Turkey dinner disaster

[SantiSuk]

Up until 10am yesterday I asssumed my British Christmas culinary skills would not be called upon again. As you may know turkeys are rarer than rocking horse meat this year in Thailand.

So I was sitting in Norberts Pizza4U bar in Kantharalak - dropped by to pick up German bread, honest (but seeing a Beer Lao Dark in his fridge it would have been churlish to let it be wasted on any old customer who thinks Heineken is a good beer).

Phone rings - it's my wife. Why we not have Kissmas food this year? No turkeys darling. She then informs me that our friends' (expat ThaiV member -I'll protect his ID in case he gets inundated with requests next year) parents in the next village have taken up turkey farming.

So I agre to 150 baht a kilo and do a quick list of stuff to buy and head straight off to Sisaket Makro, Tesco and Big C. Spend about 1500 baht on veggies and ingredients for those all important peripherals - gravy, stuffing (have to strip sausage meat out of some nice pork sausages), sausages wrapped in bacon, cheddar for the cheese sauce, breadcrumbs and cream for the bread sauce. Expected to have difficulty getting the right herbs and spices , but did at least find bay leaves and thyme to go with some herbs I already had. (Halleluja-inspiration this morning had me going back to Sisaket - it's kinda weird doing your visa extension renewal on Christmas Day but why not? Managed to find Nutmegs in a Chinese food shop).

So I get back home after an exhausting afternoons shopping yesterday to find a 7kg fresh Turkey sitting in the kitchen. Thank god for farming family - my FIL was happy to be bribed to do the dirty work - no way am I sticking my hand up the @rse of some bird I only just met.

Back from Sisaket immi at 2pm today and all the ingredients lined up on the counter (photo to come). Target chow time 6.30. Oven's warming up. CLICK - fai ****ing dap!!!

Comes back on 20 minutes later after frantic call to local PEA. I'm no fool I'm goin to wait to see how reliable the power is. Wait 20 mins then heat oven again. Bird at last gets bacon dressed and stuffed and goes in.

ETA now 8pm but extended Thai family happy to wait in anticipation at baan yai - they loved my first efforts last year, particularly the trimmings. I think actually they would have been happy with platefuls of bacon-wrapped sausages, stuffing balls and crispy bacon off the top of the bird. Plus copious glasses of box wine!

So now its approaching 5 pm and I'm sitting here alone in a huff. 15 minutes into cooking the power went again. The bird came out dangerously warm and has now been removed for BBQ round at baan yai plus tom kha turkey. Anybody any idea what to do with 2 pints of bread sauce?

Have not decided whether to carry out my threat to avoid eating this salmanella trap but at least I've warned them all - and received the 'falang baa look' big time of course.

I'll stop sulking now. I was bred in Carlisle, Cumbria and childhood friends and former sweethearts are no doubt having a much $hittier day than me (a bad month of floods). If the power stays out - d_amn your black hearts PEA - power rarely goes here except in rainy season storms - maybe I can persuade wifey to go sleep in Ubon and hit the bars. Every cloud has to have a silver lining.

My mother would have understood. There are hoards

of housewives out there in the UK for whom a fai dap on Christmas Day is the ultimate nightmare. Never happened to me Mum in 50 years of Christmas dinners she cooked for me and different forms of 'us'.

It happened to this 64 year old male on only his second attempt. I should not have taken up aetheism. Constant prayer on Christmas Day is obviously the answer.

How was your day?

[NickJ]

That's an A for effort if there ever was one.

[tso310]

Personally I would have gone for the rocking horse meat. My sympathies for everyone in Cumbria with the weather.

[Gonsalviz]

Why I keep a stand by generator.

[elgordo38]

You made my day what a hoot. Sorry I cannot give you 2 likes. Next Christmas will be a whole different ballgame. Who will be on first. What will be on second. The turkey heads for the home plate fixings and all. HO HO HO Happy 2016. May the Gods smile on us and keep us safe. On the other hand it could be a year to keep our heads now. Well back to Fox News and a wee nip of the old Sherry. Yeah gads the bottle is half empty. Call the BIB forget that they are all snug in their little beds with their stockings hung by the chimney with care.

[Isan Farang]

Why I keep a stand by generator.

I also have my stand by gen set.

[thrilled]

I never understood Turkey for Christmas.We would have it for Thanksgiving.For Christmas it would be A goose or duck if we were lucky.

This year I'm having A ham.It works for me.

[DogNo1]

Maybe next year you could build a charcoal fire and deep-fry your turkey. That's somewhat popular now.

[14 the other side]

Best read I've had in ages.

Well done 'ole son.

[MAJIC]

Personally I would have gone for the rocking horse meat. My sympathies for everyone in Cumbria with the weather.

A Tragedy more than once for these poor people!

[Suradit69]

Had a very similar experience with iffy electricity and trying to cook a turkey when I lived in Africa. After two or three false starts ... just enough to properly incubate all the bacteria resident in/on the bird ... the power went off for a two days. Ended up tossing it in the bush behind the house, which was soon followed by sounds of various beasties crashing about and not sharing it harmoniously. No trace of it found the following morning.

One of those "some day will look back and laugh about it" moments.

[padsist4]

Next year come and join us for Christmas dinner in nong khai just bring the turkey I will get a gas oven by then even if I have to import it from uk. And where is the turkey farm would love a turkey for songran. How far is it away from nong khai. P S we had slow braised lamb shank in the slow cooker lovely

[chicowoodduck]

Sorry to say, I don't feel our pain....?

Oops, even upside down it tasted great....????

Edited December 26, 2015 by chicowoodduck

[thaijoe]

where did you buy the turkey, i want to buy one, and cant find one anywhere, can anyone help

[pauleddy]

We had lovely pork belly with stuffing. There are no turkeys in Bangkok unless you got 4 weeks ago. It seems there was a Turkey virus in USA. 7 m turkeys culled.

I still miss the turkey! I am sure there are none in BKK, not even the breast ball. We tried 3 Villas and 4 other places.

[smotherb]

Maybe next year you could build a charcoal fire and deep-fry your turkey. That's somewhat popular now.

I have both a gas oven and refrigerator--cold beer and cooked food are never a problem.

[slipperylobster]

What a great business to open...

Roasted Turkeys, Hams, Leg of Lamb, etc....baked and delivered.

Not my calling, but somebody might take this idea up. No need to limit food orgies to Western Holidays. Would like to see this in Udon.

[smotherb]

We had lovely pork belly with stuffing. There are no turkeys in Bangkok unless you got 4 weeks ago. It seems there was a Turkey virus in USA. 7 m turkeys culled.

I still miss the turkey! I am sure there are none in BKK, not even the breast ball. We tried 3 Villas and 4 other places.

We ordered a 16kg turkey three weeks ago and got what I thought was a 3kg roasting chicken, but it said Turkey on the wrapping. Since we had invited 30 guests, we opted for a roast pig too. Best of possible outcomes.The pig was well-received by the guests and since the full compliment of veggies, casseroles, potatoes, gravy, dressing, cheeses, breads, fruits, salads, desserts and a copious selection of beverages accompanied it, we were all satiated. And, those who wanted it, had a piece of turkey.

[captnhoy]

Did 2 12 pound turkeys in the bbq last year over charcoal - side by side with generous amounts of hickory chunks to smoke them good too. Got them from Makro for 1200 each. This year it was pork ribs - no turkey to be found.

[Jeffkp]

My mother would spend all Christmas day cooking a huge meal. Best china and linens on the table. Lovely center piece. As the years went by, my siblings moved away and it became my parents and I at Christmas. Then my Dad died. Mom and I decided to go to a nice Christmas buffet.

We had an epiphany! Why had she spent all those years cooking! We could have gone out. Until she died last year that's what we did.

I'm proud to say that in Chiang Mai this year, I continued that fine tradition.

Merry Christmas all.

[lounger]

Sounds like you need a gas ring and equip to deep fry the turkey..apparantly it works well...as s back up.. but good read so maybe a sandwhich and take up writing...

[grumpyoldman]

OP really great read !

Couple of stateside cooking techniques from my past. Since in Southern California occasionally we would get these Indian summers where on Thanksgiving would be 25 or so, Dad would rotisserie barbecue the bird. Kept Mom from sweating complete bullets in the kitchen, for the rest of your meal, no electricity, yes, that would be a chore on a BBQ but do-able.

Louisiana Kevin (RIP, boating accident took my friend at only 47), had this metal cylinder with gas fire underneath full of cooking oil. He'd syringe inject Cajun spices in and deep fry the bird. The skin would keep the oil from penetrating, cooks fast, 2 hours if I remember correctly tender and scrumptious. Rest of your meal I think could also be pretty complete over gas.

Thanks for that post, good laugh, a life in Thailand hoot!

[billd766]

My Xmas dinner was planned to be a roast leg of lamb, some veggies and a bottle of good port.

Problem #1 My electric table top oven died a month ago but I bought a new one on 23rd December.

Problem #2 Makro in Khampaeng Phet has NO lamb at all. Various exotic meats, pork, chicken, duck, frozen beef etc, but lamb mai mee.

Problem #3 Nowhere in KPP sells port and the wine shop I found didn't even know what it was.

Xmas dinner 2015 was a day old pork and pineapple red curry.

In 2016 there will be 2 Xmas days and the first will be after I do my 90 day report at Nakhon Sawan in January and I will call in to Makro there and also LotusTesco where hopefully there will be port.

Truthfully nobody else eats lamb at home though my wife and friends will surely "help me out" with the port.

Over my dead body says I.

[SoiBiker]

Up until 10am yesterday I asssumed my British Christmas culinary skills would not be called upon again. As you may know turkeys are rarer than rocking horse meat this year in Thailand.

So I was sitting in Norberts Pizza4U bar in Kantharalak - dropped by to pick up German bread, honest (but seeing a Beer Lao Dark in his fridge it would have been churlish to let it be wasted on any old customer who thinks Heineken is a good beer).

Phone rings - it's my wife. Why we not have Kissmas food this year? No turkeys darling. She then informs me that our friends' (expat ThaiV member -I'll protect his ID in case he gets inundated with requests next year) parents in the next village have taken up turkey farming.

So I agre to 150 baht a kilo and do a quick list of stuff to buy and head straight off to Sisaket Makro, Tesco and Big C. Spend about 1500 baht on veggies and ingredients for those all important peripherals - gravy, stuffing (have to strip sausage meat out of some nice pork sausages), sausages wrapped in bacon, cheddar for the cheese sauce, breadcrumbs and cream for the bread sauce. Expected to have difficulty getting the right herbs and spices , but did at least find bay leaves and thyme to go with some herbs I already had. (Halleluja-inspiration this morning had me going back to Sisaket - it's kinda weird doing your visa extension renewal on Christmas Day but why not? Managed to find Nutmegs in a Chinese food shop).

So I get back home after an exhausting afternoons shopping yesterday to find a 7kg fresh Turkey sitting in the kitchen. Thank god for farming family - my FIL was happy to be bribed to do the dirty work - no way am I sticking my hand up the @rse of some bird I only just met.

Back from Sisaket immi at 2pm today and all the ingredients lined up on the counter (photo to come). Target chow time 6.30. Oven's warming up. CLICK - fai ****ing dap!!!

Comes back on 20 minutes later after frantic call to local PEA. I'm no fool I'm goin to wait to see how reliable the power is. Wait 20 mins then heat oven again. Bird at last gets bacon dressed and stuffed and goes in.

ETA now 8pm but extended Thai family happy to wait in anticipation at baan yai - they loved my first efforts last year, particularly the trimmings. I think actually they would have been happy with platefuls of bacon-wrapped sausages, stuffing balls and crispy bacon off the top of the bird. Plus copious glasses of box wine!

So now its approaching 5 pm and I'm sitting here alone in a huff. 15 minutes into cooking the power went again. The bird came out dangerously warm and has now been removed for BBQ round at baan yai plus tom kha turkey. Anybody any idea what to do with 2 pints of bread sauce?

Have not decided whether to carry out my threat to avoid eating this salmanella trap but at least I've warned them all - and received the 'falang baa look' big time of course.

I'll stop sulking now. I was bred in Carlisle, Cumbria and childhood friends and former sweethearts are no doubt having a much $hittier day than me (a bad month of floods). If the power stays out - d_amn your black hearts PEA - power rarely goes here except in rainy season storms - maybe I can persuade wifey to go sleep in Ubon and hit the bars. Every cloud has to have a silver lining.

My mother would have understood. There are hoards

of housewives out there in the UK for whom a fai dap on Christmas Day is the ultimate nightmare. Never happened to me Mum in 50 years of Christmas dinners she cooked for me and different forms of 'us'.

It happened to this 64 year old male on only his second attempt. I should not have taken up aetheism. Constant prayer on Christmas Day is obviously the answer.

How was your day?

Nominated -http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/879464-the-all-new-post-of-the-week-thread/page-2#entry10236027

[laislica]

A great read and thank you.

Reading between the lines - did you keep your cool at all times

or did your extended family learn some new Farang words LOL

You asked how our day was.

Well a Kasikorn savings plan matured on Christmas day so off to the bank to topup and re-invest the funds in a new promotion that will give us 1.55%

We had up to 4 staff discussing our requirements and one speaking English talking about Footborn.

Then it was down to this one girl to do the job.

Copies of passport made and signed by me.

Then she gave me two blank authorisation forms to sign.

It was explained to her that she must first fill in the forms so I can understand what I am authorising.

The footborn fan was now nowhere to be seen.

The lady who speaks great English (English husband) was out of the office, please come back Monday.

We have friends from Sweden arriving on Monday.

We left, took a taxi to another bigger branch.

The girl again gave me blank forms (even my wife said - it's what everyone has to do).

The girl spoke a little English so along with my mime of her holding a bank book, typing on the computer, then printing the slip for me to sign.

She nodded and said OK and followed my mime.

I signed, no problem.

Had to do this twice for the topup transfer, job done - but no!

The rate printed in the book was 1.50% I demanded the 1.55% and said Falang Kinneiow Leuy!

The dear girl took the book back, another fiddle on the computer, then printing.

All good, got the 1.55%.

The promotion started on the 18th and finishes on the 28th.

Then an American fast food brekkie in FoodLand.

Taxi into Samut Sakhon to collect the repaired iPad,

A couple of days ago i drop kicked it (trying to save it but made it worse) and shattered the screen.

Repair as good as new, with the protective plastic sheet cost 2,500Baht, not bad I thought.

Then Taxi to Big C, buy a new smart phone and SIM, look at the prices of a new pickup.

Then taxi home to a nice Christmas Dinner!

Yes we had a lovely SALAD! (I must confess that my Sister-in-Law, in the UK had sent a lovely Christmas Pudding,

too sweet for wifey but I had only a very modest portion and as there was no brandy source, I drank a glass of brandy with it, lovely.

Well, you see, I gained a few kilos during our summer in Spain.

All that lovely and cheap wine....

So having arrived back on the 8th, to an empty fridge was the perfect time to control my eating.

My wife overfeeds me, brings plates of chips or fruit etc - cos she loves me.

I complained I was getting too fat and my BP was too high, even with meds.

She said, no worries, only a little fat.

Yes right - till I tried on my shorts here and nothing would fit by several inches!

So we did not buy cheese(s), milk, coffee creamer, bread.

I'm on green tea, stir fried spicy chicken n veg and salads with various in season fruits,

and feeling much better for it too.

BP reducing, hip pain reducing, waist reducing.

I can now wear most of the shorts.

Have another few pounds to go to give some slack for future partying that has to be done.

At almost 74, it's far too easy to gain weight and start to suffer bad health.

So thank you for asking, overall, it turned out to be a lovely, if different to the normal Christmas Day!

Today we prepare for a house warming with the Monks tomorrow on her investment house across the street.

Her brother n wife are helping her, painting the walls where the Monks will draw the Icon etc.

Now they have gone to Samut Sakhon to buy food for the feast tomorrow.

I would like to do more to help, but being on a retirement extension - no possibility of a work permit.

One wouldn't want to fall foul of Immigration Laws - I mean - never!

Happy New Year to you and yours and all the folk on TVF.

[lostinisaan]

You casn't make such a story up, can you?

[RedQualia]

I never understood Turkey for Christmas.We would have it for Thanksgiving.For Christmas it would be A goose or duck if we were lucky.

This year I'm having A ham.It works for me.

Usually turkey for Thanksgiving for us, with either turkey or ham for xmas. An ex-wife thought the best and only xmas dinner was roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. Might be one of the reasons we finally parted company, maybe. Have never had goose or duck for anything. Just wasn't done in the areas where I roamed in my formative years, I guess. Like roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.

[louse1953]

Maybe next year you could build a charcoal fire and deep-fry your turkey. That's somewhat popular now.

Or get a gas oven.

[akentryan]

Right about being very expensive this year. Got a turkey with gravy, a pineapple ham, four sirloins wrapped in bacon with gravy - everything already cooked from Foodland. Cost 14K and change. Bought mashed potatoes and more gravy from KFC for another 700 baht. I had cranberry sauce and mixed vegetables on hand. I had yellow sweet potatoes that I grew in the back yard for candied yams topped with banana marshmellows. Had a home made fruit cake from a year ago that I thawed out by drenching it in dark rum. I made cornbread dressing with bacon from scratch. Two bottles of Belgian bubbly the only bargain - I bought a case for 209 baht a bottle on sale at Makro a couple of months ago. We had 11 people total and enough food for another 11 if they had arrived unannounced. Next year I am making reservations at one of the local joints with a Christmas menu. Total cost estimated at around 16K this past year will not be hard to beat

[sead]

Sorry to say, I don't feel our pain....?

Oops, even upside down it tasted great....????

I guess theres an open invitation to this. Your adress please and i will happily help you finish it.... Looks delicious