Very scared Surgery or no surgery

[al007]

I have just sent the following email to my oncologst and my chemo man

 

At the moment i am exceedingly scared

 

 

I am extremely worried I have been looked after very well on my problems with colorectal and prostate cancer

I am also worried maybe Dr Ch******p is too busy to read email, I I come to Chula for evaluation on Oct 12

No one has told me what happens if I have no surgery

Dr Chu*****p has explained to his many students very well, but not to me, Am i just the guinea pig to train others 

I need some comfort levels

No one will explain the consequences of doing nothing, my health to day is ok 

So I have surgery is my health any better

I do not know what to do

[elliss]

 

   Return to your home country ,  for  a valid medical  examination , with no  financial motives involved .

     Hope and pray , that you are from the UK, good luck .

Edited October 10, 2017 by elliss

[KittenKong]

8 hours ago, al007 said:

Dr ... has explained to his many students very well, but not to me, Am i just the guinea pig to train others 

 

I think that a common fault with many health professionals in Thailand is that they look down on patients and dont consider them worth talking to. The trick is to find a decent one who doesnt.

[1FinickyOne]

My experience is not so much that the doctors look down on patients, just that the Thai people do not ask them any questions and so, the decision making is done by the doctor, no questions asked... and this is not a good thing, in my opinion as the patient might have their own opinion as to risk/reward of things like surgery and consequences. 

 

I have recently been through a situation of a doc wanting to do "the utmost" and do it tomorrow [that has come to be a red flag for me]... I hesitated, declined as there was no immediate danger and had the whole issue taken care of on my terms and successfully - I was most pleased with a different doctor who offered me choices and explanations. 

[1FinickyOne]

ps - I have found that most all doctors were quite willing to talk when asked questions... sometimes I am involved with helping family members and even at govt hospitals, the doctors were quite willing and helpful when engaged and asked questions...

 

And the consistently best question is - "what would you do if it was your father?" - - or brother or yourself or whatever seems appropriate... 

[Sheryl]

While it may have been your intent in this email to elicit more information/explanation from your doctor,  the tone is so hostile and accusatory that it will almost certainly get the opposite result.

 

Many surgeons would decline to operate on someone who made such accusations/was so hostile, mainly for fear of unwarranted lawsuits, and tell you to go elsewhere.

 

As for not having been told what will happen if you don't have surgery to remove a potentially curable cancer of the colon, most people know this and do not have to be told. Obviously, the cancer will continue to grow, will spread to other organs and eventually kill you. Causing quite a bit of suffering along the way. In the course of this, due to intestinal blockage with severe abdominal pain and intractable vomiting, you would be forced to have the same surgery you now want to avoid, only by then it would require a more extensive operation and be only palliative, not curative.

 

You have been seeing your surgeon at a government hospital where his time is extremely limited. It certainly makes sense for an uninsured person to have the surgery there given the size of the cost savings, but there is no reason not to have a private consultation with him at one of the several private hospitals where he has outpatient hours just for the purpose of being able to more thoroughly discuss the upcoming surgery. 

 

Before doing so however it would help if you could identify better just what it is you are so terrified of, doctors are not mind readers and while some apprehension before surgery is normal -- this is something nobody wants to have to undergo --  your anxiety is unusually extreme, in fact in decades of experience I have never encountered it to this extent.

 

If you cannot identify any specific reasons for the extreme fear, you might consider seeing a psychologist for a few sessions. I suspect it is not just the upcoming surgery. Perhaps there is an underlying anxiety disorder that the prospect of surgery has  exacerbated.

 

You anxiety will otherwise only continue to mount and get more and more unmanageable as the date approaches - and you may well succeed in alienating the very medical staff you need to depend on through hostile accusations and outbursts.

[al007]

Some valid and helpful comments

 

As always what Sheryl says is very true and good and yes I am at present very unnerved and not always thinking well, and yes I think too much, and yes I have to be careful not to upset those who can help me, and yes my head feels unbalanced, and I am having problems sleeping

 

However the good news is I am at Chulalongkorn tomorrow and need to talk all this through in detail, and calm myself down, the pressure builds inside my head, and then I overreact

 

A private consultation with the doctor is a very good idea, yes I will try and do , it is the lack of discussion with me that causes me to over-worry

 

It is further not helped without a GP in the middle to inform and act as a buffer

 

I comfortably live in isolation in the North,with few English-speaking people,  going to the UK is not an option, all my friends there are dead, and I would have no where to go

 

In any case this is maybe yet another of lifes problems to be overcome

 

I am appreciative of all the input, a problem shared is a problem halved

[al007]

On 10/11/2017 at 10:09 AM, Sheryl said:

While it may have been your intent in this email to elicit more information/explanation from your doctor,  the tone is so hostile and accusatory that it will almost certainly get the opposite result.

 

Many surgeons would decline to operate on someone who made such accusations/was so hostile, mainly for fear of unwarranted lawsuits, and tell you to go elsewhere.

 

As for not having been told what will happen if you don't have surgery to remove a potentially curable cancer of the colon, most people know this and do not have to be told. Obviously, the cancer will continue to grow, will spread to other organs and eventually kill you. Causing quite a bit of suffering along the way. In the course of this, due to intestinal blockage with severe abdominal pain and intractable vomiting, you would be forced to have the same surgery you now want to avoid, only by then it would require a more extensive operation and be only palliative, not curative.

 

You have been seeing your surgeon at a government hospital where his time is extremely limited. It certainly makes sense for an uninsured person to have the surgery there given the size of the cost savings, but there is no reason not to have a private consultation with him at one of the several private hospitals where he has outpatient hours just for the purpose of being able to more thoroughly discuss the upcoming surgery. 

 

Before doing so however it would help if you could identify better just what it is you are so terrified of, doctors are not mind readers and while some apprehension before surgery is normal -- this is something nobody wants to have to undergo --  your anxiety is unusually extreme, in fact in decades of experience I have never encountered it to this extent.

 

If you cannot identify any specific reasons for the extreme fear, you might consider seeing a psychologist for a few sessions. I suspect it is not just the upcoming surgery. Perhaps there is an underlying anxiety disorder that the prospect of surgery has  exacerbated.

 

You anxiety will otherwise only continue to mount and get more and more unmanageable as the date approaches - and you may well succeed in alienating the very medical staff you need to depend on through hostile accusations and outbursts.

 

Well a well meaning and kind post

 

I make some observations

 

I have just retuned from hospital in BKK, and my email elicited a very positive response, remember I am British NOT American we deal with things in a different way, and write differently

 

I incidentally like Donald Trump, the democratically  elected President, he also talks straight

 

I also share genuine feelings

 

We hospital and tests were scary, my blood pressue on arrival was 198/88, I told the nurse let me rest for 15 mins on that empty bed and it will drop, at home yesterday it was 122/78, have been on overnight bus

 

No was the answer, had blood tests done never had so much pain they had me screaming in pain

 

Had X Ray

 

Then saw young doctor, I explained my blood pressure history, he looked at my ECG , I also showed him previous ones from the last three years and he said my current one the best of them all

 

I discussed my living will he agreed and said he would put it it on the file, I also gave him a copy of my Chulalongkorn doner card and he put that on the file

 

I asked him why he was not doung a stress test on a 73 and overweight man and he said the upto date feeling was it was not required

 

He told me to go home and relax

 

I left the nurse then wanted to give me back my living will, and I had a big fight and said the doctor agreed it go on my file, and when I asked her to go back to the doctor to check she agreed to leave it on my file

 

she then wanted me to see another doctor she said I had hypertension, I told her the doctor had a different view

 

It took another of two hours waiting to be told not necessary what the first doctor said was correct

 

I then enquired why when I was so overweight nobody had checked my weight and of course it was immediately checked and they noted I had lost 20kgs

 

I then get message from my consultant saying sorry he had not explained to me well what was going to happen to me

 

Well of course I am scared and easy for Sheryl to say I will antagonise people but it is my life, on three previous occasions I kept my mouth shut and two lots of cancer missed, and negotiating myself I got a very reasonable settlement bearing in mind this is Thailand

 

I have little in common with the majority on TVF but wish to share my experiences to help the few who have written what I share helps them, sometime I just think get away from TVF, but want to give some back, I probably have more first hand experience of hospitals here even than sheryl, who know a lot and is knowledgeable

 

 

 

 

[faraday]

Al, I understand that you're scared, most probably terrified as you are going to have major surgery for Cancer.

 

When I had my hip replaced here in Udon 3 months ago, I too was terrified & think this made me a bit too blunt & direct to a senior Doctor.

 

Thinking of you Al, sending thoughts of a successful surgery & a quick recovery.

 

Prayer helped me alot.

 

 

 

 

 

[JLCrab]

While not commenting on the OP's specific case, he does mention colorectal and prostate cancer. These 2 cancers are among the most treatable if caught early. Prostate screening and colonoscopy are readily available here in Thailand. No reason not to do it.

[nongsung]

I wonder how he AL007 doing right now, guess he underwent surgery...

[faraday]

Yes, been thinking about him.

[cheeryble]

Sheryl is right you have bad anxiety, whether caused by your diagnosis or not doesn't really matter.

 

As someone who's been there, three things might help.

 

1. Pencil in a half hour or less of worry time or decision making time each day and try to stick to it, enjoying the rest of your time as best you can. Any more time spent worrying ruins your life. If you see this clearly you can start to enjoy things. Look forward to all that lovely non worry time and make a heaven of it.....wouldn't you like to live in heaven?

 

2. Think to a minimum (inside you worry time) then ACT. The pain of procrastination is far worse than getting things not quite perfect or downright wrong.

 

3. Know with absolute certainty that nothing can hurt you but your own imagination

 

(Obviously 3 refers to the most prolific pain, that in the mind.)

Edited October 31, 2017 by cheeryble

[nongsung]

Anyone knows how AL007 is doing? Haven’t seen any activity since begin December...

[lopburi3]

1 hour ago, nongsung said:

Anyone knows how AL007 is doing? Haven’t seen any activity since begin December...

He had stated he intended to limit his involvement on forum discussions computer shows he has not logged on since December 12.  Although he may be reading without sign on expect he would want to read PM as believe he was active there with a few members.   Can only hope nothing amiss.

[Lumbini]

While it may have been your intent in this email to elicit more information/explanation from your doctor,  the tone is so hostile and accusatory that it will almost certainly get the opposite result.
 
Many surgeons would decline to operate on someone who made such accusations/was so hostile, mainly for fear of unwarranted lawsuits, and tell you to go elsewhere.
 
As for not having been told what will happen if you don't have surgery to remove a potentially curable cancer of the colon, most people know this and do not have to be told. Obviously, the cancer will continue to grow, will spread to other organs and eventually kill you. Causing quite a bit of suffering along the way. In the course of this, due to intestinal blockage with severe abdominal pain and intractable vomiting, you would be forced to have the same surgery you now want to avoid, only by then it would require a more extensive operation and be only palliative, not curative.
 
You have been seeing your surgeon at a government hospital where his time is extremely limited. It certainly makes sense for an uninsured person to have the surgery there given the size of the cost savings, but there is no reason not to have a private consultation with him at one of the several private hospitals where he has outpatient hours just for the purpose of being able to more thoroughly discuss the upcoming surgery. 
 
Before doing so however it would help if you could identify better just what it is you are so terrified of, doctors are not mind readers and while some apprehension before surgery is normal -- this is something nobody wants to have to undergo --  your anxiety is unusually extreme, in fact in decades of experience I have never encountered it to this extent.
 
If you cannot identify any specific reasons for the extreme fear, you might consider seeing a psychologist for a few sessions. I suspect it is not just the upcoming surgery. Perhaps there is an underlying anxiety disorder that the prospect of surgery has  exacerbated.
 
You anxiety will otherwise only continue to mount and get more and more unmanageable as the date approaches - and you may well succeed in alienating the very medical staff you need to depend on through hostile accusations and outbursts.

Well said and really puts light on so much thank you [emoji120]


Sent from my iPhone using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[mommysboy]

On 11/10/2017 at 11:29 AM, al007 said:

Some valid and helpful comments

 

As always what Sheryl says is very true and good and yes I am at present very unnerved and not always thinking well, and yes I think too much, and yes I have to be careful not to upset those who can help me, and yes my head feels unbalanced, and I am having problems sleeping

 

However the good news is I am at Chulalongkorn tomorrow and need to talk all this through in detail, and calm myself down, the pressure builds inside my head, and then I overreact

 

A private consultation with the doctor is a very good idea, yes I will try and do , it is the lack of discussion with me that causes me to over-worry

 

It is further not helped without a GP in the middle to inform and act as a buffer

 

I comfortably live in isolation in the North,with few English-speaking people,  going to the UK is not an option, all my friends there are dead, and I would have no where to go

 

In any case this is maybe yet another of lifes problems to be overcome

 

I am appreciative of all the input, a problem shared is a problem halved

 

It is true that communication is not all it could be.

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

Still no news on Al007 after all this time???

 

Nothing from him here since Dec. 6, 2017.

 

 

Edited February 10, 2018 by TallGuyJohninBKK

[Sheryl]

He is no longer on TVF.

[KiChakayan]

24 minutes ago, Sheryl said:

He is no longer on TVF.

Can only hope this isn't a euphemism..

[nongsung]

He’s ok

[zlodnick]

 

 I was in touch with him a couple of weeks ago. He has some more surgery ahead, but said he is ok.

 

I owe a lot to him. I was in a bad place last year and went to him for advice. He went out of his way to help me and never asked for anything in return. 

 

I had laser prostate surgery with his surgeon in New Delhi and I'm back to my old self, enjoying life!

 

I'm not the only one he has helped, and he has done it all while going through some difficult health problems of his own.

 

 

[nongsung]

3 minutes ago, zlodnick said:

 

 I was in touch with him a couple of weeks ago. He has some more surgery ahead, but said he is ok.

 

I owe a lot to him. I was in a bad place last year and went to him for advice. He went out of his way to help me and never asked for anything in return. 

 

I had laser prostate surgery with his surgeon in New Delhi and I'm back to my old self, enjoying life!

 

I'm not the only one he has helped, and he has done it all while going through some difficult health problems of his own.

 

 

You are so right.

 

I have visited him last Friday and all I can say is ‘wow’.

Went out of his way to listen to my stories/health problems and gave me precious advice.

I’m not going to comment on his health because that is not for me to talk about but under

the circumstances he’s doing ok.

 

Extraordinary guy!

 

[TallGuyJohninBKK]

Thanks to both of you for the updates... Glad to hear, at least, that he's still kicking!

 

[Moo71]

I know the man, he is doing OK with more major surgery coming in a few months time, the man is a fighter and surviver I believe

 

He continues to help and support many and his profile shows an email address which he generally replies to

 

He told me he will go out of his way to help any genuine people, his logo had attached to it does not suffer fools kindly, but he also has a very warm heart, sad he no longer posts

 

If I get more news I will post it here

[faraday]

Thanks so much for the updates on Al, he's really decent bloke.

I keep meaning to email him, but have had alot going on health-wise also.

 

If anyone does speak with him, send him my very best wishes please.

[zlodnick]

I just want to update everyone on al007.

 

I was concerned as I haven't heard from him in awhile. Sent him an email and got a pleasant reply.

 

He is doing very well and is in great spirits. He is doing so well, he said he probably will just keep the colostomy and not have reversal surgery. He said why rock the boat. I think that is a wise decision.

 

He has some more tests coming up next month and I hope everything turns out well for him, he deserves it.