The Infamous Dowry

[starky]

OP said, "It seems like a topic of controversy, but should a dowry be paid if the husband is a foreigner?

ESPECIALLY if the husband is a foreigner!!!

Why is that?

Because they're suckers suffering yellow fever, caught up in the excitement of marrying an Asian woman, and from the family's point of view, better off financially than most Thais, and therefore have the ability to pay.......more.

Search posts here, and see that once they're on the roundabout, how the requests/demands for $$ continue, not all, but most!!

It's not unlike lending money to a friend. He hasn't paid any back, but asks for more. What do you do? Cut him loose and lose what you've already lent, or extend a bit more hoping that he will come good. The family starts with sin sod, and moves onto 'borrowing' money, or just plain asks that you foot the cost of keeping and educating some other guy's kid, granny's operation that often doesn't eventuate, and of course the cliched sick buffalo, broken down pickup, and on it goes.

If you're unsure, even a little, get off the roundabout, and the sooner the better.

But......there are some success stories, and there is one above, but I think if you use first person stories found here on TV, the bad experiences outnumber the good by a wide margin, or perhaps few with a good story bother to tell.

No doubt plenty of suckers do get mugged off and I don't know what happens in the case of Thai's whether in comes back (which means that surgeon just lost 20 million baht 100+ million dollar home and 2 KILO of gold, so who's the sucker there?) but in my case and others it seems it was all about the show. I put up a healthy amount of baht and gold and the day and got it all back and more as we collected over 200000 baht in envelope money which we shared with her parents. They have never asked me for squat, tried to borrow money or any of the other shit that seems to go on here. So I'm real lucky and lead a charmed life or not all Thais are the lazy, evil, money grabbing bustards that some would have you believe they are. Oh and I'm still in the good books for giving the missus the wedding she wanted 5 years later... So happy days. Cheers

[bazza40]

As I understand it, a dowry can neither be demanded or expected if the girl is not a virgin or has previously been married. I haven't tested this understanding. Anyone care to enlighten me?

A Thai virgin? What planet have you come from?

If you don't know the answer why do you reply with an inane remark? You know ALL Thai women past and present, do you?

My apologies -I thought you had a sense of humour. Obviously I'm mistaken.

[williamgeorgeallen]

generally the sort of thai girls that us foreigners marry dont require a dowry to be paid. guess it dosent hurt to as though right? if your girl is in her thirties, she has kids and/or you got her out of a bar then there is no need to pay anything. i kind of wonder why anyone would marry and woman, let alone a thai one. seems to be an outdated tradition. took me 2 marriages to figure that out. many do it to get the marriage visa i suppose. i am pretty sure in most cases the elite visa would work out cheaper going by the number of guys who keep loosing their houses to thai woman.

[Stradavarius37]

Depends...

[thai3]

Never were their houses to lose were they

[williamgeorgeallen]

Never were their houses to lose were they

so true, so very true.

[Blackheart]

Sin sod was returned behind closed doors after the guests departed.

Me and the wife were not doing well, I had just gone bankrupt.

Back on our feet years later, doing well financially and relationship wise.

As a result of parents lack of greed during the wedding and since I don't mind helping them now.

Compromise before hand.

[ChrisKC]

As I understand it, a dowry can neither be demanded or expected if the girl is not a virgin or has previously been married. I haven't tested this understanding. Anyone care to enlighten me?

A Thai virgin? What planet have you come from?

If you don't know the answer why do you reply with an inane remark? You know ALL Thai women past and present, do you?

My apologies -I thought you had a sense of humour. Obviously I'm mistaken.

I DO have a sense of humour. But the words you used leave me having to perceive them as perhaps, sarcasm, wit, thinking I am stupid, a friendly joke - how do I know?

Apologies accompanied by another insult are perceived as insincere!

[theguyfromanotherforum]

For all of the non-believers out there, my wife has a new car and a pocket full of the top credit cards, whose balance I pay every month.

Most people would say whoa. How can you trust a Thai with credit cards and accounts?

Whoa! What's not to believe. You pay her car and credit cards. Sounds pretty believable to me.

[bazza40]

My apologies -I thought you had a sense of humour. Obviously I'm mistaken.

I DO have a sense of humour. But the words you used leave me having to perceive them as perhaps, sarcasm, wit, thinking I am stupid, a friendly joke - how do I know?

Apologies accompanied by another insult are perceived as insincere!

Sigh. I suppose it is inevitable on TV there are a couple of stuffed shirts.

[ChrisKC]

My apologies -I thought you had a sense of humour. Obviously I'm mistaken.

I DO have a sense of humour. But the words you used leave me having to perceive them as perhaps, sarcasm, wit, thinking I am stupid, a friendly joke - how do I know?

Apologies accompanied by another insult are perceived as insincere!

Sigh. I suppose it is inevitable on TV there are a couple of stuffed shirts.

Three tries to be pleasant. Consider yourself as having failed. Any other attempt at a put down will be ignored

[akirasan]

My grlfriend tells me its supposed to be a secret but she doesnt read this forum so..

She is a university educated teacher at a government school, not much younger than me (Im 38) and never had a boyfriend.

Her mum asked for 600,000thb which includes the gold and I have to pay a further 50,000thb for the wedding.

At that time I just didnt have the money and had to return to australia to work and save for the past 3 years.

Her family and the villagers here are the nicest and most accommodating people Ive ever met (even though I realise her mother in law has thb signs in her eyes).

My girlfriend has only ever asked me for money once in the 8 years we've been together, to pay for half her motorcycle so she could ride to school. I paid it as it was an insignificant amount.

She informs me the typical Thai dowry (Thai marrying Thai) is 150,000thb.

Im in 2 minds about it. While I am pissed off at her mother in law for asking for so much, I also want my gf to be happy and have a memorable wedding. I dont care about weddings or lifestyle so money doesn't mean a lot to me, rather I dont like that its kept me away from my girlfriend and Ive had to work so hard to save the dowry amount.

I guess it's whatever value you put on the relationship. I know I couldn't find a sweeter girl than the one I am with, so I will pay the 600,000. The mother in law will keep 300,000 and return 300,000.

Worth noting that I've probably paid double that supporting my own parents.

[baneko]

My mum in law asked for 250000. I explained she was second hand and 34. Got her half price.

[baneko]

My mum in law asked for 250000. I explained she was second hand and 34. Got her half price.

Second hand cost nothing...Mum has already been paid from first hand. Mum is happy you took her off the families hands....

Her last man was Thai. I dont thunk she received much. Unfortunately he pegged it 4 yrs ago. They had split many years ago and moved to Khorat.

We still live with the family. A very nice situation. Everyone works and shares which is nice.

[bazza40]

My grlfriend tells me its supposed to be a secret but she doesnt read this forum so..

She is a university educated teacher at a government school, not much younger than me (Im 38) and never had a boyfriend.

Her mum asked for 600,000thb which includes the gold and I have to pay a further 50,000thb for the wedding.

At that time I just didnt have the money and had to return to australia to work and save for the past 3 years.

Her family and the villagers here are the nicest and most accommodating people Ive ever met (even though I realise her mother in law has thb signs in her eyes).

My girlfriend has only ever asked me for money once in the 8 years we've been together, to pay for half her motorcycle so she could ride to school. I paid it as it was an insignificant amount.

She informs me the typical Thai dowry (Thai marrying Thai) is 150,000thb.

Im in 2 minds about it. While I am pissed off at her mother in law for asking for so much, I also want my gf to be happy and have a memorable wedding. I dont care about weddings or lifestyle so money doesn't mean a lot to me, rather I dont like that its kept me away from my girlfriend and Ive had to work so hard to save the dowry amount.

I guess it's whatever value you put on the relationship. I know I couldn't find a sweeter girl than the one I am with, so I will pay the 600,000. The mother in law will keep 300,000 and return 300,000.

Worth noting that I've probably paid double that supporting my own parents.

I have it on good authority from several of my Thai friends (male and female ) most rural Thai girls become sexually active between the ages of 12 and 14, willingly or unwillingly.

She's either never had a boyfriend,or you are being bulls****ed.

Your choice if you want to pay off a greedy MIL.Bear in mind she won't be satisfied with just one hack at your wallet.

[akirasan]

I have it on good authority from several of my Thai friends (male and female ) most rural Thai girls become sexually active between the ages of 12 and 14, willingly or unwillingly.

She's either never had a boyfriend,or you are being bulls****ed.

Your choice if you want to pay off a greedy MIL.Bear in mind she won't be satisfied with just one hack at your wallet.

Thats a very good point and thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it.

She wants to wait until we get married to have sex and given how shes acted in the past, how shy she is and how cautious and protective her MIL is, Im sure her words are genuine.

You also raise a good point about the MIL. Although she has never once asked me for money, I will however have to consider your words. Thanks again.

[daveAustin]

Bet you a hot cross bun to a pound of ripe bananas that 99.99% of Thai parents will not find moneyies received from foreign personage insulting. On the contrary, if the husband is a foreigner, the dowry should be at least double.

haha I said GROOM's parents, you do know who the GROOM is right?

Sorry, my bad. I also spelt 'monies' wrong. duh!

If you feel awkward and they ask for it, just tell your folks it's part of tradition and the money is just a front (which is what it should be). Having said that, dowry is so old in this day and age. But whatever they ask for, tell them to halve it because you believe their daughter is a bit of a munter.

/ fixed quote//

[theguyfromanotherforum]

I have it on good authority from several of my Thai friends (male and female ) most rural Thai girls become sexually active between the ages of 12 and 14, willingly or unwillingly.

She's either never had a boyfriend,or you are being bulls****ed.

Your choice if you want to pay off a greedy MIL.Bear in mind she won't be satisfied with just one hack at your wallet.

Thats a very good point and thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it.

She wants to wait until we get married to have sex and given how shes acted in the past, how shy she is and how cautious and protective her MIL is, Im sure her words are genuine.

You also raise a good point about the MIL. Although she has never once asked me for money, I will however have to consider your words. Thanks again.

I have some advice for you. I don't want to post the same crap on the forum as it will inevitably follow by replies such as liar and you must be prince charming.

If you want, PM me. It's just an advice and it may not work, but do consider that if you have to pay such a huge amount for a 38 year old girl that's not getting any younger, your girlfriend and future wife should pitch into that sinsod and certainly all of it should be returned and not given away,

[kannot]

So if the money is returned and you pay nothing why not just write out a check

for like two or five million baht and they can frame it and hang on the wall.

That way whenever they have visitors to their home they can pat themselves

on their back.

It's a Thai visual thing, the cash on the table, they actually know it is a show thing but don't give a stuff about who gets what...Just show..

It is often the practice to have donations broken down into B20 notes so the amount has more piles for purposes of "impressiveness"

id suggests thousands with 1 real on top and one real at the bottom then get down the photcopy shop for the middle....after all its only for show right????

Myself I paid 0000000000000000000000000000 but was happy to give it

[bazza40]

Sigh. I suppose it is inevitable on TV there are a couple of stuffed shirts.

Three tries to be pleasant. Consider yourself as having failed. Any other attempt at a put down will be ignored

I'm really sorry you choose to take things so seriously. Life's too short.

[ozyjon]

Pay up, OP.

I'm just not that desperate, too many female Thai fish in the Issan sea.

[mesterm]

"Poy's farang can pay 800,000 baht, why you cannot!? You useless farang man!"

[williamgeorgeallen]

My mum in law asked for 250000. I explained she was second hand and 34. Got her half price.

Second hand cost nothing...Mum has already been paid from first hand. Mum is happy you took her off the families hands....

paying for divorced girl? as for another guys post, paying for one that is 38 years old? i dont know which one is more ridiculous. let the buyer beware. do some research before you go opening your wallet next time boys.

[baneko]

My mum in law asked for 250000. I explained she was second hand and 34. Got her half price.

Second hand cost nothing...Mum has already been paid from first hand. Mum is happy you took her off the families hands....

paying for divorced girl? as for another guys post, paying for one that is 38 years old? i dont know which one is more ridiculous. let the buyer beware. do some research before you go opening your wallet next time boys.

My missus 34.....not legally married or divorced. Just had the thai village thing with ex man. Hes dead so.....went to his funeral.......I beleive your the clown. Been together 10yrs.

[williamgeorgeallen]

My mum in law asked for 250000. I explained she was second hand and 34. Got her half price.

Second hand cost nothing...Mum has already been paid from first hand. Mum is happy you took her off the families hands....

paying for divorced girl? as for another guys post, paying for one that is 38 years old? i dont know which one is more ridiculous. let the buyer beware. do some research before you go opening your wallet next time boys.

My missus 34.....not legally married or divorced. Just had the thai village thing with ex man. Hes dead so.....went to his funeral.......I beleive your the clown. Been together 10yrs.

you believe what you want. once thais live together they are considered married weather it was legally registered or not. is a bit like being considered defacto in the west after 6 months or a year. no thai would ever pay a sin sot for a girl in her thirties who has been in a defacto relationship. your mother in law must have been laughing all the way to the bank or where ever she spent the money. do some research on paying sin sots, google it. congratulations on the 10 years by the way, hope the mother in law isnt asking for ongoing payments as well.

[baneko]

My mum in law asked for 250000. I explained she was second hand and 34. Got her half price.

Second hand cost nothing...Mum has already been paid from first hand. Mum is happy you took her off the families hands....

paying for divorced girl? as for another guys post, paying for one that is 38 years old? i dont know which one is more ridiculous. let the buyer beware. do some research before you go opening your wallet next time boys.

My missus 34.....not legally married or divorced. Just had the thai village thing with ex man. Hes dead so.....went to his funeral.......I beleive your the clown. Been together 10yrs.

you believe what you want. once thais live together they are considered married weather it was legally registered or not. is a bit like being considered defacto in the west after 6 months or a year. no thai would ever pay a sin sot for a girl in her thirties who has been in a defacto relationship. your mother in law must have been laughing all the way to the bank or where ever she spent the money. do some research on paying sin sots, google it. congratulations on the 10 years by the way, hope the mother in law isnt asking for ongoing payments as well.

She gets <deleted> all! Thanks for your great wisdom. 125k is not like its the end of the world. ☺

[williamgeorgeallen]

My mum in law asked for 250000. I explained she was second hand and 34. Got her half price.

Second hand cost nothing...Mum has already been paid from first hand. Mum is happy you took her off the families hands....

paying for divorced girl? as for another guys post, paying for one that is 38 years old? i dont know which one is more ridiculous. let the buyer beware. do some research before you go opening your wallet next time boys.

My missus 34.....not legally married or divorced. Just had the thai village thing with ex man. Hes dead so.....went to his funeral.......I beleive your the clown. Been together 10yrs.

you believe what you want. once thais live together they are considered married weather it was legally registered or not. is a bit like being considered defacto in the west after 6 months or a year. no thai would ever pay a sin sot for a girl in her thirties who has been in a defacto relationship. your mother in law must have been laughing all the way to the bank or where ever she spent the money. do some research on paying sin sots, google it. congratulations on the 10 years by the way, hope the mother in law isnt asking for ongoing payments as well.

She gets <deleted> all! Thanks for your great wisdom. 125k is not like its the end of the world. ☺

your world homes.

[gt162]

100,000 baht for educated, virginal, 20ish is fine in Issan but Bangkok will be 2-3X.

For bar girls and freelancers, nothing. 0 baht.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

100,000 baht for educated, virginal, 20ish is fine in Issan but Bangkok will be 2-3X.

For bar girls and freelancers, nothing. 0 baht.

Do they not ask the most?

[baneko]

My mum in law asked for 250000. I explained she was second hand and 34. Got her half price.

Second hand cost nothing...Mum has already been paid from first hand. Mum is happy you took her off the families hands....

paying for divorced girl? as for another guys post, paying for one that is 38 years old? i dont know which one is more ridiculous. let the buyer beware. do some research before you go opening your wallet next time boys.

My missus 34.....not legally married or divorced. Just had the thai village thing with ex man. Hes dead so.....went to his funeral.......I beleive your the clown. Been together 10yrs.

you believe what you want. once thais live together they are considered married weather it was legally registered or not. is a bit like being considered defacto in the west after 6 months or a year. no thai would ever pay a sin sot for a girl in her thirties who has been in a defacto relationship. your mother in law must have been laughing all the way to the bank or where ever she spent the money. do some research on paying sin sots, google it. congratulations on the 10 years by the way, hope the mother in law isnt asking for ongoing payments as well.

She gets <deleted> all! Thanks for your great wisdom. 125k is not like its the end of the world. ☺

Well no, but it will be the start of your payment world..

Been there 10yrs mate....