Unsure what to do...

[sirchai]

Oh no!@ Seems that we have dated the same woman. Is she about 150- 160 cm tall, has got black hair and black eyes, with the nickname Noi?

Sometimes friends also call her Lek. But I thought she's my Teerak. Already booked a hotel in Hua Hin for us. Som Nam Na.

[lucjoker]

dating on line ?!?!?!?!?!

no time (or money,or looks,or courage ) to do as normal people do?

I can understand on-line dating with a lady from Mars,but that's about it .

Sorry - meant to say - that for various reasons it IS what 'NORMAL' people now do all over the world. And it can work !

How can you know normal people ? You only know cyber-people ,who are too scared to come from behind their desk,look at your profile ....you want to be anonymous even in cyberspace ,lol.

Up to you ,keep hiding and thinking you are normal.

[joebrown]

Sorry to read the OP's bad news. IMO he should be able to make up his own mind about whether to try to make contact with his Thai lady. I lived in Phetchabun for 5 years and can confirm Ban Kok is a small village about 10k north east of the city. It is an area where there are several farang residences. Some of these guys are still my friends and I know there is a farang 'watering hole' in front of one of the local shops, where the locals congregate. If he does get to Phetchabun he could do worse than stay a couple of nights at the inexpensive city centre hotel (Bhurapa), near Topland, which are both within 5 minutes walk from the "Toffee" bar where some of the Ban Kok residents quench their thirst after shopping,( or more likely after playing golf on Tuesday & Friday mornings). Good Luck to you.

[DLP]

Oh no!@ Seems that we have dated the same woman. Is she about 150- 160 cm tall, has got black hair and black eyes, with the nickname Noi?

Sometimes friends also call her Lek. But I thought she's my Teerak. Already booked a hotel in Hua Hin for us. Som Nam Na.

OH NO Thats my girlfriend

[DLP]

Oh no!@ Seems that we have dated the same woman. Is she about 150- 160 cm tall, has got black hair and black eyes, with the nickname Noi?

Sometimes friends also call her Lek. But I thought she's my Teerak. Already booked a hotel in Hua Hin for us. Som Nam Na.

OH NO Thats my girlfriend

[SOTIRIOS]

....it's called 'upping the ante'....be very careful, buddy....better to move on......

[Illusions]

@electronicweld

Same story happened to me some years ago : first time, the woman totally disappeared, left her job (good job),.., I discovered some years later that she married an american and left thailand, now living there. Second time (another thai woman), I thought my gf had accident too (no news during 5 days).. Finally she was doing a basketball sport tour with her daughter (not even sure.. maybe another kind of sport with someone else).. Story finished bad also one year later, and I lost quite some money on top of it..;

Unfortunately, no news means in this case bad news.. Thai (women) have no courage to face difficult situations.. always prefering to avoid problems than face them.. So, you can be sure at 99% that she does not want to see you anymore... Anything that you will do against this will push you deeper in the hole.. and yes you can lose more : your personal balance, your money, your heart, ,.. many things..

In case you want to be sure, and get the final answer (even if not a good one), you can make the trip to her place : that will make you discover the country.. and people, another way. That will push you to go out from the tourists tracks, to try to speak thai, to try to understand culture and people, and you will discover how thai people can be friendly, helpful and nice too.

But remember that thai women are very smart and gifted for lying, cheating, and using men at their advantage : they have to survive by themselves (no social security, no unemployment subsidies, no pension schèmes, no health coverage,... and often no husband to really take care).. so they will do ANYTHING to survive..

As per yr question about fun in BKK, you will find easily many places.. but be even more careful in those places : women there are more dangerous than sharks to steal you heart.; and yr money. I would recommend the Sukhumwit area : nice hôtels, restaurants, clubs, bars, etc.. and also red light districts like Nana and Soi cowboy if you wish

Be careful and take care

[penwithcris]

Try the Philippines - crap country but there is more chance of meeting a loyal lady there and their English is likely to be better

Arrange to meet a few girls in advance of your trip. No point in wandering aimless around Manila or expecting to find love in Olangapo.

Better still try to make friends with girls already in the country. They are bound to have sisters or cousins keen to travel a abroad

Google Philippine Festivals and try to get to one or two in your area.

As a last resort contract an illness. You are bound to be looked after by a Filipina nurse

Don't wait 'til you are dribbling in a Nursing Home to meet a Filipina carer

Good luck - invite me to the wedding ok

[dighambara]

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

So either she found a new 'sugar daddy' or her Thai husband objected to her meeting foreigners.

There are other possibilities, but around 90% fit the above.

[electronicweld]

Thanks for all the advice!

Just to answer a few questions, she, (Su) worked as a sales assistant in a cosmetic store, in Phetchabun. She told me she lives about 10km away and goes to work on her scooter. She asked her employer for time off to see me and her employer agreed. When she went home for the funeral, she was asked to go back to work, by her employer. When she refused, stating she was only back for the funeral, her boss sacked her. So, after I flew home, Su went back to Phetchabun, but had no job. She was becoming very depressed, not working and having no money, although, she hadn't asked me for any money! I offered to send money and sent £100. About 2 weeks ago, Su said she had found a job, working in a clothing shop. The pay was crap, 6000/mth, but she was gratefull for the work. Only catch was, as she would be working in the shop alone, her employer wanted security of 4000, in case she did a runner, or whatever, Su said it is quite common in BKK. Anyway, Su did ask me if I would send her money, so she could start work. (which I did) That was the last time I heard from her.

Btw, Su was born and grew up in BKK, became pregnant at 19 and then married the father. She divorced her husband 4 years later and has brought her son up alone, ever since. The son will be 16 this year, I have seen him (and her mum) on cam.

2 years ago, Su's grandmother became ill, so she and her son moved to Phetchabun, to look after her. (Su's mum was already living with her Gran) The Gran died and Su decided to live with her mum and son in the house. I didn't see much of the house on cam, but it looked pretty basic.

I think, I've reached a decision about what to do. I will fly to Bangkok, then get the bus to Phetchabun. Whatever the outcome, I will know the truth. I can't just walk away, I need to know if she is alive. Yes, she is clumsy, she cut her wrist open whilst peeling a papaya and needed 5 stitches. She showed me on cam and I saw the scar, when we met. I did see her injured arm on cam. (it was connected to the rest of her body) and she said she had a large lump on her head, "like an egg".

[Arma]

Learn this fast, and don't forget it . . . . .

TiT

Now, move on with your life

[chiang mai]

A number of posters in this thread are trying to give you inputs and guidance, ultimately whatever you decide to do is up to you and I think most posters here will wish you luck either way - let me give you one more input to treat as you will:

It is not uncommon to see Thai females, typically rural poor, who have cut marks on their forearms and wrists, they come from attempts at self harm from having a "broken heart" in their teens and are a sign of mental and emotional instability - it's a typical sign of a cry for help at an early age.

[bluskye]

It's possible that there's a "new man" in town and she can't take calls until he has gone home.

Some Thai women have four or five farang boyfriends at the same time coming and going all year round.

Each one sending money for the buffalo that has gone bad, the dying grandmother etc.

Just remember if you miss one bus, there's always another bus just around the corner.

The best of luck

[Escapologist]

The facts likely suggest that she is not into you. You have allowed yourself to develop feelings for this woman and they are clouding your judgement. It will never happen. She will never contact you again. Don't go to Phetchabun or you will very likely return feeling like sh*t. You must move on. Maybe you are vulnerable after a break up? Protect your heart and don't get taken for a ride. You say you met her on an international dating site. What Thailand-regular hasn't had the boyfriend-call experience where, butt-naked on your hotel bed, a Thai woman has given an Oscar-winning display of loyalty and fidelity to an anxious chump back in farangland! In a few months she will be a thing of the past. I realise that you will be hearing what you want to hear. Maybe you want to learn the hard way. Whatever the case is, good luck with your quest!

[electronicweld]

A number of posters in this thread are trying to give you inputs and guidance, ultimately whatever you decide to do is up to you and I think most posters here will wish you luck either way - let me give you one more input to treat as you will:

It is not uncommon to see Thai females, typically rural poor, who have cut marks on their forearms and wrists, they come from attempts at self harm from having a "broken heart" in their teens and are a sign of mental and emotional instability - it's a typical sign of a cry for help at an early age.

Thanks for your views. But she cut her wrist at work, during lunchtime. She took off her bandage and showed me the fresh cut on cam, with 5 stitches in it. By the time we met a couple of months later, it was simply a new looking scar.

[siamtwin]

First learn how to

Instead of being a wise guy why don't you first check the facts using Google Earth and then learn how to spell Ban Khok since it is Ban Khok not Bangkok.

And I thought the guy from CHiPs was already dead. Well now I know it's only brain dead.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

[BohemianDaddyo]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

What did you expect from a ONLINE dating site ?

Only dinosaurs don't know that online-dating is now the main way that singles become couples - in the West as well - catch up with history.

If you refer to older men as dinosaurs, well even most of us dinosaurs know how to use a computer as is clearly seen here at Thai Visa, and many likely are more proficient at it than you.. But the reality in actually meeting women outside my door in 3D living color from 2D personals in cyber fantasy la la land in my experience over the last year from never having had to do so before, is close to null and void. When local women even initiate contact of interest in or with me, it ends up a feigned interest when push comes to shove in meeting them in 3D reality and even when they agree to meeting in a public place, I was stood up [on line not at the meeting place] 3 times in so many months when confirming the scheduled first meet.

Here's my opinion of on line personals after trying to meet women from them since not knowing any since moving here to FL in 2013 and never needing to meet women this way before.. Most women online appear to suffer from an Absurd Standards Syndrome (ASS) unless they're fairly new to cyber personals from what I've noticed. The cyber female of today suffering from this ASS complex is the result of a ratio of dozens of males all clamoring for the attention of 1 female at any given dating site. This on line ratio of dozens of males to each female on personals sites leaves women in a state of cyber induced self delusion from so much attention from so many men they do not experience once they walk out their door into reality where the actual ratio is less than 1 male for every 1 female. This will likely hold true even to a greater degree in regards to farangs trying to meet Thai women on line.. I'm always up for competition, but seriously, why even bother competing against dozens of other 2D men on line for the attention of one women suffering from ASS when Vegas odds tell men there is less than one man for every one woman in 3D reality outside our doors? I'll stick to 3D reality myself where the odds are immensely more in my favor being the gregarious, extroverted and amiable sort of guy I am...

Insulated by the PC media, glam mags, academia, beta suck-ups and female friends, there are growing numbers of women posting personals on line losing touch with their rank relative to other women and are thus finding it easy to slip into this comfortable bubble of cyber self-delusion known as ASS. Similar to cigarette addiction, and the quick dopamine fix, many women found on personals sites are escaping a harsher acceptance of their personal flaws that can only be remedied by realizing the reality of their diminished mating choices in the real world after leaving their self deluded comfort found in a multitude of attractive men that in all reality don't exist for for them outside the confines of cyber space.

All meaning I find women far more polite, cordial and open to me in 3D reality than I find them in 2D cyber space fantasy la la land where most simply seem rude, unfriendly and dismissive. Just my experienced opinion after trying to use on line personals over the last year or so.. And your experience may be different and more power to ya if so.. Although I read with great interest about experienced expat viewpoints of Thai women given I'll be in Chiang Mai in 10 days or so, I think there are some universal truths about women many seem to forgo or forget..

Most all women the world over seek a reasonably successful man - or at least one who is, or has the potential to be a 'good' provider if a man is at a younger age. This is the very nature of women from a genetic and cultural sense in any given patriarchal society. I think what some expats are forgetting, or don't know yet, is that a higher level of "Love" cannot exist when there are conditions and expectations put on it by another.. From what I can generally conclude after reading this post and many others on Farang/Thai relationships, is that Thai women "love" in almost purely a pragmatic sense as one expat posted. And there's nothing wrong with this pragmatic lower level of love with 'expectations' and 'conditions', but it is not really love in my book. It is simply an arrangement for pretend or feigned love, and there's nothing wrong with this as long as both parties realize it is only a relationship based on something other than genuine love without expectations or conditions.. Once you start believing feigned love based on expectations and conditions is some sort of 'real' or 'romantic' love, you will begin emotionally attaching yourself to your 'object' of desire - and that is where the emotional pain and jealousy begins.

Ironically in striving to love without conditions and expectations on another, the emotional attachment is lessened making it far easier to 'love and let go'.. Women seem to regard this as a challenge when a man expresses love without expectations in a more 'nonchalant' manner. A man is not expressing love when he strives to possess, or exclusively own a woman - he is only expressing his conditioning from a western patriarchal Christian society. As soon as a woman puts financial expectations and conditions on their 'love' and attention, as apparently 100% of Thai women do based on their culture, you know it is something other than real love. In my case, if a woman puts financial conditions and/or expectations on our relationship, I know I need to regard her as something other than a love interest and more of an 'object' of arousal, amusement and entertainment.. We all know ya can't buy love, but you can buy sexual arousal, amusement and entertainment! Just my take on it so far, but obviously I still won't have any valuable insight into Thai women until years of in country experience, if I take my interest in the LOS to that degree after visiting for a month with a wait and see attitude.. Regards to all..

Edited March 26, 2014 by BohemianDaddyo

[DLP]

She seems to be very accident prone.

[sweatalot]

Thanks for all the support and advice! I was warned about Thai women, when I told a friend I was becoming involved with a Thai lady.

I will still travel to Thailand in April, as the flights are already booked and paid for. But I'm unsure whether or not to travel north, to try to find her. It may well be a complete waste of time. (and money)

I don't understand why her phone is turned off, it goes straight to voicemail, that means no one else can contact her??

OK, time for me to "man up", whats the district of Bangkock where the best night life is, I'll look for a hotel there and have some fun! I'll send her an email when I'm there, it's up to her then.

Once again, thanks. (and no, I'm not a troll, I have sent cards to that address and she has recieved them. I purposely didn't mention her house number and street name)

"I don't understand why her phone is turned off, it goes straight to voicemail, that means no one else can contact her??"

I think it has been mentioned already, the answer is that many women who have more than one sponsor also have more than one phone.

[onmysites]

I understand your concerns..about your girlfriend..I live in BKK and am married to a Thai ..her English is good to ..we would be able and happy to help with your translation problems if you decide to travel to search your girlfriends hometown....easy with mobile..

If you feel this maybe useful give me your skype name and we can talk on there..take care..

[larsjohnsson]

You'll find people who have lived here a fair amount of time are very cynical when we hear stories like this.

I would say come over to Thailand on holiday and make plans to be a singe traveller and see if she gets in touch when you are here, if you beleive her excuses for going quiet go and see her then.

Be very careful of Thai ladies, that's not to say they are all bad I am married with a daughter, but there a lot of schemers about.

Look on the web for Mor Chit bus station in BKK that's the main one. A taxi from the airport will probably be 3500thb or so.

If you want to save some money get the metro from the airport into town & then get a taxi, you should save 3000 Bht & not be a lot slower...

How can he save 3000 baht by taking the train from the airport? A taxi between the airport and the endstation Phayai Thai cost about 200-250 baht

[larsjohnsson]

No Thai girl would go back from a holiday in Hua Hin because a cousin died. Not if she was interested in you. For a member of the family yes. But not a cousin

[NexusWR]

Don't do it. She is obviously not interested anymore. This is not a big deal. Move on. There are plenty of fish in the Gulf of Thailand. Be like the Thais and don't get too attached.

[Beetlejuice]

A number of posters in this thread are trying to give you inputs and guidance, ultimately whatever you decide to do is up to you and I think most posters here will wish you luck either way - let me give you one more input to treat as you will:

It is not uncommon to see Thai females, typically rural poor, who have cut marks on their forearms and wrists, they come from attempts at self harm from having a "broken heart" in their teens and are a sign of mental and emotional instability - it's a typical sign of a cry for help at an early age.

Thanks for your views. But she cut her wrist at work, during lunchtime. She took off her bandage and showed me the fresh cut on cam, with 5 stitches in it. By the time we met a couple of months later, it was simply a new looking scar.

Sorry mate but that address seems very suspect to me. Bang Kock City Canton indeed? Sounds like a dish from a Chinese restaurant menu.

Surely she must have a facebook account or listed on one social networking site or another? All the young Thai girls including my daughter have facebook accounts. If she does not than she must be one in a million.

Perhaps the girl in question was not impressed with you on your first meeting, or you are over possessive or even a stalker out to do this girl some harm, could be anything.

Quite frankly I find your methods of trying to trace this girl and being allowed to publish someone`s personal residential address, if it`s real? Plus your persistence rather creepy, and if I did know of the whereabouts of this girl I certainly would not forward that information onto you.

Edited March 26, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[DekDaeng]

In Thailand you never lose your girlfriend.

You only lose your turn.

[markbosenn]

You need to spend some time reading the threads. First hint,....you are in Hau Hin...she leaves to take care of dead cousin and then comes back after 4 days. That's perfect example of another boyfriend that spends more money on her than you....came into town. the fact that you can not get ahold of her now.....come on...wake up.....

Go to Thailand and have a great time....too many women there to be bothered dealing with the BS. remember, this is YOUR holiday...enjoy it as YOU want to.

[larsjohnsson]

dating on line ?!?!?!?!?!

no time (or money,or looks,or courage ) to do as normal people do?

I can understand on-line dating with a lady from Mars,but that's about it .

Only dinosaurs don't know that online-dating is now the main way that singles become couples - in the West as well - catch up with history.

But when dating online wit Thai girls it's not the same thing. Here most of the girls don't do the online dating or any writing themself. Often the same man/woman do the writing/dating for 10 or 20 girls. And it's all about money...

[atyclb]

Thai women are famously known for erratic illogical behavior. Many with experience could be more concerned if she were displaying punctual efficiency, planning and organization.

popular Thai saying in english; if you know a woman you know nothing. if you dont know a woman you know everything.

[Beetlejuice]

Putting aside the OP`s case and the alleged girl in question being Thai, this is in general, the guys seeking a possible love and romance relationship on-line anywhere worldwide should ask themselves this:

Why would any attractive, young, well to do female need to advertise for partners on a free or cheap crappy dating on-line website? Unless there is something dramatically wrong with them or they are purely out for gain from the desperate, the gullible and the naive or even perhaps some are scammers or women of ill repute or maybe they are not real at all, fake profiles put up by scammers or plain Janes that have been photoshopped.

From my lifetime experiences even when attractive young women go shopping in a mall it`s not long before some guy`s are eyeing them up and start sniffing around them, or in other words, they certainly do not need to advertise themselves on-line or anywhere else in order to meet guys.

I would treat any of these girls profiles on-line with caution and would ask some pretty searching questions prior to actively getting involved with them.

Edited March 26, 2014 by Beetlejuice

[Escapologist]

<script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script>

What did you expect from a ONLINE dating site ?

Only dinosaurs don't know that online-dating is now the main way that singles become couples - in the West as well - catch up with history.

If you refer to older men as dinosaurs, well even most of us dinosaurs know how to use a computer as is clearly seen here at Thai Visa, and many likely are more proficient at it than you.. But the reality in actually meeting women outside my door in 3D living color from 2D personals in cyber fantasy la la land in my experience over the last year from never having had to do so before, is close to null and void. When local women even initiate contact of interest in or with me, it ends up a feigned interest when push comes to shove in meeting them in 3D reality and even when they agree to meeting in a public place, I was stood up [on line not at the meeting place] 3 times in so many months when confirming the scheduled first meet.

Here's my opinion of on line personals after trying to meet women from them since not knowing any since moving here to FL in 2013 and never needing to meet women this way before.. Most women online appear to suffer from an Absurd Standards Syndrome (ASS) unless they're fairly new to cyber personals from what I've noticed. The cyber female of today suffering from this ASS complex is the result of a ratio of dozens of males all clamoring for the attention of 1 female at any given dating site. This on line ratio of dozens of males to each female on personals sites leaves women in a state of cyber induced self delusion from so much attention from so many men they do not experience once they walk out their door into reality where the actual ratio is less than 1 male for every 1 female. This will likely hold true even to a greater degree in regards to farangs trying to meet Thai women on line.. I'm always up for competition, but seriously, why even bother competing against dozens of other 2D men on line for the attention of one women suffering from ASS when Vegas odds tell men there is less than one man for every one woman in 3D reality outside our doors? I'll stick to 3D reality myself where the odds are immensely more in my favor being the gregarious, extroverted and amiable sort of guy I am...

Insulated by the PC media, glam mags, academia, beta suck-ups and female friends, there are growing numbers of women posting personals on line losing touch with their rank relative to other women and are thus finding it easy to slip into this comfortable bubble of cyber self-delusion known as ASS. Similar to cigarette addiction, and the quick dopamine fix, many women found on personals sites are escaping a harsher acceptance of their personal flaws that can only be remedied by realizing the reality of their diminished mating choices in the real world after leaving their self deluded comfort found in a multitude of attractive men that in all reality don't exist for for them outside the confines of cyber space.

All meaning I find women far more polite, cordial and open to me in 3D reality than I find them in 2D cyber space fantasy la la land where most simply seem rude, unfriendly and dismissive. Just my experienced opinion after trying to use on line personals over the last year or so.. And your experience may be different and more power to ya if so.. Although I read with great interest about experienced expat viewpoints of Thai women given I'll be in Chiang Mai in 10 days or so, I think there are some universal truths about women many seem to forgo or forget..

Most all women the world over seek a reasonably successful man - or at least one who is, or has the potential to be a 'good' provider if a man is at a younger age. This is the very nature of women from a genetic and cultural sense in any given patriarchal society. I think what some expats are forgetting, or don't know yet, is that a higher level of "Love" cannot exist when there are conditions and expectations put on it by another.. From what I can generally conclude after reading this post and many others on Farang/Thai relationships, is that Thai women "love" in almost purely a pragmatic sense as one expat posted. And there's nothing wrong with this pragmatic lower level of love with 'expectations' and 'conditions', but it is not really love in my book. It is simply an arrangement for pretend or feigned love, and there's nothing wrong with this as long as both parties realize it is only a relationship based on something other than genuine love without expectations or conditions.. Once you start believing feigned love based on expectations and conditions is some sort of 'real' or 'romantic' love, you will begin emotionally attaching yourself to your 'object' of desire - and that is where the emotional pain and jealousy begins.

Ironically in striving to love without conditions and expectations on another, the emotional attachment is lessened making it far easier to 'love and let go'.. Women seem to regard this as a challenge when a man expresses love without expectations in a more 'nonchalant' manner. A man is not expressing love when he strives to possess, or exclusively own a woman - he is only expressing his conditioning from a western patriarchal Christian society. As soon as a woman puts financial expectations and conditions on their 'love' and attention, as apparently 100% of Thai women do based on their culture, you know it is something other than real love. In my case, if a woman puts financial conditions and/or expectations on our relationship, I know I need to regard her as something other than a love interest and more of an 'object' of arousal, amusement and entertainment.. We all know ya can't buy love, but you can buy sexual arousal, amusement and entertainment! Just my take on it so far, but obviously I still won't have any valuable insight into Thai women until years of in country experience, if I take my interest in the LOS to that degree after visiting for a month with a wait and see attitude.. Regards to all..

Great post, Bohemian. I loved your ASS...but that's another story! hehe