2 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Roger and out!

18 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

More of a sinking feeling in my case!

2 minutes ago, scottiejohn said:

More of a sinking feeling in my case!

Plumbing the depths again.

1 minute ago, ballpoint said:

Plumbing the depths again.

Just plugging the gaps in the conversations!

20 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Plumbing the depths again.

I rang up British Telecom,

I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

The operator said

"Oh no! Not you again"!
 

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll soon see about that."

When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said:

"I know I said that I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband".

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah at the local zoo;

I thought,

"He's trying to pull a fast one".

2 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

More of a sinking feeling in my case!

on what are you basin your feelings????

.

Bet I'm not the only one!

3 hours ago, VocalNeal said:

on what are you basin your feelings????

I am too drained at the moment to go into details but it was basically on some hot advice that was showered on me when I was swimming around plumbing the depths looking for a steaming hot solution! So I just pooled all the data before it went cold on me!

Group Therapy

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Betty, quietly got up, took her boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Pussy and Willy from school and go get dinner."

My Dermatologist was fired today
He made too many rash decisions while scratching around for remedies'!

 

I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bi-satchel.

Wanted to get some stuff from the paper shop today but discovered it had blown away in last night's storm!

A good job it is summer and don't need any heating!

Slept like a log last night!

I just woke up in the fireplace with one hell of a hangover!

I met a Dutch girl last week who wore inflatable shoes,

Tried to phone her up to arrange a date but unfortunately I've been told she'd popped her clogs.

Went to the corner shop yesterday

- bought 4 corners.

Bloody wife went round the bend when I told her!