Is not returning a wai an insult?

[happydays]

I was in my local immigration office for my 90 days report & I was dealt with by a young guy who I'd never seen before. When he returned my passport I said "Kawp khun krup" & wai'd him as I always do. On previous occasions the immigration officials have always returned it but this time nothing. I felt slightly embarrased as there were a lot of people waiting & made a mental note not to bother wai'ing this guy if I get him again. My question is was he being deliberately insulting towards me or am I being over sensitive? My wife taught me to always return a wai from an adult whatever their social status. Wouldn't a Thai be offended if I didn't return their wai?

[Tagaa]

No, it's not insulting. I think you could equate it to...If you say thank you to somebody & they don't say your welcome. No big deal. They're probably distracted or busy.

I only wai to Thai people if the wai me first. If they don't wai me, I don't take it as an insult. If they wai to me, I always return it, but that's only because I'm so damned polite.

Yeah right.

[Kwasaki]

Personally I think your being over sensitive, most times l ' wai ' back if they ' wai ' me but l am English.

[KhunBENQ]

Lesson learned.

Kop khun krap and a smile and that's it.

And even then there will be ill-tempered/arrogant officers who do not respond in any way.

[Oxx]

Why would you wai someone when it's alien to your culture? A smile and a nod of the head is quite sufficient.

And anyway, wai-ing is related to social status. As an outsider you have no social status in Thailand, so are not worthy of a wai. The officer would no more wai you than he would wai a whore.

[KhunBENQ]

would wai a whore.

which so many foreigners do under red light

[humqdpf]

The closest I can find to a wai is calling someone "sir" in a USA/UK context.

You would not call the young waiter "sir" if you are much older, unless you were being ironic. In the same way, I would not return the wai from a greeter in a restaurant or from the cashier, which sometimes occurs in the better class of hotel after you have settled your bill.

In the case of ANY official in a uniform in ANY country where you are a mere civilian, you always call him sir or her ma'am (or Ms in the UK as Madam can sound strange) - in the UK, you can always call them by their title, Constable, Sergeant etc. Especially if I think that I will ever see an immigration officer or policeman every again, I will always continue to call him sir. So I would continue to wai the Thai immigration officer every time. It means that they cannot say afterwards that you disrespected them or the uniform or whatever.

[pkspeaker]

i usually just smile and nod and that is fine, but one time i did that and the Thai person seemed a little turned off that i didn't wai-i guess because he knew that i a resident here and not just a tourest who doesn't know what a wai is.. so i doit hitnmiss now..

[mankondang]

Personally I think your being over sensitive, most times l ' wai ' back if they ' wai ' me but l am English.

Mmm OK, so your English,.... But never mind, as long as you've got your health !

[mankondang]

It's up to you if you wish to wai, say sawatii krap, khorp khun krap and/or whatever. Like all good manners, the use of them says more about you than of anyone else.

[williamgeorgeallen]

better stay away from the whole wai thing. i only ever return them. you notice that even the thais dont do it that often so as a foreigner you are better not to. in the case you explain the guy was probably younger than you so you should not have given him a wai.

[alien365]

I usually wai when I go to immigration to be polite. Sometimes they wai first, other times it's me. Occasionally they don't wai back but I assume they are just thinking of something else as they normally wai respectfully. My local immigration work hard and I think its nice to give a wai to show I appreciate them when most others don't show the same level of appreciation.

[hawker9000]

Smile, "kawp kuhn krap", and just move on. Don't overthink it. It's getting less & less PC for an official to exhibit courtesy towards a westerner. Just the times we live in.

[KhaoNiaw]

If he's a kid, you shouldn't be waiing him anyway. He should be waiing you.

[Hayduke]

If you’ve ever done military time then you might consider a ‘wai’ as similar to a salute.

It is initiated by the lower ranking person and acknowledged by the higher ranking person. This is why Thais laugh at foreigners who 'wai' the waitress; it's like the colonel saluting the corporal. The most common indicator of rank is probably age and you shouldn't initiate this with someone younger than you. If you want to 'wai' someone then find an elderly person deserving of respect.

However, since we're not part of their system, it's probably better not to initiate...but it is polite to respond.

Edited July 28, 2016 by Hayduke

[SOUTHERNSTAR]

If a Thai wai you, you don't need to wai back in all cases. If the person is much younger than you, you don't need to wai back. If you are busy or helped the person that's waiing you, you don't need to wai back. The poor officer will have to wai a thousand times every day so don't take offence.

[thai3]

Wai ing is just supporting the hierarchical and outdated social structure, OK if Thais want to do it but i'd rather not be part of it myself. These days I hold a hand up in recognition but do not wai and never a public servant. All this feudal kow towing should not be encouraged and I try to stop Thai kids doing it to me at least. I like people to be treated as equals and not upper and lower class just cos they are older, richer or have some 'respectable' job.

Edited July 28, 2016 by thai3

[Roota]

Why would you wai someone when it's alien to your culture?

Because it's an essential part of the culture in which you're living? Try holding down a job here, putting kids through local schools, etc. without wai-ing. You'll do about as well as say, a Chinese guy in the UK who refuses to shake an outstretched hand because it's 'alien to his culture'. If you're just a tourist (even a multi-year one), not really participating in local life, then of course, ignore the whole custom if you like. I mean, why even try to adapt to your surroundings?

To the OP: your 'thank-you' wai was polite but optional, as was a wai in response. If you watch Thais at restaurants, for example, they usually return the 'greeting" wai when they enter, but often don't return the 'thank-you' one given when they walk out. So do it if you feel like it, or not. The only common situation I can think of in which initiating a wai isn't optional is when you enter someone's house. Thais cut farang a lot of slack on wai-ing, but most would find that a little weird and impolite.

[rijb]

Or maybe the guy was just full of himself. A uniform tends to give some people a big head.

[Merylhighground]

I find it funny/sad when I see Westerners 'waiing' all over the place as though they think it makes them seem more 'with it' oer shows off their 'Thainess'.....

By all means acknowledge the wai with eye contact, a smile and a nod of the head and that will suffice.

I recall the numb TEFLer, a habitue of a well known boozer on KSRd who had also learned a few words of Thai and he would, once under the influence of the sauce begin squawking at any Thai who was unfotunate to go near him, and waiing every freelance slapper in the place in an attempt to 'impress' the backpackers by his Thainess.

He failed. Constantly.

Just don't do it if you don't understand the social intricacies, and they are intricate indeed......

[Global Guy]

I usually wai when I go to immigration to be polite. Sometimes they wai first, other times it's me. Occasionally they don't wai back but I assume they are just thinking of something else as they normally wai respectfully. My local immigration work hard and I think its nice to give a wai to show I appreciate them when most others don't show the same level of appreciation.

Or to show you don't understand the role of social status and the wai.

[bazza40]

It depends on the situation. It's ridiculous to return a wai from a child or a shop assistant. On the other hand, it's polite to return a wai from someone of higher status, such as an elderly person. My method is to only return a wai, not initiate it. Or acknowledge with a smile or a nod. I don't think Thais get to upset if we don't wai, because they are not expecting us to.

[slipperylobster]

Certainly have seen many farangs wai...even to a buy-me-drinkee girl. They run into stores, hotels, restaurants and shoeshine places throwing wai's away like they are running for mayor.

Don't do it. Save it for very special visits with the wife's mom and dad....or high public officials. Also good for your friend's wife or important thai friends. I don't consider immigration clerks/and low ranking officers as being in high status. In any case, they are bored and tired of farangs and probably would appreciate a genuine thank you.

Wai back to younger people and such...if you want. Especially...relatives and friends.

Doing it wrong gets you a phony smile (smirk) and a wai back...if that is what you want.

[Laughing Gravy]

Why would you wai someone when it's alien to your culture? A smile and a nod of the head is quite sufficient.

And anyway, wai-ing is related to social status. As an outsider you have no social status in Thailand, so are not worthy of a wai. The officer would no more wai you than he would wai a whore.

You are being sensitive but understand. Just look at it as if you are an Eskimo or a Maori. Would you rub your nose with them? They may not appreciate it. I disagree with Oxx Many immigration officers have wai to me me and I return the compliment. I am not a whore though. Also many of us do have social status here, so again he is wrong.

Edited July 28, 2016 by Laughing Gravy

[Shiver]

• Only time I wai first is when visiting someones home and they are an elder (Thai), or if it is some kind of official with a pseudo status on me.
• If someone wais me first and they are someone I know (i.e. not a meet and greeter at a shop entrance, in which case I just nod to acknowledge them), and also if they a younger friend (or friend of friend) I might wai half way rather than beyond the chin. If an elder wais first and I have my motor bike helmet or shopping bag in my hand, then I'll deposit those first for practical reasons first before returning a wai (to about top lip/below nose height). Besides, we're farang so we don't understand Thailand and it will be disregarded if you don't respond but are generally polite or nod or something.

For your example I would wai, but wouldn't expect one back. Partly it might be the status thing, but I rather liken it to when you're sat with a gang of friends and they offer their glass along with "cheers"/"Skol"/"Bottoms up" type drudgery and I just can't be arsed doing it every two minutes. If I meet someone say, for a meeting, I might shake their hand upon greeting, but not every 30 seconds throughout the meeting. My guess is your uniformed guy processes so many applicants per day it just gets very old very fast, and he wants to move onto the next task.

I did joke with GF about why does she wai my associates but not me. She says she doesn't need to wai because we're together. Okay....[thinks a little]....Then why do you wai me if I hand you a decent amount of money to spend on yourself? I get the daft grin and no answer.

Edited July 28, 2016 by Shiver

[OccamsRazor]

A biannual wai topic.

[gamini]

It really depends what type of foreigner you are. Those of us who make Thailand our home, speak the language and have mostly Thai friends and others who try to live like they do back home. The former would always wai. The latter would not be expected to and to me they sound pretty stupid with their bad pronunciation of Thai. A nice smile, and thank you very much in English would be far more appropriate

[dotpoom]

In the case of ANY official in a uniform in ANY country where you are a mere civilian, you always call him sir or her ma'am

I remember when I was in the army many years ago I used to wonder why I had to salute all the officers.....but civilians could show them no respect at all......I was told by a fellow soldier that was because being a "civilian" is a higher rank than that of a soldier?

[dotpoom]

It is my understanding that you never wai a person first who is younger than yourself. If they wai you the proper response is a sort of half wai, you put your hands in a "prayer" position at chest level, but do not bow your head.

[Suradit69]

better stay away from the whole wai thing. i only ever return them. you notice that even the thais dont do it that often so as a foreigner you are better not to. in the case you explain the guy was probably younger than you so you should not have given him a wai.

Yes, for better or worse, most farang who wai look like they are trying to be funny or that they're totally clueless. At hotels or restaurants in Bangkok there always seem to be some farang wai-ing doormen, desk clerks, waitresses, bell boys, taxi drivers and room cleaners.

As others have said, a smile and nod are a sufficient response from a farang when people in service positions wai them. When I've been with Thais in such situations I can't recall them returning the wai. When meeting older people or those who have some perceived seniority, Thai friends of mine will often offer a wai and it isn't always returned ... often just a nod in return without any sense of that being taken as a snub.

The only times that I've initiated a wai is a few times when meeting older family members of Thai friends or on a few occasions a Thai Catholic priest.