58 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

 

47 minutes ago, WorriedNoodle said:

I already told her to fry two eggs next time,one for her and one for me.You Worriednoodle,can go fry you own egg.

Last night I couldn't sleep at all...

Why's that?

I was thinking all night who I could borrow 100,000 baht from...

Why did you not call me?!

Oh, you have it??

I could give you sleeping pills....

 

 

 

 

My young son pointed at a lesbian couple kissing in the park.
So I walked over and said, "There's a time and a place for that, ladies."
They looked at me. "Oh, is there now?" asked one lady, folding her arms.
I said, "Yes. It's 9pm, and my house."

Tomorrow sees the start of international diarrhoea week.

Runs till Friday.

I’ve tried many jobs but most were unsuccessful.
My first job was at an orange factory but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate!
My second job was as a lumberjack but I couldn’t hack it so they axed me!
My third job was a chef. I thought it would add some spice to my life but I couldn’t handle the thyme!
Thirdly I tried being a professional fisherman. However I hadn’t been to school so I couldn’t live on my net income!
I had nearly given up but as a last resort I applied to be a historian but soon realised there was no future in it!
Lastly I decided to retire and I have found I am perfect for the job!

A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds. One night he asks her over to his bed for a quickie.  As she's walking over she trips on the carpet and falls flat on her face.

The husband looks up concerned and says "oh, did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?"

She gives a giggle and carries on to his bed.

When the deed is done she crosses back to her bed and trips on the carpet again, with the same outcome.

The husband looks over her shoulder, sees her on the floor again and says "clumsy b*tch!"

 

 

A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”

“My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”

“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.

“Then in July,” the friend continued, “my father died, leaving me $50,000.”

“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”

“And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.”

“Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.”

“Then this month,” continued the friend, “nothing!”

Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man, you really look tired."

His buddy says, "Dude, I'm exhausted.
My girlfriend wants sex all the time, three, four, even six times a night, every night.
She wakes me up at all hours. I just don't know what to do."

A fellow about 70, sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation.

He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that nonsense.

 

 

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