you did sing it!

 

The husband leans over and asks his wife,
“Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.”
“Yes”, she says, “I remember it well.”

“OK”, he says, “How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time’s sake?”
“Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I’ve got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I’ll just keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in…
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn’t know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I’ve got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, “Excuse me, but that was something else. You must’ve had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?”

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
“Fifty years ago that wasn’t an electric fence.”

A bus driver was called into court for killing 24 children and 6 adults

The judge asks the bus driver "why did you kill all those innocent people?"

 

The bus driver, looking a little sad, says "I didn't mean too, It was by mistake!"

 

"How did it happen?" Asks the judge.

 

"Well-" said the bus driver, "I was driving to a bus station but suddenly, on the road, I saw a rabbit. I swerved into the woods and hit a tree. I managed to escape but all the other people just didn't make it in time and the bus exploded. Everyone but me perished."

 

"Why did you not just run over the rabbit?" Asks the judge.

 

"I tried!" Says the bus driver, "But it ran into the woods!"

I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.

I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.

The advantages of basic origami are at least two-fold.

I rang up my local swimming baths.

I asked: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’

He answered: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.

I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.

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