Girlfriend sacked for stealing perfume - how would you feel?

[1FinickyOne]

Just one moment of not thinking... it happens. I would not worry about it in the least... You seem to know her character and it sounds perfectly fine. Forget it. 

[smotherb]

6 hours ago, realenglish1 said:

Everyone has  a slip or 2 This is not a catastrophe 

 

Tell her it was wrong but dont harp on it 

 

I stole candy when I was a kid of 6 

 

Let the first person who has not lied or stolen once in their life step forward 

I did that one time; then I realized everyone else stepped back.

[Dumbastheycome]

I think   Charlie H  nailed  it. 

[Dumbastheycome]

2 hours ago, Jingthing said:

You wouldn't ever have known so academic.

Academic  perhaps. But a  valid view. If  compulsive acts without  rational need or cause are acceptable due to ignorance of the facts then the world is doomed to suffer such as a President Trump incessantly. 

[Jingthing]

7 minutes ago, Dumbastheycome said:

Academic  perhaps. But a  valid view. If  compulsive acts without  rational need or cause are acceptable due to ignorance of the facts then the world is doomed to suffer such as a President Trump incessantly. 

Please don't bring that clown CON MAN into this perfectly respectable discussion on petty thievery. 

[Dumbastheycome]

Just now, Jingthing said:

Please don't bring that clown CON MAN into this perfectly respectable discussion on petty thievery. 

It is  one  and the  same....in reality.  lol

 

[au82tiger]

When I was a young boy (13 or 14) I used to hang out with my friend Alan.  One weekend day, Alan and I went to the local drug store in our small town and we both took a pair of sunglasses.  It bothered me for years.  About 10 years later, when I had returned to my parents home for a visit, I remembered the incident and I went back to that very same drug store.  The owner had not changed, he was the same friendly man he had always been.  I told him the story of what Alan and I had done, and I apologized to Joe DiPietro (the owner) and I paid him for the two pairs of sunglasses.  I also offered him some additional money for the problem I had caused him.  Joe refused the extra money and thanked me for being honest.  He said that he thought that we had stolen from him that day but wasn't sure what we had taken.  He then offered me an ice cream sandwich, and we sat together and talked a while about what had happened during the years that had passed.  My family had been trading with Joe for years.  His reaction to my confession taught me a lesson, and he never mentioned anything to my parents that I am aware of.  That was my first time, and that was my last time to have taken anything that I hadn't paid for.  I had learned a valuable lesson both of repentance and of forgiveness back then.  Maybe she has learned a lesson too.  The former workplace will not forgive her, but I suspect that you can, and I think (and hope) she will cherish that from you.

[Andrew Dwyer]

She was sacked from the hotel and everyone is in agreement that she deserved it.
The loss of face to her family, friends and yourself is surely tough for her.

Nobody can make the decision as to where your relationship goes now except yourself.
Obviously the fact that you are bringing this out in the open means you have very strong feelings for her but also means you are not sure if you can trust her now.
Not an easy one for strangers (us) to answer for you.
I have known my gf since August 2015 but only been together just under a year.
If I were in your situation I would certainly give her another chance but that's only my opinion based on my feelings towards her and my thoughts about this being an isolated case of dishonesty.


Sent from my iPhone with the usual amount of sincerity and sarcasm [emoji4]

[Jingthing]

55 minutes ago, au82tiger said:

When I was a young boy (13 or 14) I used to hang out with my friend Alan.  One weekend day, Alan and I went to the local drug store in our small town and we both took a pair of sunglasses.  It bothered me for years.  About 10 years later, when I had returned to my parents home for a visit, I remembered the incident and I went back to that very same drug store.  The owner had not changed, he was the same friendly man he had always been.  I told him the story of what Alan and I had done, and I apologized to Joe DiPietro (the owner) and I paid him for the two pairs of sunglasses.  I also offered him some additional money for the problem I had caused him.  Joe refused the extra money and thanked me for being honest.  He said that he thought that we had stolen from him that day but wasn't sure what we had taken.  He then offered me an ice cream sandwich, and we sat together and talked a while about what had happened during the years that had passed.  My family had been trading with Joe for years.  His reaction to my confession taught me a lesson, and he never mentioned anything to my parents that I am aware of.  That was my first time, and that was my last time to have taken anything that I hadn't paid for.  I had learned a valuable lesson both of repentance and of forgiveness back then.  Maybe she has learned a lesson too.  The former workplace will not forgive her, but I suspect that you can, and I think (and hope) she will cherish that from you.

I have a story like that.

I guess I was about 10 or some age like that. 

I stole a pack of bubble gum / baseball cards from our very quaint old timey local convenience store where everyone knows your name. 

When I got home with my Dad he realized what had happened and made me go back to the store and tell them I had stolen it and give it back. 

Wow. Didn't forget that.

That was a punishment massively more effective than a spanking ... and much less likely to later create a fetish. 

I grew up to work in an office with many tempting paper clips ... 

Edited February 23, 2017 by Jingthing

[zaZa9]

I didnt read all the posts but my feeling is that stuff we leave in our hotel room is sacrosanct and should never be touched or pilfered in any way.

I'd be sending my missus to coventry for a few days at least.

Definitely no "warm fuzzies I still love you my dear ", from me.

Its essentaily theft under trust , and I would be cold and way less 'understanding' than you will be from the feel of your post.

 

I'd also be watching my money/budget/shared expenses more closely...

[Kadilo]

I'm no better I always nick a squirt of aftershave when I'm in duty free.
Neither is exactly the crime of the century.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[catman20]

4 hours ago, Kadilo said:

I'm no better I always nick a squirt of aftershave when I'm in duty free.
Neither is exactly the crime of the century.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

me too

[Gecko123]

Just a few words in defense of the Burmese co-worker….

 

If she worked with the OP's girlfriend as part of a housekeeping team, both of them would be immediately under suspicion if a hotel guest reported a theft from a room. The OP's girlfriend wasn't just jeopardizing her own employment, but her co-worker's as well. The Burmese co-worker was likely far more financially dependent on her job. There is a good chance that she was working without a work permit, and even if she had one, finding a new job as a foreigner would be far more difficult than say for a Thai national. Her social safety net probably was more limited than most Thais with family and connections. By stealing from a hotel guest in the presence of a co-worker, the OP's girlfriend jeopardized her co-worker's employment and made her complicit in the crime, so reporting it was motivated by self-preservation, which is completely understandable. 

 

While it is entirely possible that this perfume incident was a one-off occurrence, it is also appears that it possibly wasn't. Would the maid really have run to management and management, in turn, summarily fired her for such a minor infraction if she was otherwise an exemplary employee and there was no hint of this ever happening before? Quite possibly, yes, but other less draconian disciplinary actions might have been taken as well, which is why I am wondering whether this really was an isolated case. In any event, it is very understandable how a co-worker would feel uncomfortable and anxious about the possibility of being accused, caught, or fired for knowing about the theft and not saying anything about it. Calling her a "snitch" , "little Miss Goody-Two-Shoes" or acting like she "betrayed" her co-worker isn't really fair. She was protecting her employment and livelihood which the OP's girlfriend had put in jeopardy. The OP's girlfriend should be apologizing to her for having put her in this difficult situation, not the other way around.

 

And let's not lose sight of the fact that she did the right thing, which took some courage to do.

 

 

Edited February 24, 2017 by Gecko123

[rogeroc]

I think it is also quite possible that your gf was trying to encourage the co worker to join her in her antics.

[rogeroc]

Question for the morality purists.

Did you work in an office?

Did you never take home any office supplies? Like a paper clip or something?

I understand she had to be fired but it wasn't for the snitch and she was only doing petty stuff, no big problem.

I admit I have taken a paper clip home. Won't admit to more in this setting. A cheap pencil? Don't ask, don't tell. Did taking a paper clip mean I was more likely to embezzle millions of dollars? I actually don't think so. Such a person would be planning their big play not taking home a paper clip. 

Going further in this case, going to so much trouble to take such a small amount shows a certain respect to the so called victims. I realize many people think in black and white but her care to do so little damage might possibly mean she is LESS likely than a typical person to commit a serious crime. 

 

 

Jingthing

 

It is good to hear a different take on this but i don't think you are comparing 'like for like'. Taking a few company envelopes ard pencils may hurt a company's finances minimally but theft from a guests room could totally damage a hotel's reputation. As for the sentence about 'respect for the victims' i disagree completely. The only reason she did not take the bottle is that she knew she would get caught.

 

[rogeroc]

12 hours ago, paulsingle said:

My invitation to comment was aimed at how you might feel as the partner of the perpetrator of this petty theft. The employer had the right to dismiss her.

 

In the UK there is petty theft going on daily in many workplaces and if someone's girlfriend was sacked for an incident like this I don't believe she would receive the same level of condemnation from her countryfolk as my girlfriend is receiving in this forum.

I'm not complaining. I invited comment and read with interest.

 

I just wonder if there is any bias because she is not a westerner.

 Cannot for the life of me see what difference Nationality would make!  For sure petty theft in the UK (for example in retail) by employees is a massive problem and costs us all money in more expensive purchases and i would totally condemn.

 

I think you are under estimating the seriousness of her offence. When we use hotel rooms we all sometimes have to leave something of value in the room, a credt card, a phone a laptop (we cannot take those things to the beach with us). In that way it was both a petty theft but also a serious one. Most thieves will start with petty theft which then becomes habitual and less petty.

 

In your situation (and i have been there) i would be very concerned about what has occurred. I think you should also be concerned about the way you yourself are approaching this. At every opportunity in this thread you are hitting the Like button for every Post that semi defends what she has done, but talk of theft of paper clips in the office and bars of chocolate as a kid are not sensible comparisons for reasons that many have already pointed out. I would feel extremely angry and disappointed with her and would be expecting her to go and find another job straight away and make amends.

 

Edited February 24, 2017 by rogeroc

[Wake Up]

17 hours ago, CharlieH said:

 

She was in a position of trust and abused it, she deserved the dismissal. Sounds to me like she knew exactly what she was doing (she was equipped = premeditated) and has done it before, I wouldnt trust her, and once trust is gone there is no point continuing in my book.

I have to disagree. The most trustworthy people I know made a bad mistake and were caught and confesssed and would never steal again.  If you love her get past this and you will know if it is a character trait if it happens again. If not you got a real good one. I am an honest person but I have done stupid things in the past and learned valuable lessons of who were friends and who were not. 

 

On a a side note most lawyers I know prefer judges that are not quote "perfect" but have their own hidden past secrets.  People screw up. Friends screw up. Family screws up. Leaders screw up. Employees screw up. Some need a second or third chance. Not talking about 1000 chances but condemnation is not the path to righteousness in my opinion.  

[paulsingle]

1 hour ago, rogeroc said:

 Cannot for the life of me see what difference Nationality would make!  For sure petty theft in the UK (for example in retail) by employees is a massive problem and costs us all money in more expensive purchases and i would totally condemn.

 

I think you are under estimating the seriousness of her offence. When we use hotel rooms we all sometimes have to leave something of value in the room, a credt card, a phone a laptop (we cannot take those things to the beach with us). In that way it was both a petty theft but also a serious one. Most thieves will start with petty theft which then becomes habitual and less petty.

 

In your situation (and i have been there) i would be very concerned about what has occurred. I think you should also be concerned about the way you yourself are approaching this. At every opportunity in this thread you are hitting the Like button for every Post that semi defends what she has done, but talk of theft of paper clips in the office and bars of chocolate as a kid are not sensible comparisons for reasons that many have already pointed out. I would feel extremely angry and disappointed with her and would be expecting her to go and find another job straight away and make amends.

 

Your points are valid.

She deserved dismissal and I am annoyed.

She has found another job and starts in 2 days time.

However, I don't believe she's beyond redemption. Over 2 years I have seen many acts of kindness, generosity and honesty and I am not about to end a very happy relationship up to now just on this one case.

 

[jacko45k]

To err is human, to forgive is divine.

You just have to establish some confidence that this is a lesson learned and not forgotten.

 

I do believe many of these girls brought up in rural areas with very little have screwed up moral compasses, as you say, and have a grey fuzzy edged line between honesty and dishonesty. Explain it to her best you can, how a relationship is based on complete honesty... hopefully you too comply.

 

I forgave once many years ago, and do not regret it,  rather glad I did. Mine was led astray by bad friends and she was docious.... hopefully I will never regret it, because when they are inherently bad, they are very bad!

[paulsingle]

8 hours ago, zaZa9 said:

I didnt read all the posts but my feeling is that stuff we leave in our hotel room is sacrosanct and should never be touched or pilfered in any way.

I'd be sending my missus to coventry for a few days at least.

Definitely no "warm fuzzies I still love you my dear ", from me.

Its essentaily theft under trust , and I would be cold and way less 'understanding' than you will be from the feel of your post.

 

I'd also be watching my money/budget/shared expenses more closely...

Fair enough.

One day she came home from work very uneasy because a guest was leaving large wads of money on the bedside table. She would never take any money of any amount and was worried for the guest that he should be more careful. 

Would you leave hundreds of pounds lying by the bed in a hotel room and if not why not? 

She was wrong to pinch a few drops of perfume. Her boss was right to dismiss her. I know the goodness in her and I will support her "rehabilitation" until I see any sign of repeat offending.

I read from your post that you would also reluctantly give her a second chance so we agree on that. We differ in how we would support the rehabilitation.

I take on board your comments about expenses going forward.

[Kwasaki]

17 hours ago, paulsingle said:

Kwasaki this is not a troll post. I think you and I have had views in common on other issues in this forum. Look at my history on the forum.

She has always carried her little perfume bottle around in her handbag. I don't think she's been planning to nick a couple of millilitres of perfume for 2 years.

OK point taken,  l just think it's the wrong forum to post or post anyway for that matter, " it's personal. "

[giddyup]

1 minute ago, Kwasaki said:

OK point taken,  l just think it's the wrong forum to post or post anyway for that matter, " it's personal. "

Huh? No personal posts?

[Gecko123]

http://www.topteny.com/top-10-most-expensive-womens-perfumes/

[Kwasaki]

27 minutes ago, giddyup said:

Huh? No personal posts?

Don't know what you mean,  what l mean OP to post it in "pub" is not the place for a delicate subject about someone he is very fond of kapish. 

[giddyup]

9 minutes ago, Kwasaki said:

Don't know what you mean,  what l mean OP to post it in "pub" is not the place for a delicate subject about someone he is very fond of kapish. 

It really doesn't matter much which forum, there's all kinds of crossovers,  but I wondered about your "it's personal" comment because what other forum would be more suitable?

[Ace of Pop]

I don't know a Ferang Lady or Thai married to one who wouldn't give her the bottle ,and they know that.


Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect

[rogeroc]

2 hours ago, paulsingle said:

Your points are valid.

She deserved dismissal and I am annoyed.

She has found another job and starts in 2 days time.

However, I don't believe she's beyond redemption. Over 2 years I have seen many acts of kindness, generosity and honesty and I am not about to end a very happy relationship up to now just on this one case.

 

Great that she has found another job and definitely not beyond redemption. All the best for your future

[rogeroc]

1 hour ago, Kwasaki said:

OK point taken,  l just think it's the wrong forum to post or post anyway for that matter, " it's personal. "

 

The OP is anonymous so it is not invasively personal. I guess quite a few of us have been in a similar position so it is an interesting topic.

[mrfaroukh]

This has been a stupid mistake she made. Unfortunately it was seen by other workers and been reported. The hotel has done a right thing as if they do not take any action or just fine her then the other employee will not get the right message.

 

Just help her to find another job.

[geisha]

Forgive and forget. All men who have nver done a thing wrong in life stand up !