22 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

I could not possibly dis a brie with you there!

Edam you Sir - you're a complete Curd

11 minutes ago, VBF said:

Edam you Sir - you're a complete Curd

Thank you for buttering me up but you are whey off mark as the cream always comes to the (golden) top!  I hope my comments do not sour or curdle our relationship!

^ Not even remotely cultured????

 

What did the toad say when asked about cheese? 

Rennet, rennet, rennet...

Did you know that toads are just frogs that have f@rted too much?
Ran out of gas, had to be toad

What's a toads favorite drink?
Croaka-cola

 My sex-life is like Coca Cola....
First it was normal, then it was light and now it's zero!

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name
Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

 

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.  

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.  

  

Pfizer Corp. Announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Red Bull as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer…. 
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. 

 

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.   

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell
As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil.

Satan: Why so glum?

Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell!

 

Satan: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. Are you a drinking man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Satan: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, the works. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! And we don't worry about getting a hangover because you're dead anyway.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great!

 

Satan: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it!

Satan: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer no biggie, you're already dead, remember?

Guy: Wow... that's awesome!

 

Satan: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Satan: Well on Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots. If you go bankrupt... you're dead anyhow. Do you do drugs?

 

Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...

Satan: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares.

Guy: WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!

 

Satan: You gay?

Guy: No...

 

Satan: Ooooh You're gonna hate Fridays Saturdays and Sundays then.

 

A mute man meets one of his (now ex) mute friends
'Hello' his friend says in a loud clear voice.

The mute man is shocked, and points to indicate his friend's sudden use of speech.

'Oh yes,' the friend replies, 'I've found a fantastic doctor that helped me speak. Here, have his contact details and give him a visit'

 

The mute man excitedly goes to see the doctor and after a thorough examination his doctor confirms his condition.

'I can help you. Bring a 75cl bottle of Absinthe with your next appointment' he says.

 

The mute man is confused, but buys a bottle of Absinthe anyway and brings it to the next appointment.

The doctor says 'Ok, hand me the bottle and head over to the examination table, then pull down your trousers and pants and bend over'

 

Once again the man is confused as to how this could help his speech impediment, but thinks of his friend's improvement and obliges. The doctor takes the bottle from the other end of the room and, with a running start, shoves it into the man's anus.

 

'AAAAAAA!' The mute man screams.

 

'Good,' says the doctor, 'that's the first letter. We'll start the rest of the alphabet next Monday with Bacardi!'

1 hour ago, roo860 said:

So yet another woman's team seem to have b@llsed up again!

Bunch of pr!cks I suspect!

9 hours ago, roo860 said:

1 hour ago, still kicking said:

Has that joke only just reached Australia?

11 minutes ago, roo860 said:

Has that joke only just reached Australia?

No just found it on my laptop

7 hours ago, roo860 said:

Has that joke only just reached Australia?

Along with the strawberries!