Is crying considered unmanly in Thailand?

[sammieuk1]

I'm in floods of tears daily when I look at the exchange rate of the miserable pound.

[lanng khao]

If you want to see real sobbing, blubbering, and crying tantrums from grown hardened men, a visit to the departure lounge at Suvarnabhumi airport will do..

[mikiea]

On 7/22/2017 at 6:48 PM, canuckamuck said:

I saw a Thai man cry, it wasn't pretty: actually embarrassing for all; I will be happy not to see it again.

 

 

Edit: I should add, that this was not grief or pain crying, it was the I'm a failure variety.

when you see a man , any man cry quickly call for a wa wa wambulance to take the beotch to a  safe and warm fuzzy place .....

[1FinickyOne]

My father used to tell me when I was a kid - stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about - 

 

I think crying in USA for a male was only encouraged during a brief period of increased hope for sensitivity. I do not think it is common. 

 

On my soi in Bkk, when I lived there, one of the local parking mafia street guys got his eye poked out and the next morning was out and around as if nothing happened. He offered to buy me a coffee... his turn to treat - no mention of losing an eye the night before.

 

I cried when my dog died after sitting up with him all night... my wife walked in the room while I had tears streaming. I later heard her tell another family member, and not as if it were a bad or thing of weakness... 

[1FinickyOne]

3 hours ago, Gecko123 said:

Here's the story which got me thinking about crying in Thailand:

 

It’s a little before noon, and my routine dental checkup is wrapping up when my dentist announces she’s just discovered an old filling that needs replacing. She tells me no anesthesia will be needed, which I assume is because the old filling is very shallow. Even though I don’t think I’ve ever had a filling replaced without first getting a shot of Novocain, I initially welcome this as great news. I’m planning to treat myself to a sushi lunch at the nearby shopping mall, and I’m thinking it’ll be great to eat without my mouth being all numb.

 

But when the drilling gets underway, it quickly becomes apparent that the filling is a lot deeper than I imagined. I’m starting to twitch and flinch. Sweat starts breaking out. I’m clenching the exam chair arms for dear life. I’m doing my best to stifle my groans, but ever so often the drill hits the tooth nerve directly, and I can’t help letting out a garbled cry. The drilling seems to be going on forever. The thought of taking a break and giving me a shot of Novocain never seems to cross the dentist’s mind.

 

Finally, it’s over. I sit up, taking long breaths, trying to decompress. I start to speak, can’t find my voice,and stop. I take off my glasses, wipe my eyes. Definitely a draining experience, traumatic even. But when I glance over, the dentist and her assistant seem strangely unsympathetic. In fact, I get this vibe that they might actually be annoyed with what they see as little more than antics.

you need a new dentist... 

[tonray]

3 hours ago, Been there done that said:

Well, the above story made me more think about cancelling my dentist appointment for Tuesday.

Wait until you see the bill !  Then a real reason to cry

[GarryP]

1 hour ago, Thaidream said:

Thais are taught from birth to suppress emotions such as anger; irritation; crying so as to avoid any potential confrontation or loss of face. Most of the time- Thais wear a smile mask but the Thai smile hides many of these suppressed emotions. I have seen Thais shed  tears at funerals and when notified of deaths.  In other situations, I have seen sadness but no verbal expressions or tears. If a Thai woman sees a Thai man cry because of pain; inability to control emotions- it is considered weakness and when done in public it causes embarrassment.

Could all that repressed emotion be harmful? There certainly seems to be a lot of violence in this society. Could it be because emotional steam is not allowed to escape from the pressure cooker that is life? 

[xerostar]

I experienced the "Look he’s crying!’ comment from my Thai father-in-law.

It was when I realized my wife of 3 years  had no further interest in me.

Earlier I had given her my wedding ring.and told her to  keep it for our 3 year old son when he becomes a man.

I didn't cry openly even though I felt like it, it was just a few tears in my eyes as I said my goodbyes to the parents-in-law.

My wife showed no emotion, which was as I expected.

The father-in-law laughed and said "look he's crying" !  

[swissbie]

1 hour ago, Thaidream said:

Thais are taught from birth to suppress emotions such as anger; irritation; crying so as to avoid any potential confrontation or loss of face. Most of the time- Thais wear a smile mask but the Thai smile hides many of these suppressed emotions. I have seen Thais shed  tears at funerals and when notified of deaths.  In other situations, I have seen sadness but no verbal expressions or tears. If a Thai woman sees a Thai man cry because of pain; inability to control emotions- it is considered weakness and when done in public it causes embarrassment.

I disagree. I've seen most of my male Thai friends and relatives crying, not in public and not because of physical pain, but in emotional stress situations, and never ever anybody got a strange feeling because of that. All grown up men, no softies.

[BV70]

I've witnessed my male Thai staff cry at the slightest thing - their girlfriend cheating on them; after arguments with colleagues at work; after work disciplinaries; at confrontation and face loss. In fact I'd go as far as saying they need to man up as their female co-workers appear to possess more balls

[thailand49]

We are all built alike, when cut we all bleed red.

I'm a Asian American,  visited half the world majority of it in Asia  and been here for over 10 years. And although I seen Thai men cry I do believe it is silently breaded in their culture that one is weak and not manly when men cry.  Another culture comparing is Mexico/South America ( Macho Man ). Here in the U.S. we are taught it is O.K. to cry, to let out your emotions or talk about them. There is a time to cry and a time to man up?

Thus the respond above my remarks, " man up, the female possess more balls "

Edited July 24, 2017 by thailand49

[transam]

1 hour ago, BV70 said:

I've witnessed my male Thai staff cry at the slightest thing - their girlfriend cheating on them; after arguments with colleagues at work; after work disciplinaries; at confrontation and face loss. In fact I'd go as far as saying they need to man up as their female co-workers appear to possess more balls

Folk are all built different...We all think differently...To think someone should man up will maybe looked at differently by another...

Us humans have mainly  been given emotions, some do not have the full deck, but many have...

[lv426]

In my travels, my observation is no matter what the culture, women seem to get a crying pass in many situations that men do not. Both men and women typically find the sight of a man sobbing or weeping disturbing or uncomfortable. It usually fails to elicit much or any empathy or sympathy compared to a woman, and sometimes invites shame or hostility. Despite feminist claims of "Men should express their feelings", women generally don't find this an attractive quality in a man. It's probably much less cultural and much more biologically/evolutionary based - our species didn't get to its current state with men being easily triggered overemotional crybabies (how a man in genuine distress is often perceived or judged).

Edited July 24, 2017 by lv426

[Dipterocarp]

I dont cry over lost love, relatives deaths anymore but I always get teary eyed at movies (RomCom/Disney).

Is there something wrong with me? What is so moving about a cartoon about dancing penguins?

[lanng khao]

I defy any man to go the cinema and watch finding Nemo and not cry, mind you I was told to take a box of tissues to watch Schindler's list, wasn't one thing worth a chag wow in it..

Sent from my XT1650 using Tapatalk

[fordguy61mi]

All I know is my Thai GF cries enough for the both of us.

[louse1953]

Im going though back cancer now and i cant control my emotions.Taking about old time with mates or talking about what is going to happen to my family.my sis and bro inlaw come tomrrow,tears al round.I cant help it,it just happens

[Been there done that]

31 minutes ago, louse1953 said:

Im going though back cancer now and i cant control my emotions.Taking about old time with mates or talking about what is going to happen to my family.my sis and bro inlaw come tomrrow,tears al round.I cant help it,it just happens

Wish you strength to carry your burden. Hope that you are daily surrounded by your loved ones.

[jacko45k]

23 hours ago, RikDao said:

Tears of laughter!

A long way from crying....

[bberrythailand]

Never seen a real man cry.

 

 

[xen]

6 hours ago, louse1953 said:

Im going though back cancer now and i cant control my emotions.Taking about old time with mates or talking about what is going to happen to my family.my sis and bro inlaw come tomrrow,tears al round.I cant help it,it just happens

 Mate, i know how you feel - i just went thru chemo and a stem cell transplant about 12 months ago and the doctor and medical staff warned me about the emotional upheaval. There was crying, and depression ,rage and anger, fear and concern about my family if i didn't make it but i also had some quite warm and wonderful times with my family and the wonderful staff. Also remembering old friends and old times too and sometimes the pain killing drugs made me forget everything too . Any life challenging event like a terminal illness will drag up the suppressed emotions . No shame there.

[Gecko123]

...don’t get emotional

            ...don’t get angry, lose your temper, or raise your voice

                        ...don’t cause others to lose face

                                    ...and don’t forget ‘mai pen rai.”

 

I can’t help but notice that if you’resomeone who runs around upsetting and angering people, or doing things which you ought to be ashamed of, you probably love that there are social guidelines in place which inhibit others from expressing how they truly feel about your behavior.

 

With no disrespect towards Thai culture, I do wonder whether the above guidelines, which seem to value conflict avoidance over true resolution, are sufficient in today’s world. Thailand’s high homicide rate, domestic and teen violence problem, and a growing number of road rage incidents make me wonder if Thailand’s traditional strategies for resolving conflict are up to the challenge all of the stresses of modern life present. Might Thais benefit from exploring more modern techniques which encourage people to express feelings more directly and honestly? And if that includes giving men social permission to cry, wouldn’t that be a healthy step in the right direction?

 

I also find it somewhat ironic that Thailand seems to be very accepting of an individual’s sexual preferences and gender identity, at the same time it clings to outdated stereotypes about what is ‘manly’ behavior. If a lady boy cries it garners sympathy, but if a man weeps, he’s a wimp? That doesn’t seem fair, does it?

 

[marko kok prong]

On 7/24/2017 at 10:33 AM, Stevemercer said:

I don't know what Thai men think about crying, but Thai women are absolutely amazed, impressed and sympathetic if a man turn on the water works (and assuming it is genuine). 

I must say i have found the complete opposite,both my ex wife, and my current girl were unimpressed ,as Gecko says in the op Thai men do not,therefore it is a shock to them.That said i only saw my ex wife cry once at some stupid soap,and my current girl never in my company at least,Thai women are incredibley strong emotionally,i suspect due in no small part by men getting them pregnant at 19/20 then buggering off,or in my girlfriends case,her husband treating her poorly,then having an affair with her best friend.

[daphnia88]

Hello? Do you not know Thailand? What do you expect from a country that still teaches it's girls that "girls should like pink", and that "girls should drink with a straw, and never chug water right from the bottle". They even tell little boys that they're ugly when they cry, and when they stop crying they tell him how handsome they are.... they tell crying little 4 year old kids "pu chai tong keng reng" (boys have to be strong). No, seriously, do you not know Thailand?

[transam]

6 minutes ago, daphnia88 said:

Hello? Do you not know Thailand? What do you expect from a country that still teaches it's girls that "girls should like pink", and that "girls should drink with a straw, and never chug water right from the bottle". They even tell little boys that they're ugly when they cry, and when they stop crying they tell him how handsome they are.... they tell crying little 4 year old kids "pu chai tong keng reng" (boys have to be strong). No, seriously, do you not know Thailand?

I obviously don't...

[chippendale]

Thais consider crying a bit faggy and spineless, so each time I'm about to sob like a princess, I adopt Will Ferrell's strategy at 3:41 here:

 

 

Edited July 28, 2017 by chippendale
double video

[bbi1]

Quote

One thing I’ve noticed is that Thai men don’t cry that much.

Anytime I get into the unfortunate situation of seeing a Thai drama show on tv I automatically burst out into a flood of tears gushing out of my eyes due to the abysmal "acting" & story lines. There's absolutely nothing un-manly about that, my friend!

[CharlieH]

Posts removed.

 

10) Do not discuss moderation publicly in the open forum; this includes individual actions, and specific or general policies and issues. You may send a PM to a moderator to discuss individual actions or email support (at) thaivisa.com to discuss moderation policy.

You will not block contact with moderators or administrators. Doing so will result in suspension

[nsimmons]

I have done some research on this topic and I heard an ex-fighter pilot give a talk in HK as to how critical it was to cry when appropriate. As an example he told of his daughter that put a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger. He stopped on stage and had a small cry over it even years later. i took his advice and gave myself permission to cry when appropriate and have ruined a couple of wireless keyboards due to "water damage" so far and am a cry baby now, but I am more careful where the tears go coz an Apple keyboard like mine are 5,000BHt each. John Lennon said the two things he learned that were stupid, unhealthy and a waste of energy, were modifying your speech when in front of different people, so when about 35yo refused to speak differently to anyone so he swore etc as he usually spoke at all times,  so the BBC could not really interview him then as so many beeps, which he enjoyed as he said "they misquote me all the fukin time anyway!" And not crying when you had to really work at holding back tears, usually in grief, rarely due to pain which I have found to be the case with myself. All I have to do now is think of my beloved Grandfather who at Xmas time,  when I, his ten year old grandson,  would ruthlessly want to now about him fighting the Japanese in WWII, and he would shed tears after a few drinks and I could not understand why. It was explained to me later that he was very good at it,  and killed a lot of Japanese and came back the only one out of his pals that all went from Guildford in Perth, with scars down his back from barbed wire and Malaria etc, and my mother said he had screaming nightmares for ten years after the war. But his tears were about that he thought he was going to Hell "coz the Bible is pretty clear on thou shall not kill", and he wished he had refused to shoot anyone as my uncle Eric had done,  due to being a Plymouth Bretherin (a cult/religion), so they made him an ambulance driver/paramedic that dragged wounded back to the ambulance but did not have to shoot anyone and did not carry a rifle.  When I think of that I cry every time, (coz I feel it is so untrue and he did not deserve such pain) and after a while you realize that you cry coz you are supposed to,  and can feel it is more healthy than this macho BS that men don't,  or shouldn't cry.

And that the ex- fighter pilot guy in HK was right. Also, if you read Eddie Rickenbacker's

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eddie_Rickenbacker auto-biography, possibly the toughest man to ever live, he observed that the pilots that held in their tears and did not cry when a close pal was killed, were not as good in the air the next day as those that cried , so he suggested that there was no shame in crying when appropriate (privately of course as they were men and it was 1917 after all), but to cry all the same.

 

NS