Bad day for VIG

6 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

That took me about 30 seconds! 🤔

What a silly @rse I am 😆

 

Hot Dog.................

 

 

29 minutes ago, oxo1947 said:

 

Hot Dog.................

 

 

it is just having a chilli out session!

Did you hear about the cannibal who would only use a group of businessmen to make a batch of chili?
He insisted on using only seasoned professionals.

The father of a bright young son went to a wise friend for advice as to what profession the youth should be fitted for. The sage was brusque.
"Let the boy choose for himself," he said.
"But," protested the father, "he's too young."

"Well," responded the wise man,

"put him in a room alone with a book on theology, an apple, a knife, and some small change, and see what he makes of it. If he chooses the book, make a minister of him, if he takes the knife, make him a surgeon; if the apple, he will make a farmer, and if he chooses the money a banker."

Much relieved, the father went away, but returned in a few days complaining the plan hadn't worked at all.
"Why not?" demanded the wise man.

"What did he do?"
"When I went in," said the father,

"he was sitting on the book, with the knife in one hand and the money in his pocket, and eating the apple."

"Ah!" said the sage,

 

"that's easy. The boy is a natural born lawyer."

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

The jury's out on that one.

In 19th century Persia, mustaches on women were a symbol of beauty. Princess Fatemeh Khanum “Esmat al-Dowleh” was the daughter of King Nasir al-Din Shah Qajar, and one of his wives Taj al-Dowleh. Her father ruled Persia, modern-day Iran, from 1848 to 1896.

 

You can see why, what a beaut!

1 hour ago, Zyxel said:

I like to keep abreast of the position of the sun. 

10 hours ago, roo860 said:

Also called pi$$ flaps.

I just got my exam results back.

I passed paintballing with flying colours.

For honey making, I got a B.

And in oceanography I got a C.

I'm proudest of my result in finding erotic spots though, where I got a G.

I asked the stewardess "What height are we flying at?".
She replied: "36,000 ft or maybe 33,000 ft, what does it matter, you idiot?"
She definitely had an altitude problem.

When I was a boy the other kids would grab me, cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head .
Life was tough growing up in the gateau.

A woman in labour suddenly shouts, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry", said the doctor, "those are just contractions.”