Coming with a friend

[dror]

hi guys,

first of all im sorry if i didnt post this on the right forum as i wasnt sure where would it fit the best.

i am living in thailand not for long time (about a year and a half).

and currently living in chiang mai for about 7 months.

2-3 weeks ago i met a girl in the infinity club.

it is 98% for the locals and the girls there "should be" normal, no hookers or bar girls for that metter.

one girl cought my eye we did cheers together started talking a little bit and then i took her Line account to talk with her.

the day after we started talking which after about 2-3 days she gave me her phone number.

everything was ok and after about 4 days we decided to see each other again.

so i took a taxi for where she is working (she works in tesco lotus in chiang mai in cosmetics).

before i arrived she said she would be with a friend but she wasnt.

anyway we ate and talked and everything went ok (she doesnt know english so mostly we spoke in thai).

after that we kept talking on line but didnt see each other for about a week or so.

which then this week we went to a club as well and she asked if she can bring her friend (a tomboy).

i said sure of course although i was bit insulted and thinking to myself if she is afraid to be with me alone.

anyways everything went fine and said that today we will go to eat thai bbq buffet.

then she just told me she will come with her friend again (the tomboy) why does she do this everytime? is this normal or does she have another hidden intention?

thanks in advance for every advice you can give me.

[Crossy]

Probably better off in Expat Life.

[Swiss1960]

did it occur to you, OP, that the girl in question might like your attention and paying for food and drinks, but otherwise not want anything else and might even be together with the tomboy?

get yourself another girl...

[Songhua]

Your own thread title gives you the answer.

[Costas2008]

She is a Lesbian.

Go away from her.

They are both taking advantage of you.

Listen to Costas and you won't regret it.

[Brit_Doggie]

It is not uncommon for a thai lady to have a chaperone,whether it be for the insecurity that you emit towards her or for that matter she maybe shy or whatever,anyways it has happened to me on a number of occasions,and when asked to meet alone it has gone to deaf ears,another lesson to be learnt on the upward struggle within thailand,so enjoy her and her tom for the time being and btw good luck.

[dror]

brit doggie so how did you solve that problem with the girl that happened to you?

also to those that say she is using me then why didnt she come with her on the first time that we met?

[Roadman]

You have been out with her twice with her friend in toe and this is "do this everytime"? Brit doggie has got it right. Most of us had the same experience with friends being there for several first dates. Jeez I had that for about the first 8 or 9 dates. The end result was worth it and I enjoyed the company of her friends as well.

I would not think to much into the friend being a Tom either. Tom's are allowed straight and bisexual friends. And a lot more thai girls are bisexual than in the west and can easily stay loyal to their lover be of whichever sex that set on.

[Sawan Chan 7]

She is a Lesbian.

Go away from her.

They are both taking advantage of you.

Listen to Costas and you won't regret it.

So what if she is a lesbian, she could still make a good girlfriend.

[dror]

roadman so what should i do now? keep playing the game little longer and see what happens?

some replays here got the fear in me that maybe the tomboy is her bf/gf or whatever they will call it.

although when we went out to the club together the tomboy tried to hit on several girls over there so it doesnt seem like it but afterall its thailand and everything can happen

[taff33]

Maybe she wants three in a bed.

[Katipo]

Infinity club is NOT a normal club. It's packed full of freelancers. Even the ones who aren't are probably a little dodgy. Ekkamai and RCA it isn't.

[SoiBiker]

She is a Lesbian.

Go away from her.

They are both taking advantage of you.

Listen to Costas and you won't regret it.

So what if she is a lesbian, she could still make a good girlfriend.

Do you need somebody to explain the term 'lesbian' to you?

[humqdpf]

It is very normal especially for a lady who is not from Bangkok and who does not speak much English to be a bit more traditional and therefore to want to bring a chaperone to your first dates with her. She does not know who you are and probably feels more secure about having a pal along. Unless you are getting some strong signal that they are sexually involved with each other, that is probably all there is to it.

Of course, you may want to ask her nicely and politely after a few meetings (maybe do this by text) whether it would be possible to meet her on her own. If she declines, then it is, as they say in Thailand, "up to you." You can stop calling and she will either decide to come around to your way of thinking or she won't. If she doesn't, you just chalk it down to experience.

But if you are serious about this girl, you might want to endure the chaperone for a few dates to see where it goes. I have had the experience of the chaperone leaving for home after the meal and allowing us to get on with things ourselves. It would help if you got along with the Tom friend as she will be asked her opinion about you too.

But if you are not serious about this girl and just want a fling, then this lady is not for you - after all, bringing along a chaperone is her strategy to screen out those guys who are in for a quick taste and then head for the hills.

That said, it is always possible that the two ladies are out to see how many meals and drinks you buy them. But since you speak Thai, they will know you are not some guy just off the plane. You will find out after about 5 or fewer chaperoned dates when you ask the lady for a solo date.

[recycler]

It's normal, Thai girls are shy to be alone with a man, so you'd better get used to it. It may take some time until she will come alone to a date.

That the other girl is a dyke doesn't mean much at this stage.

If it works you'll find out if not there are plenty of "normal" girls here and also many bargirls make good girlfriends!

[NickJ]

She is most likley questioning herself and the tomboy. Is waiting to say I told you so....so do this....be the best guy ever....talk about kids....family life.....go to meet hers with the tom.....buy simple get to meet you gifts.....buy the tom a deo stick....the. pay the local dudes to beat her sensless.

[smokie36]

This is all so complicated.

I need a drink.

[how241]

did it occur to you, OP, that the girl in question might like your attention and paying for food and drinks, but otherwise not want anything else and might even be together with the tomboy?

get yourself another girl...

+1...correct, she is using you.

[ivan96822]

Keep speaking Thai! At this rate, you must be pretty fluent...

[balo]

I've experienced this myself many times. Thais always want to bring friends, even for a first date. She could also try to test you to find out if you're one of the few good farangs interested in her only and not cheap sex for the night. Or maybe she just want you as a walking ATM , who knows ? It's your job to find out.

[Morakot]

It is not uncommon for a thai lady to have a chaperone

Yeah right! A tomboy chaperone! Pull the other one.

Edited March 3, 2015 by Morakot

[realenglish1]

This is normal for a Thai girl who is not a bar girl

I am dating someone and she brought her girlfriend along several times She now comes alone so get used to is

If it happens more than 10 times then mention it too here or invite her to a movie or something that only 2 can do together.

Make it clear if it is ok to not have her girlfriend come

Don't make too much about it being a Tom. Keep in mind that the girlfriend can be a deciding factor . If she does not like you she can make your life miserable .

Make sure you stay on her good side so she can tell her straight friend how nice you are

[mikemac]

She is a Lesbian.

Go away from her.

They are both taking advantage of you.

Listen to Costas and you won't regret it.

So what if she is a lesbian, she could still make a good girlfriend.

Do you need somebody to explain the term 'lesbian' to you?

Lesbians don't make ideal girlfriends, may have something to do with the fact most of them hate men with a passion.

Which makes me wonder, if they hate us so much, why do they try so hard to look like us ?

[mango66]

if she not fluent with english,

and she work in tesco lotus,

sure she isn't a bar girl;

My thai wife was also very shy on beginning,

akways go out on beginning with some friend;

The time will show it,

and you might be lucky to get a normal Thai wife;

If you want a quicky, go and find another one in a bar !

[Swiss1960]

She is a Lesbian.

Go away from her.

They are both taking advantage of you.

Listen to Costas and you won't regret it.

Completely agree with the first 3 lines..

But the last one...

[SoiBiker]

Lesbians don't make ideal girlfriends, may have something to do with the fact most of them hate men with a passion.

Lesbians don't hate men. They just aren't attracted to them.

Where do some of you guys get your ideas about women? 1976?

[Estrada]

You girl friend is bisexual. Her Tomboy friend is her husband. You are the walking ATM.

A German friend married a Thai woman who has a clothing factory but is bisexual and has a Tom live in husband. The German works abroad and when he comes to Thailand to stay at his house with his Thai wife, the Tom has to move out and come back when the coast is clear.

Another German married the bisexual partner of a young lesbian couple in our village and built a very large house for his wife. He worked abroad and came here every few months for R&R. His Thai wife asked him if her girlfriend could keep her company while he was away and so the Tom moved in. A year later the German was found dead. The girls had a gambling problem and soon lost the house. My wife and I subsequently met them at Phyathai massage where the Tom was acting as mamasan and her grilfriend was turning tricks. They then got another Farang on the hook and the girlfriend married him. The farang bought several bars in Soi 8 Pattaya and later was found dead after the money begun to run out. The last we saw of her she was trying to get hold of his pension from Germany.

You have been warned.

[gerry123]

She is most likley questioning herself and the tomboy. Is waiting to say I told you so....so do this....be the best guy ever....talk about kids....family life.....go to meet hers with the tom.....buy simple get to meet you gifts.....buy the tom a deo stick....the. pay the local dudes to beat her sensless.

do you know i haven't a clue what you are talking about but it all sounds pretty crass

[Morakot]

She is most likley questioning herself and the tomboy. Is waiting to say I told you so....so do this....be the best guy ever....talk about kids....family life.....go to meet hers with the tom.....buy simple get to meet you gifts.....buy the tom a deo stick....the. pay the local dudes to beat her sensless.

do you know i haven't a clue what you are talking about but it all sounds pretty crass

Yeah... some people should get out more often... actually on second thoughts they shouldn't really.

Edited March 3, 2015 by Morakot

[bassman]

Enjoy the additional company of the Tom, but do a "shake down" search for plastic toys...and by no means sleep on your stomach!!!