I enjoy pi so much I could eat it 22/7.

Anyone want to buy a small herd of Friesian Cows?
Turns out she wanted a 2022 Diary!

My mate offered me £100 to do a charity parachute jump.
I'm not falling for that!

Statistically, 50% of Canada is the letter "A".

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

TOP TIP OF THE DAY
If you ever date a dominatrix...
Never ever suggest it’s time to hit the sack.

Hollywood has announced that production is due to start on the remake of the Dustin Hoffman film Marathon Man.
Of course, it will now be called Snickers Man...

Paddy and Murphy were having a catch up in the village square -
"So Morph, how've yer been? Done anything interesting since last time?"
"No too bad Paddy. Took Mary to dat funfair in town last week, she was nagging me about dat Tunnel Of Love. To be honest, it was a bit of a disappointment, it was dark and uncomfortable and we came out soaked through. Mary was in tears so there wasn't much love on offer I can tell ye!"
"Bijeesus Murph, dat's terrible, was the boat leaking?"
“What Boat?”

Many pub names have significant meanings.

The Royal oak signifies the tree future king Charles the 2nd hid in to escape Cromwell,

the Red Lion signifies all public buildings under James 1 being decorated with his crest,

and The Duke of York warning all those girls under 18 to give it a miss.

I'm getting a 4k TV next week.
My New Year's resolution will be
3840 x 2160

I'm considering writing a mystery novel.
Or am I?