Thai Father inlaw

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Hi there,

I would like to talk a little bit about my experiences dealing with my Thai father in law. First off I am a American I have lived in Thailand for over 4 years. I orginally lived with my wife and her son until her father came to live with us. My life before living with the father inlaw was good I was the man of the house and things were great. The father inlaw came to live with us about a year ago because other members of the family had passed away and there wasn't any other place for him to stay. My wife insisted that we take him in. (Fine I'll deal with it) So a few days go by a week goes by a month goes by this guy never does anything all he does is sit around and take up space. He eats my food drinks my beer never says thank you and makes a mess. I have talked to my wife about this but she is unwilling to confront him about his behavior and just says this is the way he is. My biggest issue is that I understand this is Thailand and it is hard to make a lot of money like us Farangs but not working or trying at all is unacceptable this man is in his early 60's and doesn't do anything. I have suggested the idea that he could work a few times and it is always shrugged of as "my dad is too old no job for him" So what does that mean you can just consume all you want and give back nothing and be a jerk. It reached a point where his laziness anoyed me to the point that I called him out on his behavior telling him why can't you help out with some daily chores or do anything. (I can speak Thai fairly well) He just looked at me with his usual dumb blank stare. I have since had enough because the wife will not side with me and I can't stand this guy I now have my own apartment about 15 minute drive from her house. I still am with my wife but feel like I have been kicked out of my own house. Any constructive advice for this situation would be appreciated. Thanks!

Edited July 9, 2014 by flyingsaucersarereal

[paddyjenkins]

My advice is in your next life don't get married in thailand

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[lanng khao]

Firstly it's not your house it's hers,it's a gift off you, and that old man sired and brought up your wife from childhood to a young woman, provided everything for her, now it's her turn to return the favour, don't think you will ever be higher in the pecking order than her dad, your even behind the son, and the dog if you have one,just get on with it or you will drive a wedge between you and your wife, don't ask her to take your side over her pappa, or you could end up permantly in your appartment..

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[flyingsaucersarereal]

The house is a rental that we were both paying for (My wife works too) I didn't purchase the house in her name so its not like its the families. So its ok to be a total loser and do nothing for the rest of your life because your old. Screw that.

Edited July 9, 2014 by flyingsaucersarereal

[ukrules]

My 70 year old father still puts in a good few days work every week, he keeps a small business going in his retirement.

Then again he's not a lazy loser and likes to have something to do.

[wooloomooloo]

Have you thought about renting another property for FIL and buying him a few cases of beer a week.

You're not going to win otherwise.

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Thats a good idea I have basically done that with myself moving out my apartment is better then the house so I would rather stay there. But I just struggle with the concept that someone can do nothing and expect everything.

[wooloomooloo]

How about a straight swap of residence and throw in a few cases of beer and bottle of Hong Thong a week.

He won't starve as your wife will drop off food to him three times a day. Problem solved.

Edited July 9, 2014 by wooloomooloo

[flyingsaucersarereal]

That's a good idea I have told the wife her money pays for that rental house if I am not living there I am not paying for it.

[wooloomooloo]

Okay, you want it all your own way. Learn to relax more.

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Its hard when others don't carry there weight

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Enough people on this forum I think we got it handled.

[sustento]

Seems so with all the troll threads you're opening

[soundman]

Numerous posts removed. No need for a discussion on grammar. Would suggest all read nettiquette guidelines.

Thanks.

[tonytigerbkk]

Seems so with all the troll threads you're opening

Agreed.

In this thread the OP is talking about his Thai FIL but in another thread that he started he is asking why anyone would marry a Thai.

Must be the school holidays and this fool has nothing better to do than troll our boards.

[shirtless]

Your stuck with this situation for ever, try to cheer up and make him your friend it could be worse you could have been stuck with the whole family.

[gandalf12]

I dont have that problem, my father in law prides himself on working and he is the same age. However, if you think everything is going to be as you want it then you may as well go back to the USA because it isnt.

You, like me chose Thailand so accept the way things are, you dont have a choice other than leaving the country.

Remember the saying "When in Rome..."? Take it on board

[lanng khao]

I dont have that problem, my father in law prides himself on working and he is the same age. However, if you think everything is going to be as you want it then you may as well go back to the USA because it isnt.

You, like me chose Thailand so accept the way things are, you dont have a choice other than leaving the country.

Remember the saying "When in Rome..."? Take it on board

100% correct, don't try and bring the big I am, there a million miles away from our thinking, there not interested in nothing unless it involves money of some discription, and why not, good on them;you wanna have a Thai lady, then go with there way of life, or get the <deleted> back home and dream about where you want to be..

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[flyingsaucersarereal]

Saying its just Thai culture is used way too much.So I just do whatever they want based on its Thai culture. What about my culture? How about working? As a man you should work as long as your physically able to (unless you have money) if not your just a loser. How can you respect a person that doesn't work and just sits around all day? I wish people would stop defending lazy behavior and saying thats just the way it is.

Edited July 11, 2014 by flyingsaucersarereal

[sustento]

It's not difficult to understand. Your culture rules in your country. Thai culture rules in Thailand. You might want to try and get hold of a book called 'The Silent Language' by Edward T Hall. It explains the culture thing quite well.

[Douggie Style]

To be frank I think your attitude is the problem not him.

When you take someone on you take on the whole enchilada, in Thai families the Mum and Dad rank far higher than you, the parents are part of the deal.

If you love her why don't you show some understanding and generosity towards her father? He is a senior and not in his productive age.

If the roles were reversed and your mother came to live how would you feel if you wife displayed the same attitude?

Perhaps you don't love her perhaps its just a user/user type relationship which then makes sense as you are not comfortable with the extra work.

[flyingsaucersarereal]

I don't want to argue I just want people to show me a little respect I work and make everything happen. If you can't lift a finger to help or say thank you then maybe I just have to separate myself from the situation. Its sad to think people are so ungratul and expect someone else to bend over backwards and give nothing in return. I can always leave and maybe thats what I should do. They need me more than I need them. Your forgetting what if the dad is a total jerk? What then? I don't want to be his friend.

Edited July 11, 2014 by flyingsaucersarereal

[sustento]

They need me more than I need them.

No they don't. If you disappear tomorrow they'll still get along. As long as you think you're 'special' you'll never be part of the family.

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Then maybe leaving is the best option

[mrtoad]

Then maybe leaving is the best option

Yes, there are some cheap one way tickets out of Thailand at present.

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Thanks bro

[flyingsaucersarereal]

Better than being disrespected

Edited July 12, 2014 by flyingsaucersarereal

[mrtoad]

Better than being disrespected

I am not taking the pisss but you need to put your foot down and stop being a doormat. I hope you get it sorted, but if the Missus is going to side with the lazy father, time to say adios.

I think they are taking the mick out of you, and yes you are being disrespected.

[AlexRRR]

I don't want to argue I just want people to show me a little respect I work and make everything happen. If you can't lift a finger to help or say thank you then maybe I just have to separate myself from the situation. Its sad to think people are so ungratul and expect someone else to bend over backwards and give nothing in return. I can always leave and maybe thats what I should do. They need me more than I need them. Your forgetting what if the dad is a total jerk? What then? I don't want to be his friend.

i think you need to take a break sit back and look at the situation again, stop judging him by your standards.

Yes most will agree with you on lazy people but getting worked up over it isnt going to help your situation, get smart and find a comprise, the guy is in the house now so wife is hardly going to agree to shift him to your new apartment.

I suggest finding a bigger house so at least you can get some privacy get one with a second bathroom so you can divide up the house, buy a second tv and couch etc, and find the inlaw a girl friend.

[Lucifer]

I don't want to argue I just want people to show me a little respect I work and make everything happen. If you can't lift a finger to help or say thank you then maybe I just have to separate myself from the situation. Its sad to think people are so ungratul and expect someone else to bend over backwards and give nothing in return. I can always leave and maybe thats what I should do. They need me more than I need them. Your forgetting what if the dad is a total jerk? What then? I don't want to be his friend.

i think you need to take a break sit back and look at the situation again, stop judging him by your standards.

Yes most will agree with you on lazy people but getting worked up over it isnt going to help your situation, get smart and find a comprise, the guy is in the house now so wife is hardly going to agree to shift him to your new apartment.

I suggest finding a bigger house so at least you can get some privacy get one with a second bathroom so you can divide up the house, buy a second tv and couch etc, and find the inlaw a girl friend.

Yes, and lick his a55 while you're at it.

Edited July 12, 2014 by Lucifer