Daughter disowns father for having younger Thai GF

[Nemises]

 
OP no matter what advice you receive from TV someone is going to be unhappy.
Either daddy will be alone again and resentful of daughters interference,
Or daughter is unhappy because her access to daddy ATM is blocked by his asian lady.
And 5 years is nothing, actually I'm struggling to see any issue with 5 years age difference.
 
 

Thanks, but daddy is not alone nor resentful of daughter’s inferences. He actually understands his daughter’s position. He’s just wondering if others have had this happen to them and if they found a solution to somehow keep seeing their children and their children’s kids.

From what I understand his daughter is financially secure and has a highly paid, secure management position in a large and respectable law firm. Her husband has his own, very profitable business. They own a number of properties. She is wealthy, she clearly does not need access to “daddy’s ATM”, nor has she needed his financial support for many years.

It’s not just the 5 year age difference issue. It’s the COMBINATION of >5 years plus Asia.

[Berkshire]

3 minutes ago, Gregster said:

Thanks, but daddy is not alone nor resentful of daughter’s inferences. He actually understands his daughter’s position. He’s just wondering if others have had this happen to them and if they found a solution to somehow keep seeing their children and their children’s kids.

From what I understand his daughter is financially secure and has a highly paid, secure management position in a large and respectable law firm. Her husband has his own, very profitable business. They own a number of properties. She is wealthy, she clearly does not need access to “daddy’s ATM”, nor has she needed his financial support for many years.

It’s not just the 5 year age difference issue. It’s the COMBINATION of >5 years plus Asia.

So daddy's little girl is a racist...albeit a wealthy one.  And he's ok with that?

[Nowisee]

 

Struggling with being "disowned" lasted about 1 week for me.  

I eventually heard the words...."I don't like asian women."  

Then came the speculations that... um, can you believe, they think I'm here for sex... 

 

Reciprocation for what classifies as blood love varies so deeply within the mind of the one with the problem.  

The mind blocked by racism, entitlement and ignorance is going to require some heavy equipment.

Try to work it out.  The only way to unlock and open up the narrow mind is through intelligent conversation.  Not to say that she has to agree, but disowning based on what she's supposedly said is far from reasonable.  

Your friend can always keep his feelings to his daughter true and known and it's up to her (or in some cases, the person(s) influencing her) as to how she wants to move through life. 

 

Edited December 15, 2017 by Nowisee

[MaeJoMTB]

1 hour ago, JLCrab said:

If the daughter says hook-up with whomever you want just stay away from me and my family if you go the young Thai GF route, then the father can re-marry or just write the daughter out of his will so I don't see the above scenario as the most likely.

5 years younger than him is hardly a 'young Thai gf' ............ 25 years younger maybe.

 

PS,

my Thai wife is the same age (maybe a bit younger) than my 'former' English daughter

Edited December 15, 2017 by MaeJoMTB

[Nemises]

So daddy's little girl is a racist...albeit a wealthy one.  And he's ok with that?

 

His daughter is not racist. She has close, long-time Asian friends (whom I’ve met) and apparently she doesn’t hesitate employing Asians at her law firm.

 

 

 

[stevkob]

41 minutes ago, Gregster said:

COMBINATION of >5 years plus Asia

 

 I stand corrected, she is an ageist racist

[Berkshire]

6 minutes ago, Gregster said:

 

His daughter is not racist. She has close, long-time Asian friends (whom I’ve met) and apparently she doesn’t hesitate employing Asians at her law firm.

 

Come on.  She sounds like Roy Moore's wife ("One of our lawyers is a Jew").  Why would she have a problem with her father dating an Asian woman? 

[Nemises]

Come on.  She sounds like Roy Moore's wife ("One of our lawyers is a Jew").  Why would she have a problem with her father dating an Asian woman? 

 Read post # 25 .... (stigma of having a much younger, Asian rent-a-wife)

 

 

[Berkshire]

6 minutes ago, Gregster said:

 

Read post # 25 .... (stigma of having an Asian rent-a-wife)

 

Hmmm, so every farang with a Thai wife (or an Asian wife for that matter) is assumed to have a "rent-a-wife."  Well that's not racist, of course not.  (note heavy sarcasm) 

[Nemises]

Hmmm, so every farang with a Thai wife (or an Asian wife for that matter) is assumed to have a "rent-a-wife."  Well that's not racist, of course not.  (note heavy sarcasm) 

I don’t think everyone assumes that. But some obviously do.

[Berkshire]

1 minute ago, Gregster said:

 

I don’t think everyone assumes that. But some obviously do.

I will concede that the stigma does exist, here in Thailand and elsewhere.  From complete strangers, who cares.  But from your own daughter?  Problematic.

[steven100]

It sounds like he spoilt the daughter into a spoilt brat.

No one pays your rent so I say he will just have to try and accept her silly way for now .....

maybe she will come to her senses in a few years  ...... 

[pgrahmm]

1 hour ago, Gregster said:

 

 

Thanks, but daddy is not alone nor resentful of daughter’s inferences. He actually understands his daughter’s position. He’s just wondering if others have had this happen to them and if they found a solution to somehow keep seeing their children and their children’s kids.

From what I understand his daughter is financially secure and has a highly paid, secure management position in a large and respectable law firm. Her husband has his own, very profitable business. They own a number of properties. She is wealthy, she clearly does not need access to “daddy’s ATM”, nor has she needed his financial support for many years.

It’s not just the 5 year age difference issue. It’s the COMBINATION of >5 years plus Asia.

 

 

The place of her work explains a lot - especially the larger the firms get/are....

It's harder to find a work environment that's filled with more paranoid, priggish, controlling, back biting, haughty, bullying, demanding, posturing, emotional blackmailers by trade, self inflated - yet very insecure people.....From the associates to the partners, to the boardroom....

It doesn't change no matter how successful they actually are.....If she's been entrenched there long term the attitude becomes pervasive & usually influences other areas of their lives....

 Dad's life is a perceived slight or embarrassment for her.....

She clearly has several problems.....

Dad obviously did a good job setting her up for success.....His job with is complete.....

 

You have to see who "owns" the problem = obviously she does....

 

For him to assume ownership of the problem at her behest is to his deficit and playing right into her hands (and area of expertise)....

 

Dad - enjoy your life....Hopefully your daughter will grow up some day & realise you have the right to live your own life - just as she has for her own life.... 

You've done your best for her - somewhere along the way the ex's influence is mixed in there too....

 

[Been there done that]

3 hours ago, MaeJoMTB said:

More likely daughter is trying to keep her cash cow.

Never underestimate the greed and selfishness of a white woman.

Yes, selfishness and greed is an alien concept in this beautiful land 

[richard_smith237]

Is it possible that the Daughter is seeing more than what the Op lets on.

 

What type of lady is the Ops friend with?... is she well educated, financially independent, without dept etc... Or is she someone who may rely on the Ops friend for financial security ?

 

IF the Thai lady in question is financially independent and is not likely to be attracted to the Ops friend for reasons purely based on financial security then the Ops Friends Daughter is being harsh and its up to the Op's friend to ensure his daughter knows this. 

 

IF the Thai lady in question is poorly educated and financially dependent on the Op then there is a strong probability that she is in the relationship for financial security and the Ops Friends Daughter recognizes this... in which case the Ops friend may be making a fool of himself (as many men do over here).

 

 

[billd766]

1 minute ago, richard_smith237 said:

Is it possible that the Daughter is seeing more than what the Op lets on.

 

What type of lady is the Ops friend with?... is she well educated, financially independent, without dept etc... Or is she someone who may rely on the Ops friend for financial security ?

 

IF the Thai lady in question is financially independent and is not likely to be attracted to the Ops friend for reasons purely based on financial security then the Ops Friends Daughter is being harsh and its up to the Op's friend to ensure his daughter knows this. 

 

IF the Thai lady in question is poorly educated and financially dependent on the Op then there is a strong probability that she is in the relationship for financial security and the Ops Friends Daughter recognizes this... in which case the Ops friend may be making a fool of himself (as many men do over here).

 

 

 

So what.

 

It is HIS choice and not his daughters, or yours for that matter, who his GF is.

 

If he is lucky, and very many of us here in Thailand are lucky, in our choice of GF and wives is still his free choice.

 

If his daughter cannot or will not accept that, then I am sorry for the grandchildren who will grow up missing their grandfather and the grandfather who will miss the love of his grandchildren.

 

Children will usually accept what their parents say when they are young until they grow up enough to ask reasonable questions of their parents, such as WHY can I not speak to or see my Grandfather?

[Nemises]

Is it possible that the Daughter is seeing more than what the Op lets on.
 
What type of lady is the Ops friend with?... is she well educated, financially independent, without dept etc... Or is she someone who may rely on the Ops friend for financial security ?
 
IF the Thai lady in question is financially independent and is not likely to be attracted to the Ops friend for reasons purely based on financial security then the Ops Friends Daughter is being harsh and its up to the Op's friend to ensure his daughter knows this. 
 
IF the Thai lady in question is poorly educated and financially dependent on the Op then there is a strong probability that she is in the relationship for financial security and the Ops Friends Daughter recognizes this... in which case the Ops friend may be making a fool of himself (as many men do over here).
 
 

See post # 20 :

“The daughter has absolutely NO interest in GF’s “social status” or how wealthy she is or where they met.
 
All that matters (to the daughter) is whether or not GF is “ASIAN” and “more than 5 years younger” than him. “

[JLCrab]

I think some on here underestimate the extent that -- in some people's minds -- miscegenation is alive and well.

[NancyL]

Gregster, you're receiving some very reasonable and plausible explanations as to why this problem is the daughter's problem and how it is that she could have developed this attitude you keep coming back in saying, she's not racist, doesn't care about the GF's social status or money, how they meet, etc.  In effect, you're defending the daughter.

 

Plain and simple, the "demands" the daughter is making are unreasonable.  They'd be unreasonable for any family member to make to another.  Heck, Hubby and I are more than five years apart in age and we married when we were both in our twenties.  This narrow "five year" age gap limitation makes even less sense for someone of the mature age of your friend.

 

And the part about "non-Asian" is clearly racist, even though the daughter claims to "have Asian friends and co-workers".  That's a cop-out plain and simple.  As in Judge Roy Moore's wife claiming her husband wasn't anti-semantic because "one of our lawyers is a Jew".  That comment alone points to them being racist.  They can't even describe the person properly as "Jewish", as in "practicing the Jewish faith" instead of using the term as a near-slur.

 

.....but I digress and may derail this tread, which I don't want to do.

 

The fact is that the wishes of adult children have little bearing over the romantic life decisions of parents, unless the adult children can convince a court that the parent isn't competent to make their own decisions.

[chickenslegs]

3 minutes ago, NancyL said:

Gregster, you're receiving some very reasonable and plausible explanations as to why this problem is the daughter's problem and how it is that she could have developed this attitude you keep coming back in saying, she's not racist, doesn't care about the GF's social status or money, how they meet, etc.  In effect, you're defending the daughter.

Maybe being defensive because this is about his own daughter - not a "friend's".

[billd766]

5 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

Maybe being defensive because this is about his own daughter - not a "friend's".

 

Maybe you are just making an assumption and have no real idea at all.

[GarryP]

3 hours ago, Gregster said:

 

His daughter is not racist. She has close, long-time Asian friends (whom I’ve met) and apparently she doesn’t hesitate employing Asians at her law firm.

 

 

 

Then the daughter's stance lacks no basis in logic.  If she is not racist, she is simply being nasty because she can.  Perhaps women with dark brown hair, or shaven armpits would be out of the question too, or those with tattooed eyebrows, if they are 5 years younger (6 or 7 years would be fine). 

[chickenslegs]

5 minutes ago, billd766 said:

 

Maybe you are just making an assumption and have no real idea at all.

I thought that my writing "maybe" made that clear.

I could have said "possibly", "perhaps", or "conceivably".

[ExpatOilWorker]

Did you mean to write that the GF is 5 years younger than his daughter?

Having an Asian GF that is ONLY 5 years younger than himself is very unusual, especially in Thailand. What is he doing with a dinosaur like that?

Edited December 15, 2017 by ExpatOilWorker

[Berkshire]

1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said:

Is it possible that the Daughter is seeing more than what the Op lets on.

 

What type of lady is the Ops friend with?... is she well educated, financially independent, without dept etc... Or is she someone who may rely on the Ops friend for financial security ?

 

IF the Thai lady in question is financially independent and is not likely to be attracted to the Ops friend for reasons purely based on financial security then the Ops Friends Daughter is being harsh and its up to the Op's friend to ensure his daughter knows this. 

 

IF the Thai lady in question is poorly educated and financially dependent on the Op then there is a strong probability that she is in the relationship for financial security and the Ops Friends Daughter recognizes this... in which case the Ops friend may be making a fool of himself (as many men do over here).

 

 

You're assuming an awful lot.  The OP said none of that.  Let's put it this way:

 

A genuinely concerned daughter might say "Daddy, I implore you not to get seriously involved with a bargirl, especially one who's 30 years your junior."

 

A selfish and racist daughter might say "Daddy, I forbid you from dating any Asian woman and/or any woman more than 5 years your junior." 

 

From what I can tell, the OP is mostly referring to the latter.

[transam]

I'd tell her to bugger off and mind her own business because she doesn't yet know where her life will go and decisions she will make........

[Nemises]

She’s not asking or forbidding her dad anything. She’s simply said to him ... “date who you want and be happy. But if you choose an Asian who is more than 5 years younger than you, then I don’t want you in my life.”

Hope this clarifies.

[transam]

3 minutes ago, Gregster said:

She’s not asking or forbidding her dad anything. She’s simply said to him ... “date who you want and be happy. But if you choose an Asian who is more than 5 years younger than you, then I don’t want you in my life.”

Hope this clarifies.

Yep, tell her to bugger off...

[Nemises]

Gregster, you're receiving some very reasonable and plausible explanations as to why this problem is the daughter's problem and how it is that she could have developed this attitude you keep coming back in saying, she's not racist, doesn't care about the GF's social status or money, how they meet, etc.  In effect, you're defending the daughter.
 
Plain and simple, the "demands" the daughter is making are unreasonable.  They'd be unreasonable for any family member to make to another.  Heck, Hubby and I are more than five years apart in age and we married when we were both in our twenties.  This narrow "five year" age gap limitation makes even less sense for someone of the mature age of your friend.
 
And the part about "non-Asian" is clearly racist, even though the daughter claims to "have Asian friends and co-workers".  That's a cop-out plain and simple.  As in Judge Roy Moore's wife claiming her husband wasn't anti-semantic because "one of our lawyers is a Jew".  That comment alone points to them being racist.  They can't even describe the person properly as "Jewish", as in "practicing the Jewish faith" instead of using the term as a near-slur.
 
.....but I digress and may derail this tread, which I don't want to do.
 
The fact is that the wishes of adult children have little bearing over the romantic life decisions of parents, unless the adult children can convince a court that the parent isn't competent to make their own decisions.

Lots of off-topic postings now happening unfortunately.

The guy just wants to work out a way to not “lose” his daughter and grandchildren.

Any assistance to help him would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

[MaeJoMTB]

9 minutes ago, Gregster said:

The guy just wants to work out a way to not “lose” his daughter and grandchildren.

Lost my English daughter, don't think I lost my grandchildren cos she appears to be a lesbian.

Got 4 sons though, so no biggy.

 

Would I trade my future happiness, for someone in my past?

Not likely.

 

After 10 years of no contact, she turned up in CM earlier this year and emailed me, wondering if I wanted to meet up, I didn't bother to reply, too old to be playing those sorts of games.

Edited December 15, 2017 by MaeJoMTB