2 hours ago, Peter Denis said:

Hey, Teacher, leave them kids alone.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR5ApYxkU-U

 

A scruffy looking man in a kilt walks into a pub in London, orders a pint & .... very, very carefully .... puts down the plastic bag he is carrying.
The barman asks, "What's in that bag?"
The scruff answers, "6 pounds of semtex"
"Thank Christ for that," says the barman,
"I thought it might be bagpipes."

Once I was lost in Paris so asked directions from a French guy.  After he showed me the way, I gave him a hundred thanks and he keeled over dead.

It was a merci killing...

The elderly Colonel was on his annual visit to his old mess and was boring several young officers with his exploits in India. He was saying. " I was hunting Tiger, a man eater who had killed at least thirty locals. I knew we were close because the spoor was very fresh. Suddenly, he leaped into view, not ten feet away. He looked me straight in the eye and opened his mouth wide, showing huge teeth and gave a mighty roar...RAAARGHH !!." The Colonel paused, red faced and with a look of horror, shuddered. The tense silence became unbearable and one young officer said. " What happened then sir ? " The old man quietly replied. " I shat myself. " The young officer, a bit uncomfortable, said. " Well sir, I think I would have shat myself too, face to face with a man eating tiger. The Colonel said "Not then, you bloody fool, just now when I went...Raaarghh !!