Am I being a dick to my thai gf?

[fireplay]

I travel to the States every year for a few months. I usually go to 3-5 cities and spend a few weeks with family and friends. My only option for free accomodation in one city is with my ex girlfriend who I always stay with, in her 1.2 mil condo her plastic surgeon boyfriend bought her. All my friends are married and dont have space for a guest like me.

My thai girlfriend is pissed and hurt.

My ex gf and i broke up 15 years ago...and she is my sister..total family...and always will be.

I told her this is what it is...she said I don't care about her feelings...I told her she can't erase my friends and family from my life.

She is acting like it is the end of the world...I think her jealousy is childish and this is exactly why i wont marry her until she comes to the USA to meet my family and friends and experience my culture.

She is 23...I am 40....I am not posting up in a 150 a night room in the most expensive city in America for 2 weeks.

What do you guys think?

[Jimbo]

I think most women wouldn't like their man to do that. Would you be ok if your girlfriend went abroad on a holiday and stayed with her ex?

[wooloomooloo]

What do you guys think?

Your personality needs work.

[fireplay]

@jimbo she asked me the same thing...the thing is if her ex is from a decade and a half ago and has been her family brother and has moved on through many girlfriends and was in a current 4 year relationship with his gf...no. not really. I trust her and i get the traveling lifestyle. I'm not a jealous type sorry....we my gf and I, have been together a year.

My ex has been more of my sister for the 18 YEARS i have known her.

[fireplay]

Thanks wooloomooloo I assume you are saying I should not even be considering this as an option and in so doing I am indeed being a dick. How insightful buddy.

[Jimbo]

fireplay, i understand what you are saying and agree with you. However I think many Thai women would have an issue with it. They do get rather jealous.

[AlexRRR]

Your too honest, what she don't know won't hurt her, you also don't know much about Thai women, they are very jealous, it's obvious isn't it, tell her your changed your mind about staying with old gf, then do what every you like.

And yes I'd be pissed off to if I knew my partner was going to stay with an ex, you might find the majority of people would be too.

[slipperylobster]

Fair is fair.

As long as you allow her to stay at the homes of her ex-boyfriends. I am sure she will be looking them up.

[fireplay]

Thanks Alex I know man and i know thai girls well enough I have lived in LOS 6 years already...I just always figured the truth is a way to demonstrate sincerity and nothing to hide...but it seems lose lose situation...gotta be more thai and white lie it up I guess

[Matej]

I don't want to be bad, but you are 40 and you should know the answer to your question.

I know neither you nor your girlfriend, but I have a piece of advice for you. Take your marriage very, very slow ...

Good luck

[swampdonkey]

Your girlfriend needs to find a new boyfriend

[KMartinHandyman]

The die is cast for turnabout

[puukao]

no worries on this one.....i think i was in my 30's when i realized 23 is way too young for a relationship. that was a few years ago, and now i think 28 is pretty young. probably under 31 or so is too young....anyhow, my point is this relationship won't last much longer so who cares.......it's your money. lie to her. tell her you are staying in a 200 USD a night place and now no gifts to her.....i'm being honest. this age gap has 5% of working......

[chiang mai]

Sometimes white lies are good.

[Sandy Freckle]

Stick to your guns..., you are on the right track..., while it's not ideal to generalise..., it is quite true that generally Thai womanhood can get very jealous(and emotionally bent out of shape) especially when younger and emotionally less intelligent..., if you backslide, gf will only continue and possibly increase such needy behaviour in the future...., whatever happens, never bow to such energy vampire behaviour.
I also agree that too much info can be dangerous sometimes...., be straight up and clear with comms to her but at the same time frame your language to her very carefully..., I think you know this stuff already, right ?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Yes, you are a d1k. Don't be with a Thai gf.... You are not only disrespecting her but also her family and friends.

[1FinickyOne]

Not easy and she will have to be a bit more mature than her years - you are essentially vanishing through a key hole that she cannot go through. Whether staying w/your ex or not - there will always be suspicions until you have been together longer and a trust is developed that you will come back from these trips and all will be as before...

Or not. That is a best case scenario -

Maybe if you are getting into fights on the subject, approach her more compassionately and that will help.

Good luck.

[schlog]

Don't care but you should know that.

Your sister/ex girlfriend of more than 15 years will always be there when your actual girlfriend is long gone.

[Matej]

I see some members are suggesting lies, but if you really want to be with her, I mean you were talking about marriage, then don't thai her.

[CharlieH]

Stands to reason a 23 yr old girl will have a totally different outlook/aspect than a 40 yr old.

But in reality, I doubt many women would "understand" that situation or accept it.

[canuckamuck]

You can bend to the Thai way of doing things, but don't expect them to see things your way.

[mgjackson69]

Hindsight being what it is, you should not have said anything about staying with your ex. "I am staying with friends" would have been sufficient, and would not have been a lie, if your relationship with your ex is as you say.

Now that you have opened the can of worms, your Thai lady is likely to assume that every trip to USA will involved "spending time" with your ex, whether that is the case or not.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

You know, I always roll eyes when the argument of maturity comes up.

Supposedly this 40 year old guy is so mature that he decided to blabber about staying in his ex gf 1.2 mil condo and is also so mature when it comes to understanding other people's feelings. Frankly, I find his post revolting.

Didn't most come here because of supposed "bad" Western women?

I had a few where they were playing me for a fool precisely like the OP. They were "oh, so more mature than me" and I wasn't supposed to be jealous when they were going out with their "friends" or getting drunk and who knows what.

No, op.... you are wrong. If nothing you should be mature enough to respect her feelings. I don't know this 23 year old, but rest assured that even she is is the most perfect, honest Thai girl she has a lot more friends than you and she is communicating with them about your less than stellar performance. They are already plotting for her and you are not aware of a single thing.

Man up and please drop this bs excuse "I am not a jealous type". I have dumped women over that statement because not everyone is like you. Infact, I find the whole statement stinks of hypocrisy as chances are you would be very jealous if she did the same to you. "Oh.... I'm going to see my hiso ex-bf and stay a few nights at his place... don't worry he my brother too". Just imagine the 100 page thread on this very forum.

Come on!

[samsensam]

you have to be smarter when dealing with potentially jealous and judgmental thai women, not all thai women are like this but it is a common trait.

the smart thing to do is tell her you will be staying with a friend; say the friend is male or say female friend and her bf/husband.

as long as you know you're behaving yourself a little white lie can save you a lot of bother.

[NeverSure]

[mgjackson69]

you have to be smarter when dealing with potentially jealous and judgmental thai women, not all thai women are like this but it is a common trait.

the smart thing to do is tell her you will be staying with a friend; say the friend is male or say female friend and her bf/husband.

as long as you know you're behaving yourself a little white lie can save you a lot of bother.

From the first line, delete "thai" in both cases.

Second sentence, FULL STOP after the first instand of "friend".

It is not even a white lie if you just say "friend".

Although in the case of the original poster, the cat is already out of the bag.

[MaeJoMTB]

Yes you are being a dick, by running your mouth off.

She doesn't need to know where you are going and who you are staying with.

[petermik]

If you had true feelings for your girlfriend you would not consider staying with your ex.

full stop period

[Daryle]

Your GF can stay with me while your overseas. Is that ok with you?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[pgrahmm]

You know, I always roll eyes when the argument of maturity comes up.

Supposedly this 40 year old guy is so mature that he decided to blabber about staying in his ex gf 1.2 mil condo and is also so mature when it comes to understanding other people's feelings. Frankly, I find his post revolting.

Didn't most come here because of supposed "bad" Western women?

I had a few where they were playing me for a fool precisely like the OP. They were "oh, so more mature than me" and I wasn't supposed to be jealous when they were going out with their "friends" or getting drunk and who knows what.

No, op.... you are wrong. If nothing you should be mature enough to respect her feelings. I don't know this 23 year old, but rest assured that even she is is the most perfect, honest Thai girl she has a lot more friends than you and she is communicating with them about your less than stellar performance. They are already plotting for her and you are not aware of a single thing.

Man up and please drop this bs excuse "I am not a jealous type". I have dumped women over that statement because not everyone is like you. Infact, I find the whole statement stinks of hypocrisy as chances are you would be very jealous if she did the same to you. "Oh.... I'm going to see my hiso ex-bf and stay a few nights at his place... don't worry he my brother too". Just imagine the 100 page thread on this very forum.

Come on!

So....

While touring in your home country you're doing the broke college student flop house - gotta spare room/couch/food/beer/dude - I'm in town let's party - glad you could have me thing → good seeing you thing....

Somewhere along the way part of the unknown would be OK with your Thai GF......Now you throw into the mix staying with a woman for 2 weeks ....Cohabitating with someone you're more than friendly/familiar with on many levels - 1.2 M can buy you a postage stamp sized condo or better but to her

everything you want her to license is so far out of her boundaries (and life with you) she can't comphrehend it.....

Yes → you sound like a cheap charlie major dik......

You expect her to just sit by happily waiting for you while a she knows is you're in another woman's home - sleeping/eating/whatever?

Sounds like if you couldn't sponge off your "friends" there would be no trip.....

I think you've burned this GF bridge - to the ground....

Regardless of her age the odds are strong a very small amount of women anywhere would put up with this.....She's letting you know how she feels.....You could sleep in a monastery now for your whole trip and not be taken as trustworthy as far as her and her friends are concerned....

For all of the full throttle sabai sabai living a lot think of LOS.....The decent Thai's are still conservative in their views/understanding......

I think you'll find a very different GF waiting for you when you get back.....