9 minutes ago, ravip said:

I knew it as ' If a bra is an Upper Flopper Stopper and a jock strap as a Lower Knacker Packer! 

What is a Sumo wrestler who's father has diarreah?

 

A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy Pappy!  (Remembered from my school days)

A post with profane and vulgar language contravening our Community Standards has been removed.

1 hour ago, Crossy said:

i would expect a lot of confused emojis here but none for some reason?

People are strange.(now i will have to play the Doors tonight!)

 

I went to a zoo yesterday.

They only had one animal there.

It was a dog!

It was a Shih tsu .

Three expectant fathers – one English, one Welsh, one Pakistani – are tensely waiting outside a hospital delivery room.

 

The doctor comes out and says, “I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that all your wives have been delivered of healthy baby boys. The bad news is we’ve somehow managed to muddle them up, so we don’t know whose baby is whose.”

 

“I have an idea,” says the Englishman. “What if we go in one by one to see if we can spot any physical characteristics that will help us determine which baby is which?”

 

“Well, if it avoids a lawsuit…” says the doctor.

 

So, the Englishman goes in and comes out 10 seconds later with what is obviously the Pakistani baby. “This one’s mine,” he says.

 

“Excuse me,” says the Pakistani father, “I couldn’t help noticing that the baby you have chosen appears to share some physical characteristics with me.”

 

“I know,” says the Englishman, “but one of those b'stards in there is Welsh, and I’m taking no chances.”

John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country. On the first morning of the visit, John’s grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandpa replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your meal.”

For lunch, Grandpa made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have specks of dried egg on it. “Are you sure these plates are clean?” he asked.

Without looking up, Grandpa said, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them!”

Later, as John was leaving, his grandpa’s new dog started to growl and wouldn’t let him pass.
John said, “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me get by!”

Grandpa yelled to the dog, “Cold Water, go lie down!”