Thais Judging Thais

[kowpot]

Just to show how Thai’s treat their own I would like to share a story. This has had me perturbed for a long time and I would just like to get it off my chest.

My wife of 25yrs and I were in Bangkok a year ago. We were out for a walk one afternoon. It was of course very hot on the streets of Bangkok.( No surprise there). We were were wearing very comfortable clothes for the walk. Short, T-shirt and sneakers. We came upon the Queens Imperial Hotel when I suggested that we go in and get something to drink. Now I know we were not dressed to impress, but we were not looking like street trash either. We sat down in the restaurant/lounge and I excused myself to go an use the mens room. While I was gone the restaurant manager came to the table that my wife was sitting at and told her that they didn’t want her kind in there and that she would have to leave. I guess at this point I should point out that my wife is a Thai national with citizenship in Thailand and the United States. She has never been a working girl. She is a graduate of Mahasarkam Univerisity. She came to the states to further her education. This is where we met. When I returned to the table she was almost in tears. When she explained to me what had happened I was dumbfounded. I told one of the waiters to get the manager back and that I wanted to talk to him. I told him how disappointed I was with his attitude toward my wife and told him that he should be ashamed of himself. Explained that he didn’t know anything about my wife and I demanded an apology. By this time others were listening and he said, that we could sit in the corner and be served. Needless to say, we didn’t take him up on his offer. I guess my point is, don’t judge a book by its cover. Thais are a rare breed. They judge without ever knowing the facts. To this day, I know my wife is still hurting over this and will go on with the stigma that because she is married to a Farang, Thais think of her in a negative way. But, we carry on because that is what we must do.

Edited September 6, 2015 by metisdead
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[JHolmesJr]

That is terrible….on the other hand count your lucky stars you did not stroll into The Atlanta.

[Jingthing]

They're judging you too.

[kowpot]

Jingthing, you are right, they are judging me. But, I will never feel the same pain. Because I don't really care what some low life lounge manager thinks of me. If I was Thai, I would feel different being judged unfairly by my own people.

[JHolmesJr]

You touched on a good point Kowpot….a lot of guys come on here asking how they can score a 'good' girlfriend…Ive always taken that to mean one who isn't a hooker part time or full time.

Truth is, a lot of thai gals who fall into that category won't entertain any overtures from farangs simply because their friends will think they have turned into hookers….a thai female architect fm bkk once told me that.

Edited September 6, 2015 by JHolmesJr

[GuestHouse]

My experience is that Thais are extremely good at reading other Thais and that while occasionally they do misread each other, they very soon recognise their mistake.

[saakura]

Perhaps the attitude of many westerners towards thai women is also a contributing factor to the way in which thai people perceive other thai's who are married to westerners? Thai women are mostly talked about as commodities in an insulting manner. All of them are generalised as being greedy and selfish.

[mauGR1]

One should not feel bad for other people idiotic behaviour.

[MaeJoMTB]

Thais are generally much better at spotting sex workers (or former sex workers) than we foreigners.

I noticed that very early in my time here.

[DeaconJohn]

If your wife has been in the US for a long time maybe she has forgotten some things about her own country.

[kowpot]

If your wife has been in the US for a long time maybe she has forgotten some things about her own country.

She has gone back almost yearly sometimes twice a year. Her family is pretty well off. She is not Hi So

[Cypress Hill]

Proves what I've maintained for some time; namely that marrying a farang is only considered a "leg up" by a certain group of Thais.

Far more of them than is widely acknowledged by foreigners regard marrying a farang as a major step down and a loss of face . . . unless they're similarly aged.

I'm sorry to hear the OP's wife still feels upset by it but can imagine the shock she experienced being addressed in that manner.

Edited September 6, 2015 by Cypress Hill

[Happy Grumpy]

Wow.

Shocking.

I'm shocked.

I really am.

This insight into true Thainess is, really, quite shocking.

[MrTee]

I'm sure you will find a similar response in many hotels all over the world.

[manarak]

the Thai laws on libel & slander are made exactly for cases like this.

why didn't OP's wife and him sue the hotel and the manager?

[Enoon]

Another poster who has gone out of his way to let everyone know he has a uni educated wife...Oh the insecurities!

"Oh the insecurities"........Of people who didn't make it to university?

[kurtramsbottom]

Another poster who has gone out of his way to let everyone know he has a uni educated wife...Oh the insecurities!

"Oh the insecurities"........Of people who didn't make it to university?

Can't say that is what I was thinking ,but if that's what you think ,you go with it !

[nidieunimaitre]

Similar thing happened to me and my wife.

We are only 4 years different.

Took a taxi in BKK (from the Siam Hotel), the taxi driver made a comment in Thai to my wife.

Wife told him to stop the taxi right on the spot, threw the fare to him, got out - followed by flabbergasted me.

Explained to me later - in tears - what the idiot had said to her.

[Aussieroaming]

I haven't had the problem you had in Thailand, but I know that it's an issue with people making assumptions about relationships and how and when they formed. I think a lot of people underestimate the number of Thai and farang relationships that don't start in a bar.

As for tosser bar manager, I wouldn't have wasted my breath on him.

Good onya wife for toughing it out.

[MAJIC]

Wow.

Shocking.

I'm shocked.

I really am.

This insight into true Thainess is, really, quite shocking.

This insight into true Thainess is, really, quite shocking.

You only scare if you care!

[Howitzer]

Proves what I've maintained for some time; namely that marrying a farang is only considered a "leg up" by a certain group of Thais.

Far more of them than is widely acknowledged by foreigners regard marrying a farang as a major step down and a loss of face . . . unless they're similarly aged.

I'm sorry to hear the OP's wife still feels upset by it but can imagine the shock she experienced being addressed in that manner.

ROFL and some farang actually think that they are like the saviors of the thais and that they give a lot of face to thais when they marry them.

[CharlieH]

A number of off topic/bating posts have been removed, as have the responses to them.

7) You will respect fellow members and post in a civil manner. No personal attacks, hateful or insulting towards other members, (flaming) Stalking of members on either the forum or via PM will not be allowed.

8) You will not post disruptive or inflammatory messages, vulgarities, obscenities or profanities.

[chrisandsu]

my wife has also been out of Thailand ,studying and working for the last 20 years .

She has lost some of her Thainess, and Thais do say to her that she's not totally thai anymore and that she does not understand! Butttttt she has never been mistaken for an ex bar girl as anyone with a hole in their axxe can tell the difference . So you can put it down to that you was simply not dressed for the occasion and things were lost in translation . What once made sense to your wife probably looks like a load of rubbish after living away from Thai society for so long

[ironhorse10]

@Manarak; It won't do anything to try to sue a Thai in Thailand; I tried that. First you have a Thai Lawyer sueing a Thai in Thai court. Forget about it and move on. I had to walk away after a loss of 12k USD. There is even a Thai Consumer law, but try to make it work for an American. Not happening my friend.

[Rykbanlor]

Thais are generally much better at spotting sex workers (or former sex workers) than we foreigners.

I noticed that very early in my time here.

Ridiculous, speak for yourself.

Edit: It shouldn't be so. If you've spent, lets say 10 years here, but even less, you should, assuming you have integrated somewhat and speak the language, have a reasonable judgement of these things.

Dude, only a year or so and these things should be becoming apparent, although I know in experience from meeting other westerners and reading this forum that a lot of guys live here for years without a clue.

Edited September 7, 2015 by Rykbanlor

[flyingdoc]

So many posts here right on the mark ! Many Thais do look down on Thais living with or married to foreigners, though not usually the well educated ones !

[gandalf12]

Jingthing, you are right, they are judging me. But, I will never feel the same pain. Because I don't really care what some low life lounge manager thinks of me. If I was Thai, I would feel different being judged unfairly by my own people.

I would have had it out with him. Being quiet and just taking it is not my way. But you probably did it the right way.

Mind you I had the look of distain back in the UK when I went into a high class jewellary store in t-shirt and jeans. It was only when I told the assistant I had come to collect a couple of Cartier watches and gave him my gold AMEX card did his attitude change.

[gandalf12]

So many posts here right on the mark ! Many Thais do look down on Thais living with or married to foreigners, though not usually the well educated ones !

Agreed but the well educated ones are the minority

[dragonballs]

just see it this way: in the west, you would have been stopped at the door,being told you are not dressed appropriately, yes or yes ?

[dotpoom]

I sympathise with your wife for being so badly hurt but I must speak honestly and say that I feel much of her pain was caused by yourself. I think you should have known better than to go into a upmarket hotel dressed the way you were...was it not just asking for trouble?..I would assume that a lot of hotels much prefer "neat dress" and there is nothing wrong with that in my opinion. There are plenty of establishments around for very casual attire where it does not stand out and fits in with the surroundings.