Two ducks meet in the hotel bar, have a few drinks and decide to book into a room for the night. But ever mindful of safe sex, they ask room service for a packet of condoms. 
A few minutes later the condoms arrive and the waiter asks, 
“Shall I put it on your bill, Sir?” 
“Not bloody likely,” bellows the male duck, “I’m not some kind of pervert you know.” 
 

A female lecturer is telling a group of students how to teach maths to small children. 
“It’s always a good idea for them to visualise the question. 
For instance, if I said there were three cats on a wall and one was shot dead – how many were left? – the children would answer 2. They would be able to see the cats in their mind’s eye.” 
At that point she was interrupted by one of the students. 
“Excuse me, but I would have answered none to that question.” 
The lecturer looked puzzled, repeated the problem but again the student shook his head. 
“My answer would be none,” he said. “If one of the cats had been shot then the other two would have been out of there in a flash.” 
She replied, “Well, in theory that wouldn’t be correct, however I like the way you think.” 
The student continued, “May I ask you a question now? If there were three women walking down the street, one licking an ice lolly, one biting an ice lolly and one sucking an ice lolly – which one would you think was married?” 
The teacher blushed profusely and stuttered a reply. 
“Well … er … the one sucking the ice lolly.” 
“No,” replied the student, smiling, “it would be the one wearing a wedding ring … still, I like the way you think!” 
 

Two gay boys were having a terrible row. 
“Sod off,” screamed the first. 
“Go to hell,” retorted the second. 
“Kiss my backside,” replied the first. 

“Oh you want to make up now,” smiled the second. 
 

It was the annual dance at the town hall and a couple were dancing very close together. After a while the girl whispered in his ear, “Why don’t we go outside to the car?” 
“Oh I don’t know,” he said. “I like dancing.” 
But the girl continued to coax him and eventually he agreed. 
When they got outside it was pitch black so the man produced a fairly long round torch from his pocket. 
“Have you had that torch in your trouser pocket all night?” she asked. 
“Yes,” he said. 

“Oh well, in that case let’s go back to the dance.” 
 

24 minutes ago, fangless said:

Or the US Congress trying to pass a bill.

24 minutes ago, fangless said:

A bit like this, I'd imagine:

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question lik…e that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!” The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind.

Two, you didn’t read your homework.

And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.

 

Seems it's not only blonde women with the problem:

 

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND." He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blonde replies. "The rope should be around your neck" says the guard. I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."

An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

A woman phoned her blonde neighbour man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!

The mandalorian?

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EVERY BLEEDING ITEM IN THE HOUSE NOW COMES WITH A REMOTE - EXCEPT THE ONE THING THAT NEEDS IT MOST; THE WIFE!!!

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