Side Effects of Marrying a Much Older Man

[neeray]

6 hours ago, Icha said:

Fascinating topic. I hope it does not degenerate into personal attacks. We should recognize that there are two types of love. One based on adoration and lust, one which we dreamed in our teenage years and went through in our young years. The other is the one characterized by a caring companionship, closer to a family love, similar to the love you give to your parents or children. Many of us, certainly Thai girls, go through both. They seek good-looking young men when they are young, some lucky ones have successfully turned the young love into a long-lasting companionship. Some others are not as lucky, often get divorced, and hope for the next relationship with which they can develop family love. In the West, we often confuse the love based on adoration and lust with long-lasting love and care, and the high divorce rate is the testimony to it. An academic study has estimated the love based on adoration and lust to last about six years. In many traditional societies, this difference is more recognized. In the human history, most of the marriages were indeed born out of arranged marriages. Also, there is a difference between men and women. Women care much more about ‘being loved and cared’ than men. Women care more about developing a long-lasting companionship than men, who tend to be more often motivated by lust and adoration. I believe those who pay closer attention to develop it as the caring companionship, and not pretending it is the extension of teenage love, have a higher chance of successful and long-lasting relationships even with age and cultural differences.

 

In traditional societies, this caring companionship includes men providing financial support to the women and family. If your partner is from the traditional society (e.g. upcountry poor family), this is ingrained in her head as a common sense, and it is a potential time bomb since many of you do not mind caring for her and children, but not for the extended family. She cares for the family since it is the only guarantee for survival that she has when things go wrong. This is not a social welfare state. Because you approach her with the Western concept of marriage, that it is an agreement between two independent persons based on love, that marriage contract could hence be broken when the love is lost, she cannot put her whole life on it. The key therefore is for you to make her realize your love and care is lasting, and not based on short-lived lust and desire. This takes time and effort, and patience. The success comes when she refers you (and your children) as the family, to protect and be nurtured for long time, whose financial well-being to be watched out, and not those who live upcountry waiting for you to send money.    

My two cents.

 

This is an excellent explanation of the summer/winter relationship. 

It puts the "union" in clear perspective. Thank you. 

[thaibeachlovers]

In nature, there are females that stay with the older male for protection and to raise her young. However, she got pregnant to the young male that sneaked in when the old male wasn't looking.

If we can discard the notion that the human race has moved on from the cave, that would seem a pretty fair description of what many women get up to. Many a man has brought up another man's child thinking it was his own.

Young guys for fun and old guys for money and baubles and a home.

Love just doesn't come into it with the old guy.

[LannaGuy]

On 10/17/2016 at 0:53 PM, Icha said:

Fascinating topic. I hope it does not degenerate into personal attacks. We should recognize that there are two types of love. One based on adoration and lust, one which we dreamed in our teenage years and went through in our young years. The other is the one characterized by a caring companionship, closer to a family love, similar to the love you give to your parents or children. Many of us, certainly Thai girls, go through both. They seek good-looking young men when they are young, some lucky ones have successfully turned the young love into a long-lasting companionship. Some others are not as lucky, often get divorced, and hope for the next relationship with which they can develop family love. In the West, we often confuse the love based on adoration and lust with long-lasting love and care, and the high divorce rate is the testimony to it. An academic study has estimated the love based on adoration and lust to last about six years. In many traditional societies, this difference is more recognized. In the human history, most of the marriages were indeed born out of arranged marriages. Also, there is a difference between men and women. Women care much more about ‘being loved and cared’ than men. Women care more about developing a long-lasting companionship than men, who tend to be more often motivated by lust and adoration. I believe those who pay closer attention to develop it as the caring companionship, and not pretending it is the extension of teenage love, have a higher chance of successful and long-lasting relationships even with age and cultural differences.

 

In traditional societies, this caring companionship includes men providing financial support to the women and family. If your partner is from the traditional society (e.g. upcountry poor family), this is ingrained in her head as a common sense, and it is a potential time bomb since many of you do not mind caring for her and children, but not for the extended family. She cares for the family since it is the only guarantee for survival that she has when things go wrong. This is not a social welfare state. Because you approach her with the Western concept of marriage, that it is an agreement between two independent persons based on love, that marriage contract could hence be broken when the love is lost, she cannot put her whole life on it. The key therefore is for you to make her realize your love and care is lasting, and not based on short-lived lust and desire. This takes time and effort, and patience. The success comes when she refers you (and your children) as the family, to protect and be nurtured for long time, whose financial well-being to be watched out, and not those who live upcountry waiting for you to send money.    

My two cents.

 

 

good post but you are still agreeing that love with a vastly older male is based on economics and with a younger romance and lust and, THAT, is the truth

[georgemandm]

On 09/10/2016 at 8:51 PM, khunpa said:

Imagine you marrying a 30 year older woman and having to live with her every day for years, just to be able to survive and send some money back to your parents. 

 

I think any normal person would go insane at some point. But of course the older men here, who are married to women that could be their daughters, would disagree. But I am sure they would never themselves want to live or have sex with a 30 year older person. 

 

"True love" in these (Grand) Daddy / Daughter relationships are extremely rare, in my opinion. Which also often shows, when the money runs out. And of course it impacts the women involved. Imagine you bringing home and showing your friends a Grand Mother-Girlfriend. They all know why you are with her, which would make anyone normal person sick, when thinking closer about it. I doubt the girls feel great about it... In ALL ways.

 

I know this will be hard to swallow for the Grand Dads here. But I do not care. If you are running around with a 30-40 year younger Thai-girl and you believe she really loves being with you, then you are simply stupid, naive as hell and living in Fantasy Land.

 

If you do not agree on that, then go have sex with a 30-40 year older woman and lets hear how much you enjoyed that. At least I can understand the men who find a much younger partner and inside knows/accepts, what it is really all about. But the guys who believe a 20-30 year old girl, really loves being with a 50-70 year old man are simply lost mentally.

 

 

All I can say about you is you have know idea what you are talking about 

[eldragon]

On 10/17/2016 at 0:53 PM, Icha said:

Fascinating topic. I hope it does not degenerate into personal attacks. We should recognize that there are two types of love. One based on adoration and lust, one which we dreamed in our teenage years and went through in our young years. The other is the one characterized by a caring companionship, closer to a family love, similar to the love you give to your parents or children. Many of us, certainly Thai girls, go through both. They seek good-looking young men when they are young, some lucky ones have successfully turned the young love into a long-lasting companionship. Some others are not as lucky, often get divorced, and hope for the next relationship with which they can develop family love. In the West, we often confuse the love based on adoration and lust with long-lasting love and care, and the high divorce rate is the testimony to it. An academic study has estimated the love based on adoration and lust to last about six years. In many traditional societies, this difference is more recognized. In the human history, most of the marriages were indeed born out of arranged marriages. Also, there is a difference between men and women. Women care much more about ‘being loved and cared’ than men. Women care more about developing a long-lasting companionship than men, who tend to be more often motivated by lust and adoration. I believe those who pay closer attention to develop it as the caring companionship, and not pretending it is the extension of teenage love, have a higher chance of successful and long-lasting relationships even with age and cultural differences.

 

In traditional societies, this caring companionship includes men providing financial support to the women and family. If your partner is from the traditional society (e.g. upcountry poor family), this is ingrained in her head as a common sense, and it is a potential time bomb since many of you do not mind caring for her and children, but not for the extended family. She cares for the family since it is the only guarantee for survival that she has when things go wrong. This is not a social welfare state. Because you approach her with the Western concept of marriage, that it is an agreement between two independent persons based on love, that marriage contract could hence be broken when the love is lost, she cannot put her whole life on it. The key therefore is for you to make her realize your love and care is lasting, and not based on short-lived lust and desire. This takes time and effort, and patience. The success comes when she refers you (and your children) as the family, to protect and be nurtured for long time, whose financial well-being to be watched out, and not those who live upcountry waiting for you to send money.    

My two cents.

 

 

Nice post, although a little overdone. The way I see it, there are actually three types of relationships. There are those born of love. The thrill of these types of relationships rarely lasts more than a year or two. In fact, they're a bit like an obsession based on a rush of chemicals that typically wear off in six to nine months. Then there are those of companionship, based on caring, connection, and admiration. These types of relationships are more like the ones you've felt with family members. A true commitment. Then there's ones based on mutual needs, which is usually what you find when a young woman marries a much older man. I would say this last type lasts only as long as the women needs the man, or hypothetically until the man gets bored of the woman.

[THssii]

I have 13 years older wife. But well not the same thing. I'm 32 I wouldnt neve take under 30 years old wife be it european or thai, they mostlöy too shwallow and childishly. I dont enjoy going to bups or dirinkining beer oi any other partying. I'm nerd I enjoying read books, playing games, but also exercising and take long walks in woods. Most girld under 25 are omnly partyign partying buing new clots and alla that crap no that Even its great to have sex with 18 years of if she knows the trick, but other then sex no thanks.

[music065]

In looking at Thai dating websites, I noticed that many of the women are actually looking to meet men up to 25-30 years older than themselves. You never see that on western websites where the max diff is usually 10 years. Are all these women pros that are asking for a man 25 years older, or is it indeed a cultural difference? Perhaps a bit of both?

[Ace of Pop]

Nah they die quicker than young ones, get his cash , find another they ain't dumb.


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[music065]

Makes sense. You do see that game in the west, just not nearly as often. Look at Trump & wifey

[hellohello123]

4 minutes ago, music065 said:

Makes sense. You do see thuat game in the west, just not nearly as often. Look at Trump & wifey

It's also because in the western world. Only 1 In 100, 000 or 10 million are trump rich. Whilst to be wealthy enough for gold diggers to be after you, you have to be very well off

 

When you go to countries like Thailand,  you could be some loser on the pension and still be rich based on their living costs

[Bastos60]

In my 20's I fell for women in their 30's to 40's.  Girls my age didn't really do it for me, naive, childish, they were themselves more likely to go with 'older guys', I am not saying those guys were 20-30 years older, although there were exceptions, where the man was 20 years older.  I loved the sex with these 'older' women as they were 
good 'teachers' as well. They were more mature, they provided affection which I missed during my childhood. 

There were moments I flirted with girls my age, those I liked a lot, but still missed the affection.

 

Now in my 40's, I have been going to Thailand for the last  10 years. Had 2 girlfriends there, 1st one 8 years younger which isn't such an age difference and we got along just great.
the 2nd one with a larger age difference, about 18 years, her mother is even 2 years younger than me, her father is about 16 years older than me.
Did the last relationship start out of pure love. NO.  It was convenience, I was infatuated, she saw money. But over the years, while she was at home taking care of her children, it was
no longer or at least not completely about money, but there is love now. As an example, in the beginning sent her 14k a month, now only about 6k-7k. I nolonger get special money
requests but I do take care of her and her children and when I am with her, make sure the children have all the school supplies needed. Understand, neither of her children are my children, but the youngest daughter accepted me as her father.

 

When you are talking about larger age differences, the situation is more likely that the relationships start out of convenience, but it doesn't mean they stay a convenience.
 

 

 

[Ace of Pop]

 
So you are another poster here attacking me, without taking the full context of what I wrote, or what I argued throughout this thread ...which is in total agreement with what you state above. 
 
I have made no moral judgements against the men in this thread.  I don't care what they do and I don't necessarily think these relationships are bad on the face of it.  You should stop seeing my gender and then assuming a bunch of traits you think I have that probably don't exist.  It seems some of you can't even read what it on this screen if a woman writes it ...which is why many women on this forum write under names that make them appear to be men.

The same with a few blokes here I recon.?


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[bigd987]

This is so true in regards to time and adjusting to each other. Me and my Wife have 21 year gap and at first is was a marriage about the haves and have not's in the relationship.  But over time we were able to put that aside and realize life was to short to grumble over the small things, mainly me of course. 6 years later and still going strong.  

[music065]

That's a good picture 

[whatawonderfulday]

On ‎10‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 4:02 AM, starky said:

On ‎09‎/‎10‎/‎2016 at 10:54 PM, khunpa said:

 

Yes, those relationships are found all over the world and if financial happiness is important for the woman, then that is fine. But it still does not change the fact, that if she had her financial issues covered, then she would most likely choose someone closer to her own age. 

 

What people do, is their business. I am just stating the facts.... which are that, in these relationships MONEY is often the main and only factor. 

 

People can have sex with who they want. I dont care and it is their personal choice. I just dont believe, that it does not effect peoples lives deep down. I for sure, would feel like SXXT, if I had to do stuff that fundamentally is totally against, what I would concede as normal for me.

 

On the other hand, if I was offered e.g. 5 mill USD to have sex with an old bag, then I would properly do it. But I would also puke the rest of my life thinking about it and would properly start doing drugs, just to get the mental picture out of my head

And that "old bag" would probably be puking for the rest of her life also knowing that she just paid for sex with a snotty nose bigoted youngster.

[bigd987]

3 minutes ago, music065 said:

That's a good picture 

Thanks, She actually looks younger now(Not Make-up). Kind of strange for Asian's, but who is complaining.

 

[hellohello123]

and this Is another typical characteristic of old white guys marrying younger Asian girls.

The fact that they gloat about it at every opportunity whether it be online, family bbqs,  self introductions 

 

 

Eg. Hi my name is bob . I'm 53 and did you know my wife is from Thailand and 30 yrs old

[bigd987]

I guess that is true, Gloat, or Brag, or possibly just happy in life. I know where you are coming from, lonely old white guy marries depressed Thai Girl, and makes her a queen, Most times that is true, our worst living conditions are normally far superior to her best ones. In my case, I met her in my Home Country, married her here, and she goes back and forth between the two. So I was not the golden ticket, but maybe silver.

[bangkokairportlink]

The problem is not the age difference, but why anyone feels the need to marry when you can have as many young girls as you want until you die (if you have some money at least). I am in my thirties and I am sure that I will never feel the need to marry anyone, except maybe if she is a $$$ millionaire !

 

 

[music065]

I 

5 minutes ago, bangkokairportlink said:

The problem is not the age difference, but why anyone feels the need to marry when you can have as many young girls as you want until you die (if you have some money at least). I am in my thirties and I am sure that I will never feel the need to marry anyone, except maybe if she is a $$$ millionaire !

 

 

 

I was with many many women in my 20s and 30s and I felt exactly the same as you at one time. However at some point one really special long term relationship with one girl became much more important than endless short timers. Quality over quantity.

 

When I was really young I never understood why so many rich handsome actors and rock stars got married. Why do that? They could have endless romps with high end hotties. Eventually, the desire for long term love with one person is a factor in many men's decisions. True you don't have to get married though.  

[bangkokairportlink]

6 minutes ago, music065 said:

I 

 

I was with many many women in my 20s and 30s and I felt exactly the same as you at one time. However at some point one really special long term relationship with one girl became much more important than endless short timers. Quality over quantity.

 

When I was really young I never understood why so many rich handsome actors and rock stars got married. Why do that? They could have endless romps with high end hotties. Eventually, the desire for long term love with one person is a factor in many men's decisions. True you don't have to get married though.  

 

I had 10+ years relationships. I do not believe that I have anything more to learn. Women are only good for fun and nothing else. I also do not like kids and will never waste my time and money with them. But I understand that many guys need to wait to be old to really make their own ideas about things.

 

 

 

[music065]

1 minute ago, bangkokairportlink said:

 

I had 10+ years relationships. I do not believe that I have anything more to learn. Women are only good for fun and nothing else. I also do not like kids and will never waste my time and money with them. But I understand that many guys need to wait to be old to really make their own ideas about things.

 

 

 

 

"I do not believe I have anything more to learn."

 

 

That's coo up to you. Cheers

 

 

[Iamtoofat]

On 10/10/2016 at 0:51 AM, khunpa said:

Imagine you marrying a 30 year older woman and having to live with her every day for years, just to be able to survive and send some money back to your parents. 

 

I think any normal person would go insane at some point. But of course the older men here, who are married to women that could be their daughters, would disagree. But I am sure they would never themselves want to live or have sex with a 30 year older person. 

 

"True love" in these (Grand) Daddy / Daughter relationships are extremely rare, in my opinion. Which also often shows, when the money runs out. And of course it impacts the women involved. Imagine you bringing home and showing your friends a Grand Mother-Girlfriend. They all know why you are with her, which would make anyone normal person sick, when thinking closer about it. I doubt the girls feel great about it... In ALL ways.

 

I know this will be hard to swallow for the Grand Dads here. But I do not care. If you are running around with a 30-40 year younger Thai-girl and you believe she really loves being with you, then you are simply stupid, naive as hell and living in Fantasy Land.

 

If you do not agree on that, then go have sex with a 30-40 year older woman and lets hear how much you enjoyed that. At least I can understand the men who find a much younger partner and inside knows/accepts, what it is really all about. But the guys who believe a 20-30 year old girl, really loves being with a 50-70 year old man are simply lost mentally.

 

 

I don't think the comparison is that simple because men and women are different. If there were thousands and thousands of western women of all ages arriving in Thailand with fist full of dollars wanting to have sex with Thai men, they'd meet that demand too. No doubt.

 

[bbi1]

One of the side effect is that everyone walking past the old geezer & young girl has a bit of a chuckle at them and talks bad about them as they know the girl is a prostitute and only with him for the money. That's probably the biggest "side effect".

[hellohello123]

1 hour ago, bbi1 said:

One of the side effect is that everyone walking past the old geezer & young girl has a bit of a chuckle at them and talks bad about them as they know the girl is a prostitute and only with him for the money. That's probably the biggest "side effect".

While thinking

 

" wow look at everyone oggling how gorgeous she is. They're all jealous of a hansum guy like me and classy lady like her"

[bbi1]

Just now, hellohello123 said:

While thinking

 

" wow look at everyone oggling how gorgeous she is. They're all jealous of a hansum guy like me and classy lady like her"

Yep, that's what the old geezer would be thinking lol

[bwpage3]

The only people that know about a relationship are the two people in it.

 

All the hacks posting here acting like they know every single person's relationship are just completely ignorant?

 

A couple is together because they want to be together for what ever reasons are their own and they stay together for years for those same reasons.

 

You will never know their reasons, or anything else about them. Speculating is pure foolishness.

 

Men that have been burned by a Thai woman are hateful, suspicious and cannot get over the fact they got burned.

 

This does not mean everyone gets burned or everyone is as stupid as you! Some people actually have relationships of love, respect, admiration and more.

 

The stupid ones are the ones that comment and claim to know everything, when it fact their posts of full of jealousy and all kinds of other bad innuendo's.

 

I think it is a fact farang's in Thailand are not rocket scientists and listening to any relationship advice is probably ill advised.

 

 

 

 

[LannaGuy]

On 10/29/2016 at 9:34 AM, georgemandm said:

All I can say about you is you have know idea what you are talking about 

I'm afraid he is spot on but if you want the delusion that a 2o+ loves you for your wrinkly self then 'up to you'

[LannaGuy]

On 6/12/2017 at 8:49 AM, bigd987 said:

Thanks, She actually looks younger now(Not Make-up). Kind of strange for Asian's, but who is complaining.

 

Lovely and very best of wishes to you but doubtful you would have snagged a 21 year younger in your own country but who cares?  it's ALL an exchange and if you are happy just 'live and let live'   she has security and support and you a beautiful girl who was not even born when you were at college - good deal for both of you but I'd rather be free (and maybe cynical). 

[bill59]

In my job as an immigration lawyer I have processed many many many visas for these marriages where there is 20-30 years difference in age. You would be suprised how many work out quite well and are going strong. I hear from many of my clients on a regular basis who are in this group and quite happy after many years. The problem with most posters on this forum with this sort of narrow opinion is that they haven't seen any significant sampling upon which to base their opinion. I have and can tell you, like so many other myths perpetuated on here, there are plenty of very happy marriages of this sort. Thai women do not hold your western ages biases and attributing your biases to them is simply ignorant.

 

 

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