Is crying considered unmanly in Thailand?

[Gecko123]

One thing I’ve noticed is that Thai men don’t cry that much. Physical pain is for the most part stoically endured. At the local hospital, I’ve seen Thai men who have lost several fingers or toes stoically enduring what must be incredible pain. News footage of road accidents often capture guys who have been badly banged up. They, too, never seem to be crying.

 

In real life or on TV,  Thai men don’t seem to resort to boohooing or tearfully begging for a second chance when they break up with their girlfriends or get a divorce. Maybe once in a while I’ve seen Thai men cry at funerals, but mostly it seems the women are the ones most likely to grieve demonstratively.

 

And when guys get apprehended after committing some horrendous crime, while many do show genuine contrition, I can’t remember seeing a single criminal crying during their on camera confession, which you would think would happen pretty often seeing as how it probably wouldn’t hurt to shed a few tears of remorse prior to the sentencing hearing.

 

I was raised to believe that it’s healthy to express your feeling, and that it’s OK for men to cry. Most of the time when I’ve cried here it’s been because I’m stressed out, frustrated or feel like I’ve been mistreated in some ways. You know, kind of a cry of: ‘Am I not human? Do I not bleed just like you?’

 

But when I think about it, quite often the response is quite different from the sympathetic understanding I was hoping for.A lot of times my tears have been received with eye rolls, unkind comments like, ‘Look he’s crying!’, awkward silence, or even annoyance.

 

So I’m wondering, has anyone else experienced stuff like this? Do you find that it’s socially acceptable for men to cry here? Do Thai people you know respond to crying the same way people back home do? Does crying violate any Buddhist precepts?

[saakura]

Well, i do not remember crying in my adult life. Grief and moist eyes when my parents passed away in their ripe old age, but no crying and wailing when i got hurt physically in sports or accidents, or during the rare arguments with my wife. Men are just designed that way, nothing to do with being a Thai or a farang?

Edited July 22, 2017 by saakura

[canuckamuck]

I saw a Thai man cry, it wasn't pretty: actually embarrassing for all; I will be happy not to see it again.

 

 

Edit: I should add, that this was not grief or pain crying, it was the I'm a failure variety.

Edited July 22, 2017 by canuckamuck

[CharlieH]

I think age is a factor too. Young men being "macho" etc but as you get older you know who you are, more confident in who you are, and what others "think" is of less importance to how you really feel about a situation.

[Slip]

I really don't think this is a Thai issue.  If you look into how diverse the reactions to this will be here, you will probably see that they range the full gamut.  For what it's worth, I was given no guidance by my upbringing about the good or bad of crying in social situations once I became a teenager, and I think I have a very strong sub-conscious 'boys don't cry' attitude.  My beloved dog died recently and I found myself with tears springing to my eyes, and I dashed then away with a stern "sort yourself out man" attitude. 

[Been there done that]

Remorse, thats unknown here. For that one should possess some morals.

 

Empathy is almost an unknown too here.

 

As women have the biggest influence in a child's rearing it probably stems from them. 

 

This society is run by women. 

 

I think thus that only they are allowed to show that nonviolent emotion, which crying is, to mask the accepted violence.

[pgrahmm]

The only time I've ever seen a man cry is when my Dad had to leave my Mom realizing it might be the last time he might see her after 60+ years knowing he could no longer be taken care of in his own home - he died a short time later....

 

Yes - it's not manly if it happens often or as a pattern....In any country....

 

Strong women rarely cry either.....In any country.....

Edited July 22, 2017 by pgrahmm

[ban muang farang]

You have to meet my father-in-law. What an old softy. Every time we come for a visit he sheds a tear when he sees his daughter. He can hardly control himself when we head back home overseas again long term. Missing his only daughter. He is truly a lovely man and loving father.

[Chou Anou]

The only men who call other men "unmanly" for crying are those not confident in their own masculinity (in other words, the same men always concerned with determining whether or not something "is gay"). Nothing wrong with crying.

[Been there done that]

2 hours ago, ban muang farang said:

You have to meet my father-in-law. What an old softy. Every time we come for a visit he sheds a tear when he sees his daughter. He can hardly control himself when we head back home overseas again long term. Missing his only daughter. He is truly a lovely man and loving father.

He is not manly then. According to the, sad, poster above you.

[Blinky62]

The only men who call other men "unmanly" for crying are those not confident in their own masculinity (in other words, the same men always concerned with determining whether or not something "is gay"). Nothing wrong with crying.

Dead right, nothing wrong with crying . I think it's an age thing . Young and tough can't cry . But when you grow up no problem . I went to a very good friends funeral many years back , with a lot of very tough boys there , it was the first time I had seen so many men with tears [emoji24] in there eyes . And I was one of them .


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[pgrahmm]

9 hours ago, Been there done that said:

He is not manly then. According to the, sad, poster above you.

Nope - said my Dad cried under the same type of circumstances as you cited from the other poster - didn't find that unmanly & I don't find it a bad thing with the fil saying hello & goodbye to his only daughter....

 

We're all built differently.....

[Gecko123]

Here's the story which got me thinking about crying in Thailand:

 

It’s a little before noon, and my routine dental checkup is wrapping up when my dentist announces she’s just discovered an old filling that needs replacing. She tells me no anesthesia will be needed, which I assume is because the old filling is very shallow. Even though I don’t think I’ve ever had a filling replaced without first getting a shot of Novocain, I initially welcome this as great news. I’m planning to treat myself to a sushi lunch at the nearby shopping mall, and I’m thinking it’ll be great to eat without my mouth being all numb.

 

But when the drilling gets underway, it quickly becomes apparent that the filling is a lot deeper than I imagined. I’m starting to twitch and flinch. Sweat starts breaking out. I’m clenching the exam chair arms for dear life. I’m doing my best to stifle my groans, but ever so often the drill hits the tooth nerve directly, and I can’t help letting out a garbled cry. The drilling seems to be going on forever. The thought of taking a break and giving me a shot of Novocain never seems to cross the dentist’s mind.

 

Finally, it’s over. I sit up, taking long breaths, trying to decompress. I start to speak, can’t find my voice,and stop. I take off my glasses, wipe my eyes. Definitely a draining experience, traumatic even. But when I glance over, the dentist and her assistant seem strangely unsympathetic. In fact, I get this vibe that they might actually be annoyed with what they see as little more than antics.

[Been there done that]

4 minutes ago, Gecko123 said:

Here's the story which got me thinking about crying in Thailand:

 

It’s a little before noon, and my routine dental checkup is wrapping up when my dentist announces she’s just discovered an old filling that needs replacing. She tells me no anesthesia will be needed, which I assume is because the old filling is very shallow. Even though I don’t think I’ve ever had a filling replaced without first getting a shot of Novocain, I initially welcome this as great news. I’m planning to treat myself to a sushi lunch at the nearby shopping mall, and I’m thinking it’ll be great to eat without my mouth being all numb.

 

But when the drilling gets underway, it quickly becomes apparent that the filling is a lot deeper than I imagined. I’m starting to twitch and flinch. Sweat starts breaking out. I’m clenching the exam chair arms for dear life. I’m doing my best to stifle my groans, but ever so often the drill hits the tooth nerve directly, and I can’t help letting out a garbled cry. The drilling seems to be going on forever. The thought of taking a break and giving me a shot of Novocain never seems to cross the dentist’s mind.

 

Finally, it’s over. I sit up, taking long breaths, trying to decompress. I start to speak, can’t find my voice,and stop. I take off my glasses, wipe my eyes. Definitely a draining experience, traumatic even. But when I glance over, the dentist and her assistant seem strangely unsympathetic. In fact, I get this vibe that they might actually be annoyed with what they see as little more than antics.

Well, the above story made me more think about cancelling my dentist appointment for Tuesday.

[dotpoom]

Men where I come from don't cry when in physical pain either .....but can and will do from emotional pain ....you said it yourself in your OP about "not hiding one's emotions"..

[jacko45k]

Men crying is considered by me to be unmanly wherever.

[thaibook]

On 22/07/2017 at 7:54 AM, Slip said:

I really don't think this is a Thai issue.  If you look into how diverse the reactions to this will be here, you will probably see that they range the full gamut.  For what it's worth, I was given no guidance by my upbringing about the good or bad of crying in social situations once I became a teenager, and I think I have a very strong sub-conscious 'boys don't cry' attitude.  My beloved dog died recently and I found myself with tears springing to my eyes, and I dashed then away with a stern "sort yourself out man" attitude. 

quite right.  Highly emotional characters such as the romantic poets, Byron et al, might cry but then I suspect it was largely for effect.  Their real emotions were sublimated into poetry.  As previous posts have said I agree it is not about nationality, crying especially in public, is more about whether one thinks one is at the centre of the universe and it is to be judged by how one is being treated or whether one accepts one is in the world, may try to shape it but has to accept and deal with it as is..

 

about

 

 

 

[RikDao]

Not if you're a woman! :-)

[RikDao]

30 minutes ago, jacko45k said:

Men crying is considered by me to be unmanly wherever.

Tears of laughter!

[FT1]

1 hour ago, Gecko123 said:

Here's the story which got me thinking about crying in Thailand:

 

It’s a little before noon, and my routine dental checkup is wrapping up when my dentist announces she’s just discovered an old filling that needs replacing. She tells me no anesthesia will be needed, which I assume is because the old filling is very shallow. Even though I don’t think I’ve ever had a filling replaced without first getting a shot of Novocain, I initially welcome this as great news. I’m planning to treat myself to a sushi lunch at the nearby shopping mall, and I’m thinking it’ll be great to eat without my mouth being all numb.

 

But when the drilling gets underway, it quickly becomes apparent that the filling is a lot deeper than I imagined. I’m starting to twitch and flinch. Sweat starts breaking out. I’m clenching the exam chair arms for dear life. I’m doing my best to stifle my groans, but ever so often the drill hits the tooth nerve directly, and I can’t help letting out a garbled cry. The drilling seems to be going on forever. The thought of taking a break and giving me a shot of Novocain never seems to cross the dentist’s mind.

 

Finally, it’s over. I sit up, taking long breaths, trying to decompress. I start to speak, can’t find my voice,and stop. I take off my glasses, wipe my eyes. Definitely a draining experience, traumatic even. But when I glance over, the dentist and her assistant seem strangely unsympathetic. In fact, I get this vibe that they might actually be annoyed with what they see as little more than antics.

I suggest you change your dentist. I have a terrible fear of dentists which my Thai dentist picked up on immediately. On a recent visit for a filling, he started without anaesthetic but, on my twitching slightly, he quickly froze my gums before continuing. All of this with no verbal communication just empathy.

Edited July 24, 2017 by FT1
misspelling

[Petchou]

On 7/22/2017 at 6:43 PM, saakura said:

Well, i do not remember crying in my adult life. Grief and moist eyes when my parents passed away in their ripe old age, but no crying and wailing when i got hurt physically in sports or accidents, or during the rare arguments with my wife. Men are just designed that way, nothing to do with being a Thai or a farang?

men are not designed that way.  It's the influence of education and culture.  You are were formatted by the image of what a man should be in your society.  Never show emotions and being strong means you dont cry.   

[transam]

I did at mum and dads funerals...I was actually surprised as l watched mum slowly die with just watery eyes with a kiss to send her on her way.

 

Just shows I must be human I suppose...

[smileydude]

I don't think Thai men are exceptional to not crying.  Thai men are certainly not as mashicsmo as say the South Americans.

Certain situations would make any grown man cry.  As a physician back in 2004 I volunteered in the south to help the Tsunami victims.

By the time I got there the only work left was collecting DNA samples and tagging bodies with ID chips for future identification.

I came across the body of a young male child, at most 4 years old in a rigor mortis state still clutching a toothbrush.  His tragic death must have come so sudden.  I could not hold back tears.

Society often identifies crying with weakness when they should be looking at it with some sort of empathy depending upon the situation.

[Stevemercer]

I don't know what Thai men think about crying, but Thai women are absolutely amazed, impressed and sympathetic if a man turn on the water works (and assuming it is genuine). 

[Krataiboy]

Yeah, but . . .

 

It is scientifically proven that crying rids the body of  harmful toxins and relieves emotional stress. Its all good, guys - so man up and cry whenever feel like it. 

[Cereal]

On 7/22/2017 at 6:43 PM, saakura said:

Well, i do not remember crying in my adult life. Grief and moist eyes when my parents passed away in their ripe old age, but no crying and wailing when i got hurt physically in sports or accidents, or during the rare arguments with my wife. Men are just designed that way, nothing to do with being a Thai or a farang?

Are you claiming this is a nature not nurture thing? If so, I think you are 100% off base. There are societies where crying with happiness or grief is normal. I am French and we cry, as do other Latin based cultures/races, S. Americans.

 

There's plenty of medical research which shows that crying - emotional release - has benefits. Tears contain toxins which are obviously being cleansed from the body. The act of crying relieves stress and anxiety and lowers blood pressure.

 

People are genetically designed to cry, that's nature. The nurture aspect is the negative. Not showing one's emotions when circumstances dictate - holding it in, keeping a stiff upper lip - just leads to increased stress.

 

There's also the aspect of manganese, a mineral found in the body directly related to mood. Tears have a 30% higher concentration of manganese than in blood serum. Thus crying relieves the internal pressures that lead to bad moods. Crying calms you down, it's chemistry.

 

Looks to me like Thai men could do with a good cry every now and then!

 

It makes me wanna cry.........

[natway09]

The guy who said that "real men don't cry " for me has it back to front.

There are many times in ones life where situations filled with emotion can be overcoming & a good cry 

is not only called for but is good therapy.

I would not believe any "man" who said he had never cried

 

[nasanews]

Crying clears hearts from psychological accumulations.

[natway09]

Can you please put that in english nasanews?

[Thaidream]

Thais are taught from birth to suppress emotions such as anger; irritation; crying so as to avoid any potential confrontation or loss of face. Most of the time- Thais wear a smile mask but the Thai smile hides many of these suppressed emotions. I have seen Thais shed  tears at funerals and when notified of deaths.  In other situations, I have seen sadness but no verbal expressions or tears. If a Thai woman sees a Thai man cry because of pain; inability to control emotions- it is considered weakness and when done in public it causes embarrassment.