We need to know . . .

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Mickey Rourke  Unrecognisable  with shocking new look.

 

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5 minutes ago, roo860 said:

Also contravening Section 244, subsection D of the Road Traffic Act --

 "All signal and warning lights  must be in working order and VISABLE to all other road users"

 

Honestly.. how selfish and irresponsible some people are .

 

 

56 minutes ago, Martin71 said:

Also contravening Section 244, subsection D of the Road Traffic Act --

 "All signal and warning lights  must be in working order and VISABLE to all other road users"

 

Honestly.. how selfish and irresponsible some people are .

 

 

But at least he's wearing a helmet to deflect the blast.????????

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?

” He said, “Try the ATM outside.”

Tom did like he always does....

Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling asleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm tooyoung," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and
relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my a55 is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're sh***ing all over the bed!"

 

A lady walks into a Newcastle hairdressers. "Can you give me a perm?" she asks. "Certainly madam" says the hairdresser.

"Ah wandered lernly as a clood...".

31 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

that is funny 

11 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

that is funny 

He is only trying to whip up the excrement excitement!