Thief In The House

[lannarebirth]

Thanks for all the answers and advice,

Since I posting my girlfriend has confronted the lady in question alone, the girl has admitted to coming in our home via the balcony on several occassions and stealing money, including 2300 baht from the handbag of one of our staff.

The girl has agreed to pay all money back, with the threat of her mother in law and family being informed of whats been going on if she does not pay up immediately.

My girlfriend also told her that I desperately wanted to go to the police and had to be talked out of it.

In the mean time, I am going to review our security arrangments which will include the erection of spiked railings (I hate these things) , to deter people from climbing over the wall that seperates our balconies.

I like the idea of a dog, but dont want one in the house,

Next time I see her, I will certainly give her the gypsy eye

Cheers all

I'm happy you found a solution that works for you. Sadly, without being "found out" by her family, whose opinion of her seems to matter, she'll probably steal it from someone else to repay you.

[LoveDaBlues]

... in our upstairs room...

Why not describe very plastically to the neighbours daughter (how old??) what you usually do with the ladies you will find in this upstairs- room?

Practical idea with happy endings

Doc this could lead to an 'escalation' of things.....I can see her 'breaking in' 3-4 times a week.

[mosquitoman]

Thanks for all the answers and advice,

Since I posting my girlfriend has confronted the lady in question alone, the girl has admitted to coming in our home via the balcony on several occassions and stealing money, including 2300 baht from the handbag of one of our staff.

The girl has agreed to pay all money back, with the threat of her mother in law and family being informed of whats been going on if she does not pay up immediately.

My girlfriend also told her that I desperately wanted to go to the police and had to be talked out of it.

In the mean time, I am going to review our security arrangments which will include the erection of spiked railings (I hate these things) , to deter people from climbing over the wall that seperates our balconies.

I like the idea of a dog, but dont want one in the house,

Next time I see her, I will certainly give her the gypsy eye

Cheers all

I'm happy you found a solution that works for you. Sadly, without being "found out" by her family, whose opinion of her seems to matter, she'll probably steal it from someone else to repay you.

This thought crossed my mind too, she may well steal to pay us back, and that if I told her family it would be more punative, however it will also cause loss of face and distress to her family, and they are not to blame. My issues are with this lady (not her family) who sneaked into our home and stole from us on more than one occassion. She is an adult and as such Im not sure that I should be going to her family, if she were a juvenile it would be a completely different matter. My girlfriend has also told her that if anything like this, or she suspects anything like this is happening again we will go straight to her family.

This crime was purely opportunist (she lives next door) She is at home all day with a baby, I cant imagine there are that many more opportunities like this for her use.

Edited September 30, 2006 by mosquitoman

[LoveDaBlues]

IMHO, I'd be surprised if she actually paid you back. She's stealing because she has no money. How will that change so she can pay you back?

[mosquitoman]

IMHO, I'd be surprised if she actually paid you back. She's stealing because she has no money. How will that change so she can pay you back?

LoveDaBlues- I hear what you are saying, I will just have to wait and see what happens, What do you suggest?

[rogercw]

Avoid family problems. Move.

[bkkandrew]

Right so obviously your girlfriend didn't give her permission, there is only one thing to do.

You have to go round to the house together with your girlfriend and sit down and talk to the owners of the house next door. You have to tell them that you caught her in your bedroom, she lied and said she was allowed to be there, and say you want to know what she was doing there. You also have to tell them about the missing money and say it looks very much like it wasn't the first time.

Tell them you expect the money to be returned and tell them they are very lucky you didn't go to the police. Tell them the only reason you didn't go to the police was because you like them and wouldn't want to see them get in trouble. Tell them you won't tell anyone and it'll be kept quiet.

Tell them they are forgiven but you expect the stolen money to be returned.

If they get angry or have any reaction other than to accept your proposal you should just leave them for a few days to calm down, after that go back and see them and ask if they have had a chance to talk to the girl.

You musn't let them get away with this, you cannot walk into peoples houses.

An official family sitdown is required to solve this, you have to go over there and tell them you need to talk to them about something very important, say you want to sit down inside and tell them something serious.

With them sitting down and in a more formal setting you have more chance of getting a sensible reaction, and less chance of a jerk and them running off or trying to get away. Sitting down they have to deal with the subject, get them into a proper discussion and you have much more chance of sorting this out.

So just go on over there, kock on the door and say you want to come and chat to them about something quite important.

Let us know how you get on.

Very good advice. Had a similar family sitdown over some damage and an injury about six months ago. All worke out well, money paid, no onghoing ill feeling. Face saved on all sides.

[AlexLah]

I had something similair when a so called friend came over to join dinner.

After she left I noticed that my gold necklace was missing.

I told all other people what happened and asked them to empty their pockets so we could be sure it was not one of them.

Then I asked all of them to talk with that person and told I would not do anything if she just gave me back my necklace.

I also told it is no problem no loose face just give back the necklace and she would really gain face being honest.

Two days later she came to me and gave back the necklace and some gift.

Alex

[LaoPo]

I had something similair when a so called friend came over to join dinner.

After she left I noticed that my gold necklace was missing.

I told all other people what happened and asked them to empty their pockets so we could be sure it was not one of them.

Then I asked all of them to talk with that person and told I would not do anything if she just gave me back my necklace.

I also told it is no problem no loose face just give back the necklace and she would really gain face being honest.

Two days later she came to me and gave back the necklace and some gift.

Alex

And she didn't lose face towards the other dinner-guests ?

Hmmmmmm....

LaoPo

[AlexLah]

LaoPo, I do not really care about that.

[El Taco Loco]

I do not understand why worry about the loss of face. This is clearly needed with her and the family needs to slam her after the meeting.

I second the opinion to have a meeting with your better half and them directly, let Thai deal with Thai. Loss of face once in a while is a worthwhile feeling.

Good luck.

[LaoPo]

LaoPo, I do not really care about that.

I understand your point but that's not an answer to my question:

"And she didn't lose face towards the other dinner-guests ?"

What do you think...? did she lose face?

LaoPo

[AlexLah]

LaoPo, I do not really care about that.

I understand your point but that's not an answer to my question:

"And she didn't lose face towards the other dinner-guests ?"

What do you think...? did she lose face?

LaoPo

Yep I think she loose face as my friends talked about it but they also forgive her as she was very poor and just see an opportunity to make some money hoping I would not notice or just did not see.

They sort of justify the action but did not really like the outcome.

After finding out their feelings on that I told them not to come to me again.

Alex

[jackr]

IMHO, I'd be surprised if she actually paid you back. She's stealing because she has no money. How will that change so she can pay you back?

What do you suggest?

Telling whole soi followed by hanging, drawing and quartering... balls to face.

[Jersey_UK]

I have come to this late.

Seems that OP has come up with the solution, the good news is that telling her folks is clearly something she wishes to avoid - so at lease you still have that option to hold over her.

Loss of face? I think sometimes "us" Farang are a bit too soft on this sometimes. No reason to throw a fit of the heebie jeebies running up and down the street carrying a placard with a photo of the gal whilst screaming Thief! Thief!, but doesn't mean that you shouldn't confront folk who you have an issue with, just do it thoughtfully and tactfully, and if (??!!) you don't speak the lingo use someone who does.

In a case like this the "loss of face" factor can work to your advantage, and I wouldn't be too concerned about it as long as any caused is proportional - if someone can't take the resulting "Loss of face" for being caught, don't do the crime.

[backflip]

"1. It was the (thief)-daughter-in-law of the (Lady)-neighbour

2. Where/who was saying that the victim was blamed?"

1. I understand the relationship between the thief (daughter-in-law of the neighbor)

2. Let's see:

- "you should have locked the doors"

- "you should have installed a camera"

- "you should build a fence"

and my favorites, summarized, and reworded to remove all subtlety:

"If you cause the thief or the family to lose face, you'll be sorry...You should just accept it because, if you cause them to lose face, you'll be forced to move, because the neighbors will make you life a living hel_l...Don't ever the police, it's a conspiracy againt all farangs"

That's what I mean, "blaming the victim".