Thai girl affair: a story about pragmatism VS naivety&jealousy... for how long?

[The white Rider]

Hello!

 

Pleased to greet you all, I’ve nearly spent 1 year reading this forum, it helped me to learn different and numerous points of view about Thai people and Western-Thai relationships.

 

BRIEF DISCLAIMER: this said, I’m feeling the need to write my first (long) post about my situation. I apologize for some “already-seen-1000-times” stuff… Nevertheless, there will be “not so typical” stuff too and, hopefully, my approach will bring you some hilarious moments xD

I honestly believe that all facts narrated here may as well help a lot of people in the future, as they can recognize their own situation in my words.

 

Here we go.

 

I had my first short trip to Thailand in January 2017. I must say that I was not initially looking for girls or affairs, mainly sightseeing. I had a “gik” back home (potentially gf material indeed) and, though it was not such a serious relationship yet, playing around was not my priority during my trip…

It was my last night in Thailand when I met Joyce. I was partying with some friends in Kaoshan and so was her (with Thai female friends). I made eye contact first and we exchanged a couple of smiles and glances… Actually, half of me wanted to let it go but… no way… she was damn cute and eventually I got too curious and approached her. She looked like shy but easy-going and smiling. I was having my flight back home just the next morning and, due to additional reasons, we barely could spend time together that night and nothing happened (just a bit of talk, dancing and good vibes). Anyway we ended up exchanging phone numbers.

 

Some previous info about me:

-          I’m in my early 30’s, average-decent looks, fit and slim.

-          Living in Spain, solvent economy, flexible job.

-          University educated, travelled, open minded, reflective and not jealous man.

-          Not the typical guy who is unable to get girls in his country (not so easily naive about Thai girls… as far as I know!)

 

Some previous info about her:

-          She’s in her middle 20’s, dark skinned, from the very south of Thailand. Currently living in Samui.

-          University girl, working full time in a big Thai Bank office job (money exchange).

-          English: acceptable (typical Thai grammar translation mistakes).

-          Never travelled abroad.

 

THE STORY:

 

We started texting via whatsapp* as I left back home. I told her I had had some kind of crush on her and she started texting me every single day. Weeks went by, we had videocalls, she began telling me how much she missed me, colorful smileys turned into “Disney love-like” comments “I have only you” statements (without me asking to be that special guy or making any promise...) pics and videos being sent (BTW getting increasingly hotter!). On the other hand, she used to say oftenly “you butterfly, how was your night with your gik/gf, blabla” this kind of speech… (again, without me having told her previously any info about that).

This said, infatuation started knocking at my door, but I wanted not to lose my mind too soon. I decided to do a deep research about Thai girls, behaviors, red flags, culture, etc. I read Private Dancer, Warren Olson confessions, blogs about Thailand (Stickman, etc) and tons of threads in Thaivisa. Helpful indeed!

 

Soon after, I got to spot her on Facebook but didn’t add her (neither let her know). Just wanted to be able to check things just in case. Lot of selfies, some pics partying, “likes”and comments were from Thai people 99%. Not too obvious red flags (at least within the public content).

 

In fact, these were the most suspicious things so far:

-          She was using Tinder (actually she was the one who confessed it without me ever mentioning it. She just asked me openly whether I’d ever heard of it, kind of in an innocent and straight way… )

-          *She was using whatsapp and chances were she was talking to more people farangs…

-          She used to party whenever she had a day off (2-3 times a week). Thorough makeup, oftenly sexy clothes and drinking (several drinks, shots or beers during the night). Sometimes she stayed up until 4-5AM…

 

Anyway, along with these unanswered questions, I decided to book a flight in July to meet her again in Bkk. I had nothing to lose, wanted to give it a chance and I was very excited to see her again.

We spent a week together and… WOW… we had a really mindblowing romance… Tears were dropped by both before I left and, back home, I was already infatuated.

The trip summary:

+We spent 95% of the day together (no weird behaviors, no phone suspicious issues,…)

+Never asked for money, for that matter I had the feeling that she was up to paying for some of my expenses (nonetheless I tried to keep the balance).

+She was (mostly, though not 100%) reluctant to physical affection during daylight.

 

Yet, I was aware of “little” things:

-We had sex the very first night. One week before my arrival, she had been 100% comfortable booking one only room for the two of us in a really fancy hotel (she paid it in advance).

-When partying she kind of used to look around and then commented “that guy likes me” (as if she had a “men radar”)

 

I must state something, to be honest: I had still been meeting my Spanish gik sporadically… but I had been increasingly falling for Joyce and, after my trip, my heart had been definitively left it in Thailand.

About two months later I was already thinking about taking Joyce seriously when it turned out that…
…I just found out there was another farang involved with her. Jim, a young backpacker in his 20’s.

 

(in order to summarize, I will omit the emotional rollercoaster, comings and goings and the facts that led me to find it out).

 

After 2-3 weeks of dealing with my emotions and even getting to know Jim (and Joyce crying a river and losing face with the whole situation) this was the summary:

-          She had lied explicitly about me being her first farang, her having only me and "loving" only me.

-          She had first met Jim one month before meeting me again. He was spending a week in Samui, they had had an affair, kept in touch and recently Jim had asked her to be in a serious relationship… what she had already accepted (!?). As I got to know, there was no difference in her behavior with both Jim and me and neither was money involved... I could only remark her Whatsapp profile post from last 4 months: “I miss you” in my language, not Jim’s (!!) (and Jim had never noticed it, even when he was a really controlling guy…!)

-          Jim ended up running away, he went madly jealous and couldn’t believe that she had cheated on him like this.

-          Of course, she tried hard to get me back promising she wouldn’t do it again, blablabla… I told her that I was able to handle my jealousy because I'd always thought this scenario was possible since I’d read a lot about Thai people/girls and I was not such a naive guy...
“Sanuk, loneliness, sex… I know how important those things are for a young Thai lady… I don’t really blame you. It was just not necessary to state I was the only one because it’s unrealistic expecting fidelity while being apart for so long… Love is not enough, blablabla, etc”. This sort of speech.

 

Anyway, things eventually got back to normal between us. As nothing had happened. Months went by, we kept talking everyday and I was even able to play down Jim’s topic.

 

Everything remained as always. Just little changes:
- Not so many “Disney like-comments”, “Relationship goals” FB fanpage colourful-smiley quotes, etc. Instead, more adult-like affection based on sweetness, lust and complicity.
- She started kind of testing my lack of jealousy sending pics with farangs when she was out partying. “Lot of guys liked me tonight/look at this screenshot, he offered me 2000baths to go to his hotel***/etc…” I turned a blind eye and never showed myself jealous about it*. “I’d like to believe that you don’t play around but if you need it I can’t do anything about it and anyway I will never know 100%”- that’s what I used to say.

 

*** more on this at the end of my post

 

*The fact that I hadn’t actually stopped meeting my Spanish gik likely helped. Though my feelings for Joyce were still “heart cocaine”, my trust in her being faithful was at rock bottom… but since I had accepted the reality about her, I was at peace with it,… I just wanted to enjoy the good things, turn a blind eye on the “not so good ones” and eventually see what this affair was meant to be…

 

I returned to Thailand one month ago to meet Joyce again for 7 days. In order to summarize: everything I said about the previous trip was the same this time… and it felt even better. Passion, lust, chemistry, sanuk, surrealistic anecdotes (we had some crazy laughs with me taking her phone to swipe guys on Tinder and text them in front of her!) and tears, lot of tears when I was about to leave…

Back home again… half of me is crazy in love with Joyce and wouldn’t mind to move to Samui to try things out. The other half tells me to be careful…

We have even talked about her coming to Spain on summer. Half of me is looking forward... The other half tells me not even think about getting more serious with Joyce (my Spanish gik is lately asking for more but my heart is clearly in Thailand) and eventually prioritize the Spanish gal, no matter what…

 

My main questions right now:

- Could Joyce’s affair ever work out if we get to remove the distance issue? Or should I run away like hell (and like Jim…) before it’s too late?

 

- How much may she be earning at her job? Is it enough to afford her lifestyle? (not too ostentatious but still an Iphone 6, reflex camera, drinking and partying 2-3 times a week, she doesn’t get money from her parents, moreover, she sporadically helps them… and the most important fact: she seems to spend the big cash whenever we both meet… (flights from Samui, fancy hotels, tours, souvenirs,…)

 

***That screenshot… Why does she give her number to so many guys? Chances are she might be a freelancer from time to time? I don’t think she’s likely to have an overseas sponsor because (except when she was with Jim) she's always been widely available for me every single day, never vanished for even a couple of days… (anyway nothing is 100% warranted…)

 

P.S.1 We’re not friends on FB yet, although we know each other profiles…

P.S.2 Months ago I read this somewhere: “You can tell how wealthy a Thai girl is by the food she leaves on the plate” Well, Joyce repeatedly leaves 40-50% of the food…

 

If you’ve come this far, Thanks so much for reading! Any feedback to share experiences is welcome :)

[AlexRich]

Joyce is a "farang <deleted>", probably does some of them for money ... and I think deep down, were you don't like to look, you know it too? 

 

Stick to the Spanish chick, and dump hi-so hooker Joyce. 

[MixPiano]

Sounds like Joyce might be a part time freelancer. As AlexRich said, deep down you most probably know already what to do.

 

It's a bit like stock trading, detach the emotions and look at the indicators/facts. Most of time they tell you the truth right in your face; and after a while it's so obvious.

 

But I can understand, easier said than done....

[KiChakayan]

Get yourself an account on Thai Friendly, pretend to be 60. You'll be amazed how easy it is for a senior to get dates. It is gold digging indeed. Many girls are quite ambiguous, pretend not to be professionnels,  but the drivers are: free fun, money, opportunity to leave the Thailand s...hole.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Wow....such a big essay about another Thai hooker.

 

"Joy"ce, parties at Khaosan, uses tinder.....

 

All the red flags including her nikname.....gimme a break

[KiChakayan]

1 hour ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

Wow....such a big essay about another Thai hooker.

 

"Joy"ce, parties at Khaosan, uses tinder.....

 

All the red flags including her nikname.....gimme a break

A bit easy to say, after how many years in LOS?

[Colabamumbai]

Your question about her income. I would think around 10,000 Baht a month as a money exchanger, where in a booth or in a bank itself.

[tonray]

Cheater and liar in her 20s what do you think she'll be by the time she's 35. ?

Answer: an older cheater and liar. 

 

And BTW how are you to maintain a relationship  ? You are wealthy enough to retire here and be with her?  Or you expect her not to see other guys while you spend 25 years saving for retirement. ?

[Berkshire]

This woman is the classic farang-hunter who dates westerners both as an occupation and for sport.  The OP is the classic mark because he doesn't live in Thailand...which allows her to indulge her craft without supervision.  Sounds like she can speak some English, which gives her access to foreigners.  And she loves the attention given by farangs as she has probably never been considered attractive by the local Thais because of her dark skin.  

 

My advice: Enjoy it while you can and don't fall in love.  Because she will keep dating other guys and lie about it.  And I'm sorry, but doubtful she loves you.

[Juan B Tong]

I will find out for you.

Just what is her phone number?

[geronimo]

I'm sure the OP is totally bewildered by the response, and I suggest he takes up a hobby.

[StevieDee]

11 minutes ago, Juan B Tong said:

I will find out for you.

Just what is her phone number?

Can I help you find out too

[lannarebirth]

Ask yourself; why would anyone want to pledge their life to someone that drops in for a few days every 6 months or so? Whatever she's up to isn't any worse than whatever you're up to IMO.

[catman20]

P.S.1 We’re not friends on FB yet, although we know each other profiles…

P.S.2 Months ago I read this somewhere: “You can tell how wealthy a Thai girl is by the food she leaves on the plate” Well, Joyce repeatedly leaves 40-50% of the food…

 

when someone else is paying!

[geronimo]

2 minutes ago, catman20 said:

P.S.1 We’re not friends on FB yet, although we know each other profiles…

P.S.2 Months ago I read this somewhere: “You can tell how wealthy a Thai girl is by the food she leaves on the plate” Well, Joyce repeatedly leaves 40-50% of the food…

 

when someone else is paying!

Hold tight! It's going to be a bumpy ride ....

[HooHaa]

Sounds to me like you have a good thing going. 

 

Enjoy it or dont. 

 

You arent exactly monogomous either.

 

Why overthink it?

[geronimo]

Impressive opening post!

 

If you can manage to ignore all the negs here, there is some useful advice out there.

[shaurene]

48 minutes ago, tonray said:

Cheater and liar in her 20s what do you think she'll be by the time she's 35. ?

Answer: an older cheater and liar. 

 

And BTW how are you to maintain a relationship  ? You are wealthy enough to retire here and be with her?  Or you expect her not to see other guys while you spend 25 years saving for retirement. ?

If it were me I would take the perminent walk and stick with your Spanish Lady. They all have something in the skeleton cupboard waiting to come out. You must have really nice places in the Meddy for holidays why bother with Thailand.

[Rc2702]

I just cannot take these stories seriously.

 

At the "we swapped numbers and whatsapped each other" I just start laughing and the way it's written is awful and I reckon the author has wrote 50 on this site already.

 

To be fair though, it's been a while since I saw any tales of woe like this on here.

 

Story was way too long too, treat em like we got adhd in future please.

 

To save money maybe visit mcdonalds and grab the free tissue napkins.

 

 

 

 

[Nurseynutcase]

Reading through your loooooooooooong post I think that you are already aware of the inevitable answer.

 

RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!!

[robblok]

4 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

Wow....such a big essay about another Thai hooker.

 

"Joy"ce, parties at Khaosan, uses tinder.....

 

All the red flags including her nikname.....gimme a break

I met plenty of girls on Tinder who were not hookers.. what is wrong with guys calling a girl that parties a hooker. Not every girl gets paid for it and not every girl is a saint. Damm.. guys that get laid a lot.. are we called hookers too ? Or is it ok for guys to sleep around but not girls ?

[Rc2702]

Look you gotta give her a few million and a few chances to put her in this category. You gotta ride the wave before you write the book.

[catman20]

1 minute ago, robblok said:

I met plenty of girls on Tinder who were not hookers.. what is wrong with guys calling a girl that parties a hooker. Not every girl gets paid for it and not every girl is a saint. Damm.. guys that get laid a lot.. are we called hookers too ? Or is it ok for guys to sleep around but not girls ?

ok for guys to sleep around but not girls ?

 

correct.

[tonray]

3 minutes ago, Rc2702 said:

we swapped numbers and whatsapped each other"

Yeah... 99% of all Thai girls use LINE  not whatsapp. Maybe a clue

[BobbyL]

Very common here. A normal, reasonably educated working woman who is also into all sorts on the side. Experienced it myself when I first moved here and single. 

 

I had a mate over in October who ended up meeting a bird in Oscars when we were out one night. He took her back to his hotel three nights in a row and never paid apart from food and drinks. Turned out she was 26, decent job and had an English husband who had just moved back to England to try and get a better salary that would mean she could move there on a spouse visa at some point. 

 

There must be thousands of women doing the same here, and I suppose you can't really blame them. 

[geronimo]

1 minute ago, tonray said:

Yeah... 99% of all Thai girls use LINE  not whatsapp. Maybe a clue

 A Clue! I didn't realise this had escalated to an investigation.

[robblok]

1 minute ago, catman20 said:

ok for guys to sleep around but not girls ?

 

correct.

I thought so.. guys love to sleep around and have many girls.. but our long term partners need to be like the virgin mary or something. Never made much sense to me. 

[catman20]

1 minute ago, BobbyL said:

Very common here. A normal, reasonably educated working woman who is also into all sorts on the side. Experienced it myself when I first moved here and single. 

 

I had a mate over in October who ended up meeting a bird in Oscars when we were out one night. He took her back to his hotel three nights in a row and never paid apart from food and drinks. Turned out she was 26, decent job and had an English husband who had just moved back to England to try and get a better salary that would mean she could move there on a spouse visa at some point. 

 

There must be thousands of women doing the same here, and I suppose you can't really blame them. 

yes they all love the farang sausage.

[catman20]

1 minute ago, robblok said:

I thought so.. guys love to sleep around and have many girls.. but our long term partners need to be like the virgin mary or something. Never made much sense to me. 

correct again....................your picking it up now 

[BobbyL]

1 minute ago, catman20 said:

yes they all love the farang sausage.

Maybe so, and they want someone to take care of them. Thy aren't bar girls, or hookers wanting money for it. Just playing the field and hoping to eventually net that keeper one day.