When is enough, enough.

[Tchooptip]

Listen to Beach. The fater and son isnt the problem .ITS the WIFE.

Not impossible ITS the OP too

I imply nothing I say not impossible Pffff

P

[canarysun]

Before we married, even living together in the early stages of our relationship I laid down the law, no one, but no one, family or friends can live with us. I said there will be times when we need to help out, Max 4 weeks stay.

10 years later, everything has run smoothly, well apart from handing out cash to keep them afloat every now and then.

Mum gets her (salary) and if her children need assistance she has a bank balance to assist.

It sounds like your in laws and leaches do not have a permanent residence, you may have to rent something for them. A long way away

I hope your wife can see the importance as this could destroy the union.

Good Luck

You mention that you have " laid down the law " but could you kindly explain to myself and all our Thai Visa Viewers at home - who actually pays " Mum's Salary " ..... ?

F.J

[IAMHERE]

There are not a lot of intelligent middle class women who want a nice simple life with a dog 2 kids and a nice white picket fence who dont have a lot of baggage.

If there were im sure guys would marry them.

There are tons of women in the next soi to marry as you say..........mostly prostitutes....................hahahaha!

PS I really dont think guys who marry prostitutes are good guys. Good guys dont marry hookers......hahahahaha!

I'll reread the OP, didn't see where it said she was a former hooker.

[Suitcase]

Pigeon ,

thanks buddy,but it's like flogging a dead horse,i am gonna walk/drive[drive sounds less dramatic].but i feel they only see me as a atm now.

Believe me or not you have always been seen as an ATM!!

Different culture, religion, thinking, and so many think they can change

all that by bring out the check book and loosing their life savings!

Think with your big head!

[Harveyg]

Well often its not the one act its an accumalation of relatively small events that together create the issue.

You have hit the preverbial "straw that broke the Camels back" by the sound of it.

The answer: well only you can really know how you feel, if it is the end or not. That's your call and yours alone.

If you feel maybe its worth trying, sit the little Lady down and set the ground rules (again) or time to call it a day and walk away.

Take some time out to think what's really right for you, as only you can really know.

Best of luck.

PS: read my signature line......

The sig line is a great one to keep in line.

I would add that when I have found myself in such circumstances I accept total responsibility for setting up the circumstances and further allowing things to build up. For me enough was the first time something happened, in that I didn't make a clear boundary. I thought what the hell, or I'll just tell the kid. Or jeez it's her father, never mind she didn't ask me. It's something to learn from. You don't have to walk away. You have to take care of yourself. Up to you to decide if they are one in the same. If you talk to her do you think your boundaries will be respected?

[Nemesis7]

Talk to your wife and tell her how you feel and the fact you can't bare this anymore. Try solving mutually first if you can and if not than do what you think best accordingly to priorities in life

[lanng khao]

Before I left I would av got the Richard the third out the toilet with a plazzy bag,then indroduced the kid to the age old English game of blind folded duck apple, laughed all the way to pattaya..

[NoshowJones]

to be honest i think this is what many dont do,

when you first get together you have to say its going to be like this,

its no good in the future saying i dont like the way things are,

when i first met my wife and said ok we,ll have a go at this,

i built an 8x5 condo,, and we stayed in that on the land that her grandma gave us,

then i built the rest of the house round that, its now our bedroom,

but my wife agreed with me when i said you have to work for money, she had a job when i met her and to this day works very hard on our farm and being a mother and wife,

but she understands, i go away 4 weeks at a time, and in the past ive done 10 weeks away working, she dosnt like me being away, but ive said thats what men do, they work, take care of there family, and i mean, you and our kids,

i said its your fathers job to take care of his family,

i dont mind giving mama a couple of thousand baht a month because shes at the end of the phone should my wife need her and she helps her out,

but as for keeping them, not my job,

my wife buys her g,g grandma some tablets once a month i dont have a problem at all with this shes a great old stick of over 100,

but i said right from the start i wont be working to keep all the family, and i dont,

sat the rules from the start about money,

love is great,

money is a recker

Good post, maybe I've missed something, but I wonder if the OP contributes financially to his wife and family, do they depend on him that way? If so, then the balls at his feet.

[yellowpostitnotes]

I sort of disagree.

I'm firmly of the opnion that sitting down and discussing the matter with your wife/partner is definately worth the exercise and pain to do.

WHY? No, you may not change a single thing, but it achieves a number of things for you.

It will give you breathing time to regain some emotional peace and make a rational and emotional decision to stay or to go.

It will give you peace of mind that, if you do walk away, you won't in a month, 6 months or some time later say, in a quiet moment to yourself, 'If only I sat her down and explained my unhappiness with the situation, she might have changed'.

If you have that chat, then decide to leg it, you will feel stronger. Stronger as a man who made the decision, stronger as a person who will have more confidience in your next relationship, accept less crap and let that be known earlier in the relationship.

Personally I let a lot of Thailand wash over me, but I have a core set of values on which I won't be compromised.

So, my humble advice is firstly, find some quiet time for yourself, away from distractions. Work out what crap you will accept, what you won't and some grey area which you can negotiate on.

Prepare to walk. Line your ducks up. Have things packed, personal affairs taken care of , money transferred, a place to stay organised, keys for cars and bikes you own in your name, etc

Then sit down with your wife/partner and demand that the crap that you won't accept and the stuff you will negotiate on be ceased immediatly.

If there is push back, negotiate on the crap that is non-core to you.

Be prepared to walk, 100% be prepared. Make that well and truely understood.

There are lot's of amazing and beautiful Thai Woman out there. If you decide to leave, don't look back.

Take time for yourself to heal, don't rush back into a relationship.

Take the time to find a wonderful person.

You seem like a nice guy, good luck.

david48 The PREACHER is back!!

Come on now laddie you were banned and dismissed for good reason.Be a good boy and run along now

[mok199]

you can take a familly out of the village....but...you will never take the villiage out of the familly....sawadee no crap...

Edited January 24, 2015 by mok199

[NoshowJones]

Never hitch up with a woman with a son from a previous marriage - 99% of the time it's a nightmare.

I hope you are only renting the house as your wife obviousy has absolutely no respect for you. Run.

What a bloody nerve, cutting down your trees. Kick him out immediately. I bet the boy doesn't wai you - this shows total disrespect.

I agree with everything you are saying, apart from maybe your 99%, when I first came to live in Thailand nine years ago, my wifes (Then GF) son was 16 years old, he is still living with us and working. I can honestly say that I have never had any issues with him, and not once have I had to complain about him to my wife, her family live nearby and come around sometimes, and I have never had any issues with them either.

[kinmaew]

The mistake is letting her family live with you. You are married to her not her farther let him find his own place to stay and pay his own way then he can cut down the landlords palms.

[poweratradio]

Pigeon ,

thanks buddy,but it's like flogging a dead horse,i am gonna walk/drive[drive sounds less dramatic].but i feel they only see me as a atm now.

Well if that is the final then let them know they broke the bank and show them what real rage is. Starting destroying stuff that is in your way and crap on the floors and laugh as your doing it > at them.

Edited January 24, 2015 by poweratradio

[NoshowJones]

To be concise - and blunt - you are not in control of your family.

Man-up and don't let them treat you like a doormat.

Your first sentence is so wrong, no one should be in control of any family. marriage is an equal partnership. My father thought he was in control of his family, but once I was in my teens, he never had a chance, I came and went whenever I liked, and nothing he said or tried to do worked, and I never ever got into any trouble either.

[catman20]

obviously your wife and her family know you are weak and treat you with NO respect, give her a warning to shape up or ship out. I hope you not another one here in pattaya that walks the walk but cant talk the talk, if so nothing will change. good luck.

[kennypowers]

I do have sympathy for the OP, but am somewhat concerned by the evidence of comments about the step daughter. I'm glad it came up though because it's quite relevant. Clearly the lust wore off and the OP's dongle turned its attention to a new, immoral target.

Men are led into these situations by the lure of regular sex with a young woman. I'm not saying they don't end up loving the girl, but this is the initial motivation. They agree to marry an impoverished, uneducated girl in exchange for a dutiful sex slave (for want of a better word) and maid. Part of the negotiation is that you support the children from her previous marriage/relationship and her parents (this is even an optional stipulation on the pre nuptial contract template provided by the Swiss embassy).

In Thai-Isaan culture (I am assuming this where your wife is from), daughters support their parents as they age. Because your wife doesn't work it falls on you to bankroll this. This should come as no surprise. Neither should her mother, father, brother or sister moving in with you. It really is worth studying a culture before marrying into it. Moreover, even though there has been extensive Thaification over the years, there are many notable difference between Isaan culture and central Thai culture, and indeed the culture of the South, so worth learning about those core difference too.

[NoshowJones]

Charlie,

Thanks for your input buddy,and also Eddy,slapping them i feel would not have done anything,much that i wanted too,we are talking back country peasants here,but what i don't get is i have given them a glimpse of a better future,yet they would rather wallow in filth,it's probably too late for the old man,i guess i should be gratefull he did not have a dump out there,but i ask and ask,and still they seem happy to wallow in filth.

They dont care about wallowing in filth, for them its normal, I have staff and ALL of them would rather live na shithole than take care of a place, keep it clean and tidy etc etc.

They also spend every bit of their salary they save nothing at all even though they could easily save half of it.

Personally id chuck em all out of your house and they will call you blackheart forever rather than ever think it was of their own doing.

Yes, I'd never accept any family to come live in my house (well, maybe except a sexy bisexual sister).

Firstly it would destroy all intimacy, and second: my house, my castle. I don't make some rules, I make ALL the rules.

It sounds harsher than it is, but at the end, who doesn't like the rules has to leave.

You make all the rules???? You mean your wife has no say at all? Why on earth does she stay with you, OH, I know, herself and her parents depend on you financially.

[elgordo38]

i agree with charlie on this one,

but ide of been well pissed of if my wife had just said her father could come and stay without asking,

at the end of the day its a parnership and you should of been asked if it was ok,

and if they had distroyed my garden they would of been out,, im afraid it would be him or me,

but its each to there own, i dont work hard for others to come and take the p i ss,

my wife understands this, she knows i work hard and ive said this is how it is in the real world, in the uk you work for your money, not expect it from your children,

your call my freind,

good luck

You leave and everything becomes hers. The same as the sucker who built up a pig farm for his wife and then she said she no longer loved him. I know a Frenchman who built up a successful bakery business only to have his wife say you can leave now the business is mine. A friend of mine stated most Thai women have an agenda and I believe that is true.

[frank0424]

Many People mistake kindness for weakness. Thais are CERTAINLY no exception

[Dumbastheycome]

I have read many of the reply posts and agree with some and unimpressed by the cynical bleating of many. But overall I think you blew your chances by not insisting from day one (arrival day home as described) that the father go back to whereever he moved in from. By not doing so you have given unspoken approval/acceptance in their minds and/or allowed the inlaw to have dominance. The toilet flushing issue is unimportant even if it added to the indignance of the main issue. Thai families do not have the same structure as most western or european. So to refuse her father might have been a huge issue to her and so now even if she actually would prefer he not be there but because you did not make a compelling objection at the start it would be difficult for her to reverse it. And no doubt his deliberate defiling of the grounds etc is probably more about flexing his arm than much else. As to Thais living dirty? Most do know the difference but most have lived so long with it they have no initiative or imperitve to endlessly clean up other peoples rubbish which is usually more than their own. And within a household thats expected to be done by the female/s....along with cooking, washing dishes, clothes etc regardless of whatever other work they might have.

So as many have said, the call is yours. You are the only one who really knows if there is any chance laying down an ultimatum will work. And be worth it.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Charlie,

Thanks for your input buddy,and also Eddy,slapping them i feel would not have done anything,much that i wanted too,we are talking back country peasants here,but what i don't get is i have given them a glimpse of a better future,yet they would rather wallow in filth,it's probably too late for the old man,i guess i should be gratefull he did not have a dump out there,but i ask and ask,and still they seem happy to wallow in filth.

I have to agree, village Thais are generally dirty.

It's a bit like trailer trash in the US, front garden full of trash and rusting old cars, fridges, etc.

[balo]

Just stop paying the bills , and do not give money to the extended family. Tell them that farang is broke. They will leave before you know it.

Edited January 24, 2015 by balo

[Dumbastheycome]

Sorry. Correction. I now realize this happened "today". But I stand by my comments.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

I already had to move once because of her family. We were living with her family in the village, but I had to leave there because of her nephews. In that case she accepted it wasn't going to work and moved with me.

Village homes are always a nightmare, I have one, only stayed in it 3 nights.

No internet, no paved road, rubbish everywhere, no privacy, villagers tramping over the land ........ no thanks.

[marko kok prong]

Wow,i have to say i did not expect so many replies,most are helpfull and welcome,with the exception of our resident puritan witchfinder general,Yeah Siam,i admit i too am not a perfect person,the issue with the stepson as many have said is minor,it is the fathers antics that have really annoyed me.unfortunately,however civilized we like to think we are,you cannot have 2 top dogs in a pack,look at most mammals this is evident,however i cannot beat him down and exile him, as a lion would do,we have evolved beyond this,i think i shall take a long break,a few months,the car is in my name,so no problem,the sad thing is i do love my wife,she is a good person,she is in an immpossible position,but this has dragged me into the same immpossible position,so there is the crux of it,but there again i guess you can't live under the sky,without seeing a few clouds,just now it seems the clouds i will see will be a long way from Kok Prong.

[ChiangraiTony]

I didn't bother to read all the comments.

When you married your wife the family was included. You are in Thailand, and her family is Thai and they are the parents of your wife. Of course they think they can do what they want in her house. You try and be nice but they take advantage right?

I drew the line in the sand long ago with my wife. Now, and very lucky for me, my wife supports me. If your wife supports you and your ideas then greater than >50% of the battle is in your favor.

It's not an easy road to go down and it requires continual emphasis on what your expectations are. You will have to be strong but even with that, expect to get many headaches.

My wife and I moved from BKK to get away from all the crap that her family constantly puts on her and ultimately me.

If you are nice and soft and want this to continue then do nothing. If you want a change then you must put your foot down and take the leader role and start making rules for your wife to follow. If your wife loves you and supports you then she will be the buffer.

I wish you good luck.

[F4UCorsair]

Walk away from the losers!!

[maidee]

and is the OP paying for all & everything & none of them working ?

[Thai at Heart]

Think its fair to say that if u don't set the rules up.front, situation will overcome u if u don't nip them in the bud very fast.

U have no position in the house and getting it back means that people have to change to accommodate u.

Not likely to happen. Move on. People don't change much.

[pigeonjake]

I hope your wife can see the importance as this could destroy the union.

Good Luck

Destroy the union is the end of GAME. Headline is village sports section- Wife wins, man goes home head between legs wondering what just happened.

You guys who marry villagers are so blind. Listen to us who have no skin in the game. Life would be so much easier.............hahahaha!

can i just ask were you live,???

have no skin in the game,,,

your talking ,,,,,,,,,,,,, im married to a village lady and have been for coming up 9 years, you can read all about my life in the farming section and some in the general,

stop trying to be an expert on thai ladys,saying all us who married a village girl are mad

with your coments your making yourself look a right, plonker