1 hour ago, ravip said:

Which half did you drink or not drink and look forward to drinking or not drinking?

Just asking on behalf of my doubting friend!

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.   She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

 

 She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.

 

Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

 

Sarah's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!  When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

 

To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

 

Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

 

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

 

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.

 

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and scre**** them when they weren't paying attention?

 

Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.

 

Why did the ants run along the top of the cereal box?

 

Because it said  'Tear along the dotted line'

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Well nobody ever expects..........😂

A Pensioner received a letter from Bank Branch Manager stating " Thanks for promptly submitting this year's Life Certificate. But, sorry to inform you that we have lost your last year's Life Certificate in our Record and  the Bank's Inspector has pointed it out in his report.

 

Please submit a Certified copy of the same if available with you. Alternatively submit a Declaration that *you were alive last year also"*

 

"Pensioners Reply"

"Dear Sir, thank you very much for the acknowledgement of my this year's Life Certificate. I'm equally sorry to inform you that I do not have any copy of last year's Life Certificate.
 
I'm also not in a position to furnish any Declaration regarding last year because due to my bad memory, despite trying hard, I'm not able to recollect as to whether I was alive last year or not. The inconvenience caused is deeply regretted.

 

Best Regardsl