Age gap in a relationship, how comfortable are you?

[jbaldwin]

With my last gf the difference was 27 years and 51kg.

[rgs2001uk]

I am 76 and she is 24. Been together 3 years now. I asked her a couple times why she stays with me an older man and she states "Younger man when he tired of me he will kick me out" I have set money aside for her and after I am gone if she handles it wisely she can survive without working or another man.

 

Please send details, willing to relocate to Nakon Nowhere if land, house and 'Tuna paid for.

 

Age, size, colour and looks unimportant, must have healthy bank balance and decent monthly pension coming in.

 

Please croak quick.

[Sarana]

How easily fooled you all are...your 'young' Thai wives may be pushing 45+ and able to pop out one more kid before menopause kicks in so you see really hog tied when they she very quickly botoxed to the max.

[Carrerakiss]

I know of no Thai women living with guys 25+ years older than them.
When talking to my Thai nieces and their friends the thought of marrying an older man repulses them.

Most of my young nieces and their friends get excited at the thought of all the money they would get if they managed to bag a rich old guy.

When I asked a particular 18 YO why she wanted me to introduce her to one of my elderly friends, I actually asked her if she was repulsed by the thought of sex with an old guy. Her reply was, "If he can buy me a house and car, then put me through uni, babies and sex aren't a problem". And she wasn't even from a poor family.

Having lived in various countries in Asia over the last 20 years, it's my opinion that most Asian marriages are based on current and potential social and financial status, rather than pure love. Not all I assume, but a lot.

For a while I thought it was just a Chinese thing (Singaporean Chinese, HK Chinese, Taiwanese etc) but Thai love also seems to spring eternal based on financial prospects. Not just with Farang, but also between Thais.

Shoot me down if you wish, but it's the opinion I personally have formed.

[Sarana]

As for stank eyes it may be because they think your wife is a prostitute/potential immigrant/visa marriage and any jealousy may be the thought about 'where is my retirement plan?"

[Sarana]

I getting really excited about the idea of older women dating younger men, kept men. Will that give me a non immigrant O that keeps the marriage together?

[Sarana]

I am early model owner driver with low kms, some body damage but no stretch marks.

[rgs2001uk]

 

 

I know of no Thai women living with guys 25+ years older than them.
When talking to my Thai nieces and their friends the thought of marrying an older man repulses them.

Most of my young nieces and their friends get excited at the thought of all the money they would get if they managed to bag a rich old guy.

When I asked a particular 18 YO why she wanted me to introduce her to one of my elderly friends, I actually asked her if she was repulsed by the thought of sex with an old guy. Her reply was, "If he can buy me a house and car, then put me through uni, babies and sex aren't a problem". And she wasn't even from a poor family.

Having lived in various countries in Asia over the last 20 years, it's my opinion that most Asian marriages are based on current and potential social and financial status, rather than pure love. Not all I assume, but a lot.

For a while I thought it was just a Chinese thing (Singaporean Chinese, HK Chinese, Taiwanese etc) but Thai love also seems to spring eternal based on financial prospects. Not just with Farang, but also between Thais.

Shoot me down if you wish, but it's the opinion I personally have formed.

 

 

I watched a potential marriage breakdown.

Lets say the guy was at the upper status of his peer group, the girl was at the bottom end of said peer group.

 

What killed this marraige was the girls mother visiting the potenial grooms house to try and elevate herself and family upwards in said peer group.

 

To say it was embarrasing was an understatement.

 

The sad thing is, both partners had genuine feelings for each other, the potential MIL scuppered it with her social climbing.

 

The young guy is now doing a PHd in Japan, and dating a Japanese girl.

The g/f is now onto her second kid, over the hill at 26, never mind her mother got what she wanted, social acceptance, yet another social climber.

 

Love conquers all.
 

[pgrahmm]

As for stank eyes it may be because they think your wife is a prostitute/potential immigrant/visa marriage and any jealousy may be the thought about 'where is my retirement plan?"

 

Good thought for a rejoinder - but - at that time I was walking with a 59 year old woman and her sisters - she might have looked 10 years younger but she was 59......this was in west coast USA but not atypical of many experiences....you may be right in one respect - US women feel it's an all you can grab buffet (entitled) and they do not like to share with Asian women who are 60+ lbs less their size and treat their man well - it upsets their scheming and programming..... 

 

I am from the US and have a low opinion of the women there (well earned in spite of their pedigree - the ones on the prowl have proven themselves unworthy over a long period of time) one of the biggest insults hurled at my ex-Thai GF from other Thai ladies was "you're not Thai - you're American" - they were right and she earned it. I have no idea who's on her fleece and release program now - but she did introduce me to Thailand for which I will ever be greatful.

 

I heard one American say "as long as he's not dragging a leg he's OK" --------- don't be SO FAST to condemn the Thai women...they are easy targets on this forum but for the most part much better than their sisters elsewhere - at least they are not sophisticaded as to hide what they and their intentions really are....

 

God bless the good ones one and all......

Edited July 28, 2014 by pgrahmm

[smotherb]

Somsrisonphimai, I've told you before I admire your command of written English. I also think I understand your query. Great age differences do present problems with having something in common. However, many April-December relationships are monetary, at least at first. Having as little as enough to eat, or being able to buy a new cellphone may be enough to convince a young girl to be with an older man. However, if there are additional perks, like he will send her to school, take care of her family, or buy her a house; many younger women will accept an older male. The problem is if the relationship is based solely on remuneration; then, the young girl may seek a younger male for companionship and for something more in common. However, if the old man can make the girl smile, can give her a different view on life, can show her things she never knew existed, and can really make the girl believe he cares for her, she may actually be able to like the old geezer. The problem here is trust and common objectives. If the girl simply wants a temporary relationship to get her hands on some money; or if the old man simply wants a temporary relationship to get his hands on the young girl; they are destined for failure. Let’s face it; if she is receptive and he is inventive; having something in common may be as simple as showing her new things and guiding her to experience new feelings. I suggest the older man take the younger girl back to his home country. The only complaints will be from the older women, the older men will be envious. The real good will be the new experiences to which the girl is exposed. I also suggest the older man encourage the girl to continue her education, especially if he can help her with her studies as well as with the tuition. She gains knowledge, confidence, and a certain respect for the man who is intelligent, self-sufficient, and really wants to help her. It’s a two-way street. If both want more than a temporary satisfaction, both have to be flexible, amenable to change, and both have to want to try.

[chrisinth]

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I have mentioned this before on this forum. When I was 27 my mother remarried. My father died many years ago. The man she married was my age so there was a 21 year difference between them. He was fairly good looking, had a good job. My mother had little in the way of money but she liked to have fun and kept herself in good shape. I was still sure it would not last but they were still together when she died at 74.

 

In the States I mostly did date woman much younger than myself. I had always looked much younger than my years so fitting in public was never an issue. But God, it was always Drama. My Thai wife is 20 years younger but I have to say she is far more stable and down to earth than  the women back home. I feel very fortunate.

 

"she is far more stable and down to earth than  the women back home"

 

My wife has told me this as well. And that I should never forget it.........................

 

There is only 3 years difference between our ages, seemed like a good idea at the time. Lost the extra zero somewhere along the way.

 

[hgv driver]

I am 74 yrs old my girl friend is 32 yrs old love it 

[kennypowers]

1-year age gap. Similar education, lots in common, best of friends, works well. 

 

Spent time with a fair few women around 10 years younger than me when I first came to Thailand and found them emotionally very immature. I found it impossible to relate to someone who had very limited education and grew up in a totally different era. In short, things get boring very quickly.  

 

I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing a beautiful young woman was marrying me for security either, rather than having the resources and opportunities to find someone she truly loved, had things in common with and was sexually attracted to. 

 

Each to their own though. I think the age gap closes with age, so to speak; like a 40 year old women with a 50 year old guy is very different to a 25 year old woman and a 50 year old man, simply because both will have more life experience in common, and most likely be looking for similar things in life.

 

I guess I wanted an equal, a genuine life partner, not a maid, nodding dog or child. 

[Jaggg88]

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To the Op.. What is the acceptable age difference between a married Thai man and his Mia noi?

Sent from my LG-P970 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

 

Half your age plus 7 years is the French formula but I think a bigger gap is acceptable in LOS  - I think they have a bank balance formula lol

[Urloc]

10 months older than my gf (soon to be wife) for 4 years. She was the first and only Thai girl I have been with. I am quite a strange farang, living for good in Thailand and just 36.

 

Also my gf is graduated, speaks English fluently and when I came here to Thailand for first time she had a pretty good income for Thai standards.

[Kondiao]

I don't know why most of the people responding to this OP do not take it seriously. I am in a 66/36 y.o. relationship. I don't have a problem with our age difference. I have a problem that other people are judgemental about us - as most of the people who made facetious replies to the OP. Sure, I can say that it doesn't bother me what other people think - but that doesn't change the fact that people show contempt towards us. Contrary to what I was told about traditional Thai society having a lot of respect for old people, the reality is that young people in Thailand - much like young people in most parts of the world - are concerned about being modern and hip, about being known to like the trash that they call music, about their modern drugs and being a player and having showy clothes and cars and desireable women - to show they are better than other people. They respect old people who hobble around the village and light incense at the Wat and don't make any noise.  

 

This is the world that exists for me to live in. The values that I knew when I was young, the kind fo music that had meaning - I have no intention of changing them in order to be acceptable to people. I am not going to dress the way modern people dress or try to dance the way they dance, or own a car that would impress modern people. That would be dishonest. I am with my lady because we love each other and we are happy together. I am not happy when people show by their talk or their looks that they think she is a paid woman, or that they could take her away from me. I am insecure thinking about taking her back to the U.S.A. We together would be fine. But her getting through the the visa process to start with - customs people assuming I am taking her to America to pimp her, and we have to convince them we are genuine; and after all that expense and delays and trouble, we would face an American public that would be even more hostile to our marriage than Thai people are. It does not give me any comfort that American women of my age would hate us because they know they cannot compete. It will be a problem that young men think they can take her away from me - and want to try, just to prove how belligerent they are. At the supermarket, at the auto repair shop, at the appliance stores, people are going to be winking and snickering and talking trash. And BTW it is an insult to say, "I wonder how much he pays her," anywhere, any culture, any time.  To be belligerent back to them does not make for harmony in our relationship. 

 

This happens to anyone who marries outside of his circle of people, marries a person of a different color, or different religion - being involved with someone whose first language - or second language is different than the locals' ....  different social cast, or different sex - there are people who will welcome her and be prepared to love her and others who will treat her like she is "not our kind."  A country girl without guile who just wants to be a good person and be happy with her man, not a threat to anyone else's happiness.

 

The question that was raised is does anyone have advice, from experience, on living in a marriage with a big difference of ages. Does anyone have anything to contribute?

[atyclb]

"LOL

You wouldn't have attracted "such a woman" in your country because you couldn't afford it so you came here where they're more within your price range. Pure and Simple"

 

 

 

 

what an absurd baseless statement, since female rice farmers most probably do not even exist in their home countries.

[benalibina]

I don't know why most of the people responding to this OP do not take it seriously. I am in a 66/36 y.o. relationship. I don't have a problem with our age difference. I have a problem that other people are judgemental about us - as most of the people who made facetious replies to the OP. Sure, I can say that it doesn't bother me what other people think - but that doesn't change the fact that people show contempt towards us. Contrary to what I was told about traditional Thai society having a lot of respect for old people, the reality is that young people in Thailand - much like young people in most parts of the world - are concerned about being modern and hip, about being known to like the trash that they call music, about their modern drugs and being a player and having showy clothes and cars and desireable women - to show they are better than other people. They respect old people who hobble around the village and light incense at the Wat and don't make any noise.  
 
This is the world that exists for me to live in. The values that I knew when I was young, the kind fo music that had meaning - I have no intention of changing them in order to be acceptable to people. I am not going to dress the way modern people dress or try to dance the way they dance, or own a car that would impress modern people. That would be dishonest. I am with my lady because we love each other and we are happy together. I am not happy when people show by their talk or their looks that they think she is a paid woman, or that they could take her away from me. I am insecure thinking about taking her back to the U.S.A. We together would be fine. But her getting through the the visa process to start with - customs people assuming I am taking her to America to pimp her, and we have to convince them we are genuine; and after all that expense and delays and trouble, we would face an American public that would be even more hostile to our marriage than Thai people are. It does not give me any comfort that American women of my age would hate us because they know they cannot compete. It will be a problem that young men think they can take her away from me - and want to try, just to prove how belligerent they are. At the supermarket, at the auto repair shop, at the appliance stores, people are going to be winking and snickering and talking trash. And BTW it is an insult to say, "I wonder how much he pays her," anywhere, any culture, any time.  To be belligerent back to them does not make for harmony in our relationship. 
 
This happens to anyone who marries outside of his circle of people, marries a person of a different color, or different religion - being involved with someone whose first language - or second language is different than the locals' ....  different social cast, or different sex - there are people who will welcome her and be prepared to love her and others who will treat her like she is "not our kind."  A country girl without guile who just wants to be a good person and be happy with her man, not a threat to anyone else's happiness.
 
The question that was raised is does anyone have advice, from experience, on living in a marriage with a big difference of ages. Does anyone have anything to contribute?

Sympathetic post but you really think too much for an elderly person. Just enjoy your life with ur missus and dont worry what other people think. Relax man !

[RolandRat]

Age is just a number, irrelevant, people decide what people want, both adults, end of story. No one elses business, except those who are usually judgemental or envious, and they are not worth a second thought.

[pigeonjake]

i new some of the young ones would start calling the older ones, old goats ect,,

thank  god for the new visa rules we,ll see whos laughing then,,,lol

 

im 54 and my wife is 29

 

[atyclb]

 

Just put it in perspective....how many 20 year old men date women in their 60s?

 

I can't believe the naivety of some people. The Caribbean islands, Egypt and the Gold Coast of Africa all have a reputation for old widows getting serviced by young guys. Of course the widows are rich and are very generous to the young guys, so don't assume it's just a male thing. I'm sure it happens with well heeled old divorcees in the US and Europe, it just may not be as obvious as in Thailand.
 

 

once on a surf trip to bali island the hotel reception male local staff were also moonlighting in the gigolo scene. the day after seeing a young thin guy out entertaining an elderly overweight unattractive(IMO) caucasion tourist woman I asked him how can he put his face and other parts in her where the sun don;t shine. he said he closes his eyes, thinks about money and tries to  imagine she is angelina jolie.  To each their own i guess.

[choochoo]

 

 

 

Just put it in perspective....how many 20 year old men date women in their 60s?

 
I can't believe the naivety of some people. The Caribbean islands, Egypt and the Gold Coast of Africa all have a reputation for old widows getting serviced by young guys. Of course the widows are rich and are very generous to the young guys, so don't assume it's just a male thing. I'm sure it happens with well heeled old divorcees in the US and Europe, it just may not be as obvious as in Thailand.
 

surprised at your lack of comprehension....as I said it is to put it in perspective and I'm referring to the people on this thread.

 

Why on earth would a 20 year old guy date a 60 year old woman in Thailand, or anywhere else for that matter. Unless there's money involved.

 

a lot of guys like saggy azzes and boobs..................lol.

[atyclb]

I don't know why most of the people responding to this OP do not take it seriously. I am in a 66/36 y.o. relationship. I don't have a problem with our age difference. I have a problem that other people are judgemental about us - as most of the people who made facetious replies to the OP. Sure, I can say that it doesn't bother me what other people think - but that doesn't change the fact that people show contempt towards us. Contrary to what I was told about traditional Thai society having a lot of respect for old people, the reality is that young people in Thailand - much like young people in most parts of the world - are concerned about being modern and hip, about being known to like the trash that they call music, about their modern drugs and being a player and having showy clothes and cars and desireable women - to show they are better than other people. They respect old people who hobble around the village and light incense at the Wat and don't make any noise.  

 

This is the world that exists for me to live in. The values that I knew when I was young, the kind fo music that had meaning - I have no intention of changing them in order to be acceptable to people. I am not going to dress the way modern people dress or try to dance the way they dance, or own a car that would impress modern people. That would be dishonest. I am with my lady because we love each other and we are happy together. I am not happy when people show by their talk or their looks that they think she is a paid woman, or that they could take her away from me. I am insecure thinking about taking her back to the U.S.A. We together would be fine. But her getting through the the visa process to start with - customs people assuming I am taking her to America to pimp her, and we have to convince them we are genuine; and after all that expense and delays and trouble, we would face an American public that would be even more hostile to our marriage than Thai people are. It does not give me any comfort that American women of my age would hate us because they know they cannot compete. It will be a problem that young men think they can take her away from me - and want to try, just to prove how belligerent they are. At the supermarket, at the auto repair shop, at the appliance stores, people are going to be winking and snickering and talking trash. And BTW it is an insult to say, "I wonder how much he pays her," anywhere, any culture, any time.  To be belligerent back to them does not make for harmony in our relationship. 

 

This happens to anyone who marries outside of his circle of people, marries a person of a different color, or different religion - being involved with someone whose first language - or second language is different than the locals' ....  different social cast, or different sex - there are people who will welcome her and be prepared to love her and others who will treat her like she is "not our kind."  A country girl without guile who just wants to be a good person and be happy with her man, not a threat to anyone else's happiness.

 

The question that was raised is does anyone have advice, from experience, on living in a marriage with a big difference of ages. Does anyone have anything to contribute?

 

 

"This is the world that exists for me to live in. The values that I knew when I was young, the kind fo music that had meaning "

 

Right on brother. I bet the father inlaw and other elder statesmen and you collaborate on evenings analyzing Dylans lyrics, trying to assign meaning or perhaps you reside at hotel california?

[CharlieH]

Some posts removed.

9) You will not post inflammatory messages on the forum, or attempt to disrupt discussions to upset its participants, or trolling. Trolling can be defined as the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet by posting controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion.

[pigeonjake]

 

i new some of the young ones would start calling the older ones, old goats ect,,

thank  god for the new visa rules we,ll see whos laughing then,,,lol

 

im 54 and my wife is 29

 

Be carefull what you wish for!Who knows maybe the junta is eye balling the retirement visa crowd, a lot of the old codgers  seem to get in just as much trouble in Thailand as the young ones  specially concerning health Insurance and the many complaints from Thai hospitals about foreign elderly  not being able to pay their bill.

I think whitey has overstayed their welcome in south East-Asia and the times they are a changing.

 

 

i agree with you,,

 

its just why cant some just let live,

 

if someone has a young bird good luck to them, i dont have a problem at all, if some want 2 go for it,

but these threads always turn into, shes only with him for money, 

and then one member just had the cheek to call my wife a shyt tilak,

its not called for, and not clever,

why cant some just live and let live, if some old bloke gets turned over by some young bird, then as they say in thailand, up to them,

but there is no reason on a open forumn to get personal 

 

 

rant over

 

jake

[CharlieH]

Post removed.

11) You will not post slurs, degrading or overly negative comments directed towards Thailand, specific locations, Thai institutions such as the judicial or law enforcement system, Thai culture, Thai people or any other group on the basis of race, nationality, religion, gender or sexual orientation.


If further problems occur the thread will be closed.

[Cypress Hill]

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I don't know why most of the people responding to this OP do not take it seriously. I am in a 66/36 y.o. relationship. I don't have a problem with our age difference. I have a problem that other people are judgemental about us - as most of the people who made facetious replies to the OP. Sure, I can say that it doesn't bother me what other people think - but that doesn't change the fact that people show contempt towards us. Contrary to what I was told about traditional Thai society having a lot of respect for old people, the reality is that young people in Thailand - much like young people in most parts of the world - are concerned about being modern and hip, about being known to like the trash that they call music, about their modern drugs and being a player and having showy clothes and cars and desireable women - to show they are better than other people. They respect old people who hobble around the village and light incense at the Wat and don't make any noise.  

 

This is the world that exists for me to live in. The values that I knew when I was young, the kind fo music that had meaning - I have no intention of changing them in order to be acceptable to people. I am not going to dress the way modern people dress or try to dance the way they dance, or own a car that would impress modern people. That would be dishonest. I am with my lady because we love each other and we are happy together. I am not happy when people show by their talk or their looks that they think she is a paid woman, or that they could take her away from me. I am insecure thinking about taking her back to the U.S.A. We together would be fine. But her getting through the the visa process to start with - customs people assuming I am taking her to America to pimp her, and we have to convince them we are genuine; and after all that expense and delays and trouble, we would face an American public that would be even more hostile to our marriage than Thai people are. It does not give me any comfort that American women of my age would hate us because they know they cannot compete. It will be a problem that young men think they can take her away from me - and want to try, just to prove how belligerent they are. At the supermarket, at the auto repair shop, at the appliance stores, people are going to be winking and snickering and talking trash. And BTW it is an insult to say, "I wonder how much he pays her," anywhere, any culture, any time.  To be belligerent back to them does not make for harmony in our relationship. 

 

This happens to anyone who marries outside of his circle of people, marries a person of a different color, or different religion - being involved with someone whose first language - or second language is different than the locals' ....  different social cast, or different sex - there are people who will welcome her and be prepared to love her and others who will treat her like she is "not our kind."  A country girl without guile who just wants to be a good person and be happy with her man, not a threat to anyone else's happiness.

 

The question that was raised is does anyone have advice, from experience, on living in a marriage with a big difference of ages. Does anyone have anything to contribute?

 

 

Everyone has some kind of cross to bear - best you just get on with carrying yours . . .quietly. People are bound to assume that your marriage is based on financial compensation.

 

I'll tell you what; announce to your wife that your pension/nest egg is only going to generate only a fraction of the income it has been

 

Could be an eye opener

[fishbrando]

Relevant charts:

 

https://twitter.com/BuzzFeedAndrew/status/474733253308719104

 

Summary: as women get older, they become attracted to older men.  Men are attracted to 20-year-olds no matter what their age.

[wow64]

Sorry but once it gets up into the high teens - twenty age difference it's just weird.

Its good for the guys keeping them young and the girls keeping them with money..

But seriously that's it.. Same interests ummm.. Really? U like her on Facebook all the time?? Or does she waste her life away watching soaps?? Don't understand it?? Edited July 28, 2014 by wow64

[sdanielmcev]

12 year age difference here. I'm more uncomfortable about the height difference. 14 inches. She does tell me some here do make comments about her being with a foreigner a bit older than her. I don't know enough Thai yet to tell if they're laughing at me or with me...
I'm from Houston, and there are a lot of couples with large age gaps, and about half of the wives are from east/southeast Asia. The couples don't seem to be uncomfortable about the age gap, but you get the screaming whispers from gossipers.