Never be alone with a Female Thai teacher In One Room…..

[ClutchClark]

We had the best crew of university intern teachers I have come across last year, we would often eat lunch together in and out of school.

The interns used their time to understand western culture and constantly question me on all subjects.

We were leaving for lunch one day and a teacher approached the girl who was sharing my bike, and told her it was inappropriate to be seen out of school with me, even though there were 6 of us together.

She explained we were friends, I was married and we were all going for lunch like we do every day - the old teacher offered to drive her in her car. The girl pretty much told her to mind her own business and the girl was quite upset that someone should try and tell her how to behave when she had done nothing wrong.

A smart girl will not place herself in a position where impropriety could be misconstrued.

Ask any successful businesswoman in the US who wants to make it clear she got where she got from brains and not by having sex with the boss.

If your position is in anyway a superior or authority figure to this girl then you were 100% out-of-line.

We were colleagues .. In a big group going out for lunch.

Sorry but in the UK this is quite acceptable behavoir.

To put it into perspective, Another intern was sleeping with another western teacher at school.

Yeah, your last sentence is the entire point you appear to be missing.

Agree with other poster about thread... Time for me to bow out.

[aarontendo]

We had the best crew of university intern teachers I have come across last year, we would often eat lunch together in and out of school.

The interns used their time to understand western culture and constantly question me on all subjects.

We were leaving for lunch one day and a teacher approached the girl who was sharing my bike, and told her it was inappropriate to be seen out of school with me, even though there were 6 of us together.

She explained we were friends, I was married and we were all going for lunch like we do every day - the old teacher offered to drive her in her car. The girl pretty much told her to mind her own business and the girl was quite upset that someone should try and tell her how to behave when she had done nothing wrong.

A smart girl will not place herself in a position where impropriety could be misconstrued.

Ask any successful businesswoman in the US who wants to make it clear she got where she got from brains and not by having sex with the boss.

If your position is in anyway a superior or authority figure to this girl then you were 100% out-of-line.

We were colleagues .. In a big group going out for lunch.

Sorry but in the UK this is quite acceptable behavoir.

To put it into perspective, Another intern was sleeping with another western teacher at school.

Can I get on at that school?

[MauiSteveBKK]

The Rev. Billy Graham once said something like: "A man should never be alone in a room with a woman." Perhaps, he was talking about Presidents. I'm not sure. I think it's good advice.

[recom273]

We had the best crew of university intern teachers I have come across last year, we would often eat lunch together in and out of school.

The interns used their time to understand western culture and constantly question me on all subjects.

We were leaving for lunch one day and a teacher approached the girl who was sharing my bike, and told her it was inappropriate to be seen out of school with me, even though there were 6 of us together.

She explained we were friends, I was married and we were all going for lunch like we do every day - the old teacher offered to drive her in her car. The girl pretty much told her to mind her own business and the girl was quite upset that someone should try and tell her how to behave when she had done nothing wrong.

A smart girl will not place herself in a position where impropriety could be misconstrued.

Ask any successful businesswoman in the US who wants to make it clear she got where she got from brains and not by having sex with the boss.

If your position is in anyway a superior or authority figure to this girl then you were 100% out-of-line.

We were colleagues .. In a big group going out for lunch.

Sorry but in the UK this is quite acceptable behavoir.

To put it into perspective, Another intern was sleeping with another western teacher at school.

Yeah, your last sentence is the entire point you appear to be missing.

Agree with other poster about thread... Time for me to bow out.

No I can see your point, I think you really had to meet this crew to pass judgement. Some had spent 6 months - a year in the US prior to university.

That lunchtime conversation was centered around, how can Thailand ever progress with attitudes like this.

If you are telling me I'm out of line .. What's better, to be the guy up front enjoying a decent lunch out of school or the guy sniffing around a bit of skirt out-of hours behind the whispers which every staff member heard about.

I have a completely clear conscious with the approval of my wife, I guess we can chose to be at difference in our opinions.

[Beetlejuice]

Did anybody on this forum experience something similar.

No never in my whole 31 years of living in Thailand.

Perhaps it`s a similar scenario as shown in this video:

[Spock]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

I appreciate most Thai culture, but I a sort of disagree with people who blame ghosts for anything they don't understand.

My point being is that it doesn't seem to be the rule for Thai teachers. At least not at schools.

My post was no intention to make fun out of Thai culture, I apologize.

P.S. There's a possibility that such rules are more common in rural areas?

Can't see why you should apologise. Seemed like you were asking a legitimate question without any intent of ridiculing the person or culture.

[smotherb]

I guess that some people associate Christianity with ghosts because of the Christian concept of three gods in one (the trinity): Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

Yes, or because religion is so completely associated with uneducated beliefs--or superstition, illusion, fantasy, imagination, manifestation, apparition . . .

[Sayonarax]

Id of told her if your so uncomfortable being alone with me, then not to bother asking for my help. Until such time you grow up and act like an adult, not to bother...

[ICECOOL]

It is also possible this fear has nothing to do with culture but that she has had a bad experience and fears being alone with men. She may have requested the meeting to appear professional without thinking of this situation arising

[Gandtee]

I recall, while visiting Wimbledon Wat in the UK I wandered around the grounds and noticed texts nailed to trees. One of them said 'Before you critisise others, first look at yourself'. Good advice, but surely questioning something that you don't understand is permissible, without criticising. I could not find any reference to ghosts in the OPs story.

[marioc]

Something similar has already happened to me but only when innocently inviting a colleague in my house for a coffee (she is older than me and already married)..... but never in classrooms.

[Krataiboy]

Thailand is a particularly dangerous country for women (a rape every 15 minutes according to official figures and countless sexual assaults) and women are rightly very cautious about putting themselves in situations where they might be compromised.

It's nothing to do with superstition or a belief in ghosts or any of the other nonsense suggested by some ThaiVisa posters, but a real and well-founded concern for their personal safety. Opening the windows would not be to let bad spirits in or out, I suspect, but ensure that if she needed to scream or shout she would be heard.

Maybe you should start reading more local newspapers to get a handle on how precarious life can be for indigenous women, as opposed to the relative handful of visiting tourists who are assaulted.

If there ever was a rape culture, this is it.

[umbanda]

...all part of the hypocrisy... 'd*mned if you do.....and ...d*mned if you don't...'....

Exactly....3 weeks into moving to Thailand, I started assisting a Thai English teacher on an elementary government school in Lampang. She was very atractive, and just on my first day she was very friendly, inside the classroom with and without the sudents. She took me to lunch that day. Well, during lunch she asked me if I was thinking in getting married. She was 42 and I was 66. I told her that I was not thinking about, but that I will like to date her. She changed attitude. She said that she was just looking for a husband, and she was on a dating site talking with a foreigner very seriously about. After that, she never was friendly with me again, but... she was really attractive.

Months after I met a good looking younger foreigner, new expat in Chiang Mai, who told me that he was looking for a girlfriend, and I told him about the Lampang teacher, and I gave him her name on the online site, but commenting that she was looking for a husband. Weeks later he calls me telling me that the Lampang teacher was a good surprise. He contacted her online asking for more pictures, and she send to him very explicit pornografic pictures of her self, met him in Chiang Mai days later to have sex, and was meeting him every weekend.

I didn't believe that, but, he e-mailed the pictures to me. I kept teaching with her for more 6 months, she always keeping the distance, even getting upset if I got to friendly, telling me that was not proper to do it. She kept the contact with her "boy friend" online, and my new friend kept the weekend fun in Chiang Mai, sending me more pictures of her..with him. People always will be people, customs are just appearance...some times.

By the way...I got married years later and move to Chiang Rai. My friend in Chiang Mai, have too many Thai girl friends, having good times. We met sometimes when I go to Chiang Mai with my wife. Nice guy.

The beautiful Lampang Thai teacher still online, looking for a "serious relationship"....

Edited November 10, 2014 by umbanda

[maidee]

again, did thailand become a sharia rules country overnight ?

[JacChang]

What I find disturbing is the fact that the TEACHER initiated the invitation for you to help her student, and when you did show up, gave you this "lecturing".

It's like she inviting you to the beach, and when you show up only with your surfer pants, she says it's inappropriate for a man to dress too less with a woman..... HUH?!

[IMA_FARANG]

We had the best crew of university intern teachers I have come across last year, we would often eat lunch together in and out of school.

The interns used their time to understand western culture and constantly question me on all subjects.

We were leaving for lunch one day and a teacher approached the girl who was sharing my bike, and told her it was inappropriate to be seen out of school with me, even though there were 6 of us together.

She explained we were friends, I was married and we were all going for lunch like we do every day - the old teacher offered to drive her in her car. The girl pretty much told her to mind her own business and the girl was quite upset that someone should try and tell her how to behave when she had done nothing wrong.

There are "old biddies" who seem to think everything is their business in every culture and every country in the world.

But in this case, by any chance was it in a Moslem area, or a Muslim teacher?.

You realize that for an unmarried Muslim woman, being alone with a man is frowned upon if she does not have a proper chaperone?

It is considered "forbidden" to do so.

I worked in Saudi Arabia for 5 years.

I recall a case in which a British girl was riding in a car with 4 friends coming home form the beach outside of Jeddah.

The car broke down, and she was offered a ride back to Jeddah by 3 British guys she knew.

She worked as a flight attendant for a Arab airline. There was a rule in her contract which said she must "follow local behavior standards" to keep her job.

When the airline found out that she, as a unmarried woman, had accepted a ride with three men, she was told if it happened again she would be fired.

She was given an official reprimand by the airline for that incident.

So, I'm asking, by any chance, was the woman involved a Muslin?

[atyclb]

the female teachers actions/ behaviors is consistent with safeguarding her perceived image at the school. perhaps she didnt want to email the story for correction as that would show she needed significant help to correct the english. in addition theres a lot of things/ behaviors in thai society that seem bizarre to western and developed asian peoples (japan,hk,singapore)

[Globeman]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

Then you'd be wrong... there are a lot of backward customs here (yes, and elsewhere) that really need to be dealt with. It is childish and sexist that a man and a woman can't be left alone in a classroom. They need to get over it - just like they need to ease off on the importance of "face" - and all the ways it hinders their social development. There is a reason this is referred to as a "developing country".

How about in some countries where the woman must walk so many paces behind her husband? Or if another man sees his wife's face, the husband is obliged to cut that man's throat? If I happened to be teaching in a country that sanctioned that, I am supposed to appreciate the custom? Cambodia has a strong gang rape culture (google: "why-some-men-cambodia-dont-think-gang-rape-gang-rape" for the stats before you get your knickers in a twist over that particular claim)... is that to be learned about and admired by expatriate teachers as well?

Some customs are pretty cool here and elsewhere, but nobody should be denied the right to question and criticize a place they are living in or visiting. By all means approach a new culture with some respect, but don't let that blind you to stupidities and some of the more horrific backward-arse practices (which, yes, I realize exist in every culture - which is rather my point.)

I think you might be making the mistake of ascribing a little too much nobility to national cultures. A lot of newcomers do so... I've yet to meet one who kept it up for more than two years.

[Globeman]

Traditional Thai culture is very conservative - and still widely persists everywhere and especially in rural areas - though perhaps not often encountered or recognized by many foreigners. It is generally not acceptable for an un-married man and woman to be alone together in a place where they could be "seen" by others - who would then gossip about it and spread rumours - and smear the woman's reputation. It would be even worse if it was an un-married man alone with a married woman - which could have even more serious consequences - including an un-welcome visit from the woman's husband !!! We should be aware of the culture that we have chosen to live in - and learn to be in harmony with it - even if something is different from our own culture

Yes... or make kindly efforts to change attitudes. The cultural exchange between expats and locals goes two ways - and so it should.

[ClutchClark]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

Then you'd be wrong... there are a lot of backward customs here (yes, and elsewhere) that really need to be dealt with. It is childish and sexist that a man and a woman can't be left alone in a classroom. They need to get over it - just like they need to ease off on the importance of "face" - and all the ways it hinders their social development. There is a reason this is referred to as a "developing country".

How about in some countries where the woman must walk so many paces behind her husband? Or if another man sees his wife's face, the husband is obliged to cut that man's throat? If I happened to be teaching in a country that sanctioned that, I am supposed to appreciate the custom? Cambodia has a strong gang rape culture (google: "why-some-men-cambodia-dont-think-gang-rape-gang-rape" for the stats before you get your knickers in a twist over that particular claim)... is that to be learned about and admired by expatriate teachers as well?

Some customs are pretty cool here and elsewhere, but nobody should be denied the right to question and criticize a place they are living in or visiting. By all means approach a new culture with some respect, but don't let that blind you to stupidities and some of the more horrific backward-arse practices (which, yes, I realize exist in every culture - which is rather my point.)

I think you might be making the mistake of ascribing a little too much nobility to national cultures. A lot of newcomers do so... I've yet to meet one who kept it up for more than two years.

Oh, so you see your role here as being part of the "enlightenment".

You are here to condemn the heathens (natives) ways and show them the way your culture does it so well.

Sort of like a new-age missionary, eh?

BTW, if your culture does it so well, why exactly did you leave?

Additionally, happen to have the figures on how many extra-marital affairs occur in the workplace in your home country? Its quite high.

[ClutchClark]

Traditional Thai culture is very conservative - and still widely persists everywhere and especially in rural areas - though perhaps not often encountered or recognized by many foreigners. It is generally not acceptable for an un-married man and woman to be alone together in a place where they could be "seen" by others - who would then gossip about it and spread rumours - and smear the woman's reputation. It would be even worse if it was an un-married man alone with a married woman - which could have even more serious consequences - including an un-welcome visit from the woman's husband !!! We should be aware of the culture that we have chosen to live in - and learn to be in harmony with it - even if something is different from our own culture

Yes... or make kindly efforts to change attitudes. The cultural exchange between expats and locals goes two ways - and so it should.

And theres your problem--the idea that you have any right to "change" their customs and attitudes.

All you have a right to do is to show them your customs and any decision they make to "change" their practices are theirs alone...unless you don't consider the Thais capable of independent thought and the maturity to decide for themselves.

Edited November 10, 2014 by ClutchClark

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I would have asked the young farang directly except he was a crossing guard and performing his duties--besides he had a rather strong body odor as if he hadn't showered for some days. I had thought how ironic it was that he wanted so much to dress the part but the students must have surely made jokes about his odor behind his back.

Cheers and good luck in your new career.

You think Thai school kids don't smell?

Mine are really rank when they come home from school (some days).

Eight hours in a sweaty classroom with 40 other kids crowded together ...... not nice.

But back to OP,

Yep, Thai tradition, only one reason for male and female to be alone together ..... alone anywhere.

Back in the US,

Male teacher never to be alone with a female student at any time, was the rule in most high schools.

If a female student stayed behind in a classroom to ask a question, edge out into the corridor, and answer it there.

Edited November 10, 2014 by AnotherOneAmerican

[ClutchClark]

I would have asked the young farang directly except he was a crossing guard and performing his duties--besides he had a rather strong body odor as if he hadn't showered for some days. I had thought how ironic it was that he wanted so much to dress the part but the students must have surely made jokes about his odor behind his back.

Cheers and good luck in your new career.

You think Thai school kids don't smell?

Mine are really rank when they come home from school (some days).

Eight hours in a sweaty classroom with 40 other kids crowded together ...... not nice.

But back to OP,

Yep, Thai tradition, only one reason for male and female to be alone together ..... alone anywhere.

Back in the US,

Male teacher never to be alone with a female student at any time, was the rule in most high schools.

If a female student stayed behind in a classroom to ask a question, edge out into the corridor, and answer it there.

I have reached my positive votes for the day or would have given you one.

Certainly kids smell after a day of school. If my own kids didn't then I would have thought they didn't get the most from recess or gym class ;-)

But I was talking about a teacher that stank like adults do when they don't have good hygiene habits (like hippies in boulder back in the 60's) AND I can remember being a kid myself and we used to make plenty of jokes about teachers with extreme conditions (70 years on and I can still remember the math teacher with halitosis and the english teacher with such terrible h-roids that he had to keep an big inflated donut on his chair to sit on...and which some kids hid from him one day!)

Cheers

[NoshowJones]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

To the OP. It seems weird to me, I have been alone with Thai female teachers, very attractive ones at that, Heads of the English Dept etc, many times, and never had a problem.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

To the OP. It seems weird to me, I have been alone with Thai female teachers, very attractive ones at that, Heads of the English Dept etc, many times, and never had a problem.

Yeh, but essentially by doing that they have all agreed to have sex with you.

Up to you whether you take advantage of their compliance or not!

[ClutchClark]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

To the OP. It seems weird to me, I have been alone with Thai female teachers, very attractive ones at that, Heads of the English Dept etc, many times, and never had a problem.

Head of the English Dept would suggest an older and well-established female, correct?

Not surprised if age of the female as well as the number of years the female has established herself at the school would be factored in.

You have to remember these practices were typical in the US not that many decades ago and same rules applied there and then concerning age of female employee.

[NoshowJones]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

To the OP. It seems weird to me, I have been alone with Thai female teachers, very attractive ones at that, Heads of the English Dept etc, many times, and never had a problem.

Head of the English Dept would suggest an older and well-established female, correct?

Not surprised if age of the female as well as the number of years the female has established herself at the school would be factored in.

You have to remember these practices were typical in the US not that many decades ago and same rules applied there and then concerning age of female employee.

Your first sentence, not correct, I have worked under three English Dept Heads, and the last one was in her thirties and very attractive.

[NoshowJones]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

To the OP. It seems weird to me, I have been alone with Thai female teachers, very attractive ones at that, Heads of the English Dept etc, many times, and never had a problem.

Yeh, but essentially by doing that they have all agreed to have sex with you.

Up to you whether you take advantage of their compliance or not!

Maybe they knew they were safe because I'm married, and they knew my wife.

[ClutchClark]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

To the OP. It seems weird to me, I have been alone with Thai female teachers, very attractive ones at that, Heads of the English Dept etc, many times, and never had a problem.

Head of the English Dept would suggest an older and well-established female, correct?

Not surprised if age of the female as well as the number of years the female has established herself at the school would be factored in.

You have to remember these practices were typical in the US not that many decades ago and same rules applied there and then concerning age of female employee.

Your first sentence, not correct, I have worked under three English Dept Heads, and the last one was in her thirties and very attractive.

And the other two were "not in their 30's"? So they were in their 40's? Which is a long way from in their 20's so not exactly "not correct". In fact, it would be correct to say the majority of the time.

Besides, as stated previously, I remember when this was also a concern of women in the workplace in the US and the position of Dept Head would have viewed differently because the relationship of Department Head would require one-on-one discussions with male subordinates--while that of teacher-teacher would not. It would have been typical for such discussions between teacher-teacher to be held in a teacher lounge or cafeteria or with a third teacher present.

Just trying to give you guys some insight. The fact the situation exists has already been well proven here. It is a common view of Thai society. Now its just time to start understanding the nuances of the proper behavior so that you don't unwittingly create a compromising or uncomfortable position for your female co-worker.

;-)

Edited November 10, 2014 by ClutchClark

[wwest5829]

Strange, it seems like most teachers would come to a new country to learn about and appreciate the customs and people of the new country rather than ridicule and point fun at that culture.

I appreciate most Thai culture, but I a sort of disagree with people who blame ghosts for anything they don't understand.

My point being is that it doesn't seem to be the rule for Thai teachers. At least not at schools.

My post was no intention to make fun out of Thai culture, I apologize.

P.S. There's a possibility that such rules are more common in rural areas?

"I appreciate most Thai culture, but I a sort of disagree with people who blame ghosts for anything they don't understand."

Best line I've read here for ages.

And no, Christians don't blame ghosts. If the ill-educated think that's the case, a few of your unoccupied moments consulting Google would help you.

Not ghosts, "the Devil made me do it"! - Flip Wilson