Another oldie, but even more relevant today.

New Zealand Offers To Host Iran Peace Talks At Runanga Workingmen’s Club

RUNANGA — In a bold diplomatic move, New Zealand has reportedly offered to host international peace talks between Iran and Western powers at the Runanga Workingmen’s Club, citing its “long and proud history of settling complicated disputes over a few beers and a bowl of chips.”

Officials say the venue was selected after extensive analysis revealed it possesses all the essential requirements for high-level negotiations: sturdy bar leaners, a functioning jug system, and a quiet corner where serious conversations can occur once the pokies stop chiming.

Foreign Affairs spokesperson Felda Fewcox confirmed the offer earlier today.

“We believe the Runanga Workingmen’s Club provides the perfect neutral environment,” Fewcox said.
“There’s plenty of seating, the beer’s cold, and historically most disagreements in that room are resolved somewhere between the second and third jug.”

According to the proposed schedule, negotiations would begin shortly after the Friday night raffles, once the meat trays have been claimed and someone finds the remote for the big TV.

Diplomatic organisers say the talks will follow a traditional West Coast conflict-resolution structure:

• Round 1: Everyone explains why the other side started it

• Round 2: Someone brings up the price of diesel

• Round 3: A bloke called Gary suggests everyone “just settle down a bit”

• Round 4: General agreement that things were better in the 1990s

The evening would conclude with what officials describe as “a constructive handshake, or at minimum a respectful nod across the bar.”

Local resident Gabe Horn welcomed the proposal.

“If they can sort out Iran in that club, they might finally sort out Coast Rugby too,” he said.

Meanwhile fisherman Hugh Jorgan expressed cautious optimism.

“Look, if you put enough blokes around a bar leaner, eventually someone figures something out,” he said.
“Worst case scenario, everyone goes home slightly confused but calmer.”

Club management confirmed preparations are already underway, including moving the trophy cabinet slightly to make room for international delegates and fixing the wobbly stool near the TAB screen.

Diplomats attending the talks will be encouraged to follow the club’s informal catering policy — bring a plate, preferably sausage rolls, cheese rolls, or anything that travels well in a chilly bin.

At time of publication, officials confirmed the invitation had been sent to all parties involved.

Harry & Meghan have let themselves go!

Sometimes the worst jokes are just true events...