont have a problem with people that choose financially based "relationships" if they are honest enough to stick to the facts and admit what it is.

but in some cases, members of this forum feel the need to snigger or scorn other members when we say we are in "normal relationships" or make comments like "we all pay in the end mate" bla bla... it is just not true

if someone wants to come on to a forum and stupid questions of how much to pay his his wife then he is obviously going to be met with some contempt from people who consider themselves to be in a real marriage.

maybe it's time for "thai visa"'to open more categories for these kind of posts

because this is like asking the yellow's and the red's to share an open forum relating to a particular subject and then asking them to get along....

sorry for the long long post and im sure it will be met with the usual "get of your high horse" mob etc etc which will just prove my point even more with regard to more sub categories for members.

maybe they should have a thai visa forum forum for men married to hookers or money motivated farm girls, then the posters in that forum will be in similar situations and probably be able to contribute a lot more effectively to op's like this.

it would surely help reduce the petty squabbling between posters.

try having 1 forum for christians and muslims to share and then let someone post "who is the real god" and see what happens.

anyway sorry again for the long post.

You wrote, "but in some cases, members of this forum feel the need to snigger or scorn other members when we say we are in "normal relationships" or make comments like "we all pay in the end mate" bla bla... it is just not true."

I have been married four times legally and have been to over a dozen marriage counselors in more than one country. I beg to differ, it is true.

See there is the rub.

My favorite marriage counselors were two board certified psychiatrists (that means MD and Dr. of Psychiatry.) Quote, "Well if you put it that way of course you pay for it."

I think you are trying to be reasonable and make sense but your whole long argument is based on a lie.

I married a hooker. She was my 4th wife. She left me 10 years, 23 days, 12 hours and 6 minutes ago.

Since she's been gone I can do whatever I want. I can see whomever I choose. I would have paid anything and it would have been cheap to keep her. Because nothing compared to her.

She died 10 years, 23 days, 12 hours and 6 minutes ago and I would have paid anything to keep her alive. Money had nothing to do with it.

It would reduce the petty squabbling between posters if you didn't act like God. You don't know if we all pay in the end......yet.

first i will begin by saying sorry for your loss.

it has nothing to do with acting like god at all

and there will always be exeptions to every situation

but to say " we all pay in the end" (meaning financially) is simply not true, we dont ALL pay in the end, but some do sure

but the fact that you have been married four times may be an indication that you are not a very good at selecting the right companion, i mean once, twice maybe but four times.

i dont know you personal background or the background of the women you previously married (all four of them)

and i want to becareful what i say as you clearly are still in pain from the loss of your last wife.

but i will politely say to you, that perhaps, just perhaps their are some serious underlying issue's with either yourself, the women you have married or ultimately your ability to choose a the right women for you is just not your forte!

i think you will have to agree, four marriages in total, 3 of which needed councelling but still ended and your fourth marriage to a "hooker" (your words) who past away (again i am sorry for your loss) is not what most would consider a normal situation.

marriage is supposed to be a commintment between to people. yes things do go wrong, but i dont believe my post (long as it may be) was based on a lie.

the trouble is many men come to thailand Looking for "a wife"

but in many cases they are not really looking for a wife (in it's purist sence)

an example of this would be a farang neighbour of mine years ago asked me where he can meet a nice girl to marry? how could i answer that?

i mean if i could answer that, there would be no lonley people in the world

but i asked him what kind if lady would he like to meet?

now this guy was at least 60!

his answers/critiria were along the lines of

not older than 25 years old!

would need to speak some english but not much

and be sexy!

i asked him about education, what interests he would like the girl to have

his reply, that's not important, but has to be sexually active

now i think this guy's responces make it abundantly clear that he was not looking for a marriage, but a sexual partner almost a quater of his age

the problem is that their are so many farang men looking for this arrangement in thailand but want to insult the insitution of marriage by calling it a marriage

and the women who enter into these arrangements are not commited to the so called "marriage" or husband but are commited only to the money.

that is why it is no surprise that the "love"

often stops when the money does, sometimes before hand....

then you get the knight in shining armour types that think that the poor bar girls have bo choice...

yeah right!

and then believe that talking the girl out of the bar and giving her an allowance is "saving her"

if these so called knight in shining armour types want to do something good then why dont they use their money to send the girl to complete her education so she can improve herself and her quality of life through hard work, which builds character and integrity and teaches them to have commitment to something.

but how often do you see these farangs do that?

not often, because they dont want their wives to actually do better for themselves

many of the farangs that marry women like that, want to keep them dependent on their charity/money because most of them know that many of these women are only staying with them for that very reason... that is not a real marriage

and after your four attempts and a"dozen marriage counsellers" (your words again) one would think that you would learn something

but if all you can come up with after your four endevours at marriage is "we dint know if we pay in the end" then you really have learned nothing it would seem, except how to be cynical.

but your reply kind of does back up what i said about this forum needing to be divided into more sub catogories for the posters,

how would someone like you and your colorful marital history and someone like me ever be able to agree on matters like these.

FiftyTwo · February 15, 2014

So what's the difference between a sex worker and a non sex worker if you have to pay them both ?

Volume of sales.

thailiketoo · February 15, 2014

first i will begin by saying sorry for your loss.

it has nothing to do with acting like god at all

and there will always be exeptions to every situation

but to say " we all pay in the end" (meaning financially) is simply not true, we dont ALL pay in the end, but some do sure

but the fact that you have been married four times may be an indication that you are not a very good at selecting the right companion, i mean once, twice maybe but four times.

i dont know you personal background or the background of the women you previously married (all four of them)

and i want to becareful what i say as you clearly are still in pain from the loss of your last wife.

but i will politely say to you, that perhaps, just perhaps their are some serious underlying issue's with either yourself, the women you have married or ultimately your ability to choose a the right women for you is just not your forte!

i think you will have to agree, four marriages in total, 3 of which needed councelling but still ended and your fourth marriage to a "hooker" (your words) who past away (again i am sorry for your loss) is not what most would consider a normal situation.

marriage is supposed to be a commintment between to people. yes things do go wrong, but i dont believe my post (long as it may be) was based on a lie.

but your reply kind of does back up what i said about this forum needing to be divided into more sub catogories for the posters,

how would someone like you and your colorful marital history and someone like me ever be able to agree on matters like these.

Some people pay with money and some pay with emotion.

Mine was a small point. Everybody pays (also everybody hurts).

But that was really a small part of my small point. Paying has nothing to do with a normal relationship (marriage). You may think it does but the majority of people in the world don't.

Let me give you some examples. I gave money to my mother and father and sister and children with AIDS. No marriage and no relationship.

Let me suggest something to you. You are bragging that you have a wife for less money than others have and that makes you a better person. If not why would you make a big deal out of money? Money has nothing to do with a normal relationship there are too many exceptions for it to be anything else.

You and all the other w w's add money to your list of things you should not brag about on Thai Visa re your marriage. 1. I don't care how big your are or how beautiful you think your wife is or how little you manage to pay her. 2. It is meaningless in the evaluation of a normal relationship.

Marriage is about love and kids and trust and many things. It is not about how little you manage to pay your wife.

How much you pay your wife is not an indication of normalcy in a relationship.

tyler2208 · February 15, 2014

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