thaibeachlovers Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Only way is to make it clear before becoming a permanent relationship as to how much she will get out of one and on what basis. Tell her that if she asks for more she won't get it, and stick to that. It's all too easy to fall for the "I'll pay you back" plea, followed by disaster. If I could go back in time, I'd probably still live with my ex, but village wedding only, buy the car in my name, buy the m'bike in my name only buy cheap items I could afford to leave behind never advance money for anything ( that can be quite hard to do, but essential ). As, despite the protestations of some with their perfect unions, most of us are in relationships with much younger women on the basis that we give them/ their family money, one contemplating such an arrangement must decide if they want to lay down the line across which they will not move, or take the chance of losing all or a great deal. There is ZERO guarantee of the latter succeeding, but there is the gamble that it might work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 1 hour ago, Been there done that said: Okay, apart from what you wrote before there must have been more detailed signs during the relationship that she was a person as how she showed herself at the end. Maybe you ignored those signs because of whatever reason. I dont believe people become moneygrabbing liars out of the blue. Am not having a go at you but am just interested in finding out other peoples experiences. Anyway, thanks for commenting honestly. Mine gave out all sorts of signs, but I hoped that she would change because I had invested too much just to walk away. Anyway, while it wasn't the best relationship for a few years ( it was really good at the start ) it wasn't so bad that I couldn't live with her, but the last time I came to stay it was all over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Obviously there are con's out there... However, what many have described is not a con, but a marriage or partnership coming to an end. And.... when things come to an end, they often turn sour, empathy is lost and the need for revenge creeps in, this revenge is often exacted financially or at least attempts are made.... this is the norm the world over. The 'Long-Con' although a common 'bar-stool' phrase spread by those who've been burnt after marrying an ex-ho... (or ho) is not really that common... its more likely an incompatible relationship has fallen apart and thats about it... throughout the course of the relationship the girl in question has set about providing herself some level of security, who wouldn't? the relationship is patchy, questionable, there is no fluent communication, the cultural differences are extreme... the guy may well be mistaken in believing he may initially have had the perfect partner who is more than satisfied with his provisions - but in reality how many of these guys are truly honest with themselves? How to avoid the long-con ?.... Marry up !!... Date and Marry a lady who's socio-economic status in Thailand is equal to or better, someone who can provide equal offerings to the relationship - I see many such mixed relationships and many where the lady in question offers as much as she can - they key question I suppose is 'is there are presence of genuine mutual respect' ?... .....So many times after being introduced to someones partner my Wife has told me the conversation was guided uncomfortably towards money, how much they get, who owns the car etc etc... these one track conversations are nearly always directed by someone in an relationship for reasons of convenience than of genuine respect, feelings or love. On a final note: Many here have entered fantastic relationships with an open mind and an open heart, not all men are dicks, not all women are in it for the long game and when this double-coincidence occurs we see some extremely strong and successful relationships.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petermik Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Life is just like a merry-go-round...as long as your enjoying the ride stay with it,when you stop enjoying it..... jump off,its simple Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 12 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said: Only way is to make it clear before becoming a permanent relationship as to how much she will get out of one and on what basis. Tell her that if she asks for more she won't get it, and stick to that. It's all too easy to fall for the "I'll pay you back" plea, followed by disaster. If I could go back in time, I'd probably still live with my ex, but village wedding only, buy the car in my name, buy the m'bike in my name only buy cheap items I could afford to leave behind never advance money for anything ( that can be quite hard to do, but essential ). As, despite the protestations of some with their perfect unions, most of us are in relationships with much younger women on the basis that we give them/ their family money, one contemplating such an arrangement must decide if they want to lay down the line across which they will not move, or take the chance of losing all or a great deal. There is ZERO guarantee of the latter succeeding, but there is the gamble that it might work out. But you are describing two different things... One is a genuine relationship (which you describe as the perfect union), the other is a business partnership. The two are different, one is entered without expectation of the other, the other is entered with a money for service agreement. This is not a criticism of either 'genuine relationship' or 'business partnership', but perhaps those who fall foul in the latter mistakenly believe they have slipped into the former. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 4 hours ago, dotpoom said: "that the other halve plays that game."...plays what game? We learn and know a lot of things about life mainly through our observations. How can anybody on here possibly know how observant other people are....especially people they have never met. Certainly, it's the age-old game of making a fool or cuckold out of your husband/boyfriend/partner/lover. While I agree specific knowledge of the observance/intelligence/common sense/street smarts of others may not be; but is it not obvious that many others lack in some or all of the aforementioned attributes. How else do you explain not only the numbers of similar questions posed hereon, but the multitudes of anecdotal stories we all know and tell? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpjack Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 you know when you have to ask about it on here !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreasyFingers Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 (edited) I had one for a short time, less than one year, that would be out with her 'friends' to any hour and would get very angry if challenged on where she was. The rest of the time it was difficult to tell if she had changed because she would still be happy, loving, cooking and cleaning, and sexy. The worst part was it took 6 months to get rid of her out of my unit. She tried very hard to be good/faithful but her friends were at her all the time that she could have more than one farang. If you have suspicions it is time to leave or get her to go. Look at how she reacts as it was a good indication for me. Edited November 1, 2017 by GreasyFingers addition Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 13 hours ago, swissie said: A talented "con-artist" can and will play the "long-con" for years if necessary. Exclaiming "game over" only after having reached their financial goal. This can be after 1 year or after 10 years. Warning signs? Obviously, if the financial demands become inflationary (never ending) or the relationship "cools-off" (one sided). But that is just the problem: A talented and goal oriented con-artist will not make such blunt mistakes. But even as some con artists display surprising "stamina", a Farang married to a Thai Lady for 10 years or more, is somewhat "on the safe side". I think. I hope. I pray. Cheers. While I agree there may be some "long-con artists" among the ladies; most seem to be only short-time players--no pun intended. I think you may be giving both male and female more credit than they deserve. Most females seem to not have the wherewithal for the long-con; they are too close to hand-to-mouth living. Most males seem to be oblivious to the situation as long as the sweet thing has sex with them. It seems rather common among the O&G expats here to pay their giks B20-30k/mo plus all expenses and gifts such as clothes and motorbikes. Granted some posters on here who "like" to live frugally would not, or could not, pay their receptacles that much. However, the ladies seem to realize who makes good money and who doesn't; and those who can be, are selective. What to look for? As you said, always needing money seems to be the common thread. However, unrepentant lying, being gone when you are looking for her, household bills seeming to increase, gambling, "brothers" always around, use of drugs and alcohol--you decide how much--and the list goes on. Stay aware, double-check all stories and finances, pay attention and remember. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 2 hours ago, yellowboat said: That is sad. Perhaps we all need a Japanese woman: "Japanese women can tolerate men without money [poor men], but definitely cannot tolerate cowardly and weak men." Your statement is why you only marry for love once and for money many times, unless you find a Japanese woman. I think you may be confused with traits all Japanese women possess and a trait one/some Japanese woman possessed. Personality/emotion/fidelity/ are individual and not determined by country of origin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
likeke Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Why do you guys marry these women? Just play the field and go solo. This is the best advice you will ever get. You can thank me after your bank account is intact. This is Thailand for crying out loud. Not Kansas!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 4 minutes ago, likeke said: Why do you guys marry these women? Just play the field and go solo. This is the best advice you will ever get. You can thank me after your bank account is intact. This is Thailand for crying out loud. Not Kansas!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said: Only way is to make it clear before becoming a permanent relationship as to how much she will get out of one and on what basis. Tell her that if she asks for more she won't get it, and stick to that. It's all too easy to fall for the "I'll pay you back" plea, followed by disaster. If I could go back in time, I'd probably still live with my ex, but village wedding only, buy the car in my name, buy the m'bike in my name only buy cheap items I could afford to leave behind never advance money for anything ( that can be quite hard to do, but essential ). As, despite the protestations of some with their perfect unions, most of us are in relationships with much younger women on the basis that we give them/ their family money, one contemplating such an arrangement must decide if they want to lay down the line across which they will not move, or take the chance of losing all or a great deal. There is ZERO guarantee of the latter succeeding, but there is the gamble that it might work out. You have done rather well summing-up the basics of a financial relationship. However, I would suggest being even more proactive. First, eliminate as much baggage as possible--no kids, no exes, no bad habits, no sick buffaloes, etc. Certainly finding a rich woman would be great, but only a few can manage that. So, seek a woman who is upwardly mobile and wants to do something other than just spread her legs to get by; and help her reach her goals. It gives great comfort and satisfaction to have a good-looking, intelligent and productive younger woman who actually contributes to the communal assets rather than only taking from them. However, be adamant about the money involved. I suggest an early caveat to your coexistence, namely that you will give her family exactly as much money as they give your family. In other words, you are willing to support her, but no others; take it or leave it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kadilo Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Interesting read guys. Nice to hear about some of the experienced members views. Thanks for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 25 minutes ago, likeke said: Why do you guys marry these women? Just play the field and go solo. This is the best advice you will ever get. You can thank me after your bank account is intact. This is Thailand for crying out loud. Not Kansas!!!!! People are different. Some guys can be content being single while others want a more permanent relationship. You can get ripped-off playing the field too; how many expats blow their rotation wages each time on-shore? However, you can also get ripped-off in Kansas. Don't forget, Dorothy realizes she has that marvelous product; the product she can sell over and over again, yet still have it. However, Dorothy is likely to not be as young, thin, and good looking as Fa. The problem surfaces when the farang is in-love and the puying is not. Knowing your place in her life is key; some dumb cuckolds are lower than the buffalo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PerkinsCuthbert Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Acute observation, and even then half of those who suspect will convince themselves otherwise, for various reasons. There is no limit to the ability of the human, particularly the male, to kid itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KIWIBATCH Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 5 hours ago, transam said: Nobody knows what's round the corner regarding relationships. We all change with age so perhaps those changes will make a difference... I have the T-shirt regarding my UK ex after 20+ years... ...and I have the T-shirt from 24 years of marriage to my New Zealand ex......there are NO guarantees in life...no matter what...!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JLCrab Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Reading on here reminds me of the old saw: Guy #1: I know a lot about marriage -- I've been married 4 times! Guy #2: You know nothing about marriage -- you've been married 4 times! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanLaew Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Four pages of questionable advice peppered with mostly anecdotal, vaguely misogynistic tales of woe in less than a day? Time for the Pub I think! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanLaew Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 2 hours ago, likeke said: Why do you guys marry these women? Just play the field and go solo. This is the best advice you will ever get. You can thank me after your bank account is intact. This is Thailand for crying out loud. Not Kansas!!!!! I would add the following caveat that before flying 'solo', they really should have a bank account that's worth keeping intact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanLaew Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 1 hour ago, smotherb said: .... Don't forget, Dorothy realizes she has that marvelous product; the product she can sell over and over again, yet still have it. ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bazza73 Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Trust, but verify. That's what I failed to do in my two Western relationships, and it cost me a pretty penny both times. My Thai GF knows I will never marry her, for various reasons. We've been together for about 8 years now. She also knows she will be well provided for when I die. Having said that, I take care to have 80% of my assets back in Australia. She gets a monthly allowance from me, not a big one, and it's her business what she does with it. I know she helps out other family members occasionally. She is dedicated to looking after me in every way possible. I know there are the haters on this forum that will say it is a purely commercial arrangement. However, I've never had reason to think she is conning me - especially in bed. Difficult to keep up sometimes, pun fully intended. It's also hard to believe she's been faking affection/love for 8 years. IMHO guys who are paying allowances of 20K - 30K baht per month are being conned. And if they have take the step to joint ANYTHING, they should save themselves the trouble later, and head for the nearest asylum now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanLaew Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 3 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said: As, despite the protestations of some with their perfect unions, most of us are in relationships with much younger women on the basis that we give them/ their family money, one contemplating such an arrangement must decide if they want to lay down the line across which they will not move, or take the chance of losing all or a great deal. There is ZERO guarantee of the latter succeeding, but there is the gamble that it might work out. Absolutely nothing wrong with that summation. Good one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
impulse Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 One thing I have found about Asians in general (10 years China, 6 years Thailand) is that they have a lot more patience and will put up with a lot more if it means maximizing the benefit to them. Unfortunately, the only time to be 100% sure is when they have maximized the benefit and staying around no longer builds more monetary or material value for them. By then, the information isn't usually that helpful. BTW, that goes for anyone in a business relationship, and "romantic" entanglements have a lot of aspects of a business relationship. It's not just the women... And it may not be just Asians- could be anyone in a disadvantageous economic situation. But my experience is with Asians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ubonjoe Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 A post in capital letters has been removed. From the forum rules. Quote Forum Netiquette 1. Please do not post in all capital letters, bold, unusual fonts, sizes or colors. It can be difficult to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JAFO Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 Interesting in that why is this focused on Thai women like they are the scam queens? For the divorcees, did you think coming here and finding that gal 10, 20, 30 years younger than you was going to be a cake walk and problem free and that you would have this loving meaningful relationship? Relationships are a constant work in progress just like in your home country. Mine is like any normal relationship. we have disagreements, we have arguments and we have good and GREAT times. I am not sitting wondering if I was on my last 100K baht if she would pack me out. Honestly if I was back in the states and lost my job the situation would likely be the same. Money is likely the # 1 or 2 reason relationships fail, doesn't matter here or in your home country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanLaew Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 11 hours ago, GreasyFingers said: I had one for a short time, less than one year, ... You are sadly misinformed. Less than 1 year is a long time not a short time. How much was it BTW? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 13 hours ago, richard_smith237 said: But you are describing two different things... One is a genuine relationship (which you describe as the perfect union), the other is a business partnership. The two are different, one is entered without expectation of the other, the other is entered with a money for service agreement. This is not a criticism of either 'genuine relationship' or 'business partnership', but perhaps those who fall foul in the latter mistakenly believe they have slipped into the former. Ever since my western hag from hell ruined me in my 30s and I had to start from scratch, I have not believed in love, or at least that love lasts. So, I was quite content to be in a relationship based on money, but I did make some mistakes that in hindsight were serious enough to doom my relationship second time around. Unfortunately, I am now too old and poor to try again and do it right. Any advice I give now is based on my experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swissie Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said: Ever since my western hag from hell ruined me in my 30s and I had to start from scratch, I have not believed in love, or at least that love lasts. So, I was quite content to be in a relationship based on money, but I did make some mistakes that in hindsight were serious enough to doom my relationship second time around. Unfortunately, I am now too old and poor to try again and do it right. Any advice I give now is based on my experience. Very rare, that a poster comes forward with such honesty. For that, he deserves praise, not condemnation. Even in the R/E sub Forum, I read that more and more folks are rather leaning toward renting instead of buying. Keeping some 80% of their assests in the "nanny state". The "Nanny State" assuring "legal-certainty", as opposed to some "Turbo-Banana-Republic Countries". If it wasen't so unpractical and silly, I would even rent my tooth-brush and my underwear upon entering a "Turbo-Banana-Republic". I am referring to Eastern Timbuktu, Zimbabwe and the like. No connection to Thailand, whatsoever. Of course not. Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acemaker Posted November 1, 2017 Share Posted November 1, 2017 14 hours ago, likeke said: Why do you guys marry these women? Just play the field and go solo. This is the best advice you will ever get. You can thank me after your bank account is intact. This is Thailand for crying out loud. Not Kansas!!!!! Thats the most sensible post i have read on this topic, some guys just have to have that so called security of a marriage, deep down they know its all about money, Love very rarely figures in the equasion, play the field, enjoy, who needs the hassle or the heartache of a money grabbing Thai Chick, enough already !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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