Baby coming soon, wife will stop working. How much should I pay each month?

[davidst01]

I have recently joined the adult world by getting married. Our baby is due soon and my wife will stop working. It is time for me to 'be a man' and pay all the bills.

I thus write to ask your opinion as to how much I should be giving her each month to buy food and things for the baby (and for us).

My wife is a Civil Servant and she just signed a form agreeing to not work in any private clinics or hospitals and therefore be entitled to thb10k a month payment. Im not sure if she will be paid any other money during the said maternity leave from the govt hospital.

Up to now she has contributed to half of most bills and we have been taking turns with buying dinner etc. I am more than prepared to be a man now and cover all expenses during the 3 to 6 months whilst she is on holidays taking care of the baby. After that Im hoping that things will revert back to the old ways (as she earns more money than me).

I intend to pay the following expenses whilst being the main breadwinner:

- 8000 baht a month rent for our 3 b/r new house

- 5 baht ironing per shirt

- 250 baht a day for helper (nanny) to assist with baby, cook and clean

- all house bills i.e. electricity and water

- dog food

With the above in mind, how much cash should I give her for baby costs and food shopping bills. Should I give it to her weekly or monthly. We live in the North east of LOS.

Im interested to hear from the esteemed members of this forum - those that have a family.

many thanks.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Why does she need a helper?

Is she disabled in some way?

Nappies and milk are about 800bht/month.

But if mom is breast feeding while at home, you won't need milk, so 400bht/month for nappies.

She is still being paid 10k/month, why do need to pay more than you did?

10k/month is still a good Thai wage.

Edited August 27, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[bkkjames]

regular stuff like diapers and milk (if not breastfeeding). Diapers will set you back 1000 a month.

don't forget non fixed expenses like innoculations that will come along. I would handle those as actual and not include in monthly stipend.

Give her enough that she doesn't need to worry about running out of stuff - she has enough on her plate.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

don't forget non fixed expenses like innoculations that will come along. I would handle those as actual and not include in monthly stipend.

These are free for a Thai baby, as are all their medical expenses.

As mom is a nurse, not even any queuing.

[MJCM]

I stopped reading after this

- 5 baht ironing per shirt

[bkkjames]

don't forget non fixed expenses like innoculations that will come along. I would handle those as actual and not include in monthly stipend.

These are free for a Thai baby, as are all their medical expenses.

As mom is a nurse, not even any queuing.

I should have married a nurse...if it means free shots.

[JockPieandBeans]

I have recently joined the adult world by getting married.

Having read the rest of your post.

I think you might have joined the adult world far too early.

[David48]

David ... the OP.

So many things.

But firstly ... please drop the 'I have to be the Man' concept.

That is perpetuated by the group think sometimes you get here on the Forum.

What you need to do is to be the supportive Partner/Husband.

The major question that you have left answered and assume the readers know is ... where do live?

Yes, I read about the rent for the house ... but do you both live together?

[David48]

I stopped reading after this

- 5 baht ironing per shirt

Yes ... wasn't the smartest thing to write ... but assuming the OP is genuine, just indicates how much help he needs.

.

[davidst01]

David ... the OP.

So many things.

But firstly ... please drop the 'I have to be the Man' concept.

That is perpetuated by the group think sometimes you get here on the Forum.

What you need to do is to be the supportive Partner/Husband.

The major question that you have left answered and assume the readers know is ... where do live?

Yes, I read about the rent for the house ... but do you both live together?

No offence but its a bit of a daft question to ask david48. Would you want to live apart from your wife and twins after they were born? Maybe you are lacking sleep and did not read my post enough. I thought it would be obvious that we are living together. cheers

[pgrahmm]

If you are there - which wasn't made exactly clear = why the need for a nanny.....with a young baby and guessing breast feeding this is the easiest time for care....just have to get use to the hours.....manning up is just that - you're the Dad so you're 1/2 the help too & probably all that is needed in the immediate future.....maybe talk nanny later if your wife goes back to work and/or more children come along.....the toddler years are the ones that are more useful for a nanny....most of the friends I have with nannies scale back on using them once the kids are in school because basically the kids will be learning more than a nannys infuence can give them and the parents want to be more intimately involved with the forming of learning/people skills and character guidance.

Seems people on here have enough trouble trying to get/keep a decent maid to do simple house chores let alone someone to entrust a child to.....

Maybe a maid 2 days a week for awhile until the routine becomes easier.

Back in the states the worst behaved children I've ever witnessed all had nannies....they knew who had the leverage and basically held everyone hostage playing everyone against the other. The nannies and parents were bascially powerless.....

Congrats on the new family......

Edited August 27, 2014 by pgrahmm

[dutchisaan]

To the OP.

Why do you ask a question about how much money you have to pay your wife? These are your kids to, so just pay the bills that comes witht having children If not, use a condom!

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Edited August 27, 2014 by dutchisaan

[i claudius]

Sorry is this about your wife ,or the maid?

[David48]

David ... the OP.

So many things.

But firstly ... please drop the 'I have to be the Man' concept.

That is perpetuated by the group think sometimes you get here on the Forum.

What you need to do is to be the supportive Partner/Husband.

The major question that you have left answered and assume the readers know is ... where do live?

Yes, I read about the rent for the house ... but do you both live together?

No offence but its a bit of a daft question to ask david48. Would you want to live apart from your wife and twins after they were born? Maybe you are lacking sleep and did not read my post enough. I thought it would be obvious that we are living together. cheers

David ... I'm disappointed. You see, one way to try and help people is to establish the issues ... walk a mile in their shoes might be a metaphor. So, rather then assuming a situation, I asked for the facts. 'Assuming' is never a smart thing.

For example, you might have had to return for a period to the West because of a Family illness or work commitments ... many reasons. You assume that I am Thailand ATM ... I'm not, I have commitments in Australia. Also, you have assumed that my Partner is my wife ... she's not.

Establish the facts first, then try and help.

So, your sarcasm has lost me as a helper, and I could have shared much with you.

And, most likely, you have lost your audience here also.

.

[davidst01]

David ... the OP.

So many things.

But firstly ... please drop the 'I have to be the Man' concept.

That is perpetuated by the group think sometimes you get here on the Forum.

What you need to do is to be the supportive Partner/Husband.

The major question that you have left answered and assume the readers know is ... where do live?

Yes, I read about the rent for the house ... but do you both live together?

No offence but its a bit of a daft question to ask david48. Would you want to live apart from your wife and twins after they were born? Maybe you are lacking sleep and did not read my post enough. I thought it would be obvious that we are living together. cheers

David ... I'm disappointed. You see, one way to try and help people is to establish the issues ... walk a mile in their shoes might be a metaphor. So, rather then assuming a situation, I asked for the facts. 'Assuming' is never a smart thing.

For example, you might have had to return for a period to the West because of a Family illness or work commitments ... many reasons. You assume that I am Thailand ATM ... I'm not, I have commitments in Australia. Also, you have assumed that my Partner is my wife ... she's not.

Establish the facts first, then try and help.

So, your sarcasm has lost me as a helper, and I could have shared much with you.

And, most likely, you have lost your audience here also.

.

David48,

If we are speaking about ‘assumptions’ then maybe you should not assume my name is David because it is not!

I’ve read numerous comments by you over the years and you seem to be an affable person. However, my only advice to you is that you should try and think before your fingers hit the keyboard. The best example to give was when you commented on the thread:

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/711417-my-gf-wants-to-have-an-abortion/

where you suggested to the OP that he should terminate the child. Coming from a father like yourself was shocking to read.

Please try to make more intelligent posts in the future.

Many thanks for your consideration in this regard.

[David48]

^^ David ... this just gets better.

* sigh *

Who ever reads this ... don't assume what the OP writes in his post directly above is the actual truth.

My exact, unedited quote that he refers to is ...

I'm all for having kids 'for the right reasons'.

We've just had TWINS.

But, when you are blessed with the pregnancy that is unwanted by one of the two parents ... obviously difficult issues do arise.

If you convey the reasons and motives for your Thai GF to abort ... they are certainly logical.

While you have some input into the discussion to physical power remains with your Partner.

If you decide to go ahead with the procedure ... while one life will be lost, presuming that she goes on to have children in the future ... others will be created.

Good luck with your collective decision.

OH ... as a newbie Dad and knowing the amazing amount of work that goes into raising a child (two actually) ... my gut feeling would be to delay till you are both ready for this life changing experience.

When someone made the same mistake as the OP in drawing the conclusion that I was advocating an abortion, a member pointed out that ...

He is not advising anything in reality. He has just pointed out the underlining question... are the parents ready and therefore understand all the work and the following responsibilities for said child they will have to contend with throughout its life.

You have shot yourself in one foot ... care to re-load and want to try for the other foot?

.

[samran]

you pay for whatever bills need paying. You do the shopping on the weekend if trust is going to be so much of an issue. You'd only be asking this question if either you didn't trust your wife or you don't know your way around a supermarket.

[zeichen]

OP, I hesitate to offer any advice because everything you have written after the initial post was quite offensive. I fear that I will get my hand bitten also.

I too was curious why you would "Pay your wife" anything if you were living together. I also thought that you were working abroad. Manning up is about taking responsibility not throwing some chump change at your wife. Do the dishes, clean some diapers, sterilize bottles, do the shopping, massage your wife's feat and back.

The expenses of a newborn are quite high. There are a lot of hidden costs. We went through and average of 6-8 diapers a day, if you are good you can potty train early but our daughter is 4 and still wears 1 diaper for the night. 50/50% dry. but as others have said at least 1k baht a month for diapers. Milk is expensive and since hospitals don't train women properly on how to breast feed, you will most likely have to buy milk. That is another 800-1,500 a month depending on the brand and quality. health care is typically free but the service is crap. If the Mom wants private care and all immunizations that are not covered by the 30 baht program, you will need to shell out another 800-1000 baht a month for that. Expect illnesses and colds and the like especially.

Don't waste money on a nanny unless it is a relative. You really don't want to expose your child to more strangers that really don't know shit about raising children.

You will spend a fortune on clothes and shoes as they child will grow out of everything every 1-2 months. Books, Toys, Entertainment, comfort foods, beauty products, home improvements and other nesting things are quite common also.

Everyone spends different amounts on different things but also remember this is the time that your wife will want more comforts and needs to be treated well. Depression is common after giving birth so make sure that you spend more energy and effort being supportive emotionally.

The rough estimate of having a child is about 10-15,000 baht a month more than what you have been spending up to this point. Then add school, and special classes on top of that in 6-9 months.

Welcome to fatherhood. It is a great joy especially if you are an active participant. If you are a deadbeat who just pays money and thinks that is enough, you really aren't in the same club as the rest of us.

good luck. My only advice is be the man that your partner and child need you to be not what you think you should be.

[krisb]

David ... the OP.

So many things.

But firstly ... please drop the 'I have to be the Man' concept.

That is perpetuated by the group think sometimes you get here on the Forum.

What you need to do is to be the supportive Partner/Husband.

The major question that you have left answered and assume the readers know is ... where do live?

Yes, I read about the rent for the house ... but do you both live together?

No offence but its a bit of a daft question to ask david48. Would you want to live apart from your wife and twins after they were born? Maybe you are lacking sleep and did not read my post enough. I thought it would be obvious that we are living together. cheers

Oww you cheeky sod.

Heres the answer to your op, man up, grow some balls between your legs, and pay whatever it costs to be a father.

[David48]

...

The expenses of a newborn are quite high. There are a lot of hidden costs. <snip>

Seriously good post ...

I only snipped it for brevity and acknowledgement.

My experiences are similar, though my boys are younger.

.

[choochoo]

op going to pay expenses for a few months?

hahahahahahaha!

Lady from issan makes more than the farang.

hahahahahahaha!

Girl must have gotten the wrong MEMO and married a man for love.

Edited August 27, 2014 by choochoo

[AnotherOneAmerican]

The expenses of a newborn are quite high. There are a lot of hidden costs. We went through and average of 6-8 diapers a day, if you are good you can potty train early but our daughter is 4 and still wears 1 diaper for the night. 50/50% dry. but as others have said at least 1k baht a month for diapers. Milk is expensive and since hospitals don't train women properly on how to breast feed, you will most likely have to buy milk. That is another 800-1,500 a month depending on the brand and quality. health care is typically free but the service is crap. If the Mom wants private care and all immunizations that are not covered by the 30 baht program, you will need to shell out another 800-1000 baht a month for that. Expect illnesses and colds and the like especially.

The rough estimate of having a child is about 10-15,000 baht a month more than what you have been spending up to this point. Then add school, and special classes on top of that in 6-9 months.

Can't imagine any Thai family spending 10-15k a month on their baby.

2-3k would probably be too much for most families.

Immunizations, the free ones are far too many IMHO.

Can't see any benefits in private health care, the government hospitals are fine.

Yep, a hospital visit takes all morning, but most of the new moms are happy to chat with each other.

I've also found the monthly costs don't vary much as they get older, what you spend on nursery, you save on milk powder and diapers.

For me a fairly constant cost in the 2-4k per child per month (so far with kids age 0-3 and age 12-15).

[Halfie]

&lt;deleted&gt;? The Op post is worded very badly to begin with. The fathers here were giving good advice but then OP attacks someone on the basis of another thread? This guy really does not deserve help with an attitude like that.

[seajae]

what a load of crap, manning up, you have to be joking, its called being a responsible father and husband, manning up has nothing to do with it. Sounds more like you are trying to get out of being a father rather than caring for anyone else, how much should I pay, you are so pathetic its not funny. You should pay for everything, no maids needed, you should be doing the extra work when you are at home like most fathers. Really have to wonder at the purpose of this post, seems like you are more of a troll than a concerned dad to be, asking for help then crapping on those that do. All you need to do is grow up, then again maybe all you really need is your mummy.

[AlexRRR]

Weird set up, and needs to ask? Sounds like a business transaction to me, married with responsiblities, pay and shut up.

[Kudel]

^{I think the Thai government should make it mandatory to have certain neantherthals washing up on Thailands shores to have their stuff snipped so they can't breed with the local lasses to many overage irrisponsable teenagers .}

[zeichen]

"Can't imagine any Thai family spending 10-15k a month on their baby.

2-3k would probably be too much for most families."

I am assuming that the OP wants to live a middle class lifestyle. Even Middle Class Thais don't spend only 2-3K baht a month on their children.

"Immunizations, the free ones are far too many IMHO.

Can't see any benefits in private health care, the government hospitals are fine.

Yep, a hospital visit takes all morning, but most of the new moms are happy to chat with each other."

Well, fortunately, you don't work for a National health organization. The OP should check with his home country which immunizations are required for his child to go there. Many of the free Thai ones don't meet US standards so need to check for certain.

As for government hospitals. You can live the way that you want but most decent human beings provide the best for their children not take the cheap way out.

"I've also found the monthly costs don't vary much as they get older, what you spend on nursery, you save on milk powder and diapers.

For me a fairly constant cost in the 2-4k per child per month (so far with kids age 0-3 and age 12-15)."

If you are only paying 2k baht for education, food, clothes, medicines, private lessons, entertainment for a 12-15 year old, I feel bad for them.

Personally, I don't regard you as a reliable source for information. I am also certain that I wouldn't want to live your lifestyle or inflict it on my children.

[jacksam]

I am in the process of ReHab. Not from booze or drugs but rather having a crack at stupid OP,s. Guess I have had a relapse as this is one of the typical lame posts that just frustrates me. For heavens sake man you keep saying "time to man up" geez.....THEN you come on site like thai visa and ask things like how much allowance to give your wife. The legal rule in many countries for drinking booze is 18. Sadly no rules for having a child and your prob 30+ . Hells bells man. You dont need a calculator or advice work it out for youself. Waiting 4 your next post in few years....." At what age should I buy my child a cell phone "

[ryanhull]

Man up and decide your finances for yourself, what is it with this forum and people asking what they should pay there wife/ girlfriend or kids etc... Jesus sigh*

Edited August 27, 2014 by ryanhull

[thehelmsman]

The expenses of a newborn are quite high. There are a lot of hidden costs. We went through and average of 6-8 diapers a day, if you are good you can potty train early but our daughter is 4 and still wears 1 diaper for the night. 50/50% dry. but as others have said at least 1k baht a month for diapers. Milk is expensive and since hospitals don't train women properly on how to breast feed, you will most likely have to buy milk. That is another 800-1,500 a month depending on the brand and quality. health care is typically free but the service is crap. If the Mom wants private care and all immunizations that are not covered by the 30 baht program, you will need to shell out another 800-1000 baht a month for that. Expect illnesses and colds and the like especially.

The rough estimate of having a child is about 10-15,000 baht a month more than what you have been spending up to this point. Then add school, and special classes on top of that in 6-9 months.

Can't imagine any Thai family spending 10-15k a month on their baby.

2-3k would probably be too much for most families.

Immunizations, the free ones are far too many IMHO.

Can't see any benefits in private health care, the government hospitals are fine.

Yep, a hospital visit takes all morning, but most of the new moms are happy to chat with each other.

I've also found the monthly costs don't vary much as they get older, what you spend on nursery, you save on milk powder and diapers.

For me a fairly constant cost in the 2-4k per child per month (so far with kids age 0-3 and age 12-15).

Listen up, good formula runs close to 3000 baht a month, diapers 1000 month. All of our baby girls innoculations were from same hospital where born and they do cost a bit. If you have money why would you take a chance with anything that's free. We're in and out of hospital quick.

I get a good laugh at the foreigners bragging and lecturing about how cheap they can live here.

Edited August 27, 2014 by thehelmsman