My Thai girlfriend got pregnant (4.5 months) - we've thought this through and think adoption is the best option

[Stevemercer]

6 hours ago, Tony125 said:

So basically you are saying she was fun to be with and a good lay but not the kind of dark-skinned/uneducated Thai girl you would want to bring home to mom and dad or show to your fellow caucasian friends/business associates back home.  Seems also this "businessman" is a cheap charlie who doesn't want to man up and  provide child support or maybe you want to put the kid up for adoption so afterwards you can just split from the mother and don't have to maintain any contact,  Just sowing your wild oats no responsibility can forget the affair ever happened, what a guy.

 

7 hours ago, ChrisKC said:

You have made a good point Sheryl, but many "judgmental" remarks are, I believe, justified. Don't you think that this couple should have "talked it through"  before they had unprotected sex, understanding that if a pregnancy occurred they wouldn't want the baby?

 

I have to assume that posts like this are meant to be ironic/not serious? Or maybe some people have forgotten what it is like to be young and irresponsible!

[stud858]

1 minute ago, Stevemercer said:

 

 

I have to assume that posts like this are meant to be ironic/not serious? Or maybe some people have forgotten what it is like to be young and irresponsible!

Old and irresponsible is possible too. Look at Barnaby Joyce.

[Stevemercer]

Aaah...Barnaby Joyce has that enviable combination - the experience, wisdom and good judgment of youth; and the dynamic energy of old age.

 

Or should it be the other way around?

[sanemax]

7 hours ago, geriatrickid said:

I am surprised that there is so much condemnation of the chap. My take is that he is being responsible in seeking to find a permanent loving home for the possible child. (I say possible as a lot can happen between now and the time that it might arrive, one of which is "miscarriage" which is a natural abortion.) 

I commend him for doing the right thing in being open to finding someone who truly wants a child. The man and his partner both recognize that they are not well suited to raising a child at this time in their lives. Why then would anyone want to force a child on them? So many comments  expressing concern for the unborn child, yet few understand  the scenario of a child born to a couple who really don't want the child. It is in the child's best interest that it be raised by people who want the child. As someone who knew kids from both types of families , I recognize the benefit of two loving adoptive parents  who want the kid vs. a family where the child wasn't particularly  desired.

He is not doing what is best for the child , he is just doing what is best for himself.

   If he was doing what is best for the child , he wouldnt be thinking of running away and leaving his child .

   

[ALFREDO]

1 hour ago, BestB said:

Do not equate all to yourself , not all are needy boys seeking affection.

Oh the cool ICE MAN ?

 

 

[HHTel]

1 hour ago, ALFREDO said:

A real free abortion is for me in countries blue colored - where it is not necessary for Doctors to ship around existing laws with lame excuses the law provides. ?

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abortion_law

 

https://www.refinery29.com/2018/05/200630/countries-where-abortion-is-illegal

Firstly, those links have inaccuracies. I'm sure you are aware that Wiki is only as accurate as it's contributors.

If you fully read that link you'd find that termination on socio-economic grounds are covered.

Plus PPAT do provide free abortions if the situation demands it.  It's never free in the UK for example as far as I know.

 

I think I'd rather acknowledge the laws from within Thailand over and above views/charts/stats that are produced from outside Thailand (looking in).

 

Maybe a thread should be started where views on abortion can be aired. On this thread, I'm just stating the facts.

[HHTel]

1 hour ago, Janner1 said:

Am I missing something here?

The poster says his girlfriend is 4 to 5 months pregnant so WHY are so many of you suggesting abortion??

I think the suggestion has been put forward but (quite rightly) has been rejected by this couple.  However, it was a valid option.

[scorecard]

On 8/12/2018 at 10:13 PM, jenny2017 said:

R E S P O N S I B I L I T Y     ?

and, it's not convenient right now. Which is unacceptable and shows that the OP is both immature,  irresponsible, and very selfish, so much for superior millenial thinking. 

[scorecard]

44 minutes ago, sanemax said:

He is not doing what is best for the child , he is just doing what is best for himself.

   If he was doing what is best for the child , he wouldnt be thinking of running away and leaving his child .

   

and he would never have posted his message here on TV.

 

 

[ALFREDO]

3 minutes ago, HHTel said:

I think I'd rather acknowledge the laws from within Thailand over and above views/charts/stats that are produced from outside Thailand (looking in).

Lol - I live here and know from Abortions from my own

experience - is possible but not same easy as in most parts of the Western World ?

Had two Abortions with women in Thailand - one long ago - 1999 ?

My then GF wanted to get an abortion from another Falang offspring - I asked her to think good before. Her decision.

 

And one just recently - my now GF did not want another child.

I tried also to talk with her about giving child for adoption - but she wanted the possible parents presented in short notice in weeks.?

Not possible and she let me drive her to a shaby "clinic"? 

Disgusting circumstances. 

 

Yes is possible but in shaby conditions in Isaan - did not change in 20 years.

Differnt to legal Abortion laws in most of Europe.

Now enough said. ?

 

[ALFREDO]

On 8/14/2018 at 10:54 AM, Christiano9321 said:

Thank you I appreciate it. Yes I do live with her.

 

As for the other guy, she did not get pregnant on purpose. I pretty much know this for a fact and saw her take the pill all the time.

Adoption?

I was adopted myself with 2,5 years young,

as my mother died in a traffic accident when I was with her.

 

My Father and Grandfather where Alcoholics and lived on small money from agriculture.

They decided to go the easy way and to give me for adoption to a uncle second or third degree from my mothers side and his childless wife 30 kilometers away. 

That uncle was better off and had a good business concept starting, but he had also a son 2 years older with another woman - no good basis.

 

Tensions in the air - my now adopted father same bloodline,

hit me in the years following, with a whip, piece of wood, smacked me, locked me up in oil cellar with 5 - for small shortcomings or a word my stepmother told me to say, or just because I did not rock-swing high enough in a swing.

 

He died from cancer when I was 8,5.

 

My adoptive mother was good, but a city woman in a small rural village - never connected with my adoptive father family.

The contact with my real father - stopped also.

In a bad mood my new mother would for centuries lament - she should not have taken me.

After the death of my adoptive mother, about 37 years later,

I met my father again and we had some time together - to short as he died also after only 3 years contact,

I was his only child and he had never married again.

 

My resume -

as also the business went backwards, just when I was a Teenager, 

the times got harder and the innovations from my adoptive father were missed and I also had problems with my adoptive mother new man - the to a other woman married Partner of my adoptive father, now my business partner ?

 - also a steady fighting between them - the two women and him. ??

 

I think - over all - more money ran threw my hands and I had sure more experiences and have seen much - but I lost all my family connections and have no roots. 

Today I am completely orphained from all family ties I had. 

 

I think - would I have stayed small in my village with my father and grandfather - my life would have been with more feeling and love.

?

 

[jenny2017]

On 8/14/2018 at 6:43 PM, BestB said:

I realize some things are way beyond certain people’s abilities .

 

so to simplify for you, when I get to know someone and do not see myself accepting their ways or adjusting myself for them I end that relationship because it’s going nowhere and is a waste of time .

 

hopefully you have the ability to process and comprehend the concept 

 Can you elaborate, please? 

[Sheryl]

8 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

I agree that not all parents are fit to be one and that adopted kids can have a great life. That being said there are quite a few adopted children that have issues especially if they come into a family where they "stick out" because they are not from the same race. Quite a few feel the urge to look for there biological parents when they get older too because they want to know why their didn't want them and to look for that missing piece in there life.

And the OP has indicated awareness of this issue in his preference to find adoptive parents of same racial composition.

[FritsSikkink]

7 minutes ago, Sheryl said:

And the OP has indicated awareness of this issue in his preference to find adoptive parents of same racial composition.

Maybe he can think about a good story for this too:

"Quite a few feel the urge to look for there biological parents when they get older too because they want to know why their didn't want them"

[Sheryl]

10 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

Maybe he can think about a good story for this too:

"Quite a few feel the urge to look for there biological parents when they get older too because they want to know why their didn't want them"

It is "some" and by no means the majority.  And sometimes it is more curiosity and a desire to know about ancestry than a "why didn't they want me" complex.

 

And some  people raised by their biological parents wish they'd instead been adopted - I certainly do. Which obviously affects my take on this just as having had poor adoptive parents may be shaping the views of some other posters.

 

The simple truth is that both biological and adoptive homes can be excellent, OK,  terrible and everything in between. It depends on the home, not the biological tie.

 

It is hardly the case that no matter the circumstances or how unfit/unready the biological parents are to raise a child they should nonethleless do so. Nor is it the case that no matter what, grandparents, aunts/uncles etc would always be better than a carefully selected and screened adoptive family.

 

 

 

 

[greenchair]

On 8/13/2018 at 11:13 PM, Christiano9321 said:

Thank you for your insight. Yes this is exactly what I'm facing and how I'm looking at it.

 

What decision can I look back at 20 to 40 years from now knowing I did the best I could to give this girl the best possible life. 

 

 Could I get the baby born in my European country etc. These are things I'm trying to figure out.

I know a lovely Norwegian couple that would love to adopt her. They adopted a little thai boy a few years ago. He's absolutely thriving. They are quite financialy secure and have been waiting for another thai child to be available. 

I could ask them if you are interested. 

[Sheryl]

Re getting the baby to your home country,  it will depend on your country's visa laws but might be worth looking into IF it turns out you can't arrange an open adoption in Thailand. But talk to Holt Sahathai foundation first. Since they like to international adoption agencies they may be able to, as well as to accomodate your preferences for a mixed asian/western couple etc.

[HHTel]

7 hours ago, ALFREDO said:

Lol - I live here and know from Abortions from my own

experience - is possible but not same easy as in most parts of the Western World ?

Had two Abortions with women in Thailand - one long ago - 1999 ?

My then GF wanted to get an abortion from another Falang offspring - I asked her to think good before. Her decision.

 

And one just recently - my now GF did not want another child.

I tried also to talk with her about giving child for adoption - but she wanted the possible parents presented in short notice in weeks.?

Not possible and she let me drive her to a shaby "clinic"? 

Disgusting circumstances. 

 

Yes is possible but in shaby conditions in Isaan - did not change in 20 years.

Differnt to legal Abortion laws in most of Europe.

Now enough said. ?

 

In 1999 it was illegal in Thailand.

Shabby clinic!  Sounds to me that it was an unlicenced 'illegal clinic'.  

Even Bumrungrad Hospital is licenced to carry out abortions.

 

Here's one review:

Overall, my experience at this clinic was a much more professional experience than what I had expected. Everything was sanitary and in order. While not everyone I interacted with was oozing friendliness, they were all very helpful and considerate with what they did. I know that the fact I could speak a little Thai probably contributed to how kind they were to me, so don’t expect too much other than women just doing their jobs. I was fine afterwards, no infections or complications and am so grateful that this facility was available to me in Bangkok.

 

[ALFREDO]

43 minutes ago, HHTel said:

Even Bumrungrad Hospital is licenced to carry out abortions.

Who can pay their fees, can pay a Nanny full time to take care the Baby and all. ?

[Sheryl]

Please stay on topic. Which is adoption.

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[geriatrickid]

18 hours ago, sanemax said:

He is not doing what is best for the child , he is just doing what is best for himself.

   If he was doing what is best for the child , he wouldnt be thinking of running away and leaving his child .

   

Sometimes what is best for him is also what is best for the child. No child  should be in a home where it is not wanted. Wagging your finger and heaping condemnation on the guy doesn't change the conditions at hand. There are potential parent sout there who will do cartwheels for a kid and under the circumstances, the child should be given that opportunity to gow here there will be love and care.

[Sheryl]

Off topic and unhelpful posts have been removed.

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[5633572526]

This is a brave move to carry this through and I hope you find a good home for your baby. Too many people who did not think about what is best for the child are now begging with them on the streets of Bangkok.